Bad Husband

by Shey Stahl

  I can’t help my laugh, but this time it’s not bitter. “We tried that, remember?”

  She knows what I’m referring to. Sedona and the shit show that was.

  She nods, trying to remain calm, despite me being a jerk. “I know, but I want us to try again.”

  Her face is etched in regret as she watches me, waiting for the denial she thinks is coming. When she closes her eyes, I want to pry them open again just so she can see what she put me through. But in some ways, she already sees it. It’s why she’s here, asking for me not to give up.

  Her voice wavers when she says, “I mean it. If this isn’t what you want, I’ll give you the divorce, and we can work out a parenting plan,” she admits in that slow, drawn-out voice she has when she doesn’t like what she’s saying. I’m still hung up on the pretense of what she did, filing for divorce to get my attention when it really doesn’t mean anything. Regardless of the contents of the papers or what Madison wanted to prove, it’s still just a circumstance, one that opened my eyes to a lot of things.

  I can’t be that angry with her. In a sense, and I don’t even like saying this, but I feel guilty she felt the need to resort to this, as if somehow I had something to do with it, and sadly I did. I’m her husband. She should have felt comfortable coming and talking to me.

  I understood just like everyone else when you make a mistake, you’re usually harder on yourself than anyone else. And I know Madison. She probably spent every night these past few weeks trying to tell me what really happened.

  “If you did this to get my attention, why did you say you didn’t love me?”

  The color drains from her face. Maybe she knew I’d ask this eventually because even now those words remain in my head. I’ll never forget the way they punched my chest that night. Silence looms between us for a moment, my stomach churning with fear and anxiety.

  “I didn’t mean it.” She bites her lip, her eyes dropping to the floor. “I just… I wasn’t sure what to do at that point. I panicked and said what I thought would get your attention.”

  My face clouds with uneasiness. “Do you want this? Do you want there to be an us?” I ask, my stomach dipping for the unknown.

  “Yes. I do.” The words are said with such affection I don’t doubt her.

  I can feel my heart in my throat, much like the day she served me with the papers. “Then we try.”

  MADISON AND I SLEEP on the floor in the new house that night. Well, I don’t know how much sleep is achieved, but we lie there and talk.

  Sitting on the floor beside her, I wait for her to wake up and watch her sleep a little while. The sun is up, the morning sunlight warming me. I haven’t turned on the air conditioning yet, but damn, I need to soon.

  When Madison finally does wake, she looks at me warily. Sitting up, her eyes shift from mine to my body and hands, searching my face for answers. I do the same, only hers don’t offer anything but the evidence of a rough night.

  Now here we are. Two hearts, two souls, one outcome.

  “I want to be married to you,” I say, leaning into her slightly, my hand on her cheek again. “I never wanted the divorce. I want you and Callan and Wolverine.” Madison lets out a laugh, her body shaking in the process. My hand moves to her stomach. “And this baby.”

  Tilting my head and kissing the side of her neck and then her lips, I’m showing her exactly what I mean, the way I know how. Sex.

  Don’t look at me like that. I’m just being honest here. It’s been like a fucking month.

  “I’d say I’d like to knock you up again, but I already did that, so let’s just fuck on the floor and christen the house.”

  She laughs, her hands on my shoulders pulling me into her. “You haven’t changed, have you?”

  “No, not in that sense. I still want to fuck you, but I’ll give you some romance too.” And then I kiss her tenderly, with meaning and well, romance.

  And then we have sex.

  It’s not gentle, or slow; it’s actually pretty fucking passionate and rough, and everything Madison and I are. My eyes are fire, hands gripping her waist tightly.

  It’s then I know our intentions, no longer deceitful, are pure, caught up with what our bodies and heart crave.

  As I taste her lips, her tongue, we’re alive with temptation we can’t resist.

  When we part, she doesn’t move for the longest time.

  Her arms wrap around me, and I bury my head into her neck, letting out a shuddering sigh. I want more than just kissing, and I think she knows it.

  “I’m sorry for so many things.”

  “Me too,” I tell her, laying her down on the floor.

  Forehead to forehead, hot breath mixing together, my lips slowly teasing hers, both of us refuse to let go. “We’re different, Ridley. What if we grew apart too much?”

  “We didn’t.”

  “I think we’re different.” Madison stares at me, her lashes fluttering with tears.

  I take in an uneven breath as her eyes move over my face. “Then we love the people we’ve become.”

  My dad once said to me when your life changes, it either happens suddenly or over time, or because you changed it. I tend to think my dad is full of shit, but on this, maybe he’s right.

  “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” she asks, smiling at me.

  Lacing my fingers with hers as we lie on the floor, I kiss her knuckles. Everything inside of me knows that to have her, I’ll do anything, go through anything. “I’ll go along with whatever you want… as long as I have you in return.”

  “You will.” Her hand moves to her stomach. “You have us.” And then she rolls to face me. “I’m going to be really clingy and needy for the next couple of months.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll be insecure and jealous and want a lot of sex to make up for not having any. We should be perfect for each other.”

  I know what you’re thinking, you forgave her pretty easily?

  Or maybe it’s just me thinking I had, but look at it this way. Madison’s the mother of my boys and we have another baby on the way. What kind of man would I be if I just said fuck it, you lied to me, it’s over?

  What’s that teaching my boys?

  That’s not being a very good person if you ask me.

  I had to look at it for what it was: she didn’t know how to talk to me. That was just as much my fault as it was hers for going about it wrong. She did it because she loves me.

  I wasn’t happy about it, and it would certainly take some time for the pain to go away, but it would, eventually.

  Madison knew what she did wasn’t right but neither was me making her feel like she was in our marriage without a partner. Sure, I worked my ass off to provide a life for her and the boys, but I forgot the reason I was doing it and Madison reminded me of it. Them. If I wasn’t around, the money, the life I gave them, it wasn’t worth it to them, or me.

  Women, and most people, like some men who don’t have their balls anymore, assume after you have kids, your sex life goes to shit.

  Why do they think that?

  It’s bullshit if you ask me.

  I think, and let’s not put too much weight into my thoughts, but maybe it’s lack of time, or maybe those same kids you had are in the way?

  But you know what, eventually those kids fall asleep. That’s when you should make time.

  “How long has it been?” I ask Madison, looking over at the clock to see it’s six in the morning and I have to be at a jobsite by eight today. Technically I should be up already and helping get Callan ready for school, Noah eating breakfast and Evie at least changed for Madison, but sex, what man would pass up that opportunity?

  Not me.

  I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself at this point, who’s Evie?

  The baby. Our six-month-old daughter. And the cutest most adorable little thing I’ve ever seen, but you’ll see her later.

  Focus. We’re trying to seduce Madison at the moment.

  “I don’t know, probably
at least two weeks,” Mad tells me, rolling toward me. I catch her in my arms, breathing out against her neck.

  Do you see us there? Those two naked people under the covers getting closer.

  It’s a good thing you can’t because, underneath those cover, I’m naked. So maybe that’s not a bad thing, right?

  Right.

  “It’s been too fucking long,” I groan, palming my dick under the blankets between us.

  “Actually…” Madison’s close enough now she’s kissing my neck, my shoulder, any place bare skin is found. And it’s then I wonder if I pushed her head lower, will she kiss something else. “We had sex in the shower last week. Remember?”

  “No, I don’t remember,” I mumble, my hand finding its way between her legs to see if she’s wet. “That was last week.”

  With my eyes on hers, I dip my head, snuggling between her shoulder and her neck and then scoot toward her, bringing our bodies in line, our chests touching. My left hand moves to her hip as she hitches it around my waist and I squeeze a little, loving that she hasn’t lost all the baby weight because it gives me something to hang onto.

  Women? Listen up. Men like a little something to grab, so don’t be too concerned with being stick thin. We don’t want to fuck a bag of bones. We like curves. And more importantly, we like to put our hands on said curves so when we reach out and give you a little squeeze, don’t push us away.

  Madison interrupts my thoughts when she grabs a fistful of my hair and forces me look at her. “If you’re going to fuck me, stop messing around. We don’t have a lot of time before the baby’s up.”

  She’s right. I need to get to work.

  “Jesus,” I draw out, moving between her legs, her knees created an opening for me. Hovering above her, my lips move to hers, my hands beside her head, holding myself up.

  Immediately, she’s breathing heavily, cheeks and neck flushed. She’s easy to read.

  So we came to the conclusion it’s been a week, so naturally, it’s one of those times when we find ourselves fumbling around, and the only sounds are grunts and groans because we need it that bad.

  “Fuck,” I whisper, suddenly the one rushing now, a gasping breath against her cheek as my mouth moves along her jaw and to her neck. “Hurry up, baby.” My hips press forward, my patience gone. “They’ll be up soon.”

  “Then get a condom on and stop fucking around.”

  She has a very good point. And we certainly don’t need another baby just yet. You’ll see why soon.

  In record speed, I jump out of bed, lock the dog in the bathroom and grab a condom from the nightstand. I love my kids, but no, I don’t want another one. After getting it on, I’m back between her legs, bringing my left hand to her cheek as I enter her. It’s my attempt to be romantic.

  Our lips meet at the same time. Licking the seam of her lips, she opens her mouth for me, my tongue meeting hers. I damn near moan at the sensation, but I don’t, and she does, her hands moving across my back and to the nape of my neck before they take up residence in my hair.

  This image of us right now, the one you have of two people frantically trying to get in the few moments of privacy they are allowed as parents, is one you’ll see in most bedrooms where children are raised. Alone time is something that’s never scheduled but stolen when the crazy little bundles of energy are asleep.

  “Stop thinking,” I whisper, knowing her mind is elsewhere, despite her kisses never faltering. “That’s it. No more thinking.”

  I know when she finally stops thinking and melts into me. But it’s hard when our overly curious and insane black lab begins scratching and barking at the bathroom door where I’ve barricaded him so we could have sex. If he isn’t locked in another room, he stares at us the entire time. Believe me, it’s unnerving having a dog stare at you as you fuck your wife. I don’t even like dogs.

  Gripping my neck, Madison looks over my right shoulder at the door to the bathroom to make sure that asshole of a dog stays put. Just when we think maybe we might make it before he starts in with the barking, he begins to howl.

  Little bastard has the worst timing and I know any minute he’s going to wake the baby in the next room.

  “Damn it,” she mutters, shaking her head and turning into my chest.

  Her legs fall from around my waist when Rowdy’s barking reaches an all-time high, and he begins his obsessive jumping as though he’s going to come through the door at any minute or destroy the bathroom. Both of which he’s done before. Many times. It’s a good thing I can fix drywall and doors.

  Have I mentioned I don’t like dogs? All I can say is at least it’s not a cat.

  Madison sighs, her arms flopping against the mattress. “Ridley, he’s going to destroy the bathroom again. We should stop.”

  I pin her hands above her head against the headboard. “Don’t you dare stop, Madison.” I groan against her lips, my breath catching in my throat as I continue to move in and out of her. “We need this.”

  I’m mostly referring to myself here, but judging by the wetness coating my dick, she feels the same way.

  “I know we do….” She sighs. “But he’s destroying the bathroom.”

  I’m not having this end on account of that fucking dog, so I rise up on my hands to change the angle. “I don’t care. I’ll fix it.”

  I nearly come when we switch positions because when you’ve been denied sex for so long, even the slightest movement can make you come because it’s literally been so fucking long since you’ve had any stimulation down there.

  All that aside, I can hear Callan outside the door with the baby. Thank goodness I locked the bedroom door.

  “The kids are up.”

  “I don’t care,” I mumble, shaking my head. And I don’t.

  As in most situations, when I have something in my head, I need to finish. A mission like this, there’s no stopping me. You probably know this by now.

  It’s then that damn dog starts in with his howling.

  “Come on, baby. Stay in the moment,” I grunt, my hips moving at a steady pace, focused on getting both of us off in the next five minutes.

  Just as she’s beginning to relax and finally be in the moment, the baby begins crying.

  “Mommy!” Callan yells, knocking on the door. “Evie wants you, and Noah is drinking out of the toilet again.”

  There’s no way Evie got out of her crib on her own, so he must have snuck into her room and grabbed her. While it’s cute when he does that, it’s annoying right now because I still haven’t finished.

  And what the fuck, Noah? Really, dude?

  Despite all this, I don’t stop and instead speed up my movements as a growl emerges from deep in my throat. I’m determined to finish.

  At that moment, the fucking dog bursts through the wooden door of the bathroom and into our room and starts to hump the bedpost.

  Welcome to the life of a couple with three kids and a goddamn dog.

  “What’s going on in there?” Callan asks when he hears the door breaking. “Are you guys okay?”

  “We’re fine. Just take the baby downstairs,” I yell back, my mouth only parting from Madison for a moment before I go back to work, kissing her.

  Only she’s just lying there laughing. Look at her. She’s fucking laughing like it’s funny. It is, a dog humping the bed, me trying to hump her, two of our kids at the door and one drinking from the toilet, but still. Laughing kinda hurts my ego if we’re being honest.

  It’s quiet for about a half a second when Callan, still outside our door, asks, “What’s that noise?”

  I stop for about a half a second and then continue despite the squeaking bed springs. “Nothing. Go downstairs.”

  “Ridley, maybe we should—”

  “Hold on, I’m so close.” My arms give way, and I collapse against her chest, my hands moving to her ass driving her into my determined thrust.

  Just as I’m right about there, the goddamn dog I never wanted jumps right on my back and barks in my ear.
I hate this dog.

  “Goddamn it.” I sigh, rolling to the side and pushing the dog on the floor. With my arms resting on my stomach, I move them to my face, exhaling heavily, scrubbing them over my tired eyes. “At some point, I’m going to have sex with you again without all these distractions.”

  Madison laughs, her hand resting on my stomach. God, I wish she’d put her hand lower and rid me of this need I know is going to drive me crazy all day long.

  I peek one eye open at her. “I’d settle for a hand job at this point.”

  She laughs and removes her hand. “We can’t. It’s already almost seven. We’re gonna be late.”

  Fuck.

  “You go take a shower,” I tell her, sighing. “I’ll get the kids ready.”

  I WAIT FOR my hard-on to go away, which is depressing as shit because why waste a hard-on? I then go downstairs to see Callan putting Evie in her high chair and Noah getting cereal off the floor. At least he put it in a bowl this time.

  Rowdy’s right next to him eating Captain Crunch with him.

  Smiling at them, I turn to Callan and Evie. He’s now reading a book on nuclear bombs to her.

  I scratch the side of my head and reach for the coffee filters in the cupboard. We moved into the new house right before Evie was born in November. We’ve been here about six months now, and I can honestly say, it’s a lot more comfortable than our old house.

  “Should you be reading that to her?” I ask Callan when I sit down with a cup of coffee at the table.

  He shrugs and continues to read. “This is information she needs to know.”

  Noah gags on what I think is dog hair in his mouth and then goes back to eating his cereal. I nudge his butt with my foot and he sits up to look at me. “Don’t drink from the toilet anymore.” We have to tell him this like twice a week. His doctor says it’s not horrible, but he shouldn’t be doing it. If you ask me, it’s worse than gamma radiation.

  “Why?” he asks, staring at me with a look of complete confusion.

  I can’t believe I’m having to explain why toilet water is disgusting. “Because it’s gross.”