Love Bi the Way

by Bhaavna Arora

  ‘She said a lot of nasty things about me in the media.’

  ‘When people stop talking to you, they start talking about you. The problem with the media is that bad news travels at the speed of light, while good news travels at a snail’s pace. The media always pushes the bad news more. At the hospital inauguration, I asked Rihana also to be careful with the media and to not drink when they were present.’

  ‘I heard that when you were talking to Rihana and tying her shoelaces. That was cute, but there isn’t any media here. You can drink.’ Shaurya called the waiter and ordered food and drinks.

  ‘No . . . honestly, you go ahead. I won’t drink,’ Zara said politely but firmly. And Shaurya didn’t force her.

  ‘Rihana is lucky to have a friend like you,’ Shaurya said lovingly.

  ‘No! Actually, I’m lucky to have a friend like Rihana. I would’ve been so screwed without her. Just her presence in my house makes me feel so much better, especially after my mother left me and set off on a spiritual journey.’

  Shaurya nodded as if deep in thought. ‘What about your father?’

  ‘I don’t stay with him any more. He preferred to stick to his religion than to his family. My parents are responsible for my animosity-filled relationship with God. If God is one, why do we have different ways to reach him?’ Zara felt strangely light as she purged herself by pouring out her stories to him. She had never opened up like this to anyone in the first meeting. It felt right.

  ‘But where is your mother now?’

  ‘She is at some retreat. I don’t know the name and never bothered to inquire. I lost her forever. She couldn’t keep her sanity. Even for her, religion was more important than her own daughter.’

  ‘You know, one takes spiritual journeys when they are heartbroken. Trust me, I’ve been on trips like those thrice, and none of them helped. One was very recently, when I broke up with Rose.’

  ‘Well, I wouldn’t know about spiritual journeys. But what happened with Rose, if I may ask?’

  ‘Hmm . . . Loyalty is the rarest yet the most-desired virtue in a relationship, and I believe that there is something drastically wrong with one’s character if opportunity controls your loyalty.’

  ‘She slept with someone else?’ Zara’s words cut Shaurya like a knife.

  ‘Yes, she did. But she apologized and I was ready to swallow the pain and give life a second chance. So I did that—and deeply regretted my decision again. That’s when I decided that was that!’

  ‘How did you find out?’ Zara asked, concern writ large on her face.

  ‘She told me. Anyway, it had a sad ending.’ Shaurya’s rushing to end the story hinted that he wished to leave the topic alone now.

  ‘Don’t lose heart over what’s lost. I’ve found that, with time, sad endings usually bring incredible freedom. For instance, I was . . . am married to someone who hid a very vital detail from me when we got married.’ Shaurya was listening attentively, unblinkingly. ‘He didn’t tell me he was gay . . .’ Shaurya’s forehead crinkled. ‘And triangles are not the shapes I like in a relationship. I still am married as I haven’t filed for a divorce yet, and I’m so looking for a sad ending to gain that freedom.’

  ‘But why? You must get out of it as soon as possible! Being married to someone gay . . . I mean, it’s not like there is any hope. It’s genetically coded in some people. They can’t undo being gay for you. No second chances there.’

  Their conversation was interrupted with the waiter bringing them their drinks and food. Zara thanked him and clinked her glass of water with Shaurya’s and said, ‘Cheers!’

  ‘To sad endings!’ Shaurya repeated after her.

  ‘I could never gather the courage to face him again after I discovered his relationship with another man.’

  ‘With his pants down?’ Shaurya asked, a little smirk on his face.

  Zara took a sip of water from the glass and nodded. ‘If you see a woman naked, you get horny. But if you see a man naked, you laugh.’ She laughed at that thought, perhaps for the first time. Shaurya joined her and they had a hearty laugh.

  Just then, Rihana called, and Zara excused herself to pick up the phone.

  ‘Hello, beautiful! Have you packed for tomorrow? You have an early-morning flight,’ Rihana said.

  ‘No, Rihana. Isn’t my flight the day after tomorrow?’ Zara asked, confused.

  ‘I advanced it to tomorrow.’ Zara could imagine an almost-evil grin on Rihana’s face as she said this.

  Zara smiled to herself and said in a naughty tone, ‘Why? Are you missing me?’

  ‘Yes, I’m missing you so much that I’m crying and using my tears as a lubricant while I masturbate.’

  ‘You don’t have to be contemptuous, Rihana.’

  Rihana blew a flying kiss to Zara over phone and said, ‘I mean it, sweetheart, I’m missing you.’

  Her words put a smile on Zara’s face. ‘How is Tiger?’ she asked.

  ‘He is doing well. His vet is still out, I don’t think he is coming back anytime soon. So Zubair took me to some government hospital. I’m not quite convinced with the doctor, but since Zubair has shown Gabbar to him, he trusts him. Moreover, I didn’t even have the kind of time required to look for a new doctor. This doctor has prescribed some antibiotics and analgesics.’

  Zara sounded worried. ‘Oh, he is still on medication? I hope he gets better soon!’

  ‘I am sure he will. We all are taking good care of him. Anyway, guess what?’ Rihana said with excitement.

  ‘What? Is it about Zubair?’

  ‘No, silly! I found a tigress for Tiger. I think he was missing sex and that’s why he got sick. So I’m having him mated. A family at the clinic asked for him and I felt like such a proud mother!’ Rihana said excitedly.

  ‘Don’t tell me that you’ll be a grandmother soon!’ said Zara, equally excited.

  ‘We both will be!’

  ‘Okay, Rihana. Let me call you back in a while. I’m out for dinner with Shaurya. Better still, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you, and take care.’

  Zara hung up, and saw Shaurya looking at her intently. ‘So what have you thought about your divorce?’ He hadn’t wasted even a moment to get the conversation back on track.

  ‘I’ve been sitting on it all this while. But I see there’s no good in that. So now I will file for one as soon as I’m back in Delhi. Rihana has even identified a lawyer for the task.’

  ‘Hmm, that’s a good idea. But for now, I think you should eat something. The food is getting cold.’ Zara obeyed and took a bite of the pizza they had ordered.

  ‘So you had no inkling of his sexual orientation until after you got married?’

  ‘Your Highness, what sort of a stupid question is that? Do you think I would’ve gotten married to him if I knew he was gay?’ Zara got right back at him.

  ‘It’s a crime to be gay in our country, you know,’ Shaurya said.

  ‘I think it’s a crime to be human in our country too. It’s better to be a cow.’

  ‘I agree, especially if you make the wrong choices.’

  ‘But the sad part about choices is that you don’t know if they are wrong or right unless you make them.’

  ‘Do you regret your choices?’ Shaurya’s gaze was fixed upon her.

  ‘What I regret is not that I got married to him, but that the man could never stand up for being honest. As far as your relationship was concerned, you didn’t have honesty issues, you had infidelity issues. I would prefer honesty in a relationship over anything.’

  ‘But I don’t understand one thing: What difference would it have made if he had been honest with you? He would’ve still been gay!’

  ‘A problem always comes with a solution. If he would’ve told me, I could’ve probably helped him out with his relationship. If nothing else, I wouldn’t have hated him the way I do now. And I’ve told you: I don’t hate him for being gay. I hate him for wasting the precious years of my life by being dishonest about himself.’

  Zara t
hought for a while before articulating her stand in the right words. ‘I wonder how the government and society can be so against a fraction of people who are not like them.’

  ‘That’s true. It’s not justice for humanity.’

  ‘Shaurya, I’ve suffered for four years and still continue to do so only because I couldn’t deal with all the lies, cheating and deceit. The incident did irreparable damage to my self-esteem and belief system. So much so that even today it’s very difficult for me to establish trust in a relationship.’

  Shaurya stretched out his hand and held Zara’s in encouragement. She continued with a wan smile, ‘When my parents parted ways and decided to divorce, I thought I would get desensitized and not be affected by any kind of mishap. But marrying him made me feel like a frog thrown into boiling water. I’m only surviving because there is oxygen in the air. If only I knew that he wanted different things.’

  ‘But all your things are terrific, Zara. A person definitely has to be gay to not want those things.’ She smiled and blushed. ‘And the best part is that the oxygen is free.’ Shaurya was trying to make the mood lighter. Zara laughed while wiping away the uninhibited tears flowing from the corners of her eyes.

  ‘You’re poison, beautiful. Never let yourself down just because someone had a different orientation. It wasn’t your fault. He was just born that way. What is his name anyway?’ Shaurya asked.

  ‘Vinay.’

  ‘People like Vinay need a revolution for them to come out of the closet. These guys can’t even stand up for who they are,’ said Shaurya sadly.

  ‘More than their revolution, our country and society needs evolution. Educate them and then mobilize them,’ Zara said agitatedly.

  ‘How long did the marriage last?’

  ‘It wasn’t a marriage. It was a lie that I was supposed to live with. When I actually found out the truth, I realized that I was better off with the lies. I got out of the marriage in perhaps the third week of my finding out the truth. My mother had left by then, but she made sure she got me a house from my father. Not that my father would’ve refused me a place to stay. But warring parents always want to take the credit of doing something for their children individually.’

  ‘Sometimes you’re a victim of your own delusions, Zara. Maybe your parents want all the happiness for you, but not without being happy themselves first. How can you give happiness if your account is empty? I know your life has been chaotic, but chaos also takes a concrete form at some point . . . and that form can be divine or evil. It’s up to you to choose. According to me, the most powerful weapon to end a war is forgiveness. The human mind is a wonderful thing. It forgets pain after some time.’

  ‘Yes, it forgets pain, so that it can suffer some more,’ Zara said, still cynical. The impact of the event had been rooted deeply in her psyche.

  ‘I’m glad we were honest with each other tonight.’

  ‘Yes, the truth. It sets you free—but tears you apart first.’ Zara had slipped into a philosophical mode, but unlike all the other times that she had found herself in a similar situation, this time she was comfortable talking about it. ‘You know what’s the best part about being with you?’ she said, looking up at Shaurya with a scintillating smile.

  ‘What?’ asked Shaurya, eager to know.

  ‘I’m like someone else with you.’ Zara knew it was a very clichéd thing to say, but that’s how she felt.

  ‘Someone else? Who?’ Shaurya teased, saying what Zara would perhaps say.

  ‘I’m more like myself—a person I rarely meet. You made me meet myself.’

  The confession made Shaurya feel proud of himself. He held Zara’s hand once again and said nothing. They looked into each other’s eyes, and the smiles they shared said it all.

  ‘I think we should leave. You have to catch an early-morning flight,’ said Shaurya at last, breaking the silence.

  Mann Singh paid the bill and they headed to the palace. Zara told Shaurya how tired she was. He was feeling the same as a result of the polo match, the few drinks he had and Zara’s intoxicating words.

  When they reached the palace, Shaurya held her hand and took her to her room. She didn’t stop walking even as they reached her room, nor did she leave his hand. Eventually, they walked into her room and sat on the chairs in the sitting area. He helped her take off her sandals and softly massaged her feet.

  ‘Would you like to change before you hit the bed, or do you want to sleep like this?’ Shaurya asked.

  ‘You really know how to spoil your woman!’ responded Zara.

  ‘And you really know how to flatter your man,’ Shaurya said, unpinning the pallu of her sari from her blouse.

  Zara did not resist, and Shaurya knew that she wanted him equally. Zara took the lead and gently placed her lips over Shaurya’s, touching them softly. Shaurya could feel her breath on him; it aroused him all the more. He pulled himself back and asked her, ‘Are you sure about this, Zara? I don’t want you to have any regrets later.’

  He was aroused, but still wanted to make sure that Zara was ready for it. She had already faced enough in her life, and he wanted to make sure that he didn’t make it to the list of people who had made living such a task for her.

  ‘I want this regret to be my most beautiful memory, Shaurya.’

  The moment Zara uttered the words, Shaurya kissed her hard on the lips. It was an insatiable thirst for both, and their tongues frantically explored each other’s mouths. He picked her up in his arms, never letting her lips escape his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her sari trailing behind them. He lay her down on the bed and gently peeled away her sari. None of them broke away from the kiss—as if it was a question of life and death. After what seemed like ages, Shaurya asked Zara to turn around and pulled open the strings of her choli blouse. Her smooth back shone under the dim lights in the room, and he kissed her entire back without leaving an inch of it untouched by his lips. He then turned her around and looked at her.

  ‘Why me?’ she asked.

  ‘I fell in love with the beauty of the madness in your mind. I was agonized by the urge to know the uncertainty you were hiding in those shadows. The hate that was giving meaning to your life is attractive, and I accept the challenge of replacing it with love,’ Shaurya whispered in her ears while playing with her hair.

  Who says words can’t arouse? thought Zara as she drew him closer, hugged him tight and kissed him hard. Though it was her first time at lovemaking, and she was completely inexperienced, it came naturally to her—as if she were born to love. And she had had no idea that it could be so immensely pleasurable.

  Shaurya disengaged himself from the kiss and removed his shoes, trousers and then his shirt. He then helped Zara out of her blouse; she had perfect, firm breasts. He bent over and circled his tongue around her nipples, sucking and licking them alternately. Zara moaned softly with pleasure. Shaurya then removed the last of thread of clothing off Zara’s body. She was enjoying all the attention and the cocktail of emotions that rose like waves every single time Shaurya touched or caressed her. He touched her thighs and she moaned softly. Zara was shy at first, but with Shaurya’s gentle caressing, she opened her legs wider so he could explore her better. He spread the petals of her core to caress it with his tongue. Her juices were flowing and she was ready to take the plunge. He moved upwards, never losing touch of her body and entered her softly. He was gentle at first, her softness engulfing his hard manhood within its folds. His strokes became more powerful as she dug her nails into his back. Zara’s body went into a sudden shudder and she stifled a scream, a scream of pleasure. Shaurya was about to orgasm too when he withdrew from her and came all over her stomach.

  They were panting heavily and hugged each other tightly. Shaurya lay beside her for a while, and interrupted the silence by saying, ‘You have so much love to give. I’m surprised there were no takers.’

  Finally, he had to leave for his room lest someone found out—that would have been one highly embarrassing situation. The
y got up and dressed. Before Shaurya left for his room, they kissed once more.

  After a few hours of sleep, Zara was up packing her stuff to leave for Delhi. Mann Singh made arrangements for her breakfast, and Zara ate with the Maharani.

  ‘Rihana should now focus on exclusivity and not give her paintings to just anyone,’ the Maharani commented.

  ‘Your Highness, can we make art exclusive? I mean, should it not be available to one and all? At least, that’s what I feel . . .’ Zara said.

  ‘It should be available to everyone only to appreciate, but only a few should be allowed to possess it. I’ll make sure she has the right clients,’ said the Maharani.

  ‘Rihana has many clients, Your Highness! So much so that she falls short of paintings to sell,’ Zara said proudly.

  ‘I agree, but her profession can’t face stagnation. Rihana is on the threshold of stagnation. She should take a leap now; this event has given her a lot of mileage and she should make the best out of it. I want her to grow as I see an unmatched talent in her. She is an overachiever at a very young age, just like you. The price associated with a commodity rises when you make it exclusive.’

  The Maharani was right. She knew her marketing ideas well.

  She would be an overachiever if she had just one glass of wine instead of a whole bottle. Only if she could learn how to tie her shoelaces, she would’ve been perfect, thought Zara to herself. She turned to the Maharani and said, ‘I know what you mean, Your Highness. I’ll have a word with Rihana.’

  ‘This was the reason I spoke to you about it and not Rihana. Businesswomen are always more rational than artists. And I also know that you’re very close to her, and she will take your words seriously,’ the Maharani explained.

  ‘I’ll try my best, Your Highness,’ Zara assured the Maharani.

  The Maharani was a visionary. She was able to see what Rihana’s age and experience in the professional and financial world was blind to. There was no doubt that Rihana was doing well, but the Maharani wanted her to do better. But it wasn’t without self-interest, an enlightened self-interest to help mankind.