Play of Light

by Debra Doxer

  Once we were in the car, I said, “You scared the shit out of that kid.” Then I flicked away the balloon hitting my face.

  “He was being an ass. I should get some money back since they messed up my order and acted like it was my fault.”

  Balloons filled the entire interior. It was my job to keep them from obscuring Riley’s view of the road. It was dangerous to be driving this way, but she took it slowly as her giggles faded. It was the perfect time to ask her what Spencer mentioned the other night. “So why do you and Colby say ‘no excuses, no apologies’? Spencer said there was a story there.”

  “Everyone has a story, right?” Riley shrugged, but her fingers gripped the wheel tighter. After a moment, she said, “Spencer thinks I’m good for Colby, but as much as I love him, I’m not so sure.”

  “Why?”

  “He’s got a chip the size of Mount Everest on his shoulder. Sometimes I think carrying it around with him is more important than I am.”

  Her words surprised me. Colby was about the most open, easygoing person I’d ever met. “He’s crazy about you. Everyone can see that.”

  “I know, but there are some things about him I just can’t understand. I mean, he grew up poor, Sarah. Not poor like he couldn’t afford books or clothes for school. We’re talking dirt poor. But he never let that stop him. He worked his ass off at any job he could find. He got school counselors to help him apply for assistance, and then later for scholarships to college because he knew he wanted to study music. He taught himself to play the piano. He would sneak into a church in his neighborhood at night and practice on an old upright with broken strings they had in the basement, until a priest discovered him there. But he was so good that the priest let him keep coming back. They even fixed the piano for him.”

  There was a small hole in the mass of balloons through which I could see Riley’s face. Her eyes were shiny. I wasn’t sure what the problem was. Colby sounded pretty amazing to me. I found it interesting that he and Spencer found each other and became such good friends.

  “But he’s doing okay now,” Riley continued. “The band makes a ton of money over the summer that he puts toward school, and he has loans and some scholarships too, but he still feels like he has nothing. He doesn’t know how to slow down and enjoy anything. He feels like he’s being lazy if he sits still.”

  She glanced over at me and sighed. “The worst part is the way he keeps apologizing about his shitty car, and how little time he has to spend with me, about not buying me things or taking me places. He uses jokes to make excuses, like saying his Bentley’s in the shop. But really, he still feels ashamed like he did when he was a kid. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him that other than wanting more time with him, the other things don’t matter. He’s not even poor anymore. He’s a normal starving student just like the rest of us.”

  “Where are his parents?” I asked.

  “He never knew his dad, and his mom lives up in New Hampshire with her boyfriend. She has issues with depression, but as long as she stays on her meds, she’s fine. Anyway, Colby humors me when I say ‘no excuses, no apologies,’ but I don’t think he gets it.” She sounded defeated.

  While she was talking, I pictured the smiling, laughing Colby I’d met for the first time the other night. It was hard to imagine him growing up the way she described. I was more than a little impressed with him. “It’s amazing that he’s accomplished so much on his own.”

  “I know. I just wish he’d stop pushing so hard all the time. I feel like it’s going to catch up with him eventually and not in a good way.”

  “I think he gets it.” I recalled the affectionate way he responded to her when she said those words to him. “But when you’ve grown up thinking things are a certain way, that doesn’t change overnight just because things have changed. It takes time.”

  “I guess. I just want him to be happy, you know?”

  “I know. That’s all anyone wants.” The platitude automatically fell from my lips.

  Riley gave me a weak smile, and I couldn’t help thinking that with her close-knit family, she was out of her depth here. Some people just weren’t meant to be carefree and happy. Sometimes things happened to them that made that impossible. But I didn’t know how to explain it to her. She was probably lucky she couldn’t understand.

  When we got to the restaurant where Riley worked, I learned it was called the Captain’s Table. We split the balloons between us and carried them to a private room she’d reserved for the party. It wasn’t a surprise party because she said Colby hated surprises. But she was still nervous, wanting everything to be just right.

  The function room was small, although it seemed bigger because it only had three walls. Like so many of the restaurants lining the harbor, a rolled-up tarp served as the fourth wall, and the cool breeze coming off the water kept the stagnant summer air from becoming too uncomfortable inside.

  From what I could see, the Captain’s Table fried all their food and served it in cardboard containers. All in all, it was perfect for Riley and Colby—beautiful scenery but casual, and free because she’d worked here for the past three summers.

  Riley was in a discussion with the manager about where to put the table that would serve as a bar when I interrupted her. “I can go back for the rest of the balloons if you want.” She gratefully accepted my offer and handed me her keys.

  Soon I was back in her car on my way to Party City when my phone rang. Feeling guilty, I dismissed the call. It was Nate. If I answered, he’d ask me how things were going, and I’d end up telling him that I couldn’t even drive down my old street. Then he’d worry and offer to come here again. I wasn’t up for that conversation. It was better to call him back later.

  When I stepped up to the counter, the same kid from before was more pleasant once he noticed I was alone. He even helped me stuff the rest of the balloons into the car. The truth was, I liked the way that one red balloon looked among all the blue ones. It seemed significant, as if it could represent their love. I had to remember to tell Riley that when I got back.

  The party was supposed to start at eight, and it was already a quarter till when I finally worked my way through the downtown traffic and found a spot near the restaurant. I was balancing my purse strap on my shoulder and trying to gather all the balloon strings in my hand when I heard someone call my name from behind me. The deep, familiar voice of Spencer immediately put me on edge and before I knew it, one balloon—the red one, of course—got away.

  “Oh no!” I watched it float up into the air. Frantic, I pushed my purse and all the other balloons back into the car before I turned to chase the red one.

  Spencer stayed close as I jogged toward the dock, eyeing the long red ribbon I was following that was just within reach if I could only catch up.

  “What’s the big deal?” he asked. “I can get you another balloon somewhere.”

  I nearly tripped when the asphalt ended and the wooden slats of the dock began. “We can’t just get another balloon. I have to get this one.”

  He angled a look at me like he still didn’t understand, but he picked up the pace anyway, passing me before lunging for the ribbon. He missed and tried again just as the wind picked up, taking it higher and then higher still.

  “Crap,” I muttered, stopping at the end of the dock and watching the balloon climb far out of reach. I had just turned away, wondering how to break the news to Riley, when Spencer said, “I think it’s coming back.”

  I turned to look and sure enough, the wind direction had changed. The balloon was headed our way. But when it reached us, it was too high, hovering just over our heads. It felt like it was mocking me. I decided to jump for it, bending my knees and pushing off the dock. My fingers curled around the red ribbon, and the next thing I knew my feet were flailing and the dock was no longer beneath me. Still clutching the balloon, I hit the water, going under as Spencer called out my name.

  It was cold and dark. I was completely submerged and disoriented when there
was movement beside me. The next moment, an arm came around my waist, gripping me tightly before hauling me up. When I broke through the surface, Spencer’s concerned face was in front of me. “Are you okay?” he asked, sounding breathless.

  His hair was hanging in his eyes as he blinked at me. I nodded, using one hand to wipe the water from my face. When he looked up, I followed his gaze to find the red balloon floating above us. I tracked the ribbon down to my closed hand.

  “You got it.” He laughed. His face was so close that I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. My nerves spiked, and my skin prickled with embarrassment. I’d fallen into the harbor and apparently Spencer had jumped in after me. His concern faded and he appeared amused now, his wide grin coaxing a reluctant one from me.

  “Pretty good save,” I said, holding the ribbon up higher, determined not to give in to complete mortification.

  “Epic,” he agreed.

  “Sorry you got soaked coming in after me. You didn’t have to.” I was a lifeguard, after all, but I didn’t bother telling him that. He might let go.

  The look in his eyes intensified. “Sure I did.”

  Suddenly I was all too aware of how close he was and the feel of his arm around me. Liking it too much, I averted my gaze, wondering how I was going to get out of the water. The dock was too high for me to pull myself up.

  Somewhere above me, Riley’s voice rang out. “My balloon!”

  She appeared on the dock and reached down for the ribbon. Spencer released me then, watching while I handed it up to her.

  “What are you two doing in there?” Riley asked. “Colby will be here any minute.”

  “Fishing,” Spencer replied.

  Riley tilted her head at him. “For what, an excuse to grope Sarah?”

  “That was just the fringe benefit,” he said. My eyes widened, but before I could say anything, he added, “Actually, Sarah was saving your red balloon. Apparently the fate of the world depends on it.”

  I shot him a wry look as Riley scowled. “These fucking balloons,” she said. “I think I hate them now.”

  That was when I noticed the tall girl standing next to her. It was the same girl from the concert, the one who sang with Spencer. Annabelle. She was staring at me, and she wasn’t pleased.

  From the corner of my eye, I saw a hand reach down. I grabbed it, realizing it belonged to Rick, the drummer. His girlfriend, Danica, was beside him chuckling as I landed next to her, dripping water onto the dock. Next, he helped Spencer out. As Spencer was pushing his wet hair back off his face, Annabelle walked up to him.

  “What were you doing in there?” she asked.

  When Spencer saw her, his expression cleared, and then it closed up tight. “What are you doing here?” he countered.

  I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, but we were all standing there watching and no one seemed inclined to move. Annabelle crossed her arms, undaunted by Spencer’s rude tone. “It’s Colby’s birthday. Where else would I be? I wasn’t only friends with you, you know.”

  “I didn’t invite her,” Riley whispered beside me before threading her arm through mine. “This could get ugly. Let’s go inside.”

  I looked down at the way my yellow sundress was sticking to my body, and wondered if it had turned see-through. “I should go back to your apartment and change.”

  Her grip tightened. “You can’t. You’ll miss the whole beginning. I’ll give you the shirt from my uniform. It’s in my locker.”

  Reluctantly, I agreed and then let her guide me away from the crowd and from Spencer. But I could still feel the sensation of his arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. The tension from the other night was gone, as if it never happened, and I was relieved. I didn’t want there to be animosity between us. That wasn’t what I came back here for.

  Riley led me through the room that was set up for the party. I slowed down to look at the glowing lanterns strung across the ceiling and the big banner that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY. The only people I knew were outside, but the room was already filling up. “It looks great,” I told her.

  She glanced back at me. “I know. Right?”

  I got some odd looks as we walked past everyone, and I really hoped my dress wasn’t transparent. We went down a narrow hallway toward a door that read LOCKER ROOM. I followed her inside and quickly realized this was a co-ed changing room.

  “Hey.” A tall shirtless guy nodded to us as he walked past.

  Riley pulled a shirt and towel out of her locker and handed them to me.

  “Why was Annabelle so angry back there?” I asked.

  “I haven’t talked to Spencer, but Colby said we missed a major scene at Hollander’s after we left.”

  “What happened?” I used the towel to squeeze excess water from my hair.

  She smiled, and based on the scene at the dock, I took a wild guess. “They broke up?”

  “Well, yeah, but then she had a meltdown.”

  I stilled to listen, having far too much interest in every little thing concerning Spencer.

  “He told Colby that he was going to wait until they were alone to tell her it was over, but then she kept asking about you.”

  My jaw slackened. “Me?”

  “She wanted to know who you were and why Spencer looked at you that way. And don’t ask what way. We all saw it. I knew you had a crush on him way back when, but I didn’t know it was mutual.”

  My eyes rounded. “What are you talking about? My being there must have shocked him or something. That’s all.”

  “He knew you were coming.”

  I was starting to both hate and like this conversation too much. “What did her asking about me have to do with anything?”

  “It didn’t, really. But apparently Spencer refused to talk about you at all, which of course made her suspicious and even more determined to find out who you were. So he ended it right there at the table in front of everyone. He told her you were none of her business and that the same went for him from now on.”

  “He said that?”

  She nodded. “Danica was there. She heard it too.” Riley gave me an odd look as she took the towel from my hand and finished drying the ends of my hair for me.

  I didn’t understand. Spencer could have just said I was an old friend or something. “Does she think Spencer broke up with her because of me?”

  Riley handed me her shirt. “If she does, she’s grasping at straws because it couldn’t be the fact that she has the personality of a barracuda.”

  I pulled the clean shirt she handed me over my head and stuck my arms through.

  “Anyway, she’s history and Spencer is available now.” She waggled her eyebrows up and down.

  Sighing, I decided I had to say something. “Please stop the innuendo about me and him. It’s making me uncomfortable. I used to have a crush on Spencer, but that was a long time ago. Besides, I’m not available.”

  Riley’s lips pursed together. “I know, you have a boyfriend. And he’s super-duper nice.” At my annoyed reaction, she sighed. “I’m sorry. I just get the feeling there’s something there. I think you guys would be good together. But I’ll stop. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  After she left to go back to the party, I turned her comment over in my head. There’s something there. There was something there. I’d always felt it. I just didn’t think Spencer did.

  I looked into the mirror above the sink and nearly gasped. My hair hung in limp clumps over my shoulders and my makeup was running down my face. The shirt was too big, and the skirt of my sundress hung wetly below it.

  On a defeated breath, I took some paper towels and wiped my face clean. Then I found a brown rubber band among a discarded pile of makeup, used combs, and beads from a broken bracelet. I rinsed the band off before pulling my hair up into a high ponytail. Surveying my repair job, I felt a little better. I wouldn’t win any beauty contests, but it would have to do.

  Finally I left the locker room and walked toward the crowd of str
angers, searching for a familiar face. When I heard cheering and saw them all gathering by the main door, I realized that I’d missed Colby’s entrance.

  The balloons were tied in bunches around the room. Someone had brought the rest in from the car. I spotted the infamous red one in the corner, just as Colby’s raised voice sounded, and everyone laughed in response to whatever he’d said. I couldn’t help think of my own birthdays, which were never anything like this. Every holiday was subdued. If Aunt Linda hadn’t insisted we celebrate Christmas, we probably wouldn’t have.

  As I stood in the back, I felt someone approach me, and tensed when I recognized Annabelle.

  “So how do you know everyone?” she asked. “I haven’t seen you around before.” But it was obvious; what she really wanted to know was how I knew Spencer.

  “I grew up here. But I don’t know most of these people, actually.”

  “Oh.” She eyed me curiously. “But you know Spencer.”

  Here we go. I nodded.

  “How well do you know him?” She looked down her nose at me, wrinkling it slightly at my appearance.

  Before I could figure out what to say or if I would say anything at all, she leaned in close and added, “For instance, do you know his favorite place, his favorite food, his favorite song?”

  I thought I might know his favorite place; as for the rest, I couldn’t be sure. Something told me I knew more about Spencer than she did, even though I knew none of those things.

  When I didn’t answer, one side of Annabelle’s mouth lifted smugly. “Let me give you some advice. Spencer doesn’t do relationships. You won’t be the first or the last girl to try. They come and they go, but I’m still here. And I’ll be here long after you’re gone.”

  Shocked, I stared at her. I wished I could have thrown back something clever and witty, but I was too appalled by the fact that Spencer had ever wanted anything to do with her in the first place.