Play of Light

by Debra Doxer

  They played the same set as last night, except this time Spencer didn’t sing a solo. Despite that, it was still exhilarating to hear how good they were. A few times while he played, Spencer turned to look at me backstage. Our eyes connected, and I bit my lip at the warmth in his gaze.

  When the show ended, we all stayed for drinks. Danica showed up and joined us. It was nice the way Spencer stayed close to me. When some pushy girls didn’t seem to care, he was polite, but standoffish enough to leave them disappointed.

  Both Spencer and Colby kept their drinking light and when the party started to break up, they talked quietly before Spencer turned to me and asked, “Stay with me tonight?”

  His eyes were dark but hesitant as he waited for my answer.

  I nodded. It was an easy decision.

  Riley and Colby left in their own cars. Rick disappeared with Danica, and we drove Ben home before Spencer took me back to his cottage. It felt a lot like last night as we quietly listened to the radio. It was the most comfortable silence I’d ever had with anyone.

  When we arrived at his place, my nerves kicked in. Would we only sleep again, or did he want more? After what we did in his bed this morning, and the tenderness his eyes held only for me, it didn’t feel too soon. Not anymore.

  Spencer held my hand as we walked inside. My phone started ringing, and I reached in to silence it, glancing at the screen. Nate. I set it to vibrate so it wouldn’t interrupt us again.

  When I looked up, Spencer’s eyes were on me. “More racy pictures from your friend?”

  I laughed. “No.”

  He must have heard my hollow tone because he turned serious and gestured to my bag. “I can take a walk if you need some privacy to return a call.”

  My shoulders fell. I really didn’t want to discuss Nate with him. “It’s my . . . ex-boyfriend. He’s called me a few times, but I haven’t called him back.”

  His brows knit together. “Is he bothering you?”

  “No. Nothing like that. He asked me to call and I forgot. He’s probably just worried.” I shrugged carelessly.

  He tilted his head and looked at me. “How long were you together?”

  “Almost a year.”

  Spencer was still staring at me with an inscrutable look. “I know you said you didn’t love him. But have you ever been in love?” He stepped closer.

  I swallowed. The fact that he was asking me this question was too ironic. I nodded and averted my eyes.

  His finger came under my chin, making me look at him. “Did you love me once?” he asked. “I used to think maybe you did.”

  My breathing turned shallow. He’d known. The girl I used to be felt raw and exposed. My expression must have given me away, because his fingers slid over to my cheek as his eyes searched mine. “I loved you too, Sarah. Probably from the first moment I saw you.”

  I blinked against the tears that wanted to gather. My heartbeat seemed to slow. He’d loved me? He couldn’t have said anything to surprise me more. Until he did.

  “I never stopped,” he whispered.

  His words shocked me. The ground beneath my feet felt unstable. In the past few days, he’d opened up and revealed so much, and now this?

  When I knew Spencer before, his strength was in his unbroken spirit and the stoic way he held himself apart. Now his strength was in his vulnerability.

  Making sure to meet his eyes, I said, “I’ve always loved you. I never stopped either.”

  A muscle in his jaw ticked as his eyes darkened. Then he reached for me and kissed me with a hunger that hadn’t been there before. I felt it too, locked up inside for far too long. Spencer’s hands were everywhere, rubbing down my back and up again, cupping my jaw as he turned my head to deepen the kiss. I gripped his shoulders, holding on as his mouth dropped to my neck.

  “The beach,” he whispered in my ear. “That’s the place where I first thought about kissing you this way. Your hair reminds me of the sunset, and your eyes are the same color as the sea. I can’t look at the beach without thinking of you.”

  His sweet words melted me. He began to kiss his way down the column of my neck. “Do you want to take a walk on the beach?”

  “No,” I murmured, not wanting him to stop.

  “Do you want something to eat?”

  I stilled. There was amusement in his tone. “No.”

  “Are you thirsty?”

  Starting to laugh, I said no again.

  He released a ragged breath. “What do you want, Sarah?”

  I realized he needed to hear me say it. “You. I want you.”

  His fingers slipped beneath the straps of my dress, and he slid them down my shoulders. When he released them, the dress fell to the floor. I stood before him in nothing but black lace panties.

  His gaze traveled over the length of me. “Gorgeous,” he whispered, and despite the summer heat, I shivered. When I reached out to pull his shirt up, he took over, whisking it over his head. The sight of his smooth, muscled chest made my own muscles tighten with want. He reached out for my hand and turned, tugging me lightly behind him as he headed for his bedroom.

  Once upon a time, I thought Spencer would be my first. I had our whole love story written in my head. The path we took to get here wasn’t the one I’d imagined, but here we were anyway, right where we belonged. It turned out Spencer had loved me all along.

  He stopped at the foot of his bed and dipped down to kiss me again. His tongue broke through my lips, searching for mine. When he found it, he groaned, holding me against him and laying us down. Then his hands moved over my skin. Calluses from his guitar strings made his fingertips rough, scratching me softly as they moved from my waist up to my chest where he lingered, just looking at me.

  He pinched my nipple into a sharp peak before using his tongue to circle it. I arched against him, gripping his hair in my hands as he blew lightly on the dampness he’d left behind before sucking it into his mouth. When he moved to the other nipple, I was already gasping his name and squeezing my legs together.

  A grin lit his face when he saw how I squirmed with want for him. Lust darkened his gaze as he slid my panties down my legs before shedding himself of his boxers. Then he reached into his nightstand drawer, withdrew a condom, and started to roll it on himself.

  My body throbbed as I watched his muscles move, each one solidly defined. When he was ready, instead of lowering himself over me like I expected, he stood beside the bed, wrapped his hands around my calves, and pulled me toward the end to meet him. My eyes were on his and my legs were still braced in his arms on either side of his hips when he aligned his body with mine. I swallowed hard, waiting, anticipating, but his movements were slow as he gripped me firmly and lifted me up. Then I could feel him gradually sliding in.

  I sighed at the sensation. “Spencer,” I said breathlessly, and my head rolled back as I adjusted to the deliberate, languid way he filled me.

  “Look at me, Sarah.”

  When I did, he wrapped my legs around his waist and bent down to kiss me. With his tongue stroking mine, he thrust hard, all the way in. I whimpered, overwhelmed by the exquisiteness of the moment.

  He exhaled into my mouth, rolling his hips, saying my name on a strained whisper. We stilled, breathing each other in before he rested his hands beside my head and pumped his hips. A soft moan sounded low in my throat. I could already feel the tension building. His face was above mine, watching me closely, gauging my responses as he began a slow rhythm.

  The sound of the waves breaking onto the beach filtered into the room. I liked that the noises of the sea mingled with our harsh breaths. It was fitting. The ocean had always been the only witness to our relationship.

  Spencer’s eyes were still locked with mine as he quickened his pace, crashing into me again and again. Two red spots dawned at the top of his cheeks, and his pupils began to dilate. I gripped his biceps and met each thrust until the world caught fire, and my muscles gripped him so tightly I thought they’d never let him go.

>   Spencer groaned out my name with his release, the sound coming from somewhere deep inside his chest. I smiled to myself. He’d never quite said my name that way before. Then he settled beside me, holding my body against his, pressing our moist skin together.

  It took time for my heart to calm down and my brain to function again. Even now, my skin was so sensitive that the light touch of his fingers tracing up my arm felt electric.

  Neither of us uttered a word as he lifted the blanket over our entwined bodies. We lay there in the darkness of his bedroom, listening to the sound of the ocean through his open window.

  Nothing had ever felt more special than being held in Spencer’s arms while the soft pulsing of the sea lulled me to sleep. Perfect. There was simply no other word for it.

  I woke to the feel of Spencer wrapped around my back. His arm was draped over my waist and his hard length was pushing into the back of my thigh.

  “You’re awake,” he whispered in my ear.

  I smiled. “Good morning.”

  “Morning,” he muttered as his warm mouth trailed over the back of my neck. “I’m dreaming, right? You’re not really here.”

  “Maybe I’m the one who’s dreaming.” I turned and captured his mouth with mine, tangling our tongues together. When I angled my body toward his, he coaxed me onto my other side and reached around to cup my breast from behind. He kneaded and pinched, still kissing the back of my neck until I pushed against him, aching for more.

  Spencer turned me over onto my stomach while he reached into his drawer for a condom. Then his arm slid beneath me, and he pulled my hips up at the same time his other hand started to rub between my legs. When he positioned himself behind me, I understood he intended to keep me this way. I’d never done it like this before. He was in complete control, shifting me the way he wanted, knowing exactly how to touch me.

  When he slipped a finger inside me, I cried out softly, pushing my cheek into the pillow. I was already slick, and I could hear his low hum of approval. I braced myself for him, wondering if he was going to start us off slow again like last night. As sweet as that was, I needed more. I was already on the edge.

  He lifted my hips higher. When I glanced over my shoulder to try to see him, he helped me by pushing my hair to the side, away from my face. Then he began to massage the back of my neck. His strong fingers worked my muscles before moving up and down along the length of my back, sending shivers down my spine. His hand stilled at my hip, and I looked back to see his eyes had become purposeful. Our gazes were linked when he lifted up and thrust deep inside me.

  My muscles tightened around him. I fought to keep my eyes from squeezing closed. He hadn’t even moved yet and I was nearly there. I tried to hold back, feeling overwhelmed suddenly. Spencer had always owned my heart, but right now he owned my body too. For a moment, I felt out of control, not wanting to climax so quickly, but helpless to stop my powerful response to him.

  Spencer understood something was wrong. He kept himself still. “Shh,” he said as his hand smoothed over my back again, his touch a light caress on my skin, until the urgency of my impending climax was drawn back to a dull, throbbing roar.

  “Are you okay? Do you want me to stop?”

  Pulling in a deep breath, I shook my head. “No.” I didn’t understand what I was feeling, but stopping wasn’t an option.

  Only once I’d relaxed did he move again. Gripping my hips firmly, he slid in and out at a leisurely pace. I moaned, fisting my hands in the sheets as he stayed in control, managing to keep me near my peak but not push me over the edge yet. He took my leg and positioned it out to the side, spreading me open wider, then pushed in even deeper.

  I gasped as my insides quivered against him. I wondered how long he could keep this up. My arms were exhausted now, barely supporting my weight. Soon I was pleading with him, begging him to go faster again, the pleasure growing to an almost agonizing point.

  Spencer took over then, pulling me back to meet each of his thrusts, speeding us to climax. The room filled with the sounds of our lovemaking, quick breaths and shallow moans. When my orgasm pounded through me, I gripped the sheets and opened my mouth in a silent scream of pleasure. Spencer kept going, riding it out until he followed me a few moments later.

  I was breathless, settling my slick body back down onto the mattress. Spencer’s arm around my waist loosened before he fell in a heap beside me.

  My body was spent and my emotions were all over the place. Sex had never been like this before. I felt completely raw and exposed, body and soul. My heart was still racing when I grinned shyly, embarrassed by how I’d reacted at first.

  “What is it?” he asked.

  “You’re really good at this.” I laughed.

  Spencer smiled back at me, but his eyes seemed apprehensive. “That guy you broke up with, was he your first?”

  “And only,” I added, knowing my inexperience showed.

  He licked his lips, and his expression sobered. “I haven’t exactly been an angel, Sarah.”

  I shook my head, realizing he’d taken my comment wrong. “You don’t have to explain anything. Trust me. I’m not complaining.” It was the truth, despite the slightly queasy sensation I had thinking about him with lots of other girls.

  He nodded, acknowledging me, but he looked uneasy.

  “It can’t be easy being a rock star,” I joked, not liking the way his mood was changing. “Girls throwing themselves at you, writing your name on their arms. Did you know they did that?”

  His chest rose and fell as he laughed softly. “Not just on their arms.”

  With that, the queasy sensation morphed into full-blown nausea. I couldn’t help wondering how many women Spencer had slept with. But I didn’t ask that question. I asked him something else. “What’s it like to have all those girls at the shows wanting you?”

  He reached up and brushed my hair back from my face. “Strange because they don’t really want me. They want who they think I am. Like Annabelle. She never knew anything real about me.” His finger traced down my face. “That’s over, Sarah. I’m not going to be that guy anymore. I never wanted to be him in the first place.”

  I swallowed, realizing that I understood, and I believed he meant it. My own past had been different but no less detached in its own way.

  We lazed in bed awhile longer, enjoying a new kind of closeness. Then we got dressed and took a walk on the beach before Spencer drove me back to Riley’s so I could change my clothes.

  The whole time we were together last night and this morning, I didn’t tell Spencer that I planned to go to the police station today. I’d spoken to my mother about the bribes, and there was nothing standing in my way now. I didn’t want to wait one more day. I just wanted it done.

  Spencer hadn’t brought up our conversation before the show last night about him not going to the police with me, and I was surprised. But I also knew how painful it was for him to think about those times. If he wasn’t talking about it, I was hesitant to bring it up myself. I didn’t want anything to spoil our time together.

  Before Spencer dropped me off at Riley’s, he reminded me that tonight was Swallowed’s last show in Chatham. “Pack a bag this time,” he said as I reached for the door handle. “No need to pretend you’re not coming home with me.”

  When I walked into the apartment, Colby was on the living room couch talking on the phone. “Hey,” he said, looking up. Then he pulled the phone away from his ear and whispered, “I think Riley’s in the shower.”

  I nodded and detoured into the kitchen to get a glass of water. Colby’s call sounded like band business. I tried not to eavesdrop as I drank and filled my glass again.

  “Sarah,” Colby said, putting his phone away. “I’ve been meaning to tell you something.”

  Curious, I turned in his direction.

  “You’re good for Spencer. I like the way he is when you’re around. You’re good for the band too,” he added, leaning back and crossing his arms. “He’s been writing song
s like crazy since you got here. I just hope it’s not a bunch of sentimental love ballady shit. Anyway, in case he’s being his usual silent and mysterious self, I thought I’d tell you that.”

  At first, I was taken aback. Then my grin started to spread as he spoke, and now it was so huge, I covered my mouth and looked down. “Thanks,” I said quietly. I was inspiring Spencer’s songwriting? My heart did a happy little backflip.

  Riley walked in then, pulling a comb through her wet hair. “Hey. Did you have a good time last night?”

  At her question, flashes of Spencer poised above me popped into my head.

  She nearly squealed. “Look at you. You had a really good time.”

  I laughed, feeling my face grow warm.

  Colby looked over at us. “I’m in a glass case of emotion.” Then he picked up a newspaper on the floor by his feet and started thumbing through it.

  Riley rolled her eyes. “Ignore him. He saw Anchorman for the first time last night. It was on when we got home. He’s been quoting it all morning. I don’t know how he can remember so many lines from a movie he’s seen only once.”

  “What are you up to today?” I asked her.

  Riley shrugged and looked at me. “I don’t have to work. Do you want to go to the beach?”

  I bent my head close to hers and spoke softly. “I want to go to the police station. I was hoping you’d drive me.”

  “The police station? Why?” she asked, louder than I would have liked.

  Colby stood and approached us. “What’s this about?”

  “He’s such a busybody.” Riley elbowed him lightly in the side. “It’s not a secret. Is it, Sarah?” Her tone indicated that she didn’t keep secrets from him.

  At the word secret, Colby’s ever-present half smile faded. By the look he was giving me, I wondered if Spencer had told him about my wanting to talk to the police.