Drowning: An Angsty Standalone

by Marni Mann

  “Can we make one stop?” I ask Adrian as the cab gets closer to Brooks’s apartment.

  At first, he hesitates, knowing we’re not in a good place to slow down, let alone pull over. “I’ll buy you whatever you need once we get to Miami,” he says tenderly.

  He must think I’m second-guessing leaving. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

  “It’s not that,” I tell him, knowing he probably won’t understand if I try to explain where I need to go.

  Brooks never did. He said I was stupid for thinking people like Charlie stood a chance. But Charlie, he’s been a lifeline.

  Charlie saw my bruises when I was trying to hide behind a scarf on an eighty-degree afternoon, telling me how beautiful I was instead of giving me strange looks. He watched as I struggled to get in and out of a cab when my body ached from another long night I couldn’t completely remember. He knew what I was dealing with at home, but he never judged me. He never told me I was stupid for staying or that I deserved what I’d gotten because I wasn’t running in the opposite direction.

  He’d listen to me when I had nothing to say, cherishing the silent moments as much as the laughter. I’d hold his hand when I wanted to give up, and I’d share meals with him when his stomach rumbled with hunger pains. We always had an agreement that questions weren’t necessary, only acceptance. That was the greatest gift he could have given me.

  Charlie has nothing, he owns very little, but he is the richest man in the world.

  Adrian reaches for my hand and lightly rubs his thumb over the sore spot where the IV was. It’s already turning a violent shade of purple. “Where do you want to go, Andi?”

  “The corner, by the school. It’s only three blocks.”

  Not asking me a single question, he nods and leans forward to tell the driver where we need to go. I can hardly believe how easily he agreed. There was no pleading. No begging. And I didn’t have to make any promises I didn’t want to keep.

  When we get closer to the spot, I sit up, so I have a better view of the sidewalk, praying Charlie’s there. I’m not sure I can leave without seeing him.

  The cab comes to a stop, and I spot Charlie, huddled under the awning between the school and the coffee house. He’s not begging for money. He’s not sitting with his hand out or holding a sign. Charlie sits here as soon as the sun rises, and he doesn’t leave until school ends. His grandson is inside—a grandson he’s never met but wants to be close to.

  “Where are you going?” Adrian asks when I open the door and start to slide out of the cab.

  I thought I’d go alone, but I want Adrian to meet Charlie.

  At first glance, they look like night and day, like they couldn’t possibly have a single thing in common. But they’re alike, despite the age difference and their successes. They have the same heart, the same street smarts, and the same giving spirit that keeps me afloat when the water gets rough and the current is too strong to fight.

  “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

  Again, without a single question asked, Adrian moves across the seat and tells the driver to wait for us. He follows behind me, and though he’s cautious, he trusts that I know what I’m doing.

  “Charlie,” I whisper, careful not to scare him awake from his nap.

  His skin is weathered from the sun, almost leathery in appearance, and the wrinkles around his eyes have become more pronounced this past year. He’s in desperate need of a haircut and a shave, but he’s one of the most beautiful human beings I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. Not once have I ever been scared or felt threatened by this man.

  “Charlie,” I say a little louder, needing him to know I didn’t forget about him while I was in the hospital.

  His lashes flutter, and when they open, his eyes are bloodshot and weary. “Andi,” he says, blinking a couple of times, like he’s not sure if I’m really standing in front of him.

  “Hi, Charlie.”

  He reaches for me, and I let him take my hand. He rubs it against his cheek and smiles.

  “You’re okay,” he says over and over.

  Since we’ve met, I’ve never gone a day without seeing Charlie. That’s what makes leaving so hard. But miles and time are never going to keep me from caring about him. It’s just not possible.

  Adrian places his hand on the small of my back and slowly moves it around to rest on my hip. My back is against his chest, and I can tell he’s not sure if I’m safe—if Charlie is someone I need protecting from, if he’s as unpredictable as he looks.

  “Charlie, this is my friend Clay.” I hate that I can’t use his real name.

  Charlie isn’t someone I’ve ever lied to before, but it’s the right thing to do. Surveillance cameras surround all the schools and businesses on this street. I can’t risk giving away any important details in case anyone were to ever question him about me.

  Charlie gives Adrian a once-over and even notices his hand on my hip. After studying my face and seeing that I’m not scared, I get his approval in the form of a tiny nod.

  Both of our lives have been filled with so much pain and uncertainty. We’ve learned to question every move made and not to let others get too close. But, no matter what hell we’ve lived through, Charlie and I have never let that pain get in the way of our mutual respect.

  I’ve lived days for Charlie, and I’ve survived long nights to get to him the next morning. I’ve dreamed about second chances for the both of us.

  “I saw the news at the shelter,” he says with a shaky voice. “I thought I lost you.”

  “That’s why I had to come see you. Charlie, I have to go away, and I still can’t tell you much about it, but I needed you to see me with your own two eyes. To know that I’m okay and that I’m going to continue to be okay.”

  Staring at me, he nods in understanding. That’s the thing with Charlie; I can talk to him without giving too much away. He hears my troubles in the tone of my voice. He watches me carry my burdens on my back like a lead weight. But he always looks at me with confidence, like he trusts that it won’t always be this way and that I know what I’m doing—even if I had days where I had trouble taking care of myself.

  “I took flowers to the river,” he tells me with pride.

  “You did?”

  Nodding, he says, “They were daisies from the park. I was hoping they would float downstream and meet up with you where the train was lying all twisted on the tracks.”

  “Thank you, Charlie,” I tell him with tears in my eyes. “I felt you the whole time. I knew you were with me.”

  Glancing at Adrian, Charlie keeps his eyes on him as he asks, “Is this guy going with you? He’s gonna keep you safe?”

  Looking over my shoulder, I give Adrian a small smile. “Clay’s taking me someplace safe. He’s already saved me twice, but third time’s the charm, right?”

  The intensity in Adrian’s eyes makes my heart race as his hand grips my hip harder. It’s his way of telling me he’ll never let Brooks get to me. I’m his now.

  Charlie holds out his hand and waits for Adrian to take his eyes off me. Without pause, Adrian clasps Charlie’s dirty hand in his. A silent understanding passes between the two men. Like a father to a boyfriend, it’s a handshake filled with both approval and warning. This gesture speaks volumes.

  “Take care of my sweet girl,” Charlie tells him. “Make sure she smiles. And don’t ever make her cry. She’s a treasure.”

  A warm tear trickles down my cheek, and I swipe it away. “Please, take it,” I tell him as I stuff a wad of cash into his jacket pocket. I don’t have to worry about him using it for drugs or alcohol. They’ve never been Charlie’s vices. “Take your medicine and eat. Don’t be stubborn, Charlie.”

  “I won’t. I’ve learned my lesson,” he says.

  When I pull away from Charlie, his eyes aren’t as gloomy as they were when he woke up, but I feel the sadness seeping from his pores.

  “I’ll send a letter to the shelter every week. I promise.�
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  If I knew Charlie would leave, I’d take him with us. But with his grandson in that school building, there’s no chance of him walking away. This is his spot, and I never see him abandoning it the way his family abandoned him.

  “Good-bye, Charlie,” I whisper as my throat burns and closes up.

  We already went through our good-byes once, but neither of us expected the train to derail and for me to be back in this position.

  Everything happens for a reason. I was meant to meet Adrian. And I was meant to come back here and see Charlie one more time.

  From the look in Charlie’s eyes, maybe I wasn’t the one who needed reassurance this time. Maybe it was Charlie who needed the comforting.

  “Bye, sweet girl,” he says with a weak smile forming on his dry, chapped lips.

  It takes me a second before I can turn and walk away, and when I do, the tears fall harder. Adrian helps me into the waiting cab and shuts the door behind him. He lets me lean across his body and wave to Charlie. I stare out the back windshield until I can’t make out his long brown coat and his tattered boots anymore.

  “Tell me about Charlie, Andi.”

  Brooks never approved of my friendship with Charlie. He never would have stepped within three feet of the old man, and he certainly wouldn’t have ever shaken his hand.

  “He’s something special,” I tell Adrian as I think back to the day we met.

  The day he uttered five little words that would end up changing my life. He gave me the push I needed to figure out how to walk out the door and never look back. Without him, I might still be hiding in the condo, waiting for life to get better even though I knew nothing would ever change.

  Waking up, I had little memory of how I’d ended up on the floor of the walk-in closet. My clothes were on, my hair was still up in a ponytail, but my head felt so heavy I could barely hold it up. The last thing I remembered was putting laundry away.

  It was likely another side effect from the concussions. In my heart, I knew this had to stop. If something didn’t change, I was going to let Brooks kill me.

  But how could I stop something I’d once wanted? How could I stop a man I used to love?

  Where would I go if I walked out the door?

  Who would believe me?

  And would they even care?

  I tiptoed into the bedroom. The pillows were tossed, and the comforter was hanging over the far side of the bed, but there was no sign of Brooks. Glancing at the clock, I realized he’d already left for work. He’d left while I was passed out next to the laundry basket, and I had to wonder if he’d even checked on me.

  The right thing to do would be to find a doctor, but the second I walked through that door, my life would change. They’d ask questions, and I’d need to give answers. As of right now, there was no backup plan. My ducks weren’t in a row.

  I changed my clothes anyway and started the trek down the street toward my doctor, the whole time rehearsing a believable story that would get me care but keep my secrets safe.

  The second I crossed the street, the passing cars made my head spin. Horns blared, and tires squealed. I ran for the awning of the coffee house and gripped the pole in my hand, trying not to pass out. Whatever was happening to my body made me feel like this was the end. The world was closing in around me, and I couldn’t figure out how to make it stop.

  A warm hand covered mine, and when I turned my head, I saw the homeless man I’d walked past day after day, always worrying if he was okay or if he was as scared as I was.

  “Nothing is as bad as it seems,” he said in a gentle voice.

  I let him lead me to his spot in between the buildings, too messed up to care that I could be in danger. But the way he guided me with his arm around my back, I didn’t fear him. Nothing about his demeanor was threatening.

  “Sit,” he said as he brushed off his wool blanket—his only resting spot.

  In silence, I sat and hugged my knees to my chest. I should go home, but I wasn’t sure I could get there on my own. Not without help.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I told him. “I’m scared.”

  “Follow your heart,” he said, like it was the easiest concept in the world.

  “My heart is in pieces.”

  “I’ve watched you. I’ve seen your heartache, sweet girl. This life isn’t meant to make someone so sad.”

  I glanced at him, wondering how he could read me so well when I knew nothing about him. “People change,” I told him.

  “The world is constantly changing. It’ll always be that way.”

  He could be talking about his experiences or he could be referring to mine, but I listened, hoping some of his wisdom would rub off on me.

  “How can you be so positive?” I asked him.

  “Just because I’m homeless doesn’t mean I gave up. I still have dreams. I still love. And I still pray to a god who has forgotten me.”

  “I won’t forget you,” I whispered.

  With a sad smile, he dug in his bag and pulled out a pack of tissues. “Keep your tears here,” he said as he pointed to his heart. “Don’t let him have them.”

  “Him?” I questioned.

  “Him,” he repeated knowingly. “You’re bigger than your fears.”

  “I’ll never forget those words,” I tell Adrian. “‘You’re bigger than your fears.’”

  “I’m glad he helped you, Andi. I’m really glad you listened.”

  I was always listening. Always trying to figure out the right move to make. Turned out, I knew all along. I was just too scared to make it happen.

  “Charlie gave me clarity. I went back to him every single day. He taught me that I was strong enough to walk away and that Brooks wasn’t the end all. I could have a life beyond him—a life without him.”

  Pulling me closer, Adrian kisses me again. The second kiss was supposed to come with time, but he kisses me like he couldn’t wait another second. I kiss him back just as hard because, had I not crossed paths with Charlie when I did, I might not be here, sitting in Adrian’s arms, getting a second chance.

  “You are bigger than your fears, Andi. So much bigger.”

  I lean in again, already addicted to his soft lips. There’s nothing I wouldn’t try with him. No place I wouldn’t venture. It’s both exhilarating and terrifying all at once. But what I love the most is how alive being with him makes me feel.

  It has nothing to do with the newness of our relationship. It has everything to do with the fact that Adrian believes in me, despite all my faults and all my baggage.

  Adrian is my light at the end of the tunnel.

  I just wish Charlie were coming, too.

  Clay

  “Adriiiiian!” Andi shouts from the doorway of our apartment. “I got the job.” She rushes through the small living room and into the kitchen where I’m making a sandwich, and she wraps her arms around my neck.

  I drop the bottle of mayo and the slice of bread onto the counter and grip her waist. It’s the safest place to hold her. Any higher, and I’d shred the tank top off her body, my lips diving straight to one of her nipples.

  “When do you start?” I ask.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “You liked the bar, I take it?”

  She nods, smiling. “It’s perfect for now. I’m excited to work there.”

  Miami has started to change Andi. It’s caused her to relax a little and to grin a hell of a lot more, and the sunshine looks so fucking good on her.

  At first, she doubted the move. That was because we lived in a hotel for a week, and I was still scouting jobs and places for us to live. Our room was dark and cramped. I crashed on the couch, and she had the queen-size bed. I offered to get my own hotel room. She didn’t want me to. She was worried Brooks had followed us to Florida, and she wanted me close in case something happened.

  I didn’t want my own room either. Staying together gave us more time, more hours of talking, and so much more teasing. She’d walk to bed every night, wearing only a small tow
el, and she’d drop it on the floor after she slid under the covers. Knowing she was naked under that thin blanket would drive me fucking crazy. I barely slept. I couldn’t stop thinking about how her skin would feel under my hands, how she would smell when my face got that close, how her flesh would taste under my tongue.

  Now that we’ve moved into our apartment, I haven’t been sleeping any better because Andi asked me to share the king-size bed with her. So, for the last five nights, she has been torturing me with the little outfits she wears to bed and the sensual way she wishes me good night. Then, at some point after she’s fallen asleep, she touches me. It isn’t a cuddle. She just rests her hand on my arm or hooks her foot over my leg. It seems like the comfort of having me there is enough to keep her asleep.

  And, hell, don’t I want to touch her back. Keeping my hands off her, stopping myself from pulling her body against mine, is excruciating. But, until she’s ready, until I know she can handle what I want to give her, I’ll have to endure the torment.

  I loosen my grip on her waist, trying to calm my dick from bursting through the goddamn zipper of my jeans. “You know that means we’re going to be working together every day. You sure you’re okay with that?” I ask.

  When I talked to Dane, the owner of the bar, I told him I was looking for a place that had two open positions. He said he needed a bartender and cocktail waitress and would pay us in cash. He wanted to meet Andi first, and I wanted to make sure she would be comfortable there, so I sent her in this morning.

  Everything has worked out.

  And I know, as the days continue to pass, Andi will soon realize that she’s safe from Brooks.

  “I want to work with you,” she says.

  My stare drops down to her lips. She licks them, making them even glossier. Sparkly red. Way too perfect.

  Fuck.

  “You want to live with me and work with me?” I ask. I don’t want to, but I drag my eyes away from her mouth.

  “And I want to sleep with you.”

  I clamp her waist so tightly, she groans. It’s not the sound I was expecting, and she’s not in pain. She’s fired up, and the noise tells me she only wants more.