Never

by Lulu Pratt

  My eyes trail lower, past the red marks on my collarbone and landing on my erect nipples. Just thinking about last night has me wound up and ready to go. That is until my eyes reach the blue paint on my thighs.

  A blue so similar to the ones staring into my own last night. A blue that had a calming effect on me last night. But now it just drudges up regret and the desire to scrub away every single memory.

  ***

  After a painfully uneventful day at the office, I’m finally headed home. I think of stopping by the store on my way home to pick up some wine, but ultimately decide against it.

  I think my poor liver deserves a break from all the cheap alcohol it’s endured over the summer.

  Traffic is surprisingly light despite the hour as I navigate my car to my apartment building on the outskirts of town.

  I try my absolute best not to focus on the fact that it’s after five and I haven’t heard a peep from Andrew all day.

  It’s so unlike him. Or maybe it isn’t. Maybe he’d just been playing a role to get in my pants. Maybe now that he’s gotten what he wanted, he no longer needs to contact me. Maybe this was his plan all along.

  Bitter bile rises in the back of my throat as I berate myself for being so naïve. Of course this is what he wanted. A man like Andrew is used to things going his way.

  I presented a temporary obstacle and he pulled out all the stops until his goal was achieved.

  Feeling cheap and used, I let myself into my apartment just as my phone begins ringing.

  All those thoughts are immediately tossed aside as I frantically search through my bag to find the ringing device.

  But Andrew’s name is not the one glaring back at me. Nope. It’s my mom making her weekly checkin call from Tampa.

  Great.

  Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom to death, but I’m not in any condition to have an upbeat conversation with her right now and convince her that my life is all peachy keen.

  However, I know if I don’t answer she’ll just keep calling and leaving voicemails until I eventually pick up.

  “Hi Mom,” I greet after the fourth ring.

  “Lilah, darling, I was afraid I was going to have to leave a voicemail. What are you up to, dear?” she asks in one long cheerful breath.

  I certainly didn’t inherit my testy demeanor from my mom. She’s all sunshine and rainbows. Florida is the perfect place for her.

  “I’m just getting home for the evening. How are you, Mom?”

  “Oh, well you know me. No complaints as long as I have air in my lungs.”

  Well, she has a point there.

  I’ve never known my mom to complain or dwell on negativity. I’m aware that I could really learn a thing or two from her. But easier said than done, right?

  Kicking off my shoes, I head for the kitchen to retrieve a nice tall glass of ice chips. Yes, my air conditioner has been fixed for a few days now, but I need something to take the edge off.

  “What have you been up to this week? Any new projects around the house?” I ask, knowing her love for DIY projects and gardening has no bounds.

  “Well, since you asked…”

  She goes on to tell me about the most beautiful petunias she picked up at the nursery today. As she goes on and on about finding the perfect place to plant them, I’m thankful for the mindless chatter.

  I put her on speaker and change out of my work clothes into a pair of stretchy yoga pants and a sports bra. I’m piling my hair on top of my head when she asks a question that throws me off balance.

  “So, are you dating anyone?” she probes, her already chipper voice taking on a sing-song quality.

  My mind instantly lands on Andrew and the last couple of weeks we’ve shared together.

  He even told me I was his, so why am I feeling discarded?

  Taking in another mouthful of ice, I give my mom an answer that’s as close to the truth as I can manage.

  “Not really.”

  Thankfully, it’s enough for her because she moves on to the next topic of discussion.

  “God, I miss your crazy self!” I tell her laughingly after she’s finished telling me yet another story about her flighty next-door neighbor.

  “Oh, I miss you too, honey. It’s a shame you won’t be able to make it down here this summer,” she laments sadly.

  Guilt stings my eyes with unshed tears. As crazy as this summer is turning out, I could really use one of her hugs right about now. My road trip plans had fallen by the wayside when I took on this assignment with Edward.

  “How’s Aunt Sara?” I ask quietly, referring to the aunt who planted the seed to reach as many people as I could through education.

  “Oh, she’s great. She asked about you while we were in the garden earlier. You know if she were here she’d be demanding to speak to her favorite niece.”

  That makes me smile. I’m her only niece but I still get a kick out of her calling me that no matter what.

  Aunt Sara is my mother’s only sibling. She’s fifty-two-years old with high functioning autism. My mother moved to Tampa after she divorced my dad to be closer to Aunt Sara.

  Aunt Sara is the reason I do what I do. She lived with us for a spell when I was a kid and it always bothered me to see how people treated her in public based on the perceptions of someone like her. That is, until they got a whiff of her overprotective niece and learned to back the fuck up.

  As I grew older, it was heartbreaking to think of how the school system failed her due to lack of resources. Because Aunt Sara is high functioning and tests very high, she’d been placed in typical classrooms with teachers who were not equipped to cater to her learning style.

  From an early age, it spurred me on to do something about students who may end up similar situations.

  A few minutes later, I end the call with my mom feeling a little better than I did when I got home. Walking in the living room, I see the chaos left from last night and sigh heavily.

  It’s time to restore some order to this place.

  Twenty-two

  LILAH

  Monday morning has rolled around once again and still no word from Andrew.

  I spent my weekend home alone and binging on my favorite shows while I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Cleaning has always been a coping mechanism of mine and the place is fucking spotless, if I do say so myself.

  Once the place was immaculate, I began working on some emails to potential donors for my project. With things so shaky, I don’t want to rely solely on this thing at Castle working out. Who’s to say Edward will even uphold his end of the deal?

  I polished the PowerPoint presentation that I attach to every email and even worked on the website for a while. It felt good to be immersed in work that actually means something to me. Not to mention, it was a great distraction.

  Pathetically, I kept my phone on the charger not too far from me at any given moment.

  Just in case.

  It never rang. By Sunday, I had stopped hoping against hope and faced the truth of the matter. He’s never going to call.

  This is exactly why you shouldn’t go around screwing people you’re not in love with.

  I’ve been around the block enough times to know that I shouldn’t mistake my strong attraction to Andrew for love. While I was definitely falling for him, what I felt for him still wasn’t love… yet.

  And those feelings had clearly been one-sided.

  Fine.

  I’ll come to terms with that on my own time. However, I still need to figure out a way to manage his account in the midst of all this.

  How the hell am I supposed to maintain professionalism when I reach out to him when all I really want to do is curse him out?

  These tumultuous thoughts tumble around in my head as I exit the stairwell and head for the parking lot outside my apartment building. I press unlock on my key fob as I walk to my assigned parking spot.

  But there’s only one problem.

  My car isn’t here.

  Y
ou’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!

  Counting backwards in my head to my last warning voicemail, I realize that I missed the deadline to submit a payment installment to the bank. And they certainly kept their word about confiscating my wheels.

  “Son of a bitch!” I screech into the humid morning air.

  It’s not even nine and the sun is already glaring down on me ruthlessly. Hands fisted at my side, I throw my head back and groan low in my throat.

  Why is this happening?

  The universe can’t be this adverse to me catching a break for once.

  “Looks like I’m walking.” I exhale, accepting my fate.

  With my sunglasses in place, I set off for the center of town after shooting Louisa a hasty email to tell her that I might be a little late.

  Car problems is what I title the correspondence. Ha!

  Rationally speaking, I know that I could easily call Charli and request a ride. But I haven’t picked up her calls in the last few days and I’m not in the right frame of mind to deal with the mouthful she no doubt wants to unload on me.

  A few minutes into my walk, I’m realizing that I probably should have gone back upstairs to grab a more comfortable pair of walking shoes to get me to the office. These heels are pinching the hell out of my toes.

  Rounding the corner, a shiny gray Audi catches my eye as it makes a sharp and noisy U-turn and heads back in my direction. I don’t think anything of it, just assuming the driver forgot something back home.

  Until it slows to a crawl beside me and the passenger window is rolled down.

  “Morning, Lily Cat!” Mason’s cheerful voice glides over to me on the sidewalk.

  A brand new wave of embarrassment assaults me as I stop walking and peer at him through the tinted open window.

  What are the odds of me running into him twice in such a short period of time after not seeing him for years?

  “Hi Mason,” I try to infuse my voice with extra pep to disguise my humiliation. “How’s it going?”

  By now he’s pulled over into the bike lane and turned on his hazards, drawing even more attention to us.

  Jesus.

  “Get in, Lily Cat.”

  I don’t know why his command catches me off guard. Mason’s always been the perfect gentleman.

  I think about turning him down but then my feet cry out in protest making the decision an easy one. When I open the door and drop down onto the leather of his passenger seat, my feet sing in relief.

  Mason shifts the sleek car back into drive as I buckle my seatbelt, pulling away from the side of the road.

  “Where to?” he asks jovially.

  Once I give him the address, Mason nods while tapping his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the music playing.

  “Why were you walking, Lily Cat?”

  I want to cringe at the nickname. He always claimed the nickname stemmed from the name of some futuristic sci-fi movie he saw as a child.

  It was cute in college, but now I want to gag. I’ve just about had it with men and their stupid nicknames for me…

  Looking over at Mason’s friendly face, I suddenly feel guilty. He didn’t have to offer me a ride and I should be expressing gratitude, not dredging up all the ways a nickname from ten years ago annoys me.

  Maybe I’m just grumpy.

  “Car trouble,” I speak, finally answering his question.

  “Sorry to hear that,” he states as he begins driving again. “Do you know a good mechanic around here? If not, you know my dad still has a shop up in Stamford. I could probably get him to tow it for free if you want,” he proposes generously.

  I feel the size of an ant right now. Here he is genuinely concerned and I don’t have the heart to tell him that my car trouble is really code for repossession.

  “Thanks for the offer, but I’ve got it under control.” I muster up my best smile and relax a little when he doesn’t linger on the subject.

  “Why didn’t you call your boyfriend for a ride?”

  In the back of my mind, I knew this question was coming. I’d just hope we’d be closer to the office when that time came so I could flee.

  Mason shoots me an expectant look from the corner of his eye.

  “He’s out of town on business,” I lie smoothly, biting the inside of my cheek.

  Watching the passing landmarks, I grow antsy in my seat. I swear we’re catching every traffic light in sight, tacking excruciating extra minutes onto this already uncomfortable ride.

  “Too bad,” Mason murmurs thoughtfully. “How serious are you two, anyway?”

  I should really be rewarded for resisting the urge to roll my eyes on that one.

  There is no such thing as serious when it comes to Andrew Knight. He’s a rich playboy with the attention span of a squirrel. And I ignored all the warning signs thinking our relationship was different.

  Brushing off Mason’s question with a vague answer, I steer the conversation to him. For the remainder of the ride he tells me all about his girlfriend.

  I enjoy watching the way his face lights up at the mere mention of her. He’s smitten and it’s absolutely adorable.

  By the time we reach the office, I’ve relaxed considerably and am ready to face the day.

  After thanking him for the ride, I dash into the lobby of the building and shoot Louisa a warm smile.

  Reaching my office, I stop in my tracks when I see the door is wide open and there’s someone standing inside.

  It’s Andrew.

  And he’s pissed.

  Twenty-three

  LILAH

  “Andrew, what are you doing here?” I sputter only after making sure my door is closed behind me.

  The foreboding look on his face tells me that he isn’t here for friendly banter and I don’t want the conversation to leak out into the halls. No one around here needs to know my business.

  On quivering legs, I make my way over to my desk. When it’s time for me to pass his station in the center of the office, I skirt the edges of the room to avoid him.

  Andrew’s mouth lifts to give way to a dangerous smirk as he watches me with dark eyes. His face tells me that he’s on to my antics but is choosing to be merciful instead of pouncing on me right away.

  Behind my desk, I feel a little bolder and cross my arms over my chest.

  “You haven’t answered my question,” I attempt at being bold. Luckily he can’t see my knees knocking furiously under the desk.

  It makes me absolutely livid that my traitorous body is responding to him like this after the way he ditched me.

  Andrew is looking even yummier than usual in a slate-gray tailored suit. The garments would look ordinary on anyone else but there’s something about his unique swagger that makes it mouthwatering.

  The pants fit the length of his long, powerful legs perfectly and the deep purple button-up he’s wearing complements his tanned skinned beautifully. There is no tie, but the top two buttons on the shirt are undone, fully exposing his strong neck and just a peek of his expansive chest.

  Without uttering a word, Andrew drops down into the chair across from me and fixes me with his deep blue orbs.

  His presence permeates the office effortlessly as I swallow the lump forming in my throat.

  Did he really come here to give me the silent treatment?

  I count backwards from ten and get to four before having to start over. My nerves are in a super delicate place following the events of this morning and here he is shaking up things even more.

  Breathe, Lilah.

  Finally, I collect my courage and speak again. “Mr. Knight, I assume you’re here to discuss your account.”

  I shuffle some papers in front of me, before tapping at the keyboard to wake up my state-of-the-art mammoth of a computer. When the screen comes to life, I punch in my access code with shaky fingers.

  “I was actually planning to contact you today to get your signature on a few things, so I’m glad you dropped by.”

  Hopefull
y, he still plans to sign off on the investment. It occurs to me that maybe that was just another thing he agreed to in order to get me in his bed.

  Christ.

  If he pulls out, I’m screwed in more ways than one and I don’t know what I’ll tell Edward the next time he comes barging in here.

  Meeting Andrew’s intense gaze, I gulp and ask the question that needs to be answered. “You do still plan to invest, right?”

  I occupy my hands with papers to veil their shaking as I wait for his answer.

  “Who the fuck dropped you off this morning?” he says quietly.

  I knew this was coming, but I’m still aggravated at his tone.

  Like I’m the one who has some explaining to do. I’m not the one who used the other for sex just to disappear in the middle of the night.

  “Mr. Knight—” I attempt only to be cut off.

  Andrew sits forward alarmingly fast.

  “Cut the shit, Lilah.”

  Bristling at his accusatory tone, I cut my eyes at him. “Keep your voice down. This is a place of business.”

  “I don’t give a fuck if it’s a monastery. Answer my question.”

  The anger in his voice is undeniable. And the tight set of his jaw would lead one to believe that he’s been betrayed.

  Rolling my eyes, I wonder how my summer devolved into me trying to pacify not one but two spoiled grown ass men. I’m telling you, teaching a room full of twenty kindergarteners is nothing compared to men and their withering egos.

  “A friend gave me a ride after I experienced some car trouble,” I supply generously. It’s really none of his business how I got here after the way he’s treated me.

  “Was it your ex?” he questions, sitting back in his chair to study me. With his legs sprawled in front of him, he looks like he owns the place and I’m clenching my teeth to hold in my snide remarks. How dare he march in here like he rules the world after tossing me aside like a disposable trinket?

  “I really don’t see how that’s any of your business, Mr. Knight,” I say coolly. My eyes pierce into his and I make sure my face is a mask of indifference.

  “Don’t test me, Lilah. You are my business,” he cuts out, lifting his hand to rub at the scruff forming on his chin.