Never

by Lulu Pratt

  “I’m trying this whole independence thing, Ben,” I respond. “And calling you every day goes against that concept. You’re just going to have to learn to trust me.”

  “Really? Or are you just so blinded by love that you’ve cut everyone else out of your life?”

  As if Carrie might be able to hear, I quickly cover the speaker of the phone with my hand.

  “What?” I hiss into the phone. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “I’m just kidding,” Ben says, chuckling at his own joke. “In all seriousness, I really liked her. She’s far better than any of the bimbos you usually date. Those women are more breasts than brains.”

  “Gee, thanks.”

  “No, seriously. I like her, and I can tell you do, too. So please, Blake, don’t do anything to mess this up.”

  “Is this why you called me? Love advice?” I look back and see Carrie is in the bathroom, getting ready.

  “No, the youngest is in the bathroom, and I have to hold his hand, literally. I am right now, so I thought I’d call to kill the time.”

  “Well, thanks. Glad you thought of me.” Just then, I look up and see Carrie is back. She looks at me and sees me still on the phone. “I’ve got to go, Ben, okay? I’ll talk to you later.”

  “You better. I want to hear all about the new love of your life!”

  I hang up the phone before he can harass me any further. It’s paranoia, but I don’t want Carrie overhearing. I like Carrie, more than I care to admit. But I have no idea how she feels about me, and I don’t want to ruin that. For now, I need to play it cool.

  “Ready to go?” I ask.

  “I was born ready,” she says.

  She walks across the room, and I take her hand. I then open the door and lead her outside, readying myself for what I am sure will be a good night.

  Chapter 30

  CARRIE

  Dinner is amazing. Better than that, even. And not just the food, but the company in general.

  Las Rambles is a very fancy, very expensive establishment. As Blake led me through it, I had to stop myself from gasping. I’ve been with Blake for a while now, and I still constantly forget just how wealthy he is. And more than that, how much he enjoys spoiling me.

  The food arrives, and as we eat, he tells me how beautiful I am and how much he has missed having me around. I’m not sure if he is just saying this, or if he means it.

  A part of me really hopes he means it because I have missed him dreadfully, too. Sure, the house is amazing, but it would be nothing without him. It’s his company I have missed, and I am so glad that he feels the same way.

  As the dinner draws to a close, I feel myself getting sad. I don’t want the night to end. I’ve been so used to spending the night with Blake that the idea of him leaving actually makes my heart ache.

  “What are your plans for the rest of the night?” I ask, trying my best to sound casual.

  “No plans,” he says. He stares at me as he does, and I have to break his gaze as I feel myself blushing.

  “Would you like to come back to my place? I have a bottle of wine that I can’t drink now. I’d hate for it to go to waste.”

  “Sure thing,” he says with a smile.

  It’s a poor excuse, but it has worked. I like him more than I want to admit. I just wish I knew how he feels about me.

  ***

  I open my front door and lead Blake inside. I’m not as embarrassed as I was last week about having him come over. Last week, my place was a mess. It’s usually like that, but after having spent some time at Blake’s, I came to realize that I can’t live like that anymore. The first thing I did when I got home was clean. And now, I can’t believe how much better my place looks.

  “Right, wine,” I say as I close the door behind Blake. “I’ll just grab that.”

  “No, let me,” he says, walking past me and into the kitchen. “Where are the glasses?”

  “In the top cabinet,” I say.

  I move to the couch and fall into it, watching Blake the whole time. When I answered the door tonight, I had to work to not gasp. I always forget just how handsome he is, and three days away from him only worked to increase that attraction.

  “Ah, a good year,” he jokes as he looks at the cheap bottle of wine.

  I laugh to myself as he pours himself a glass. He is so in control and in charge, but at the same time considerate. I saw him in a different light when he was playing with Simon. He was gentle and kind then. I think Blake will make a great father and be an even better role model.

  With a glass of wine in hand, Blake falls next to me on the couch. He takes a sip, holding eye contact with me the whole time. I feel my whole body flush. Even now, I am still a little nervous around him.

  “I’m glad you came out to dinner,” he says seriously.

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “I’ve missed having you around.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “I’ve missed sleeping with you,” he says.

  “Yeah, me too—”

  He leans forward and kisses me. I kiss him back, and for a moment, the two of us are locked together. I suddenly question his motivation and pull back.

  “Wait a minute. I thought we were only doing this for a baby?”

  “So?” He asks, keeping his eyes on me. They bore into me, devouring me.

  “Well, haven’t we finished that? I mean, isn’t that what last week was for?”

  I don’t know why I am even asking. It’s a reflex, if nothing else.

  “I don’t know about you, Carrie, but I had a good time sleeping with you. And whether you are pregnant or not, I want to keep doing it. I want to keep seeing you.”

  I don’t know what to say. Is that an admission of how he feels about me? Or is it him telling me that he just enjoys the sex?

  He smiles, clearly enjoying how nervous I am. He leans forward and kisses me again, and this time I don’t stop.

  It feels odd kissing him this time. Usually, when we kiss, it is with a purpose in mind, which is having a baby. But this time, it isn’t hinted at. This time, we both know getting me pregnant is not the reason we are doing this. It’s because we both want to, because we are both attracted to one another, and because we both have feelings for one another.

  The kissing becomes deeper, more tender. I climb on top of Blake, and he grips his hands around my waist. Usually, when we have sex, it is all fire and heat. He usually tears my clothes off and lets me have it — hard.

  This time it is soft. Romantic even.

  He slowly removes my blouse, kissing softly down my neck. He gently slides my skirt off me. He unhooks my bra and moves to kiss my breasts, soft and tenderly.

  The whole time, I move my hips back and forth over him. I don’t do it as vigorously as I usually do, and I don’t do it with as much force. It’s a natural movement. A passionate one. It’s making love, not having sex.

  I don’t want to taste him in my mouth. And I don’t want to sit on his face. I want him to be inside of me. I want to feel his girth fill me up. I want him to be a part of me, even if it is only for a moment.

  I lift up my body, allowing for him to slide his pants and boxers off. He is already hard. His big, fat erection sticks straight up. Usually, I would tease him. Usually, I would play with it, dance around it, and make it seem as if I weren’t going to sit on it. But I don’t do that this time.

  I climb on Blake. He wraps his hands around my waist, and he guides me onto him. As he slides inside of me, I moan softly. I tilt my head back, and he kisses my neck. It feels so good, even better than when he’s rough with me.

  Once he is inside of me, I begin to move on him. I move slowly, rhythmically. I’m not bouncing up and down as I usually do, but instead, I listen to his breathing and feel his heartbeat. I move to the rhythm of his body. The two of us kiss as I do, and he massages my breasts. It feels incredible and is better than any other time the two of us have had sex.

  As the two of us come, we kiss in the moment of
climax. We don’t scream or moan together, but lock lips and savor each other’s company. I am so happy that this is the man I am having a baby with. But more than that, I am sure now that he likes me as much as I like him. And after tonight, after this, I like him more than ever.

  Chapter 31

  BLAKE

  As I hold the phone to my ear and listen to the ring, I quickly work out in my head what I am going to say. Well, I am trying to anyway, but I am failing miserably at it. The phone call is to Carrie and the reason for calling her seems to change every few seconds.

  I want to see her again. I haven’t seen her since Tuesday, when we had that incredible sex. No. Calling it sex is degrading to what it was. It was more akin to making love than anything else.

  It was passionate and personal on every level. There was no raw emotion like usual, but love and a connection, the likes of which, I have never felt before. And I am sure that she feels the same way.

  Since that night, we have communicated only via texting, but that just isn’t enough. I want to hear her voice, and I want to see her. Not even to have sex again, but to be in her company.

  “Blake? Hi!” She answers. Her voice is higher pitched than usual, and she sounds happy to be hearing from me.

  “Hey,” I say, “How are you?” Shaking my head, I fall backward on my bed. Well, not my bed. I’m not actually at my house right now, but in a hotel room.

  “I’m good,” she says. “How are you?”

  “Good,” I say back. There’s a pause, and I can feel the tension mounting. I’m the one who called her, so I need to speak. Only, I don’t know what to say. “I was wondering what you are doing later?”

  “I have to work,” she says, sounding dejected. “There’s a catering job I promised my boss I would cover.”

  “You don’t sound too enthused,” I say, feeling myself perk up.

  “Well, that’s because I’m not,” she says, laughing.

  “So call in sick,” I say quickly “Come and see me instead.”

  “See you?” She asks, sounding surprised.

  “Yeah, I want to talk about some baby stuff. I have some things I need to go over with you that I don’t think I can do on the phone.”

  It’s a lie and a pretty stupid one at that. But I find that I’m nervous to tell her the truth.

  “Oh,” she says. “Well, I suppose I can call in sick.”

  “Is that okay?”

  “Yeah. I can do that,” she says, sounding a little more sure of herself. “As long as you show me a good time. It can’t be all business.”

  “Fine.” I sigh in an exaggerated fashion. “I suppose I can take you out after.”

  I do my best to sound as if it’s the last thing I want, although really, my heart is thumping inside my chest.

  ***

  Once again, I have to work to not gape openly when I see her. I’m sitting in the café that we agreed to meet at. As she walks across the floor to me, she looks gorgeous. She wears a yellow Sunday dress that flows around her body. It also plunges at her chest, showing just the right amount of skin. I wonder how I got so lucky.

  “Hey!” I beam as she reaches me.

  “Hey.” She leans forward and goes to hug me. Instead, I put my hand on her back and pull her in for a kiss. She accepts willingly, looking a little surprised by the change, but not at all upset. “Did you miss me?”

  “Maybe just a little,” I joke.

  “So, what do you have in store for tonight? And do you think it can top last time?”

  “Do you think that’s possible?” I ask with a smirk. I know I had a great time, and I’m certain that she did, too.

  “Good point. How about we aim for something close to that? Topping it might be an impossibility.”

  “I mean, I’m willing to try. But I’m also a realist.”

  She smiles warmly at me, only confirming what I know to be true. She is falling for me as hard as I am for her. “Say, Blake, I’m surprised that you are here already. I thought I’d beat you easily. What? Were you already in the area?”

  “Not exactly,” I say, looking away from her for the first time since she entered the café.

  My reason for being here is linked to my reason for having a hotel room booked. I had hoped that she might not ask. I don’t know how she will take it.

  “Okay, so are you going to tell me or do I need to guess? I’m open to either.”

  “Fine,” I relent. “I rented a hotel room close by. There.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because,” I say before pausing. I shake my head, suddenly feeling foolish. “You have to promise not to laugh, but it’s because my house is a little too far away from yours, and I want to be closer to you, in case anything happens with the pregnancy. I don’t like the idea of having to drive for thirty minutes to be with you.”

  I am not usually like this. I’m embarrassed by the sentiment, and it is silly of me. And for a moment, I worry that she is going to think the same thing. But, to my surprise, she reaches across the table and takes my hand. And only when I look at her does she kiss the back of it.

  “Thank you,” she says and she looks a bit like she has tears in her eyes. And she kisses the back of my hand again.

  Chapter 32

  CARRIE

  The two of us are having a simple dinner. It’s at an old restaurant, not too far from where Blake and I met at his high-school reunion. The restaurant looks like the kind of place that has been around for longer than the two of us have been alive. They mostly serve burgers and ribs, and the only drink options are beer and water.

  “My friends and I used to come here every Friday night,” Blake explains as he leads me to our table. The tables are all old plastic sets which, again, look older than either both our ages put together. “It wasn’t quite as run down then.”

  “No, it’s quaint,” I say optimistically, wondering why in the hell he has brought me here. I’m not a snob, but it is an odd choice of location.

  “I was thinking. You’ve really only seen me from one side. The rich, arrogant side. I wanted to show you where I came from. If you’re going to be having my child, I figure you deserve that.”

  Now I understand. It’s not the restaurant that he wants to show me, but himself. I always forget that, like me, he had a difficult upbringing and is actually a down-to-earth kind of guy. This is further proven when the waiter comes out and recognizes Blake. They talk like old friends, and the waiter snatches the menu away, stating that he is going to have the kitchen make us something special.

  It’s a side of Blake that I have never seen, and one that I like just as much as the other. Maybe tonight will be even better than the previous date?

  ***

  “And where is this?” I ask as Blake leads me across the empty parking lot. “Your old make-out spot?”

  We’re only a few minutes’ drive from the restaurant, along the coast. I guess it’s the parking lot to a beach, one long abandoned.

  “It’s where my friends and I used to hang out on weekends, before the place became rundown and forgotten.”

  He still has a hold of my hand, and as we crest the parking lot, the smell of salt water wafts through my nostrils. The sound of waves lapping at the shore also appears as if from nowhere. As I look down, I spot the coastline.

  “So, I was right,” I chime in. “It is your old make-out spot.”

  “Only sometimes, I had a lot of spots to choose from,” he jokes. “Now come on.”

  He lets go of my hand and sprints down the old wooden steps and onto the beach. I laugh at how enthusiastic he is, and I follow.

  The sand is coarse on my feet, but I love the feeling. I follow him along the beach to the water’s edge, where he has stopped. He stares out across the water, and the moonlight bathes itself over him. He turns and waves me over.

  “I can’t believe how long it has been since I was here last,” he says as I walk to his side. I reach him and take his hand in mine. “It’s got to have been more
than fifteen years now.”

  “What?” I ask, surprised. “Why so long?”

  He pauses for a moment and looks back out across the water. There is a look in his eyes that I don’t recognize. Is it pain?

  “The last time I was here was with my high-school sweetheart. And that was also the time she broke up with me.”

  “Oh,” I say simply, surprised by the admission.

  “Yeah. I thought we were in love. You know how it is in high school? But she dumped me and then I never saw her again.”

  “And you never tried to see her again?” I ask.

  I don’t know why I ask that. I know that he didn’t and I know that his story is a lie.

  “No, she is dead.” He sounds remorseful as he speaks, and for a second, I almost believe him. “It happened a few months ago. I couldn’t believe it when I heard a few weeks later. I always saw her as the one who got away, and a part of me always thought I would see her again. But now… I’m sorry. You probably don’t want to hear any of this.”

  He’s right. I don’t. In fact, it actually makes me a little angry, and I can feel myself starting to run hot. How dare he say such things, pinning it on my sister? And how dare he act now like he was the one who was the victim? After what he did?

  I have to work to control my anger. I can feel it bubbling up inside of me.

  “That’s too bad,” I say coldly as I look out across the water. I don’t look at his face. If I do, he will probably see the anger etched across it.

  “Yeah, it is,” he agrees. “But no matter. I have you now.” He still has my hand, and he lifts it up and kisses the back of it. I seethe. “Is everything okay?”

  “Oh, yeah, of course,” I say pleasantly, trying my best to not let him know how I am feeling.

  Even I don’t really know how I am feeling. Angry, yes. But also confused. It’s a fight between my loyalty to my sister and my feelings for Blake. Until recently, I could almost lie to myself and say that the two hadn’t dated, and I was mistaken. But now that he has said it openly to me, I can ignore it no longer. And I have no idea how to feel.