Never

by Lulu Pratt

  Time to just embrace it.

  “Sophie, do you know what this envelope is?” I call over my shoulder. “Who brought it?”

  “No idea, Mr. Stevens.” She pops her head in the office. “Want me to ask around?”

  “Nah. I’ll just have my coffee first. Wanted a jump on it.”

  I pour a cup and study it. As a habit, I don’t like opening envelopes first thing in the morning. Anything could be in there, and I mean anything. A client’s ex once mailed me her used panties. Another time, an attempt at blackmail.

  Never try to blackmail a lawyer unless you’ve got something really, really fucking good. That guy didn’t.

  Caffeinated, I sit down and slice it open with a pocket knife, expecting the worst. Hell, for all I know it’s an announcement that I’m a daddy or some shit. Never sticks, though. God love those condoms, ladies.

  I pull out a stack of photos that take me only seconds to recognize. It’s the prints from my fake date with Kate at Descanso. I’d almost forgotten about them at this point and have no idea what took Paxton this goddamn long to print them.

  There are at least three dozen here with the film taped to a signed form, assuring there are no other copies floating around. Standard procedure every time we do this shit.

  I flip my desk phone over to Do Not Disturb and go through all the glossy photos slowly, taking my time to savor each one. Paxton is getting pretty good after this many stings. He really knows how to angle it so things look convincing.

  If I recall properly, though, not much convincing was needed on the part of Kate McArthur. She had walls up, but she willingly knocked them down to let Sir Eric on over. It’s fun, though, to see her reaction to my flowers and picnic. I spent so much time vying for angles in the beginning, I missed most of it.

  The way she looks at me in these stirs more feelings in my gut. Feelings I can’t ignore any longer. I touch her face in each of them like I’m touching her in real life and feel an overwhelming sense of… happiness? Pride? Joy?

  “I see you got the pictures.”

  Paxton materializes in front of me and I nearly jump out of my skin at the surprise. Hastily trying to restack them, I cough and shrug.

  “Not bad, Pax. You’re on your way to a Terry O’Neil award.”

  “Shame I couldn’t get the naughty ones later. Your floor was too high up.” I shoot him a look but he laughs. “I’m kidding, bro. Kidding. Though it would have made for some great evidence. Unfortunately, I think most of the judges know what your bare ass looks like.”

  “I just know how to work a crowd. What can I say?” I shove the pictures back in the envelope. “Thanks for the help.”

  Paxton knocks his knuckles against the table and stares at me hard. “Going to use them?”

  “I’ll have to look them all over again. Most of them make it pretty clear it’s me in the shots and I need plausible deniability. Don’t need to get fined again, you know? I like my job.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “I like getting paid by my job.”

  “Better.”

  I kick my feet up on the desk and sip my coffee. Paxton does the same. We’ve been friends for a long fucking time and we both know this is just a front we’re putting up. He doesn’t say anything, though, and neither do I.

  Now that he’s said it, I am disappointed he didn’t have photos from our first night together. That is a memory I wouldn’t mind reliving a time or five. Kate was clearly looking for something to fill a void and I just so happened to have a dick that did the job.

  After a long dry spell of terrible bar hookups, that was the first time in a very long time I’d enjoyed myself in the bedroom. Everything about her was intoxicating, from her scent to the way she moved on top of me.

  A video would be even better than photos.

  “Ready to cut the bullshit yet?” Paxton clears his throat and takes another sip of his coffee. “There are at least four fucking amazing shots in there you can use. You had her eating out of your palm and there were plenty of branches in the way to hide your identity. Everyone looking will know it’s not David. That’s fucking talent right there.”

  “I guess I’ll have to look again.”

  “I said cut the bullshit.” Paxton sit back up and stares me down. “I know you’ve got your dick twisted around this girl, Eric. It’s fucking weird, but I get it. Trust me when I say I do. However, I also know your career is riding on this shit and if you let her derail you—”

  “I know, man. Shit.” I sit up, too and wave him off. “Get the fuck out of here. I’ve got work to do.”

  “You need to put that shit in David’s file. Right now. While I’m watching.”

  “I need to find these pictures you bragged so much about first.”

  “I’ll pull them out for you.”

  “Paxton.” I’ve hit my limit and then some. Paxton stands, his hands in the air and nods. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’ve got this.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “If you say you got it, I’ll trust you to have it. Don’t let yourself down.”

  “I won’t.”

  He shuts the door and leaves me with a headache. I go back through the pictures and find some of the shots he mentioned. They really were convincing. Her lips were pursed and her eyes hooded, like she was waiting to be kissed. Flipping through them takes me back to that evening, under a tree, surrounded by flowers and birds with a beautiful woman.

  It was fake, that whole meeting. But it didn’t feel fake after a while.

  I shove the photos back in the mix and throw them all in a bottom desk drawer.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  KATE

  Things are finally coming together for the charity gala in the ways I like to see: finalized plans, confirmed reservations, venue decorations boxed up and ready to be hung, and more lattes than the eye can see. Lily and I have been plugging away for weeks and it’s finally feeling complete.

  “This time last year, we didn’t have half this much done.” Lily sticks a pen in her hair and stares at the whiteboards and blackboards hung around the office. “This is incredible. What’s different this year?”

  “No David.” I stand next to her and mimic her pose. “Last year he was constantly getting in the way, confusing the vendors, keeping me away from it all.”

  “I remember that.” Lily frowns and throws an arm around my neck. “I’m glad he’s gone.”

  “You and me both.”

  “Maybe now you can really take Los Angeles by storm. No man holding you back and all that.”

  “You mean we.” I shoot her a friendly wink. “I am nothing in this town without you.”

  “Please. I’d still be stuck serving lattes and microwaved breakfast sandwiches if it wasn’t for you. This stuff changed my life.”

  “Hopefully it’ll change a lot more.” I study all the boards again and take a deep breath. “A children’s benefit usually swings big numbers, but I’m hoping for astronomical dollar signs after the year I’ve had. I want this to be my big coming out party. To show the world Kate McArthur means business, with or without a ring on her finger.”

  “Ferocious like a tiger.” Lily growls at me and laughs. “I believe it will. This will put you on the map, Kate. Everyone looks forward to your events, but I really think this will be our best yet.”

  We take pictures of all the boards, update all our notes, and box the completed projects away for the night. We are so much more productive right now that it’s insane. There are so many tiny ways my life is better without David.

  I like that. I like knowing, no matter what happens, I’ll still be able to live my life without him. For years, I was known as his wife. Never mind I started in this town. Never mind I introduced him to my friends. David scored big with the comic book universe and it was suddenly, “Kate Who?”

  It used to be that my thoughts were consumed with David and what an asshole he’s been to me. My mind would
play over and over every stupid moment I later regretted. Starting with that stupid, drunken night I slept with him.

  No more.

  Now all I can think about is Eric, and the way he spun me around on roller skates. About the way he fills my body, both physically and emotionally. He consumes me.

  Every moment I’m away from him, I ache. I actually want to go back into mediation, just to see him.

  “Speaking of, kind of.” Lily turns, bright smile on her face. She’s practically vibrating, which is bizarre behaviour for her. “I met someone.”

  “What?” I shriek and clamp my hands over my mouth. “I mean, what? When?”

  “A few weeks ago.” She blushes. “I didn’t want to say anything because it’s been so chaotic for you and I didn’t want to make it seem like I was bragging.”

  “Shut up. Lily! That’s amazing! Tell me all about him!”

  “Well, it started off very low-key and quiet. One night, you left the bar early and we sort of flirted for a while. It’s been weeks of it, actually. We never exchanged numbers until last night. It’s been over a month, Kate. I thought I was going to die.”

  “Worth it?”

  “Very.” A huge grin cuts through her face. “He’s such a gentleman. Always bought my drinks, would never let me pay no matter how hard I tried. And girl, I tried. Slipped my credit card over early and everything. He always managed to take it. Opened the door for me, walked me to my car.”

  “That’s so sweet!” I squeeze her arm. I’ve watched Lily lead a terrible dating life for years now and it’s wonderful to finally see her happy. Still, something about it hits me in all the wrong spaces. We don’t ever talk like this about Eric because we aren’t together, not really. She’d tear me apart if she learned about our date to the rink.

  “It is! And weird after Bobby. I took care of everything with him for years. To have someone want to look out for me is so strange but so nice. We have so much in common, too. It’s insane, Kate. He loves the same obscure shit I do.”

  “Well, that’s awfully… obscure.”

  “Very funny. We were talking about all these incredibly terrible old sci-fi movies we both love and it turns out we have the same favorites. It was like my soulmate popped out of the earth and appeared on a bar stool.”

  “How romantic.”

  “I know it sounds so cheesy, but I thought you might understand. I’m just so freaking excited, Kate. We’re going out later tonight for the first time. Thankfully, he’s not one of those jerks who feels the need to adhere to some stupid three-day rule for calling.”

  “That’s not still a thing, is it?” I ask, moderately horrified. “I mean, we’re all grownups now. Surely that’s not still something guys do.”

  “It is. For certain subsets of the male species anyway.” Lily wrinkles her nose. “So, tell me about Eric. How is that going?”

  “Oh.” I busy myself with reorganizing our desk to keep from meeting her very prying gaze. “Nothing really is happening. David showed up the other night, though.”

  “What?” Lily’s jaw drops. “He did not. What did he say?”

  “Well,” I shudder, remembering the evening more clearly than I’d like. “He came over with roses, begging to be forgiven. He cried, Lily. It was terrible. I finally agreed to talk to him and went to change. He was standing naked in my living room.”

  “Naked?”

  “Naked. Fully. He didn’t look like he was crying anymore, either. Go figure.”

  “That man needs to be castrated.”

  “That would certainly make a lot of things easier. He’s disgusting and I really hate him.”

  “I don’t blame you.”

  Her phone rings, of course the new man. While she chats him up, I find myself staring at my own phone, waiting for a call that won’t come. It’s like I’m living in the spaces in between my life. Things happen, but at the wrong times, or when they shouldn’t. I can’t fully enjoy anything.

  Nausea sweeps over me and I excuse myself from the room for fresh air. This love business is going to kill me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  ERIC

  Six in the evening rolls around. I reach into my office mini fridge and pull out a beer. At the rate Sophie stacks paper on my desk, I’m going to be here all night. I’ve been working on my other cases consistently until the last few weeks and catching up will kill me.

  David has required extra babysitting. He’s been caught sneaking around Los Angeles again and I’m about to really have the asshole put under house arrest so I don’t have a heart attack from his bullshit.

  I down the beer and pick up a file to review. It’s not all celebrities in my office, mostly business executives or people with daddy’s money making a marriage go away. Like it’s no big deal. Like those papers they signed and the promises they made before whatever deity they chose were meaningless.

  I hate everything about marriage. It’s not sacred, it’s a billion-dollar industry. Everything from the reception to the divorce is covered in price tag stickers, and I am no exception. Hell, most people use me as a pawn in their manipulative bullshit.

  As long as they pay, they can use me however they want. I’ll just sit here, silently, and grow an ulcer and loathe everything about the institution.

  For one tiny, fleeting moment, Kate crosses my mind. I immediately punt it back down to the depths, because that is insanity. We had a great date. We had a great second date. But we also have a very complicated situation.

  And I’m more than a little freaked I’ve started to grow weirdass feelings that violate all my core beliefs because she makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

  Three beers in and I’ve finally caught up on the Williamses case. Their assets are a lot simpler, but there is a kid involved. Those are my least favorite cases and I still don’t understand how I got stuck with this shit. I don’t like how people treat kids as pawns in divorces.

  I didn’t always hate humanity. Once, years ago, I liked people. I wanted to help. I went to law school. And then I met the gritty underside to humanity and wanted to watch the sky burn.

  “I knew you’d still be here.” Paxton and Geoff waltz into my office. Paxton holds out a hand. “Beer me.”

  I toss them both one and close the Williamses file. Reading about their custody squabbles was going to ruin my evening, so I can use the break.

  “What are you assholes still doing here?”

  “Same as you.” Geoff adjusts his clear lens glasses. “Pax decided we all needed a breather.”

  “What we need to do is order a fuckton of shitty Chinese and pile in one of the conference rooms. I hate staying here this damn late. Makes me think work owns my soul.” Paxton scowls.

  “Welcome to being an attorney.”

  “Shut up, Geoff.”

  “I could order some Chinese. It’s my turn, anyway.” Geoff offers. It always amazes me how unfazed he is by the verbal abuse he endures from us daily… and then he turns around and buys dinner. “I’ll grab the menus from the break room.”

  Paxton watches Geoff walk out and turns on me. “What are you doing with those pictures?”

  “What pictures?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me. We all know what fucking pictures. The pictures you’re probably jacking off to in here every day or whatever stupid shit because you can’t nut up and handle your case like a big boy.”

  “Fuck you.” I crack open another beer to steady my hands. “I’ve got like thirty cases running right now. Thirty in-depth cases that are being railroaded over by a glutton in cheap sunglasses. I’m working on it.”

  “Are you? Who have you talked to about leaking the pictures?”

  “I’m taking offers right now.” I lie smoothly. “I want them in the best hands. This case is bigger than the others and requires a monsoon, not just a splash.”

  “Right.” Paxton crosses his arm and narrows his eyes. “I feel like a broken record around you.”

  “How so?”

  “
Because I’m calling bullshit again.”

  “Fuck off, Pax. I’ve got my people working on it while I’m getting my ass back together for these other cases. Don Williams is now leaving messages every day because he’s unhappy with how little attention he’s getting. Vivica Gattis is doing the same goddamn thing. I’m drowning in unhappy assholes right now, so cut me some slack.”

  “This is what you get for sticking your dick where it doesn’t belong.”

  “Oh, fuck off. I’ve slept with plenty of clients’ exes. You love to brag about that shit to all your friends back home, so don’t act so goddamn high and mighty about it now.”

  “Sure, but those are always one-time events. Those are salutes to a job well done. You’re an asshole for it, but they end, Eric. How long have you been fucking with Kate now? A month? More?”

  “I’ve only slept with her a few times.” I snap. “It’s not like I’m fucking her every day, okay? It’s a casual thing.”

  “Quit lying to yourself or you’ll fuck your whole case.” Paxton rolls his eyes. “Do you know what David McArthur will do to you when he finds out you’ve been banging his wife? He’ll kill you.”

  “He can’t touch me. That dude is all hot air. If he tries to bail on payment, I’ll just sue him. He’s so tied up in contracts he won’t be able to piss without paying me. I’ll be fine. Lay off my ass, Pax. I’m tired of your shit.”

  “Tired of my shit?” Paxton’s whole tone changes. For the first time in all these tireless exchanges, he looks genuinely angry. “I’m watching you sit back and fuck over not one, but three people with this dumbass stunt of yours. Do you really not give a shit about anyone besides yourself?”

  “What the fuck does that mean? If she didn’t want to fuck me, she wouldn’t fuck me. Don’t project your shitty singlehood onto me.”

  “That’s rich.” Paxton snorts. “At least I’m not fucking a poor, confused woman who is dealing with her ex-husband who is trying to rob her blind.”