by Lois Richer
Surprisingly, Amanda agreed.
“I’ve already told the office to circulate a memo that anyone willing to help out should be here this afternoon or tomorrow. I’ve also ordered a large tree to be delivered. You’ll be getting the bill for it and the decorations,” she told him defiantly.
“Good idea. The center should have called you in right from the start,” he said. “You were always better at thinking ahead than me.”
Silence.
“Thank you, Wade,” Amanda said at last. “Your father used to say that, too. Oh, Connie wants to talk to you.”
There was muffled conversation before Connie’s voice came over the line.
“Wade, would you be able to pick up Silver on your way to the center? The school phoned. Apparently her teacher isn’t feeling well, so they’re cutting the day short. They’ll be finished by lunch. Twenty minutes?” She paused then rushed into speech. “I’d do it, but I promised Ben I’d help him and I don’t want—”
“Connie.” He cut across her words.
“Yes?” Her shy response bothered him.
Was she still embarrassed about last night?
“I’ll take care of her. No problem. Don’t worry. We may be a bit late, though,” he warned. “I have an errand.”
“Oh. Okay. See you later then.”
“Uh, Connie?” He waited until he was sure she hadn’t hung up. “Is everything okay—with Amanda, I mean?”
“Better than that,” she said, happiness lightening the words. “I have to go now, Wade. I’m supposed to learn something more about my dad this afternoon.”
“Okay. Bye.” He hung up wondering what she’d learn. He’d hoped to be able to find Connie’s dad and reunite the two as her Christmas gift. But if she’d found him early—well, he knew how much it meant for her.
Minutes later, he was in the car, heading for Silver’s preschool, excited about his plans. He was beginning to understand his father’s excitement at planning surprises.
Silver squealed when she saw him and flung herself into his arms with abandon. For once, Wade hugged her back, relishing the feel of those little arms squeezing his neck until it was hard to breathe.
“My teacher’s sick. Did you know that, Daddy?”
“Connie phoned and told me.” He buckled her into her carseat and then got behind the wheel. “We’re going to meet her and Amanda later, but first, would you like to go Christmas shopping? You haven’t got a gift for Grandma yet, have you?”
“No. Only a card. Connie helped me make it.” Silver ran through a list of things she thought appropriate for Amanda.
“I’m not sure your grandmother wants a Baby Goes to Paris, Silver. Did she say she wanted that? Or the monkey game?” He pulled into the mall and parked.
“No,” Silver said, jumping free as soon as he’d unbuckled her. “But I like them.”
“Well, this is for Grandma, so it should be something she especially likes.”
“Okay. I don’t have a present for Connie either.” Silver tucked her hand in his and skipped along beside him. “Can we eat first? I’m hungry.”
“Sure.” Wade let her choose hot dogs though he was fairly certain it would not have been Connie’s meal of choice. Once he’d cleaned up the relish and ketchup from her face, they were ready.
Shopping was not Wade’s favorite activity. However, he soon discovered that Silver was very good at it.
“Not that, Daddy,” she said, discarding item after item.
“Something special.” Almost an hour later, she finally spied her “something special.” “That’s Connie’s present,” she declared, pointing.
“That” was a picture of a farm in the summertime, painted by a local artist who had a stall set up in the mall. Rabbits frolicked in the bright green grass while a flock of ducklings paddled on a sparkling blue pond. A little girl with shiny brown pigtails swung blissfully from a huge oak tree that looked as if it had withstood many hardships.
“It’s just like the farm where Connie grew up. She always talks about the ducks she fed and the swing.” Silver dragged on his arm. “Can we get it, Daddy?”
“Yes.” Wade gladly paid for it, happy when the artist slipped the picture into an already-decorated gift box. Wrapping gifts was not his forte. “I have an idea for your gift for Amanda.” He explained it, relieved when Silver seemed delighted with his plan. An hour later, they walked to the car. “Remember, this is our secret. You can’t tell Connie or Grandma.”
“I won’t.” Silver sat patiently while he buckled her in. Then she asked, “What are you going to give them for Christmas, Daddy?”
“I’m going to give Amanda a gift certificate to a spa she likes. I don’t know about Connie yet.” He hurried to change the topic to the center. That kept Silver too busy asking questions to mention Connie’s Christmas gift again. Wade could only hope—and pray—that David would find out something about Connie’s father before Christmas arrived.
A brightly decorated wreath was the only exterior change to the center. But inside it had been transformed. A huge pine tree sat in one corner filling the space with its fragrance. Sparkling with multicolored lights, it was simply decorated with chains of puffy white popcorn and red berries. Snowflakes hand-cut from white paper fluttered delicately from its heavy boughs. A white sheet formed a tree skirt, already partially covered with gifts in a sparkling array of papers and ribbons.
“Oh, Daddy, look.” Silver stood and gazed at the splendor. “I want our tree to look just like that.”
“Hi, there.” Connie moved from behind a table littered with paper and decorations. “We’re a little behind.”
“My fault,” Amanda said, laughing. “I got carried away.” She waved a hand at the mass of table centerpieces lined up at the front. “Good thing you’re here, Wade. You can help set up tables.”
A few people drifted in to help as the afternoon progressed, but mostly they were alone. Connie never flagged. Wade couldn’t help wondering how she kept going. Her energy seemed endless as she moved between the hall and the kitchen, pitching in wherever she was needed. And when Silver tired, she found a place for her to rest quietly. It wasn’t until halfway through the afternoon that Wade noticed how Connie froze each time the door opened, how she hungrily searched each face.
Wade kept repeating a prayer that she wouldn’t be disappointed by whatever she learned today.
He’d just finished peeling the last potato when he heard Ben, the director of the center, call Connie’s name. Hope fluttered through her eyes as she turned to face the director and moved closer to listen.
“This is Harvey Frank. He was in treatment with your father, Connie.”
Wade didn’t like the expression in Ben’s eyes. This was not going to be good news.
“Nice to meet you, Harvey,” Connie murmured, shaking the wrinkled hand of the small man. “Do you happen to know where I might find my father?”
“Sorry, miss. He passed on.” Harvey shook his head sadly. “One day he was there, in the bed next to me at the hospital, and the next morning when I woke up, he was gone. Real shame, it was. Max was one of the best.”
“You’re saying my father died?”
“Well, yeah. One day he was there, and the next day he wasn’t.”
“I see.” Connie’s face blanched. She sat down on the nearest chair, fingers fluttering nervously against her hair.
Wade immediately went to her and cradled her icy fingers in his own. Connie looked at him gratefully, but her focus returned to Harvey.
“When was this?”
“About three years ago, maybe. They’d found something in his liver, I heard,” Harvey said sadly. “He’d done a couple treatments but got awfully sick from them. Max figured he was terminal. I guess he just couldn’t hang on any longer—or didn’t want to.”
“Oh.” The stark sorrow in her voice hurt Wade.
“I asked the nurses about his next of kin, but they didn’t know.” Harvey shrugged. “Never heard another
word about him until I came here and saw your sign on the notice board.”
Connie sat staring at him, numb, Wade thought. He took over.
“Thank you for making time to come and explain, Harvey. I know Connie appreciates it.”
“Oh.” Connie blinked back to awareness. “Yes, thank you.”
Ben guided Harvey away. Wade hunched down beside Connie.
“Are you all right?” he asked and then realized what a stupid question it was.
“I don’t know. It’s so strange. I always thought I’d have a chance to talk to my father, even if it was one last time.” She blinked, and a tear formed on the end of her lashes before plopping onto her cheek. “I never really believed he’d be gone.”
“You’ve done enough here,” Wade said. “Let’s go home.” He signaled Amanda.
“Don’t worry, honey. I’ll finish up the details,” she said.
“Go with Wade and Silver.”
“Thank you.” Connie rose and glanced around for her jacket. “I just wish I knew where he was buried.”
Wade found her bright red coat, helped her into it and did up the buttons while Connie simply stood there, staring at him. Then he roused Silver. He told her what had happened and asked her to be extra gentle with Connie. Silver’s eyes watered, but she scrubbed at them then nodded.
The ride home was solemn. Connie broke the silence occasionally with a memory of her father, newly recalled. Wade let her talk, offering only quiet agreement from time to time. When they arrived, he helped Silver out of the car, but Connie didn’t move. He opened her door, undid her seat belt and grasped her hand.
“Let’s have some tea, Connie. Then you can lie down.”
“I’m not tired,” she said quietly, eyes wide, brimming with confusion and pain. “It’s just—I don’t understand, Wade. I was so sure God led me here. How could I be so wrong?”
“You don’t have to think about that right now. It’s enough to absorb what you’ve learned.” He drew her into the family room, settled Silver beside her and then went to ask Cora for tea.
“It’s her dad, isn’t it?” Cora asked.
“A man told her he’d died,” Wade said. “It’s hit her pretty hard. She’s going to need some help to get through the next few days.”
“It’s about time somebody gave back to that girl after all she’s done for us,” Cora muttered with a dark look at him that suggested she thought Wade should have done better by her.
And he should have. But he’d been too self-involved.
“I have to make a phone call,” he said. “Can you stay with her till I get back?”
“Of course. At least Silver will cheer her up,” Cora said.
“Thank God for that little bundle of blessings. Our lives would be awfully empty without the little one. We all love her a lot.”
Me, too, he wanted to say. But worries about that paternity test kept the words stuffed in his throat. So Wade simply nodded and hurried to the study.
“David, I’m sorry to bother you, but I need the name of that investigator you contacted.” He explained what had happened. “I want him to find out where the man is buried. Maybe that will help Connie find some closure.”
“Maybe.” David stopped. “Getting pretty close to the nanny and her problems, aren’t you, Wade? You sure you’re the same guy who told me to make sure there wouldn’t be any entanglements?”
“This is different.”
“Because it’s Connie?” David chuckled. “Yes, she is very special. Glad you’ve finally recognized it.”
“She’s done a lot for Silver, for Amanda. I just want to help, if I can.”
“Uh-huh.” Scepticism didn’t begin to describe David’s mocking tone. “So the tree trimming is off for tonight?”
“No,” Wade said after a few minutes thought. “I think carrying on normally might help Connie more.”
“And if you can’t find her father’s grave?”
“I don’t know,” Wade told him. “But I have to at least try to help her.”
“Just don’t get too close,” David reminded Wade before he hung up.
Good advice.
Unfortunately, Wade thought it came just a little bit too late.
Chapter Eleven
They were all being very careful around her.
And Connie hated that.
She hadn’t meant to be here tonight. This should be a family celebration, and she didn’t want to intrude. But Wade and Amanda had convinced her she was a vital part of the decorating plan. When Silver added her pleas, Connie gave in, because she didn’t want to be alone.
Christmas meant laughter and joy and fun, celebrations for the birth of a blessed child. Not this mournful sadness. Connie rapped her knuckles on the mantel and waited for everyone to look at her.
“I appreciate your sensitivity,” she said. “But this is Christmas, and I want to celebrate it. That’s what my father would have done, and that’s how I want to remember him. So could we please enjoy ourselves?”
Thankfully, everyone accepted her request to rise above the knowledge of her father’s death. By the time David and Darla arrived, Silver was dancing and tinkling, Amanda was chiding Wade for his choice in music and Cora had set out a buffet worthy of any tree trimming party. Then Klara and Kris arrived, followed by Hornby’s son, Jared, and then the party really took off.
In fact, Connie thought they’d all but forgotten her sad news when she noticed Wade take David and Jared aside. The three spoke rapidly, but it was the occasional glance at her that bothered Connie. It looked like they were discussing her. She decided to face them out.
“Okay, what’s going on?” she demanded.
Wade didn’t even try to prevaricate.
“Jared is something of an expert at researching genealogy,” he said. “David and I thought he might be able to locate the place where your dad was laid to rest.”
“But only if you want me to, Connie,” Jared quickly added. “If you’d rather handle it yourself then that’s fine.”
“It’s kind of you to offer, Jared.” Connie smiled at each of them, overwhelmed by their generosity. “Kind of all three of you. I’d like to find out, yes, but I don’t want you to go to any extra trouble.”
“It’s our pleasure, Connie.” David’s eyes expressed his sympathy. “Jared and I are godfathers to Silver, and we both appreciate all you’ve done for her. We’ve both seen a big change in Silver, due to you. It’s a small way for us to pay you back.”
“Caring for Silver is my job,” she said quietly.
“We all know you’ve done more than your job.” Wade’s dark eyes held hers until Connie had to look away.
“Then thank you. I appreciate it,” she said—and meant it.
The party picked up after that. Connie’s heart wrenched with bittersweet joy as she watched Silver, Amanda and Wade interact as a true family, gathering in their guests and making them part of their celebration. But the more the group enjoyed themselves, the more Connie felt removed from them.
In that moment, she realized it was because she wanted to be more than the nanny. Every night she dreamed of his kiss. Every morning she awoke realizing anew that he still carried a burden from the past. His shadowed eyes when he looked at her and quickly away told her that whatever he’d felt in that swift embrace, he was too afraid to risk loving again.
When Wade lifted Silver to put the star on the top of the tree, Connie suddenly realized that she didn’t belong here. Wade’s consideration in asking the others to help him find her father’s resting place was an act of friendship. But counting on Wade for anything more would be like counting on her father or her former fiancé. Both let her down. Risk that hurt again? No. No matter how much her heart yearned for more from Wade, Connie knew deep in her soul that he simply wasn’t able to give it.
She’d done her very best for the Abbot family. Judging by tonight, they were on the right road. They had David and Jared, Cora and Hornby and now Klara and Kris to help them
. They would manage. Besides, if Wade did finally have to send Silver away, Connie didn’t want to be here to watch. It was time to leave the Abbots.
Christmas—she’d stay until after Christmas. Then she’d give her notice. Until then, she’d enjoy the time she had left here.
“Connie? Aren’t you going to check our work?” Amanda frowned at her.
“Of course.” Connie rose and admired the tree, determined not to let anyone know her plans. It was going to be a wonderful Christmas for the Abbots. That’s what she had to focus on.
“Your party was great, Wade. I’ve never seen Amanda so animated.”
“Yeah.” Wade waited. David wouldn’t have called just to talk about the party. Something else was going on. “What’s up?”
“Connie’s father. I don’t think he’s dead.”
“What?” Wade gulped. “But that Harvey fellow said—” A mental image of Connie’s face when she learned the news filled his brain. But what if David was wrong?
“It’s too complicated to go into over the phone. Suffice it to say that Jared and I did some digging. There is no record of Max Ladden dying or being buried in this state.”
Wade frowned at David’s silence. “What aren’t you saying?”
“We think he’s still alive. The problem is, we can’t find him.”
Connie would be ecstatic if she heard there was a possibility she could meet her father again.
“We have to find him,” Wade said. “I’ll pay whatever it takes.”
“I wish it was that easy,” David said. “I’m faxing over what Jared uncovered. He’s been spending a lot of time on this, and everything he’s found leads to a dead end. He believes Connie’s father left that hospital on the sly and has deliberately chosen to keep his whereabouts a secret.”
“Meaning he doesn’t want a reunion with his daughter?” Stunned by the implications, Wade blurted out his thoughts. “She’ll leave to search for him when she finds out, David. She desperately wants that relationship. But if her father has deliberately avoided Connie—that is what you’re implying?”
“Yes. There could be a thousand reasons, but I do think he’s deliberately gone underground because there is some information that Max followed Connie’s life, that he contacted the foster agency several times, asked for information and begged them not to tell Connie.”
