by Lois Richer
“If she hears that, it’s going to kill her spirit. Reuniting with him is what’s kept her going. If he avoided her…” Wade’s brain whirled with possibilities. “I’ve got to think about this for a few minutes, David. I’ll call you back, okay?”
He hung up, sank into his chair and swirled around to study old Tucson’s pretty skyline through his floor to ceiling office windows. But his brain didn’t appreciate the colorful adobe-styled buildings or the Christmas decorations festooning doors and windows, emphasizing the season. All he could think about was Connie and the pain that would make her solemn gray eyes darken when she found out her father not only didn’t want to see her but deliberately avoided her.
The question was why.
Wade knew Connie well enough to know the pain it would cause her when she learned of her father’s decision. If the man truly didn’t want a reunion, if he’d avoided Connie because he wanted to be free of her, Connie would be decimated. If she kept looking, the search for her father could well take her beyond Tucson, away from Silver, away from him. Wade knew full well that she wouldn’t give up easily because of the way she’d spoken of finding Max. But if she had to face her father’s true abandonment alone, without anyone to help her through it—Wade wasn’t going to allow that.
“David, me again. I want you to intensify the search for her father. Tell Jared to get whatever help he needs and go wherever it leads.”
“Why is this so important to you, Wade?”
Good question. But not something he wanted to discuss, even with his best friend. Not until he’d thought it all the way through. So Wade made the only excuse he could think of.
“I want to find the man and see if he wants to be reunited with Connie for Christmas.”
“And if he doesn’t?” David’s grave tone sent a warning. Wade ignored it.
“Then I’ll tell her that.” They covered a few other details before Wade hung up. He made an excuse to his secretary and left the office, walking the streets as he thought through his plan.
It would be his Christmas gift to Connie, a reunion between her father and herself. It would also ensure that Connie wouldn’t leave them; she wouldn’t have to if he found her father for her.
Because the bald truth was that Wade didn’t want Connie to leave—ever. He wanted her to stay, help him raise Silver. Connie made his life complete.
Because Wade loved her?
No. He was afraid to love her. He’d been scared of love for so long, scared that if he opened his heart to that wrenching emotion once more, he’d risk the pain and abandonment he’d felt all over again—abandonment every bit as bad as what Connie had experienced. Love had stripped him of everything but especially his pride. Shame had dogged him for so long. Was that why he was so afraid to trust again?
Connie wasn’t like Bella; Connie never ran from problems. She worked them through, no matter how difficult. Connie, with her sweet, gentle, loving spirit, would never betray him. That’s why he cared about her.
You told yourself that before, and you were wrong.
The old fears multiplied. Wade quelled them by telling himself it was doubtful Connie felt the same about him, especially after she’d trusted two men and both had let her down. Her words—what had she said?
You have to trust, Wade. You have to believe God is going to do his very best for you. And then you have to hang onto your faith as tightly as you can.
Wade sat down on a park bench. Bella’s betrayal hadn’t only left him afraid to trust his heart. He’d also been afraid to trust God. He’d finally managed to turn over Silver to the Lord he said he believed in. Could he now trust God with Connie?
That was the crux of the matter. Either he trusted God with everything or he didn’t trust God at all. It wasn’t about parceling out bits of trust here and there. Faith—real faith—meant he trusted God. Period. It was trust now and hang on to that faith, as Connie said, or accept that he didn’t have any faith at all.
“I care about her,” he prayed silently. “And Silver. I’m scared I’ll lose them both.” That’s when it hit him.
Silver was his right now. If God asked him to give her up, Wade would have do that. But God had never asked that of him yet. Only his own fears had made him consider sending her away. Fear had kept him from showing that beloved child how deep she lay in his heart. No more.
Wade jumped to his feet. He walked quickly to his car, climbed in and drove home, letting his secretary know he’d be out for the rest of the day. He didn’t know yet how or what to do with his growing feelings for Connie. Hopefully he’d have found her father by Christmas Eve and then he’d reassess.
But Wade did know how he was going to let Silver know she was loved, no matter what the blood tests said. And a certain dollhouse, made by his hands, would help him express that love. He’d better get busy.
With the center’s dinner over and the Sunday school Christmas pageant only a week away, Connie had her hands full making last-minute alterations to other costumes she’d offered to help sew. But even with all her busyness, she’d had time to notice that Wade spent hours in the small workshop in the backyard. She hadn’t gone out to check on his progress, because she was sure that when he needed her help he’d ask. But as days passed and no request came, she grew worried.
Amanda caught her staring out the window late one evening.
“He’s been spending a lot of time in there,” she mused as she poured herself a cup of tea. “It reminds me of his father when he was building…” The words died away as Amanda turned to leave the room.
“Amanda?” Connie touched her arm. “It’s okay to cry. I know you miss them.”
“I do.” She wept openly now, her face ravaged. “I’ve tried so hard to be too busy, to keep myself occupied, but it’s just pretend. Nothing’s helping. I’ve prayed so hard. I don’t understand why God left me all alone with no one to love.”
“But He didn’t!” Connie urged her to a stool by the kitchen bar. “Amanda, God has given you an outlet for your love. You have a wonderful granddaughter who desperately needs you in her life.”
“For what?” Amanda said bitterly.
“To tell her things no one else can. Silver is full of questions about the past. I don’t know what to tell her, but you do.”
“I only met Bella twice,” Amanda said.
“Then tell her about those meetings. Be the mother figure she craves. Be there to answer all the other questions she’s going to have in the coming years.” If Wade doesn’t send her away. “One day, Silver is going to need to talk to someone who will really listen to her and advise her. You could be that person.”
“Do you think so?” Amanda frowned. “I wouldn’t know what to say.”
“What kind of things did you talk to Danny about?”
“Everything.” Amanda mustered a smile. “He was a lovable child.”
“So is Silver,” Connie assured her. “And she loves you very much. She needs to know you love her, too—that you’ll be there for her if she ever needs you.”
“Maybe…” Amanda dropped into thought.
“There’s just one thing.” Connie waited until the older woman looked at her. “You can’t put down Wade to Silver. It wouldn’t be right. She needs both her daddy and her grandmother in her corner. Can you do that?”
“I guess.” Amanda sighed. “The truth is, I’ve always been a little jealous of Wade. I worried his father would love him more than Danny.”
“And did he?”
“No.” Amanda smiled. “That man had a heart big enough to love anyone who crossed his path. He loved both his sons very much. And he loved me.”
“Then tell Silver about that legacy,” Connie said softly.
“Let her know that she comes from a family that loves. Whatever was between you and Wade is the past. Let it go. He needs it as much as you.”
“Do you think so?” Amanda’s eyes widened. “We used to be close, but—”
“You need to be again,” Connie
insisted. “There’s a whole future to deal with now, and Silver is going to need both of you.”
Amanda studied her and then finally nodded.
“Yes, Silver is what’s important. Most of my anger at Wade was because he found a new wife and baby and I had nothing.”
“Not nothing,” Connie corrected with a smile. “You have a future, a grandchild who is going to need you to lead her and guide her and a stepson who depends on you to help run your husband’s company. Certainly not nothing.”
Amanda embraced her, the flowery scent of her perfume enveloping Connie in a wave of sweetness.
“Thank you, dear. You’ve encouraged me greatly. I feel like you could be my daughter. You’ve become so special to me.”
“If I helped, I’m glad.” Connie let her go. As she watched Amanda walk away, her heart whispered a heaven-sent thank you.
“You’re a wonder, Connie Ladden.”
Wade’s voice shocked her. She turned, saw him standing in the back doorway, half-hidden by the shadows. He looked tired but relaxed.
“How do you always know the right thing to say?”
“I don’t.” Embarrassed that he’d overheard, Connie changed the subject. “How’s the dollhouse coming?”
“Not bad.” He poured himself a glass of juice from the fridge and drank it in one gulp. “I could use your help, if you’ve got a moment.”
“Sure.” Connie waited until he’d put his glass in the dishwasher then followed him to the workshop. When he opened the door, she gasped. “Oh, my.”
It was a dollhouse beyond all others. Not a detail had been missed from the elegant front door with glass side panels to tiny windows that opened.
“Do you like it?” he asked softly.
“It would be hard not to.” Connie quelled a shiver at Wade’s nearness. He stood so close that she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. “This is amazing.”
“Thanks. Do you think you’ll still have time to help decorate?” he asked. “I know you’ve already taken on some extra work for the Christmas pageant.”
Connie bent to examine the house, needing to put space between herself and Wade. She was far too aware of him—another reason she needed to leave here. She studied his work carefully, noting the extra touches he’d added that made the house unique.
“You’ve spent a lot of hours at this,” she murmured, brushing her finger against a tiny sink and bathtub. “Where did you find these?”
“I made them out of clay and had a friend fire them.” He hunkered down beside her. “Mostly they’re for looks. I doubt Silver will ever put water in them.”
“But she could. It’s truly amazing. The baseboards, the cabinets—you’ve thought of everything.” Connie rose, unable to ignore the building questions in her mind.
“But…” She hesitated. It was none of her business, after all.
“But what?” Wade rose, frowned when she remained silent. “What were you going to say, Connie?”
“What about when she leaves?” she asked softly. “It’s a bit unwieldy to transport to South America.”
“Silver’s not going to South America,” he told her. “At least not yet.”
“But…” Connie stared at him, afraid to hope.
“She deserves a happy Christmas. When I get the blood test results, then I’ll decide what to do. For now, I’m keeping her. If Bella’s relatives want to visit her, they can come here.” Wade stood straight and tall, his face rigid yet filled with purpose. “I care about her, Connie. I want to show her that.”
“Oh, Wade.” Connie threw her arms around him and hugged him, her heart singing with praise that finally he’d seen the light. “I’m so glad.”
“So am I.” His arms moved around her waist, and he held her close, his breath rearranging the curls against her forehead as he stared into her eyes. “You helped me understand that I was trying to do something God hasn’t yet asked of me. How can I ever thank you?”
Embarrassed by her unthinking actions, Connie would have moved away. But his hands drew her closer. “You don’t have to thank me.”
“Yes, I do. Without you—” He shook his head. “I was ready to send her away. I was so confused and mixed up and determined not to get hurt again.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I was so mixed up about what God was asking me to do. How did I get so far off track?”
“We all do sometimes,” she whispered, afraid to hope this embrace was anything more than friends celebrating a decision. “But God is patient, and He will teach us the right way to go, if we let Him.”
“Yes. I’m learning that.” He lifted his hand, pushed the hair off her face so he could look into her eyes. “You taught me, Connie. You also taught me that opening my heart could be freeing instead of imprisoning.”
“Your love is what Silver has wanted all along.” Connie couldn’t, wouldn’t let herself hope that Wade was talking about any other kind of love.
“I’m going to have to work up to saying that word,” Wade murmured. “But I think I might actually get there.” After studying her for several moments, he bent his head and kissed her softly, sweetly—a tender kiss that asked nothing.
And Connie kissed him back. She couldn’t help it. She cared so deeply for this man, wanted his happiness more than she wanted her own. She would leave soon, but in the meantime, she would savor this special time with him.
“Oh. Excuse me.” Jared stood in the doorway. His eyes flashed with something that he quickly hid.
Connie moved away from Wade, embarrassed, but Wade seemed to feel nothing like that. He grinned at his friend.
“Connie likes the house,” he said with a smile just for her.
“I’m glad.” Jared grinned at her. “But it needs some furniture and stuff, don’t you think?”
“Yes.” It was all she could say.
“I built a couple of beds and dressers. I thought I’d try them out. Okay?” He glanced at Wade, who was still staring at Connie and didn’t seem to hear the question.
“You made sofas, too? If you had any extra fabric, I could use it for matching drapes,” Connie said quickly, trying to cover Wade’s unusual silence. Why was he still staring at her?
“Sure.” Jared crouched down and placed his pieces in certain rooms. Then he offered Connie a tape measure and wrote down the numbers she gave him. “Wade’s making a couple of coffee tables, too.”
“Great.” Connie had to get out of here. Wade kept staring at her as if he’d just realized he’d kissed the nanny and couldn’t quite believe it. “I’ll get started on the cushions and things right away,” she promised, edging toward the door.
“With some prayer and hard work, we should finish before Christmas,” Jared said. But he was frowning at Wade.
“I’ll leave you to it then,” she said. She picked up the extra fabric and escaped as quickly as she could, hoping it didn’t look like she was running away.
In her room, Connie sat far into the night, stitching tiny furnishings to make the dollhouse more homey. Every so often she took one of the tiny silver bells she’d purchased for Silver’s stocking and attached it to a pillow on the end of an embroidered S. But no matter how hard she concentrated, Connie could not dislodge the memory of that kiss or her heart’s deepest yearning for Wade’s love.
Silly, really, because that wasn’t going to happen. Wade carried too much baggage from his past. In a rush, the old feelings of abandonment and aloneness returned, stronger than Connie had ever before felt them. For a moment, it seemed as if she stood in the parched Sonoran desert, looking through a window at the lush oasis that was the Abbot family home.
If only—
Connie regrouped and resolutely pushed away the self-pity.
Lord, help me to keep my focus on You. Lead me in Your path. And please show me a way to get past the grief of my father’s loss. I wanted to talk to him so badly.
God knew her heart. And He would heal it. Just as He would help her deal with this new love that could ne
ver be returned.
Chapter Twelve
“We found Max, Wade.” David was almost shouting.
He found Connie’s father two days before Christmas? That had to be God answering his prayer. Wade’s heart brimmed with thanksgiving.
“Where?” Wade gripped the phone so tightly that he heard the plastic protest.
“Down in Tubac. He’s in a wheelchair, very thin and frail, living in an old, abandoned trailer and making jewelry to sell.” David sounded jubilant. “Jared figures he’s in the last stages of cancer. Max wouldn’t say much. He did mention Connie, though.”
Wade couldn’t suppress the hope. Connie longed to see her father so badly.
“He wants to see her?”
“Not exactly.” David’s voice dropped. “He talked about the past, mentioned that he knew she was in good hands and how he was glad, because he had nothing to offer her. Apparently his treatments have all failed. There’s no hope of recovery.”
Wade’s heart sank at the news. Connie would be decimated. But maybe if he could just get them together one last time it might help her resolve her issues. He had to at least try.
“Thing is, Wade, Jared doesn’t think Max is going to change his mind. He was definite that he didn’t want to be reunited with Connie, that he wanted to be left alone.” David paused. “Jared didn’t say he knew Connie, of course. He was trying to play it low key. But he’s sure Max won’t agree to meet her. So what do we do now?”
It took Wade less than a minute to decide. This was for Connie, who had gone far beyond the call of duty for his family. He’d do whatever it took.
“Get Jared to email me all the details. I’ll go down there myself, this afternoon.”
“Okay. Wade?” David’s voice dropped.
“Yeah?”
“If you want us to go with you, we will,” David assured him.
“Thanks, but this is something I need to do myself,” he said. “I appreciate your help though. Tell Jared, will you?”
