Under the Cornerstone

by Sasha Marshall

  “Did you kill him?” I asked with my fists clenched by my sides.

  “Son, I wanted to. Believe me, I wanted to end that motherfucker, but that doesn’t help you or Noely. I had to make the right decision and get her out of there.”

  “She’s staying here, right?” I ask.

  “If that’s what she wants,” he answers.

  “She’s crying and shaking because she thinks we’re going to send her to foster care, dad. We can’t do that. I’ll get a job after school or something if I need to so she can stay here. She’s my best friend, dad. She can’t go into foster care,” I finish as I begin to tear up.

  My dad places a hand on my shoulder, “You don’t need to get a job, Johnny. She gets money every month since her mom died, and I think her dad sends child support. I’m going to have a talk with him and the social security office to make sure Noely gets that money to help take care of her. But son, you have to understand Noe might not want to stay here. She’s a girl and she might need another woman around at times. Mrs. Sherry is talking to her now to let her know she’s there for her. Sometimes…” my dad looked really uncomfortable. “Sometimes girls go through things at this age that they need other women to help them with.”

  I rolled my eyes at him, “I know she’s going to get her period and grow boobs, dad.”

  He chuckled at that, “Yes, she is.”

  “I can help her with those things. Just because I’m a boy doesn’t mean I don’t know how to help her,” I defended.

  “I’m sure Noe would appreciate that, but sometimes those things make girls uncomfortable. If she feels like you’re the person she should go to, then she will. If she feels like she needs Mrs. Sherry, then we should let her do that.”

  “But she’s going to stay with us, right?” I ask again.

  “If she wants. Mrs. Sherry is offering her a place to live as well,” he says and it pisses me off.

  “No. Noely stays here,” I glare off into the distance.

  “That’s Noely’s decision.”

  But it wasn’t in my opinion. I could make sure nobody ever hurt her again.

  Mrs. Sherry arrived in our living room alone and offered us both a sympathetic smile, “She’s sleeping. I hope it’s okay that she fell asleep. She’s asked to stay with Johnny for now, but I’m always here to help. I looked at some of the clothes you brought from her apartment. They’re not in very good shape and most of them look to be too small. We’ll get her some new things this weekend.”

  “Thank you for all your help, Sherry,” my dad said and pulled her into a hug.

  My dad and her husband were best friends and had been since they were kids.

  Once Sherry left, I turned to dad, “I’m staying with Noely tonight in case she gets scared.”

  My dad gave me a terrified look and ran a hand over his head, “Johnny, look son, it might not look right if you sleep in the same bed with her.”

  “Dad, I’m not going to have sex with her. I just don’t want her to wake up scared.”

  He sighed and finally shook his head, giving me permission to go to her.

  I opened my door quietly and kicked my shoes off before I crawled into my bed with her.

  She woke with a start, but I pulled her to me, “It’s just me, Noe.”

  “Johnny?”

  “Yeah. I’ll stay with you tonight, okay?”

  “Good,” she said with relief.

  She tucked her beautiful face into my neck and just when I thought she’d drifted off to sleep, I heard her cries. I felt her body shake with sobs. I did the only thing I knew to do as a twelve-year-old boy. I held her tightly and promised over-and-over again how I’d protect her forever. I promised her no one would ever hurt her again. I promised her she was safe with us.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  When the stage lights go down, we exit the stage. I walk past all the women in the back hallway of Saul’s Bar who are there in hopes to be the one I’ll choose tonight. I need her in my arms. I find her in the back room where we lounge before and after the show.

  Her face lights up when we enter the room and a smile that’s so big it hurts stretches across my face. She takes a running start before she jumps into my arms and wraps her legs around me. She giggles like she does when she’s drunk.

  “Great show!” she exclaims.

  She laughs and her excitement makes me smile even bigger.

  “You were dancing your ass off, Noely baby,” I tell her and smile into her blue eyes.

  “I’m sweaty,” she frowns for a second and then breaks into a small laugh.

  “Me too.”

  “Did you see all the groupies in the hall? Jesus, Johnny it’s like you’re already a full-blown rock star,” she giggles but I frown. “What are you frowning about? Every man’s dream.”

  She lays her head on my shoulder for a second and I take advantage of her lowered inhibition to hold her tightly against me and slightly sway as I close my eyes and take in her smell. It’s mixed with fresh sweat and something floral. Her hair smells like coconuts.

  “Somebody has been hitting the bottle hard tonight,” Jimmy says as he enters the room.

  Noely sits up from my shoulder and her eyes light up at Jimmy’s voice like it does mine, “Jimmy!”

  She unattached herself from me and wraps her arms around Jimmy, and just like that I’m put back in my place, the friend zone. I’m an afterthought as she loves and dotes on the other three men in the room with us. Men she loves just as fiercely as she loves me, but that’s why it hurts. I want her to love me more fiercely than she loves them. I want her to be mine and for me to be hers.

  Unrequited love, yeah?

  I once again bury my love for her under the cornerstone, the intersection of our friendship and my love that is unreciprocated by the woman I’ve compared all others to. I watch her for another moment as she flutters around the room with our friends like a butterfly, freely offering her love and joy to each one.

  I turn quietly to the door and find the first blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty I set my eyes on. It doesn’t take much more than a look and a nod of my head towards the alley before she follows me. No words are spoken once we reach the dark corner of the alley. The girl kneels down on her knees and removes my throbbing dick from my pants. What this woman will never know or understand is that she isn’t the one who got me in this state. I’ve been struggling to keep it at bay since I was on stage watching Noe dance her life away without a care in the world. I could no longer fight it when she wrapped her body around mine, because my thoughts went to where they always go.

  I’d give a major organ to know what it felt like to have her writhing against me and underneath me. I’d give up my prized guitar to know what she sounds like when I’m inside of her.

  I lean my head against the wall as the pretty blonde puts me in her mouth. I close my eyes and run my hands through her long blonde hair and pretend it’s Noely that wants me in her mouth. I could come quickly and put this girl out of her misery, but I relish the moments when my tequila-riddled brain can so easily hold on to the scent and picture of Noely in my brain. I make it last longer than I really should, pretending Noe is the one making wet sounds and moaning on her knees.

  I pull back when I finally go over the edge, but the girl pushes forward and swallows every drop down her throat. She wipes her mouth, stands up, and gives me a triumphant smile.

  “You’re as big as they say you are,” she comments.

  “Uh, thank you?” I reply.

  “If you ever want me to ride your face, here’s my number,” she says and hands me a piece of paper.

  Then she saunters off with a sway in her hips. I crumble up the piece of paper and throw it in a nearby garbage can. I push my dick back into my pants and light a cigarette, enjoying the after effects of my orgasm and the tequila pumping through my system.

  Noely and the douche she’s dating, Tony, push through the door and she almost f
alls into the alley.

  “Goddammit,” he seethes at her.

  I push off the wall without thinking twice, “What’s wrong, Noe?”

  She looks up at me with an emotion I haven’t seen in her blue eyes in a very long time, fear. The man who loves her, and her best friend immediately know something is wrong.

  “Get your hands off of her,” I tell Tony.

  He gives me a charming smile, “I’m just trying to get her home. She’s drunk off her ass. She tripped into the alley.”

  I look down at the red marks on Noe’s arm and instantly know he was holding her too tightly.

  “She’s drunk in a bar. That’s where she’s supposed to be when she’s drunk, and she’s surrounded by people who love her and people who fear most of the people who love her. She’s safe,” I respond as I try to keep my shit together.

  “She asked to go home,” Tony replies.

  “No, I didn’t,” Noely says quickly and then shoots Tony a look as though she’s swallowed the canary.

  There it is again, fear.

  “You put your hands on Noe?” I ask.

  “Man, what the fuck is your problem?” he asks.

  “I asked you a question,” I say and my chest puffs out.

  “Nah, I don’t put my hands on her. A taken woman has no business being that drunk in the middle of a bar without her man,” he says.

  “Tony, I’m going to say this once…” I start.

  Jimmy, Ryan, and Rich enter the alleyway with looks of concern on their faces. The expressions only make me more suspicious.

  What did they see before she fell into the alley?

  “What’s going on?” Jimmy asks as he passes by Tony, but he makes sure he hits his shoulder against the douche bag’s.

  Tony is set off balance for a moment by Jimmy’s sheer size and force.

  “What happened inside?” I ask Jimmy.

  Jimmy gives Tony a look that could kill, “He was being rough with her and telling her it was time to go home. She told him repeatedly that she wasn’t ready to go home.”

  I look at Noe with anger raging below the surface of my calm, “Did you fall into the alley by yourself?”

  She looks between her friends and her boyfriend and then at her feet, “Yes. I drank a lot.”

  She’s lying. Why would she lie to me?

  “You ready to go home, Noe?” I ask her.

  She swallows hard, “Yes.”

  She’s lying again.

  I turn my attention to Tony, “As I was saying, I’m going to say this once and only once. If I ever find out you put your hands on her or harm her in anyway, the four of us are going to hunt you down, torture you for hours and then dump your body in Central Park. You are not taking Noe home tonight. One of us will get her there.”

  Tony glares at me. He’s a man used to giving orders. He just doesn’t realize he’s fucked with the wrong woman.

  “Don’t fucking call me anymore, Noely,” Tony says to her and walks away.

  She looks up at me and sighs with, relief?

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Two Months Later

  Saul takes the stage and pulls the mic from the stand, “Over the last five years, I’ve seen these boys go from shaking like leaves when they took the stage to winning over every crowd they’ve played to. It’s a bittersweet day. While they’ve reached the ultimate goal of being signed by a record company and recording an amazing album, we’ll miss the music and good times. Blood Feather is leaving on tour in a week so they can show the world what Brooklyn Boys are made of.”

  The crowd goes wild, but I can’t give it my full attention. I look back down at my phone again, hoping Noe has text me back. When I realize she hasn’t I look up to find Ryan, Rich, and Jimmy with the same concern in their eyes. They each shake their heads to let me know they haven’t heard back from her either.

  “So please raise your glasses to Johnny, Rich, and Ryan. May you remember who you are while you’re on the road. May you remember where you came from and that home is always calling you back.”

  “Here, Here!” We all shout with smiles and I pour the next tequila shot down my throat.

  A half hour passes, and we’re all looking at the door and our phones for some sign of Noely. Everyone is worried. The crowd has calmed down some, so I walk through the back hallway and dial her number again.

  Something is wrong. I feel it in my gut.

  To my surprise, she answers, “Hey.”

  I take a moment to analyze the tone of her voice. Does she not realize she’s late and we’ve all been calling and texting incessantly?

  I ask her, “Where you at, Noe?”

  I hear the sigh even though I know she doesn’t mean for me to, “I’m at home.”

  I start walking towards the door that leads to the alley, “You're over an hour late.”

  She didn’t say anything for so long it makes me angry and scared.

  "Noely?"

  Her explanation rushes out, jumbling her words, "Yeah. I'm here. Look, I just started feeling ill all of a sudden and I hoped it would pass. It must've been what I ate today."

  I reach the alley, and know instantly, she’s lying to me again.

  Why would she lie to me? What’s going on? She wouldn’t miss this shit for the world. We wouldn’t be here without her.

  Her voice rushes out again, “Did you hear me?”

  As my mind is overtaken with thoughts of worst case scenarios, I simply give her a robotic reply, “Yeah.”

  I light a cigarette and blow the smoke from my lungs. She’s lying to me again. It breaks my heart. It hurts. It cuts deep. She’s always come to me for everything. Why would she hide something from me? I break the silence by giving her enough rope to hang herself.

  "What did you eat today?" I ask her.

  Her voice is squeaky, "What?"

  Goddammit, Noles. Why are you lying to me?

  My patience wears thin, “What. Did. You. Eat. Today?"

  "I..." She stutters.

  "Why are you lying to me?"

  "I'm not."

  "You're a shit liar," I say between my clenched teeth.

  "That's not nice,” she says and I roll my eyes.

  "Neither is lying to one of your best friends."

  "I..."

  "Don't fucking do it," I warn.

  "I ate Chinese."

  I give her some more rope.

  "You fucking did it. From where?"

  "New China Wok."

  I pull my phone away from my ear and almost throw it against the brick wall. I can’t believe she’s fucking lying to me. I can’t believe this shit. My chest fucking aches. I reign in my temper the best I can. "What did you order?"

  She answers too quickly, "Sweet and Sour Chicken."

  "What time did you go?"

  "Fuck Johnny! On my lunch break!" she yells.

  Noe just yelled at me. I can’t believe she just yelled at me. I don’t think she’s ever yelled at me. The tears spring to my eyes. She’s fucking killing me.

  "You eat lunch at twelve and unless New China Wok was open only for you today, they've been shut down for restorations for a week. The sign on the door says they won't open back up for another week."

  I give her a minute to realize she’s been caught, and I hope in that minute, she also feels my heart breaking two blocks away.

  "Why aren't you here, Noles?" I ask with a choked voice.

  "I just can't make it. I'm sorry. It's killing me not to be there. Please don't be mad at me. I'm so proud of you guys. I truly am.”

  Bullshit. Lies. Hurt. Pain.

  I hang up on her and send the guys a text that I’m going to her apartment to check on her.

  I run towards her apartment with desperation pushing adrenaline through my body. I keep the tears at bay, but the ball of emotion lodged in my throat won’t go away. I feel like I’m losing control of something I’ve controlled for fiftee
n years. I’m unraveling because of her lies. Lies mean I’ve lost her. I’ve lost something we had but I don’t know what that fucking is. I’ve always been her go to person. She’s always told me everything.

  I stop at the entrance of her building and catch my breath. I pace back and forth in front of the steps, afraid to go inside. What if she’s realized how I really feel about her? What if she’s pushing me away because of it? Who would’ve told her? I’ve spoken very little about it throughout all these years and there are only three other human beings that know, but they wouldn’t tell her. Even if they don’t understand it, they wouldn’t tell her.

  I breathe through what feels like a panic attack coming on. God, I haven’t had one of these in years. She’s always been the reason I could fight through them. She’s always brought me back from hell while she held me in her arms and encouraged me to breathe. She’d hum in my ear and run her fingers through my hair.

  I sit against the wall next to the steps and put my head between my legs. I think about Noely and fight against the panic that’s threatening to consume me. I try to remember what it sounds like when she hums to me. I run my fingers through my own hair and hum to myself.

  It takes about five minutes to get myself together, and then I stand up and get inside to the elevator.

  I beat on her door when I reach it and yell, "Open the fucking door, Noely!"

  She answers, "Stop shouting!"

  She throws the door open and the first thing I notice is her hair is dolled up, and her face is caked with makeup. She’s obviously thrown a hat on over hair she spent time curling. She looks like the bodies I’ve seen at wakes. That’s how much makeup she has on. Fury rips through me when I see her busted lip. Food. Poisoning. Does. Not. Give. You. A. Busted. Lip.

  "What's wrong with your lip?" I ask her between clenched teeth.

  She evades my question by lying again and turns around to walk further into the apartment, "Nothing. Why aren't you at your party?"

  Another lie! I slam the door behind me once I step inside. Somebody hurt her. She’s lying to cover for someone who hurt her. Why wouldn’t she come to me with this? I’m going to kill somebody.