Winning the Nanny's Heart

by Shirley Jump

  His heart was still thudding when he rolled to the side and pulled Katie against him. She nestled in his arms, and for a moment, it seemed like everything was perfect in the world. “That was...” His brain short-circuited and his voice trailed off.

  “Incredible.”

  “I think we’re going to need a thesaurus, because incredible doesn’t even begin to describe how amazing that was.” He laughed with her, then drew her closer still and pressed a kiss to her temple. “How amazing you are.”

  As she curved into him and laid her head above his heart, Sam realized Katie was right. Making love had changed everything and had him desiring things he wasn’t sure he had any right to desire. With a woman who had made it clear she had no intention of staying.

  Chapter Eleven

  Katie lay in Sam’s arms, content and warm, while the clouds played with the moon and the night birds called to each other across the lake. She wanted to stay here forever, in this old, drafty house that seemed worlds away from everything she’d ever known.

  But as the minutes ticked by, reality began to settle in and remind her that she wasn’t staying in this town, with this man. She was going to have to move forward. She had savings, of course, and Sam was paying her, but that didn’t mean she could afford to put off the future indefinitely.

  As if on cue, she heard her phone ping. Email. She rolled to the side, fished out her phone and scrolled through the messages.

  Hey, Katie, got your message. We’d love to have you start right away. Can you be here Monday? We have a new client...

  The job she’d been offered at one of the firms she liked and respected wanted her to start immediately. With a little bit of a pay bump. She should have been excited, but the idea of going back to working with numbers all day depressed her. She’d had more fun than she’d expected tutoring Libby, coloring pictures with Henry, teaching Libby how to sew. And then there was Sam...

  Already she cared more about him than she wanted to. From the minute you showed up on my doorstep, overdressed and overqualified, I started falling for you.

  She’d tossed back a joke to his words, because it was easier than saying the same thing had happened to her. The minute she’d seen him with his children, the way he was so tender, so sweet, she’d begun falling for him. Wanting to be more than just the tutor to his kids, the fill-in nanny. Wanting the life she had only dared to dream of once before.

  And that meant she was getting way too comfortable here in Stone Gap. From the way Sam had asked her about staying, she knew he was thinking about a future between them. A future she couldn’t give him.

  Sam wanted to get married again. To have more kids. Katie couldn’t trust her body—what if she miscarried again? What if she wasn’t meant to be pregnant? What if she settled into this life, and a year from now realized she wasn’t a good mother at all? She’d already be indelibly inked in the kids’ lives, and pulling away after that would be so much harder, more destructive. To them, to him and to her.

  Sam rose up on one elbow and trailed a finger along her nose. “Hey, what’s so important that you have to be on the phone?”

  She wanted to joke back, or kiss him and delay this conversation, but that wasn’t going to do either of them any good. She had to be up front and honest. Maybe then this...whatever this was between them would end, and she could move on. And so could Sam.

  The mere thought of him moving on without her caused an ache deep inside Katie. That alone verified that she was in way too deep. Better to be honest now than to hurt ten times more later.

  She thought of the email. The job she’d be crazy to turn down. She had everything she needed—except the motivation to leave. Maybe if she said the words aloud, it would be easier to accept them. “I’m thinking about heading back to Atlanta.”

  His eyes clouded. “Already? But you’ve only been here a few weeks.”

  “I can’t afford to be on vacation forever. I was offered a new job, with a great firm. I think it’s time I...get back to my life.” Life? More like an empty apartment in a concrete high-rise in a cold gray world I never liked. My friends, who were really just work colleagues. My mother, who barely sets aside five seconds to ask how I am.

  Yeah, that life. It wasn’t until Katie had arrived here, in Stone Gap, and seen the happiness in Colton’s face that she realized how much she hated her life in Atlanta. She craved what Colton had found here, with the department, with Rachel, with his other family.

  As for Sam...

  Sam was everything she’d ever dreamed of and never believed she could have. The family man with the big heart, who tried his hardest to be the kind of person his children and spouse needed him to be. The kind of guy a girl could lean on, depend upon. Grow attached to, as well as to his kids...

  And to his dream of having more of that.

  The moon shone through the dusty windowpanes with a pale white haze. The light danced off the worn wainscoting and battered wood floors. This was a house with character, memories. It was no surprise that Sam wanted to build more of that here.

  That wasn’t who she was, wasn’t the kind of life she saw in her future. She needed to accept that, and go back to her predictable days of numbers that added up just so. Instead of taking a risk on something that could very easily go wrong. Hadn’t she learned that painful lesson already?

  “A new job?” Sam asked. “I thought you were already a CPA, or at least you were.”

  “Well, I am a CPA. Just not an employed one.” She drew in a deep breath. “I was sort of fired from my job when I screwed up a couple of accounts. That’s not like me, but I was going through a lot of things at the time and I... I lost my focus.”

  It was more than losing her focus, but she didn’t know how to tell Sam the rest.

  He brushed a tendril of hair off her forehead. His eyes were kind, caring. “What kind of things?”

  Damn it. When she looked in his eyes, she saw that he truly wanted to know, because he cared. That look nearly undid her.

  She started to speak, then took in the moonlit walls and floors again. The old sleigh bed they were lying in. The home that Sam dreamed of having. If she told him about the miscarriage, about how she had fallen apart, then maybe he would stop looking at her like that, and they would end this now and she wouldn’t be foolish enough to believe she could have the same dream as he did. She had no experience being a mother—heck, she had grown up without one. Sure, she could do this for a few weeks, but long term? Better to leave now, before either of them got any more wrapped up.

  Yes, that was best. Or at least, that’s what she told herself, even though every cell in her body was protesting and telling her to just shut up and lie here against him and soak up the moment.

  Instead, she came down firmly in the middle, not telling him the truth, but not caving to her own desires. “I’ll stay and help you with the kids until you find somebody else to be their nanny,” Katie said. “But I think it’s best that I go back to Atlanta.”

  “Find another nanny? You’re really leaving?”

  “We always knew this was temporary. You need someone else, and I don’t want to leave you shorthanded.” She averted her gaze from his because she couldn’t stand to see the hurt and confusion in his eyes.

  “What about us?”

  The three words hung in the air, and for a second, Katie wanted to undo everything she had just said, turn back the clock.

  “You and I want different things, Sam,” she said finally, “and it’s better if we don’t get any closer than we already have.”

  His fingers dropped from her face and he drew back. “Did something happen in the last half hour that I missed? Because last I checked, we were making love and everything was great. Incredible, we both said.”

  It was. It had been. She wanted more, wanted this moment to last forever. But that was
foolish and impractical, and if there was one thing Katie wasn’t, it was that. “I shouldn’t have done that, shouldn’t have led you on.”

  “Led me on?”

  “I wanted it as much as you did.” Oh, Lord, how she wanted that, wanted him, and still did, even now when she knew they were all wrong for each other. “But I don’t want the same future you do and it’s best that I tell you now and let you move on.”

  With someone else. The thought threatened to break her.

  He didn’t say anything for a moment, just stared at her as if she was a total stranger. “What are you talking about?”

  “You want to get married again and have more kids.” She toyed with the edge of the sheet, and wished she had waited to have this conversation when it wasn’t so easy to lean into him again. They were so close she could feel the heat from his body, and oh, how she wanted to press herself to him, to make love again, to just be with Sam. “I’m...not the kind of woman who should do that. Who should be a mother.”

  “Not the kind of woman who should do that?” Sam said. “You are fabulous with Libby and Henry. You’ve created a home out of the chaos I was living in. And you’ve made my kids laugh and engage for the first time in forever. That says you are exactly the kind of woman who settles down and has kids.”

  “This is temporary, Sam,” she said, even though the words scraped her throat and burned in her eyes. “And I think we should just accept that and move on in different directions.”

  Then before she could change her mind or undo all of what she had said, Katie sat up, swung her legs over the side of the bed and started getting dressed again. Her clothes settled into place and provided a little bit of distance, a little more of a wall.

  Sam did the same, pulling on his shorts and shirt, then tugging the sheets back into place on the bed. There was a cold divide between them now, erasing the blissful moment earlier. Oh, how she wished she could erase the last few minutes, but that would just make leaving that much harder.

  “I guess I’ll drive you home, then,” Sam said.

  “Thank you.”

  It was all very distant and icy, and Katie told herself that was exactly what she wanted. But as they passed by the kitchen and she saw the simple tableau of flowers, wine and dessert, her heart broke. She started to reach for his hand, but at the last second grabbed her purse instead and clutched it to her chest. The cold leather was no substitute for what she really wanted.

  It wasn’t until she was back in her bedroom at the bed-and-breakfast that Katie allowed herself to cry. She cried until her pillow was damp and the ache in her heart became a dull pain.

  * * *

  Sam couldn’t concentrate. It took him five tries to dial the number of a longtime client, six attempts at sending an email before he finally typed it without mistakes. His mind kept reaching back to last night, to Katie’s sudden 180.

  Everything had been going so well, and then wham, out of nowhere she was talking about leaving. It wasn’t as if he had expected her to stay here forever...

  Okay, so maybe a part of him was thinking she’d love Stone Gap and the kids and working for him so much that she would stay. And he could date her, and maybe, just maybe find the future he never thought he could have again.

  Realistically, he’d known deep down inside that she’d have to go back to Atlanta someday. She’d mentioned it a couple times before, but he hadn’t really listened—or hadn’t wanted to listen.

  Only an idiot thought a CPA would be happy as a nanny, along with the drastic pay cut the job entailed. Of course she’d want to go back to her career, and it only made sense to return to the place where all her contacts lived, making it easier to find a new job. But still...

  Lunchtime rolled around, and Sam debated going home and seeing Katie and Henry. Then a text from Colton asked if he wanted to meet the Barlow boys for lunch downtown, and Sam said yes. Maybe a few minutes with Colton would pull Sam out of this distracted mood. Or maybe a part of him was hoping her brother would give him a little insight into Katie’s mind.

  Colton was already sitting at a table for five when Sam arrived. He dropped into the chair beside Colton and put his phone in the space beside his plate. Hopefully, five minutes would go by without a call or text. “Hey, Colton, how are you?” Sam asked.

  “Doing great. Making wedding plans with Rachel. I know more about calla lilies and tulle than any man should.” He grinned that goofy grin that only a man in love would wear.

  “That’s great.” Sam clapped him on the shoulder. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks. She’s amazing.” Colton took a sip of his coffee. “Speaking of amazing women, is it true you’re dating my sister?”

  Direct and to the point. Sam couldn’t avoid the question any more than he could avoid Colton’s probing gaze. Protective older brother to the rescue.

  “We...spent time together,” Sam said, since he wasn’t quite sure if last night qualified as a date. And considering she’d already essentially ended things between them, it wouldn’t be fair to call it dating.

  Except a part of him had been dating her and still wanted to. The same part that ached right now like he’d lost a limb.

  Colton arched a brow. “Della says you two have spent lots of time together.”

  Sam scowled. That was the problem with small towns. Everyone knew everything. “Okay, yes, we went out last night. Then she told me she has to go back to Atlanta soon.”

  “Yup. Not surprising my little sister panicked when you got close.” Colton sipped his coffee and took a few minutes to speak again. “One thing you should know about Katie—she’s strong on the outside, but soft as a marshmallow inside. She had a tough life growing up, and I think that makes her scared to settle down. Hell, I was scared, too, until I met Rachel.”

  Sam nodded. “She told me a little about her childhood.”

  “It was rough.” Colton waved off the waitress’s offer of a refill. “Our mother wasn’t the motherly type at all. She would often forget to pick Katie up from school or leave her behind at the store, or just plain ignore her. I did my best to pick up the slack, but you know, I was the older brother and a kid myself. I had my own things going on. I wish I’d done more, been there more.” He sighed.

  “Katie thinks you’re awesome,” Sam said. The close relationship between brother and sister was obvious. It made Sam miss Dylan. Maybe it wasn’t too late to patch things up with his wayward brother. “Katie has had nothing but the best things to say about you.”

  Colton ducked his head, a small smile on his face. “Thanks. That means a lot.”

  “No problem.” Praise from guy to guy was always an awkward thing, so Sam studied the menu for a moment while Colton drank some coffee and the moment ebbed.

  Sam half expected Colton to say something like “How about those Pacers?” but instead he returned to the subject of his sister. “Deep in her heart, my sister really wants the white-picket-fence life. She even came close to having it once. But then she got her heart broken, and things sort of...fell apart for her. If you ask me, that’s made her twice as gun-shy,” Colton said. “She’d kill me for talking about her, but I think you’re good for her, and I’d hate to see anything mess that up.”

  Things sort of...fell apart. Whatever those things were, Sam was pretty sure it was part of Katie’s reluctance to get involved, her breaking it off. “It’s too late. She broke up with me and is definitely going back to Atlanta.”

  Colton let out a long sigh. “Between you and me, I think she hates living in Atlanta, and I think living here would be great for her.”

  “But...?” Sam prompted, when Colton paused.

  “But if she’s scared, she’s going to run and hide in her work or something else. All I’m saying is don’t give up on her, okay? She’s been through a lot, and some of that was fairly recent.”

/>   Before Sam had a chance to respond or ask what Colton meant by that, Colton’s brothers ambled in and dropped into the other three chairs. Mac, Luke and Jack all had the same dark hair and blue eyes as Colton, and except for the few differences that age brought to their features, they could have passed as quadruplets. “Now we know your standards have dropped, Sam, if you’re hanging around with this character.” Jack gave Sam a gentle slug on the shoulder.

  “Hey, hey,” Colton said. “Who says it’s not my standards that have dropped since I got you three as brothers?”

  Luke grinned. “Because we’re the cool ones.”

  Sam scoffed. “That was in high school.” Luke had been the quarterback, Jack the popular one and Mac the high achiever. Sam had been the geeky one in band and architecture classes. The Barlow boys had always been good guys, though, even in high school.

  Luke laughed. “True. Glory days are behind us and all that. How are you doing, Sam?”

  “Good, good.” Sam didn’t get into the emotional roller coaster he’d ridden in the months after his wife died. They were guys. They talked around things instead of about them.

  The men exchanged small talk for a little while, talking about their jobs, football and the Yankees chances of making it to the World Series this year. Mac talked about his plans for the solar company he was running with his fiancée, Savannah, and Luke bragged about the painting his daughter, Maddy, had exhibited in the school art show. Jack got the most ribbing, for his life as a newly married man and the little house by the lake that he was fixing up for him and Meri to live in. She was just getting her photography company off the ground, working some with Rachel, who was back to doing wedding planning while she worked part-time at her father’s hardware store and planned her own wedding to Colton.

  Sam marveled at how well all the brothers got along, how the entire Barlow family seemed to bond with each other, as did their wives. He missed his brother, and made a mental vow to track Dylan down and find a way to get together soon. Dylan rarely lingered in one spot, and his contact with his family was sporadic at best.