The Portrait of Elizabeth

by Jane Angwin

  As he rode back to Netherfield, he realized that there were too many coincidences, and there must be a purpose to this trip to Netherfield. He did not know if these unexplained experiences were the work of some mystical message from his mother or perhaps the workings of his own heart crying out for more in his life, but he could not ignore what was happening to him. He recalled those haunting words his mother had uttered to him on her deathbed - "I want you to know that I will always be with you, watching over you. If it is in my power, even in the afterlife, I will guide you toward the happiness you deserve." He had thought it was just loving words that a dying mother would say to her son, but now it seemed as if it was actually happening. It was most unlikely, and he knew it, but he was tired of trying to make sense of it.

  He slowly walked Omega back through the barren fields and thought about how he had been tending to his responsibilities and the strict requirements of society for so long that he had ignored his own desire for companionship and happiness. He thought about his life since his father died, and how he given up the hopes and dreams of his youth to satisfy society's expectations of being the first born son. He thought about his interrupted Grand Tour and the places he had yet to see. He thought about how he had only concentrated on the requirements of those who depended on him instead of on himself, and he thought about how empty and alone he truly was. Perhaps it was time to step back from the heavy weight of the responsibilities he had assumed to think about his own wishes. Yes, his tenants depended on him, but he had made sure they were all doing well, and any complaints or problems could be properly handled by Mr. Grover. Yes, his sister's spirits were low and she was still much too timid, but perhaps their new friends at Pemberley could give her new enjoyment to help lift her out of the darkness. She had actually seemed cheerful when he left her. And yes, his wealth was steadily growing due to decisions and wise investments he had made, and there was no need to worry about his future.

  Once again he pondered the reality that it was his responsibility to provide an heir for Pemberley to continue its centuries old legacy, but that meant finding a wife, and he had found no woman that he wished to marry. He was well aware of the fact that there were many women available to him, but he hated the spectacle of the marriage market during the season in London. He could attend a hundred balls and dance with all the eligible ladies at every single one, and he knew that he would not find the woman that would truly make him happy. He wanted a marriage like he saw with his own parents, one of true love and deep respect. One of differing opinions and intelligent conversations. One of laughter and tears, but with a confidence that no matter what, theirs was a solid relationship without fear of apathy or anger. Was this too much to ask for?

  He thought again about the last day of his mother's life and the things she had said to him. "Be true only to yourself, son. Do not abide by the strict rules of society when looking for love. There is a perfect woman out there for you, my darling boy, and one who will love you for yourself and not for your name and what you own." He desperately wanted all these things, but what was stopping him? What was holding him back? Where was this person he so desperately wanted to find? How could it possibly be here in this small village through a broken fence at the end of a pathway in the woods? How could it possibly be here among people far below his place in society? Could he really listen to his mother's words and betray his aunts and his uncle and all of society by ignoring the rules he was expected to abide by? He knew that not choosing a wife from the acceptable faction of society would cause such a stir that he would face disgrace for himself and the complete rejection of his wife. He also knew that it would cause his sister to be rejected by proper suitors not wanting to be associated with the Darcy scandal, and that bothered him the most. He didn't want her to be harmed in any way by his selfishness, and for that reason alone, he knew that he must do the right thing. By the time he arrived back at Netherfield, he still had no answer to these gnawing questions. "I must just be still and see where this journey leads. I have no choice but to keep my eyes open and allow my future to enfold as it should," he thought to himself.

  He entered the house through the back staircase and returned to his chambers. Gregory was waiting for him with a hot bath just drawn, and it was a welcome respite. Darcy never could figure out how Gregory knew when he would require a bath to sooth his anxieties. It took time for the servants to carry large tubs of hot water to his chambers, and yet it was always there, and always hot. He relaxed the tight muscles in his body and closed his eyes to stop the questions milling about in his head. "Just be still" he repeated to himself. "Just be still."

  After the bath, Gregory shaved him and then helped him to dress. Darcy chose his finest waistcoat and beige breeches, and Gregory tied a perfect knot in his cravat. He noticed a faraway look on his master's face and inquired about his distraction. "Are you well, Sir? Has something occurred to concern you?" They had been together for so long that Darcy did not mind that Gregory took such liberties to ask personal questions when he saw fit to do so. Gregory was always discreet and nothing discussed between the two men would ever be repeated. He considered his position to not only be Darcy's valet, but in many cases, his confidant, and he took his relationship with the young man very seriously.

  "No, Gregory, I am well enough. I just did not sleep too well during the night. I thought I heard sounds in my sitting room during the night." Gregory nodded at Darcy, understanding what could have caused his sleeplessness, and he offered to stay in the sitting room all night to be sure that no one entered by "accident". "No, I could not ask you to do that Gregory, as you need your sleep too. I have taken precautions on my side of the door, and I feel quite secure." Darcy sat down on the bed and Gregory assisted him with his boots. "I just ask that if you see or hear Miss Bingley somewhere she should not be, please alert me to her presence." Gregory nodded, and Darcy left the room to find Bingley.

  Darcy and Bingley met in the breakfast room and sat down to break their fast. "What say you to going to Longbourn with me this morning, Darcy?" Bingley asked. "I am quite anxious to meet our new neighbors. I went into town yesterday afternoon, and from what the townsfolk tell me, the two eldest Bennett girls are the loveliest girls in the entire valley. The three younger girls were not spoken of as highly, as one of them is said to be quite prim and not terribly interesting, and the two youngest are a bit wild. I was told that their mother has allowed them to go to assemblies and dance even at their young age, and they walk to town alone and flirt with the militia that is recently stationed in Meryton. I find that quite unusual, don't you, Darcy?" Not waiting for an answer, he continued "And the comments about their mother were not very kind either. She has quite a reputation for voicing her concerns about the entail on their property going to some distant male cousin, and that she must have her girls marry to save her from being thrown out of Longbourn when Mr. Bennett dies. Poor Mr. Bennett. He seems to be such a fine gentleman, and to have such goings on in his home must be a trial. It must be difficult having five daughters, don't you agree, Darcy?" He finally stopped his lengthy commentary and looked at Darcy for an answer.

  "Yes, I suppose so, Bingley. But just be careful that Mrs. Bennett doesn't immediately claim you for one of her daughters. She sounds like one of the desperate mothers of the ton in London, and I can assure you, it is awkward and downright dangerous. Perhaps we shouldn't be so hasty to visit them today. From the way it sounds, you are exactly what this woman is looking for."

  "Yes, well I think I can handle myself, Darcy. Do not be concerned. I have been the subject of interest of many mothers and their daughters in town, although coming from trade I do not create the same excitement as you when I walk into an assembly. Nevertheless, I still would like to return Mr. Bennett's call today. It is the polite thing to do. Why don't you join me, just to repay Mr. Bennett's kindness toward you."

  Darcy hesitated, but knew that it would be impolite to decline. "Fine, I will go with you. I doubt if your sisters have any desire
to join you, so I will keep you company."

  "Good Morning, Mr. Darcy!" Miss Bingley said as she dramatically entered the room, swishing her skirt as she rounded the table to sit next to him, totally ignoring her brother. "I am delighted to see that you have returned from your ride!" She placed her hand on his arm and looked at him through her lashes. "And you are looking quite handsome this morning, I must say! How lovely of you to wear the green waistcoat that I so adore."

  "And how did you know that I rode out this morning, Miss Bingley?" Darcy asked, removing her hand from his arm and reaching for his coffee.

  "Well, I happened to be looking out my window this morning, and I saw you leaving quite early." Darcy knew that she couldn't have seen him from her window, but he said nothing about it.

  Bingley looked at Caroline with an incredulous look. "Caroline, you never rise before noon. Whatever were you doing looking out your window at that hour? And what, pray tell, are you doing here in the breakfast room so early?"

  Caroline blanched at his question, and stammered, "I couldn't sleep last night and was just sitting by my window when I saw Darcy ride out. I knew that I couldn't go back to bed, so I just decided to get up and dress for the day. I have been reading in my room. You know how I dearly love to read."

  "Why couldn't you sleep Caroline?" I have never known you unable to sleep soundly, and you always sleep well past breakfast. And no, I was not aware that you enjoyed reading. I have never seen you pick up a book."

  Ignoring the comment about reading, she whined, "I hate the mattress on my bed, Charles. You simply cannot take this estate with the beds being so horribly uncomfortable. I was up all night tossing and turning."

  Darcy knew that there was another reason for her insomnia. He knew she was the one that jiggled his doorknob in the hall, and he felt certain that she was likely in the sitting room next to his bedroom, trying unsuccessfully to enter while he slept. And then she was probably hiding in the hallway watching him leave his room to go down the back stairway. This was unacceptable, and he had to make this visit to Netherfield short before she managed some unfortunate encounter.

  Bingley wiped his mouth with his napkin and said "Darcy, are you ready to leave?"

  Caroline stood from her chair and said "Yes, let us be on our way." Both Darcy and Bingley looked at her with surprise.

  "I had no idea you were interested in meeting any of our potential neighbors, Caroline. What has changed your mind?"

  "Louisa and I took the carriage into town yesterday afternoon and made inquiries about the Bennetts. Several people mentioned that two of the girls are the beauties of the village, and I want to evaluate their assessment for myself. I also hear that the rest of the family is rather eccentric and apparently the mother is quite mad. I feel this visit will be most entertaining."

  Darcy knew that the real reason she was joining her brother to visit the Bennetts was most likely to make sure Charles did not fall for one of them, as he often quickly fell in love with lovely women, but just as quickly fell out of love. She also undoubtedly did not want the Bennett mother try to claim him as a son-in-law. Darcy felt certain that Miss Bingley would find fault with everything about the Bennett family, especially the "two beauties", and would do everything she could to embarrass him and to discourage him. This visit would be interesting indeed.

  The three of them climbed into Bingley's carriage and traveled the three miles to Longbourn. Miss Bingley took the seat next to Darcy, much closer than was necessary. Whenever she spoke, which was often even on the short ride, she put her hand on his arm, implying an intimacy that Darcy did not want . He tried to ignore her by looking out the window. Darcy realized that the country road that he had found through the clearing in the woods was in fact the same road that they had taken from Meryton to Netherfield on their first day. It was a road that led from Netherfield to Meryton in one direction and to Longbourn in the other direction. They made the trip quite easily, and before they knew it, they were pulling up to the red house Darcy had already seen on his morning rides. He felt an odd sense of anxiety at actually being there and finally entering the house. There could possibly be something there that he was supposed to find, and he hoped it was today.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Elizabeth's Mishap

  It was always a little difficult trying not to slip and fall down the hill from Oakham Mount, but without fail, Elizabeth always managed to make it down safely - until today. As she began her careful descent, her foot slipped out from underneath her on a slippery leaf, and down she went, landing hard on her backside. She slid down the rest of the steep hill in the dirt, trying to slow her fall with her hands and digging her heels into the dirt, but nothing stopped her until she reached the bottom. As she came to a stop, she sat perfectly still for a moment, stunned at what had happened. She looked down at her hands that were covered with mud and twigs and slowly stood up to see if she had hurt herself. Nothing seemed to be amiss except for some cuts on her palms and the back of her legs, but the entire back of her red coat was covered with dirt, and her boots were caked with mud from trying to slow her slide. She also couldn't find her bonnet, and she knew that would be the final thing to send her mother over the edge. "Oh dear," she said. "Now look what I have done." I will be banished to my room for a week, and I will never hear the end of this." She brushed herself off the best she could, but the dirt was everywhere. "Perhaps I should go to the stream and try to wash myself off before I go home," she thought.

  She trudged along, noticing that her legs were weak from the fall, but she tried to walk much quicker than she had on her way to Oakham Mount. She took a detour through the trees to the stream that she visited so often, and when she finally arrived, she leaned over, putting her hands in the water, washing off the dirt and the remnants of the twigs and leaves between her fingers. She then removed her shoes and her coat and dipped them up and down in the water to wash them off. She placed them on the bank and carefully waded into the stream to clean her legs and feet, placing her left foot on a rock to bend down and rub off the dirt. The rock was slippery, and once again, she lost her balance, this time falling face forward into the stream. The stream was fairly shallow, so she was able to roll over and sit on the bottom of the stream with the water up to her chin. She was momentarily stunned at her second act of clumsiness, but she then began to laugh. She laughed so hard it hurt her sides, and she knew that this was the end of her freedom for not just a week, but probably forever. She carefully stood up and climbed back up the bank of the stream. Her clothing was soaked through, her hair was drenched, and there was nothing around to dry off with. She removed her stockings and slipped her bare feet into her soggy boots, collecting her wet and still muddy coat. She could hear the "squish, squish" sound inside her boots, as she walked, and once again, she started to laugh. She tried twisting her skirt and petticoats to wring out the water as best she could, but she knew there was nothing she could do about her appearance. She prayed that she could use the back door of Longbourn, entering into the kitchen where Mrs. Simpson might somehow help her before her mother saw her.

  As she approached the clearing and could see her house, there sitting in the front outside their gate was a beautiful black carriage with two horses and a driver sitting on top. "Oh no," she said. "Our visitors are here. There is no way I can make it up the stairs to change my clothes without them seeing me. " She darted across the road and was just about to run to the side of the house to go to the kitchen, when she heard her mother yelling "Lizzy, where have you been? We have guests from Netherfield, and we have been waiting for you!" Lizzy slowed down and turned to her mother who had come out the front door. "Oh my Lord, child. Look at you! You are soaking wet! And you are covered with mud! Lord help me, why do you have your stockings in your hand?" She began wringing her hands and wailing, not realizing or caring that the visitors inside could undoubtedly hear every word. "Oh, my poor nerves! Good heavens, look at your hair! And where is your bonnet?"

  Her mother
was so distraught she was gasping like a dying fish, so Lizzy turned again and ran to the backdoor into the kitchen. Mrs. Simpson was baking a pie, but when she saw Lizzy, she stood with her mouth open, not making a sound. She had seen all of the girls' escapades through the years, and nothing surprised her, so she gently took her arm and moved Lizzy into the pantry and started helping her remove her wet things. "Oh, Miss Lizzy! What in the world happened to you? Never mind, it matters not. Just let me run and fetch Mrs. Hill to get you some dry clothes and a towel to dry your hair. She left Lizzy standing in the pantry, dripping and shivering. Her only hope was to be locked in the pantry without ever meeting the visitors from Netherfield.

  Mrs. Hill had not yet returned with the needed clothing and shoes, but Mrs. Simpson came back into the pantry and tried helping to dry her unruly curls. "Lizzy, you look a fright. Your hair is so thick that it will not dry in time. I do not know what to do about your hair!"

  "Please, Mrs. Simpson. Just put leave me here and tell me when they are gone" Lizzy said. "I cannot go out looking like this."

  Just then, Fanny barged into the pantry and grabbed Elizabeth's arm. "Come with me this instant, Elizabeth. You look horrid, but It doesn't matter. They are not here to court you, but just to meet our family. I will tell them that you fell in the stream." Lizzy laughed, because that was, of course, quite obvious.