Abram [Wounded Hearts 1] (Siren Publishing Classic ManLove)

by Fel Fern

  Back in the army, Abram had seen other shifter units, how the commander had to take responsibility when one of his own turned more animal than human. It was a painful duty, to end the life of someone they’d served with, seen the same horrors of war with, but Abram would do it if it really came to it.

  A shifter that turned rogue, who didn’t possess any human consciousness left, was a danger to those closest to him and the public. Besides, that individual wouldn’t want to go out knowing he or she had been reduced to a beast with a thirst for bloodshed.

  The old him would have shoved or beat some sense into Dusty. He had feeling violence wasn’t the answer now, so he tried another tactic.

  “Dusty, you’re young. Things are only going to get any better.” Jesus. When did he become this positive, optimistic person? Kane’s cheerful determination had started to rub off on him, but he didn’t mind.

  “What the fuck, Abram? That little kitty you’re fucking turned you soft. Why’d you allow that?”

  With a snarl, he shoved Dusty to the nearest wall. The mug flew out of Dusty’s hands, shattering to a dozen pieces on the floor. He caged Dusty, the lion in him enraged. Shit. Abram wanted to try talking first. Kane might have calmed his lion, but it was still savage, still could go off without warning, and right now, the beast sneered at the word “soft.” The lion wasn’t soft. It was king of the jungle, the top predator…except that was no longer true either.

  “Take those words back, or I’ll rip out your throat,” he hissed out the words.

  “Can you?” Dusty dared him with his yellow eyes. “Sometimes, I hate you, Abram. It would have been better if you’d let all of us die that day. My entire body was awash in pain, my leopard howled inside of me, broken, but all I heard was your voice, shouting at us to live.”

  Those words stung. Abram pulled back. Was Dusty right? Did he have any right telling a man to live because dying wasn’t an option?

  Dusty wore a look of grim satisfaction on his face, as if he’d proven his point. “I knew it. You’re not man enough anymore.”

  “Get the fuck out of here before I rip my claws into you and show you what it’s like, tangling with the king of the jungle.”

  Dusty shook his head. “You’re not king of anything, not anymore.”

  Then the fucker just walked away and whatever curses Abram spewed back at him were lost. Dusty gave him the finger and slammed the door shut behind him. Abram sank to the floor, his entire body shaking with rage. It took every bit of him, to prevent his lion from exploding out of his skin and chasing after Dusty.

  Teach that cat a lesson in humility. Rip out his throat and prove you’re still on top of the food chain.

  His teeth clattered, lengthened into canines, and a roar tore out of him. Abram should call Mike and Grover, tell them about Dusty, but at that moment, controlling his lion sapped all of his strength. He shut his eyes and that made things worse, because the demons he worked so hard to keep at bay started whispering in his ear. He no longer saw his apartment. Abram was transported back to the past.

  * * * *

  Seeing Mike’s striped form running up ahead of him pushed his lion to go even faster. Goddamn it, Abram was their leader, their commander. His men relied on him for his strategic insight, admired him for always making contingency plans, save for this time. Fuck. They were all supposed to go home after this last mission, go back to being civilians, and turn into old men together, talking about glories of the past and forgetting the deeds they hadn’t been proud of.

  None of his men were supposed to die. With a roar, he pushed himself harder, paws crunching on coarse sand. He’d grown to hate the sand and sun, living each day looking over his shoulder. Mike wanted to fix things with his ex. Dusty planned on finishing the degree he never got to, and Grover wanted to use up all his savings and buy a boat to sail around the world, and him? Abram wanted to settle down.

  He’d begun fantasizing about finding his ideal mate, building a home together, and having kids in the future. The whole nine yards. It was a secret dream he’d held close to his heart. Because it was a dream, he imagined his mate wouldn’t give a shit about his past or his sins. His mate would accept him for who he was, flaws and all.

  Now, as he panted and the muscles in his paws cramped to reach the base, those dreams seemed to be getting further and further from his grasp. They’d reached the checkpoint now. No one manned it. The soldiers on duty probably ran to the source of the smoke, the first bomb, because he had a sickening feeling those were bomber planes.

  He had to get to his men first. Abram raced past Mike, but knew his second-in-command followed him swiftly. He led the way back to their campsite where his men were stationed. Chaos everyone. Refugees who took shelter at the base ran with their families and friends, some taking their belongings with them. Soldiers shouted at them and at each other to evacuate.

  Abram knew they would do their jobs. He spotted Grover and Dusty, helping a mother and injured daughter to one of the waiting trucks. Larry was nearby, too, quickly bandaging the wound of an old man. They reached Grover and Dusty.

  A bad feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Grover returned for the old man and once the man was in the truck, the truck rolled away.

  Seeing them, Dusty spoke up. “We should search the site and see if there’s anyone left behind.”

  Abram was about to turn to human, because a huge lion might do more harm than good, when he heard the hum of airplane engines again. He roared at his men and Grover, Dusty, and Wayne reached for their animal halves. Better to run on all four paws than two. The deafening hum of propellers reached his ears now and a shadow fell across them.

  Some of the people remaining there stared upward, shocked into stillness. Time slowed to a crawl and Abram spun, heart racing as the planes each dropped one of its packages. His men hadn’t completed the shift when his entire world erupted into light and sound.

  Abram blacked out, but the next time he woke, bright orange and yellow flames licked at the corners of his vision. Fire. He forced himself to his feet, but every inch of him hurt, especially one of his front paws. He dared looked down, panic setting off in him when he saw the dozens of sharp shrapnel sticking out of his left paw, his arm.

  It took him a second to realize the metal fragments weren’t just steel, but had silver mixed in it. Abram refused to think about what was going to happen. Instead, he searched for his men. Spotting Wayne first, he dragged his sorry self to the only submissive shifter in his unit. Wayne lay on his side and when Abram turned him over, numbness settled over his body. No life flickered inside Wayne.

  Although Abram didn’t want to leave Wayne, he knew the planes might return to finish off the job they started. He wildly looked around for the rest and saw Mike dragging his powerful, striped body from underneath a collapsed piece of pole. Then he saw the twisted angle of Mike’s back legs, metal bits embedded into them.

  He let out a furious roar and two snarls answered him. Abram turned his head, seeking the source. Dusty lay a few feet away, making pained noises. Blood leaked from his ears. Grover didn’t fare any better, because metal stuck where they shouldn’t be on his face.

  Abram breathed in and out. They were all alive, save for Wayne.

  He didn’t think, because some of them still looked like they were in a state of shock. Dusty looked like his inner leopard was going to tear him to shreds, only able to focus on the pain. He was their leader and he had to encourage them that staying alive was their number one priority, even though he knew things would never be the same.

  So Abram roared again, putting all his energy, his strength into it, the way an Alpha werewolf would call the wolves bound to him. Mike followed him. Grover, even blind, followed the direction of his roar.

  Dusty, though, kept thrashing on the ground and he had a bad feeling Dusty could no longer hear him. Abram used his teeth and dragged Dusty with him. All four of them made the agonizing journey out of the campsite, far enough in the sands only to he
ar the buzzing of the planes, ready to drop their last set of bombs.

  Chapter Nine

  Worry nagged at Kane when Abram didn’t reply to his last two texts. Kane tried again.

  Kane: Is everything ok?

  Kane told himself to calm down, that Abram was probably busy with a client. Sometimes Abram extended work-out sessions for free. His mate was selfless that way. Kane hurried on, walking out of the clinic and choosing the shortest path to his mate. Reaching Hard Bodies, the gym Abram worked at, he entered, taking a couple of seconds to catch his breath. Kane had practically been running, he realized.

  The receptionist, Sally, was used to him by now because Kane always came by the gym to meet Abram for lunch. Abram used to work part-time but now had become a full-time trainer.

  “Hi, Kane,” Sally greeted.

  “Is Abram still with a client?”

  “Abram didn’t come in today. I tried reaching him, but he hasn’t replied. I wanted to ask you if he took a personal day. Mr. Jenkins won’t make a fuss about it, but…” She hesitated and probably noticed the look of panic on his face at those words. “Is something going on?”

  Abram didn’t come in? Kane thought back to his last communication with his mate. It was morning when Abram promised to meet him for lunch. Kane tried to think logically, then realized Sally still looked at him with concern. Mr. Jenkins was the gym owner and Abram’s boss, so he needed to come up with an excuse.

  “He’s not been feeling well this morning. Maybe he forgot to call. Will you tell Mr. Jenkins my apologies?” he asked.

  “Of course. Tell Abram to take good care of himself, okay? He’s really one of our valuable trainers. Since he specializes in helping army vets get into shape, we’ve gotten a spike in customers.”

  “I see. I’ll tell that to Abram. He’ll be happy.”

  “He’s happy with you,” Sally said softly. “None of us has ever seen him smile since he started working here, but you’ve changed him, Kane. Thank you for that. At one time, Mr. Jenkins was really worried about Abram, that Abram would do something dangerous like harming himself one of these days.”

  Kane didn’t know what to say to that. His inner tabby was proud of having Abram as a mate. Abram had been doing so well lately, too, but something must have happened today. It could be a number of things. He knew those suffering from PTSD could sometimes have attacks triggered by memories of the past, and Abram still had pretty intense nightmares. Thanking Sally, he left the gym in a hurry.

  Where would Abram go?

  Remembering he had Mike’s number, he called the tiger shifter. Abram had given him Mike’s number, in case of an emergency, although the one time the three of them had lunch together, Mike had unnerved him. It was only natural Mike was protective of Abram, who was like a brother, but he had a sneaking suspicion Mike didn’t like him much. Abram told him not to take it too hard, that Mike didn’t trust easily, but he didn’t know who else to call.

  “What?” Mike sounded drunk on the phone, slurring that one word. It took a lot of alcohol for a shifter to get drunk, and it was still early in the day to drink, but who was Kane to judge?

  “Mike, it’s Kane. Um, Abram’s mate?”

  Mike snorted. “Mate?”

  Kane pushed his annoyance aside. He didn’t give two shits about what Mike thought of it. Mike thought he would run out on Abram. Thinking back, Abram had thought the same. It took Kane time to realize both Abram and Mike shared the same insecurities about being broken shifters, that no one would choose to stick around them. Abram, at least, no longer thought that, but today really worried him.

  What if something did set Abram off and Sally was right, that Abram would hurt himself, or worse, hurt others? Abram would never do that. He knew that Abram would kill himself first rather than harm another living soul though.

  No. He shouldn’t be thinking like this. He had absolute faith in his mate.

  “Look, I need to find Abram. He didn’t turn up for work today and I’m really worried.”

  Silence on the other end.

  Kane continued, “Mike, please. Is he with you?”

  “No. I haven’t spoken to Abram since two days ago.”

  Kane nearly unraveled at those words. He prevented himself from showing any weakness, because a dominant shifter could sense that and Mike might decide not to help him. “Do you know where he could be?”

  “Was there something different about him today?”

  “He seemed fine when I left for work this morning and he texted me to meet for lunch, but he didn’t reply to my other texts.”

  “Where are you?” Mike asked, suddenly sounding concerned and sober.

  “Outside Hard Bodies.”

  “Wait there. I’m coming with you.”

  Relieved, he ended the call. Ten minutes later, Mike arrived by cab. The tiger shifter opened the door. He held it open about to ask Mike if Mike needed help with his crutches, then decided to shut his mouth. Mike might take offense so he merely waited until Mike got himself out.

  Once the cab drove away, Mike said, “Thanks.”

  “For what?”

  “For not asking if you can help me out. People see the crutches and think I can’t do shit on my own.”

  “Abram’s the same. I’ve learned to step back unless he asks.”

  Mike studied him awhile longer, like he was seeing Kane for the first time. “You really care about him, don’t you?”

  Kane was affronted. “I don’t just care about him, I love him. Abram’s my mate and I’m sticking with him until I drive him crazy.”

  It was the first time he heard Mike laugh and he had a feeling Mike wasn’t the kind of guy who laughed often.

  “Okay, let’s get down to business and put our heads together to find our lost lion together.”

  * * * *

  They went by a couple of places, mostly where Abram and he liked to hang out, like the park they sometimes ate their lunches at or their favorite coffee. When they came up with nothing, a thought occurred to Kane.

  “Shit, I never thought to check Abram’s apartment.”

  Mike frowned at him. “You mean, he might have never left his place?”

  “Come on.” It was a short walk to Abram’s place and Mike surprised him by keeping up with his pace. Finally entering Abram’s building, they took the lift but Kane was impatient. He shifted from one foot to the next.

  “Relax, Abram’s tough as nails.”

  “I know that but I can’t help it.” Abram wasn’t invulnerable though and that worried Kane. The elevator doors opened and he sprang out, spare key already in hand. His tabby confirmed Abram was there. He opened the door, seeing the shattered mug on the floor first before seeing the large, golden lion sprawled over the dining table, missing one paw, but no less dangerous.

  Abram had never shifted since his discharge, Kane knew. Abram was afraid once he did, Abram would remain forever in lion form. His heart stilled. Fear clamped his throat shut. It felt like they’d walked into a nightmare. Just that morning, he’d woken up with Abram’s dick buried in him and Abram murmuring sweet words against his ear.

  Once or twice, Abram had nipped at the side of his neck and he hoped, not for the first time, that today, Abram would finally make Kane his. He’d been a little disappointed but knew it was better to wait.

  What if Abram’s fears came true, that Abram wouldn’t turn back to human anymore? Kane could only feel the beast now and he was terrified.

  “Shit,” Mike whispered behind him.

  Abram must have heard it because feral golden eyes opened and Abram swished his long, graceful tail to and fro like a pendulum. He shivered, seeing nothing but aggression and violence in those eyes, but Kane refused to give up on his mate.

  He took one step forward. Abram growled, the sound making the walls vibrate and Mike grabbed his shoulder.

  “Kane, I don’t think this is a good idea. Abram’s no longer in there.”

  “No, he’s there. He was fine this mo
rning,” he whispered.

  The enormous lion raised his head now, watching them the way a predator did while deciding who was easier prey, who was better to eat.

  “Kane, he can really be dead. I suggest you run and leave him to me,” Mike whispered.

  The big cat jumped off the table. Abram moved like his missing paw didn’t bother him at all. He swallowed. Running away seemed absurd. At this rate, no matter how good Mike was, Abram could charge at Mike before Mike could finish shifting.

  “I’ll be fine. Abram would never hurt me,” he said with confidence he didn’t exactly feel.

  If there was one thing Kane learned though, it was that it was never wise to turn one’s back on a predator.

  “It’s no longer Abram-the-man in there.”

  “You’re wrong.” Tears welled at the corner of his eyes. “Abram’s not gone. I’ll prove it.”

  He shoved Mike’s hand away and instead of running for his life, he spread his arms, showing Abram he wasn’t armed, and closed the distance between them.

  Chapter Ten

  Kane never felt more scared in his entire life. It was hard to imagine this graceful, frightening creature capable of ending his life if he made one wrong move as sharing the same body as his protective but caring mate. Still, he refused to give up now. Mates were for life and he was lucky enough to find his.

  Abram opened his mouth, flashing long canines when Kane reached out with one hand. Every second and action counted. If he pulled his hand away, his offering of peace, Abram might take it badly. He’d watched lions on the National Geographic channel, but knew Abram could even be more lethal.