Alexa O'Brien 05 - Death Wish

by Trina M. Lee

  The night he spoke of had been hell for me. Kale and I had run into trouble, and then I’d returned to Raoul’s after getting my ass kicked to find him playing with Belle, the pack tramp. Shaz had been the only thing that kept me from clawing her eyes out that night.

  “You know I’d forgive you anything, right?” I squeezed his hand with a sudden desperation to never let go. “Even doing something stupid with an FPA spy.”

  He nodded and averted his eyes. “I wouldn’t blame you or Arys if you decide to take her out. I’ve never felt like such an idiot.”

  That special moment of in-between fell upon us. To the west, the sky remained dark with the final touch of night. Upon the eastern horizon, a golden glow began to grow. Night and day shared the sky. That brief moment was so often overlooked but poignant and beautiful.

  We sat in silence, holding hands and watching the sun chase the moon from sight. I would have given just about anything to make time stop, trapping us forever like that. I was torn between the desire to cry and the need to never shed a tear, to simply numb it all out. I doubted my ability to function without this man. He had always been there, but now he was leaving.

  Dumbfounded. That’s how I felt when the sun was high in the sky, and I realized time had betrayed me. Shaz stood and pulled me up with him. Wrapping his arms around me, he nuzzled my face with his, and then the dam broke.

  The sudden onslaught of tears crippled me. I slid a hand into his hair and held him close. Silent sobs wracked my body. I had wanted to save my tears for after he’d gone, when I was alone. So much for that plan.

  “Aw, Lex. Please don’t cry. It’s killing me to do this. I have to. So I can be what you need when I come back.” Shaz swiped a thumb through my tears. They were crystal clear drops, a small blessing in such an excruciating moment.

  “Go and do what you need to do.” I sniffed and choked on a sob. “I’ll be ok. Promise you won’t worry about me. Focus on what’s best for you. No matter what.”

  He kissed me, a tender press of his lips to mine. I threw my arms around his neck and let my passion pour forth. If this were our last kiss, it would be a damn great one.

  When at last our lips parted, I was as ready as I would ever be to watch him walk out of my life. I couldn’t shake the deep-rooted fear that he may never return.

  “I should get you back to Arys’s.” Shaz turned to go, but I remained rooted to the spot.

  “I think I’m going to walk. I just need some time alone. It’s fine, really.”

  “Sure. I get it.” His gaze dropped to our joined hands. “I should go. I don’t want to, though.”

  I gave him a playful shove and forced a brittle smile that felt as if it would shatter any second. “Go on. Get out of here. The mountains await you.”

  Still, he wouldn’t go. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, staring uncertainly across the park. “This is the part where I ask you to come with me, and you tell me that you can’t.”

  A fresh wave of tears threatened to spill from my eyes. “In a perfect world, we’d have been out of here a long time ago. You know I can’t do that. Not with Lilah and my sister.”

  “And Arys,” Shaz added, nodding knowingly. “Yeah, I know. I could never ask you to turn your back on everything. You’re needed here.”

  He kissed me again, and I breathed deeply of his scent. Pine and wolf with a hint of cologne. My wolf.

  “Stay safe,” he whispered, resting his forehead against mine. “I love you, Lex.”

  His jade eyes glistened as he lingered momentarily, but he ultimately forced himself to turn around and walk away.

  “I love you, too, wolf boy.”

  I sat back down on the bridge, hugging my knees to my chest. I stared straight down into the water, unable to bring myself to watch him drive away. The sound of his car starting got my heart pounding.

  Only when it had faded into the distance did I let myself completely fall apart.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Whiskey scorched a fiery path down my throat. I slammed the empty glass on the bar and contemplated a refill.

  Josh had given up on keeping me out from behind the bar. He served the patrons and more or less ignored my presence. I made a mental note to give him a raise.

  I didn’t want to be at The Wicked Kiss. I could feel Shaz’s absence like a punch in the gut. Three days wasn’t much, but it felt like ages since he’d left. The hunt for Kale was my only distraction from the gnawing ache.

  The vampire hadn’t made an appearance, which was starting to make me nervous. If he didn’t turn up soon, I’d have Brogan do another locator spell. I hated asking her for favors; involvement with me had gotten her mother killed, and I didn’t want to endanger Brogan, too.

  But, I also didn’t want to hunt Kale like an animal. Maybe he came out of that scary ass hospital in need of some alone time, or maybe they’d driven him too far. Either way, I had to find him, to help him if I could.

  Kale’s past had left him damaged. The vampiress who made him had subjected him to horrible things, gruesome things that he wouldn’t talk about. Kale had fought hard to leave that time in his life behind, but he had always walked a fine line between sane and ape-shit crazy. I suspected the FPA had made him snap. That frightened me. I’d seen Kale go a little nuts; I didn’t want to see him at full madness capacity.

  The FPA claimed to manage supernatural threats. Thus far, their only interest in the supernatural seemed to be recruitment, threats, torture and death; the FPA had proved to be shady and dangerous. I trusted them about as much as I trusted Shya, maybe less. They would be watching me, and I would be wise to return the gesture. Know thy enemy and all that jazz.

  I bypassed the cheap whiskey and grabbed the pricey stuff. The golden liquid went down deliciously smooth. Swirling it in the glass, I watched Crimson Sin with disinterest. The lead singer was a werewolf, which almost explained why the band was willing to play regular shows here.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  I was surprised to see Willow sliding onto the bar stool across from me. Drumming his fingers on the counter, he peered past me to the wall of booze at the back of the bar. His wings were hidden from sight. He was casually dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a ball cap covering his hair. Nothing about his appearance indicated his true nature.

  “Willow, hi. I wouldn’t have expected to see you in a place like this.” I held up the fine whiskey in offering. “Can I get you a drink? It’s on the house, of course.”

  He continued thoughtfully, eyeing the liquor selection. “How about some tequila?”

  The thought of tequila turned my stomach, but I shoved a tray of limes toward him and reached for a bottle, grimacing at the nasty little worm in the bottom. Depositing the bottle and a shot glass in front of him, I hunted for a saltshaker. He waved dismissively and took his first shot without it.

  “So,” he gazed appreciatively at the tequila bottle. “Word on the street is that you and Shya forced the genie back into her lamp, so to speak. She must be pissed.”

  “I stripped her power so Shya could bind her, but only after he offered her my supposedly divine blood to break the curse. She shot down his demand for more power, and that was that.” I shrugged and sipped my drink. “He had to be lying, but she didn’t seem to think so.”

  “About your blood? No, that was the truth. You’re the light of a twin flame union and one of the legendary Hounds. That is divine in a sense. It’s pure and good, even if you yourself are not.”

  I pondered this, turning it over and dismissing it as ludicrous. “I’m not good. Not even close. I have blood on my hands. Innocent blood.”

  “Join the club.” Willow clinked his glass against mine and tossed back the strong booze.

  “How do you do that?” I blurted without thought. “How do you talk like that, as if you’ve accepted it? You don’t deserve to be labeled as one of the bad guys, Willow. I do.”

  He chewed on a lime and regarded me thoughtfully. “I fel
l in love. Knowing that love, for even a short time, it was a gift. I don’t regret it. The repercussions are worth it.”

  I was certain that his lady love would have shared his sentiment. It was endearing and inspiring. Willow had faced heartbreak beyond what I could imagine. Though he sat there drowning his sorrows as surely as most drunks did, he still believed his love was worth his misery.

  “Anyway,” he smiled and held up another shot in a gesture of cheers. “I thought I’d come by and share a friendly drink or ten with you. Figured you could use it.”

  “You wouldn’t be wrong.” I clinked my glass against his and savored the mind-numbing nectar. A roaring drunk might not have been the most responsible way to deal with my feelings, but I could either numb them out or go on a blood bender.

  A small commotion near the door drew my attention. The strong sense of werewolf reached me. I watched the cluster of people in the entry with growing curiosity. Justin broke free of the throng and headed my way.

  Justin was a tall, insanely well-built vampire. Dark skinned with deep brown eyes that glittered with constant bloodlust, he was one of the baddest vampires I knew. Intimidating was an understatement, which was what made him perfect for running security now that Shaz was gone.

  He had openly pledged his loyalty to me when I had asked him if he wanted a job, but I never would dream of any vampire in this city bowing down to me as if I were a queen. Poor Lilah was so desperate to regain an army of minions to do her bidding that she was willing to settle for coercing the undead, most of which were little more than useless blood junkies barely existing from night to night.

  “Alexa, there’s a wolf here insisting she needs to see you. Says she’s your sister.” Justin’s gaze traveled over Willow dismissively before settling on me. “Is that the same sister that dragged our boy Kale out of here? Want me to get rid of her?”

  I groaned and spewed out my favorite cuss words. “No, let her in. Alone. Nobody comes in with her. And, stay in sight. Just in case.”

  Justin tipped his head in acknowledgment and spun on his heel. “You’re the boss.”

  “Little sister has big balls to come back in here after her last visit,” Willow observed. He slid a few stools away, dragging his booze and limes with him. “Pretend I’m not even here. Unless you want me to go?”

  “No, that’s fine. Stay. It’s cool.” My eyes were fixed on the door. Yes, Juliet certainly did have some serious nerve coming back in here. Still, she was an O’Brien; I wouldn’t expect anything less from her.

  Juliet entered, pausing until she spotted me. Her long, leggy frame moved in graceful strides across the room. Why couldn’t she have been the short one? In yoga pants and a bright blue top, she looked both casual and lethal.

  “Can we go somewhere and talk?” She didn’t bother with a phony greeting and cut right to the chase.

  I stared at her with a carefully neutral expression. Peering into her dark eyes, I was both saddened and infuriated. “I think here is just fine. Go ahead. Talk.”

  Irritation flashed across her delicate features. She glanced around at those within the vicinity and then shot me an exasperated look. “Alright. Alexa, be reasonable. We’re sisters. So we’ve taken different paths in life? That doesn’t change what we are to one another. I’m sorry for my role in what happened with Kale. I promise you, I had no part in what they did to him.”

  She wasn’t lying. I guess that should have been reassuring. I was beyond upset with her. I was torn between wanting to smack her and wanting to hug her.

  “I still can’t believe you never told me you were alive. It stings, Juliet. You’re a government drone now. I can’t trust you. And, that hurts too.”

  “You can trust me. I am not your enemy. I’m your sister, dammit. I have busted my ass to keep the FPA off your tail, but there’s only so much I can do.” With a frustrated sigh, she sat heavily on the stool Willow had vacated. “I wanted to tell you I was alive. For a long time they wouldn’t let me. Then after so much time had gone by, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?” I spun the whiskey glass in a slow circle, needing to keep my hands busy. It was all I could do not to fidget with my hair.

  “Afraid of this.” Juliet threw her hands in the air. Snatching the glass from my hand, she tossed back the contents and scowled. “It’s not supposed to be like this, Lexi. We were sisters before we were anything else. Please try to remember that.”

  There was a cheer from the crowd gathered around the stage as the band’s guitarist addressed the audience. The noise level grew substantially as they launched into another hard rock song. It gave me a much needed second to decide how to respond. I wrestled with my head and my heart, neither in agreement.

  “That’s all I think about every time I look at you,” I confessed. “It scares me to see the kind of people you’re involved with. The FPA has changed you.”

  “Raoul Roberts changed me. That’s when our paths were clearly drawn. He took everything from us. I did the best I could with what I had to work with.” Her chin jutted defensively, and she visibly shut down. “We are on the same side, Alexa. We just don’t operate in the same way.”

  “You’ve got that right,” I scoffed, unable to censor the bitterness. “I don’t torture innocent people, and I don’t give my loyalty to anyone who does.”

  With a toss of her dark curls, Juliet stood abruptly. “I came to apologize. For everything. I’m sorry. I hope one day we’ll be able to put this behind us. You’re still my big sister. I love you.”

  She was gone before I could utter a stunned response. I watched her disappear through the crowd and out the door. Mentally, I kicked myself. I was being stubborn. Not so unlike how I had been with her as a kid.

  Juliet was the baby and adept at working it to her advantage; she could bat her eyelashes and get our parents to fall for anything. As kids, she would do all she could do stick it to me, yet at the end of the day, she needed me, her big sister. It was my duty to take care of her, and I’d done my best despite how often I wanted to strangle her.

  The urge to go after her struck me. I denied it. I wanted nothing more than to find peace with my sister. I knew it would happen, but I just had to accept that our reconciliation wouldn’t happen tonight.

  Willow waited until Juliet was long gone before sliding back onto the stool across from me. He took in my clenched fists, deep-set frown and sad eyes. He could have made a forced attempt to cheer me up or offer a word of ill-timed advice. When he did neither, my respect for him grew.

  Pointing to the stack of bottles behind me he said, “So what’s the scotch like in this place?”

  * * * *

  February 19, 1867

  It’s been more than a decade since I last visited Alice. The wicked witch didn’t look a day older than the last time we spoke. Either she ages well, or she has one hell of a deal with the devil. I’m willing to bet the latter.

  She laughed when she saw me, her black eyes sparkling viciously. “Still seeking answers, vampire?” she asked, holding out her hand for money. “Come now, let us look.”

  She sat me down at her table and pulled out a mirror. She placed it between us and waved a stick of incense in my face. I was annoyed by the pungent smell and impatient for her to finish with the theatrics.

  “I shouldn’t have come here.” I started to rise, but she stopped me with a look.

  “You went away.” She nodded knowingly. “You thought you could escape what haunts you. Where you go, it goes.”

  I had spent seven years in Europe. Could she have guessed that? Doubtful. I stared at her, intrigued but wary. “Yes. I find myself seeking her face in every crowd. In every city in this world.”

  Alice made me close my eyes, demanding that I focus on the scent of the horrid incense and wipe any thought from my mind. I waited, filled with skepticism. What had I been thinking in returning to the old fraud? The sudden sting of a knife jabbing the end of my finger tempted me to open my
eyes as she dripped my blood onto the mirror’s shiny surface. She began to hum, a strange lilting note that continued for several minutes. Then it stopped, and the silence grew heavy.

  “You will not see her face until time reveals it to you. Seek not your other half but yourself.” Alice’s voice took on a low, unnatural timbre. “Darkness taints your twin flame union. It seeks to destroy you both. It waits for her birth like a lion eager for the hunt.”

  My eyes flew open. Panic seized me as her words echoed in my ears. Alice stared at me with eyes glazed in a milky white film. The atmosphere grew hot with an energy so old and powerful it hurt. Alice was no longer present. Something else spoke through her lips.

  “Vampire, you are burdened by death. A burden you will share with her. As you draw closer to the purpose you share, the darkness draws closer to you. Beware. Ready yourself for that day. For what will come. For the day you kill her. You will destroy one another.”

  Those words reached deep inside me, touching something sacred that I had yet to understand. I shook my head, unwilling to believe what I’d heard.

  Alice waved a hand over the mirror, drawing my gaze. “Look,” she commanded.

  Fog rose up from the surface of the glass, slowly dissipating. As it cleared, an image formed. I saw us as if through another’s eyes. A flash of blonde hair, the hint of a smile, the most beautiful laugh I have ever heard. She was cast in shadow. I could not see her clearly.

  The image changed. I watched myself grab her violently. I shook her as she fought me. She slapped my face, and I bared fangs at her. She said something then, something almost inaudible though I heard it as if she had shouted.

  “You know you have to do it,” she whispered. “It’s ok. I’m ready.”

  I wanted to shout at my future self, to beg him to stop. I watched myself pull her close and bite into her exposed neck. I watched myself kill her.