Shadow Hawk

by Jeanie P Johnson

  He pulled me to a sitting position.

  “Who-Day,” he said again more firmly.

  “You can’t force me to eat!” I informed him. “Go jump in the river again, while you wag yourself in front of me! I hate being here with you!”

  His eyes looked angry, as he glared at me, and I began to see how savage he could look, when he was unhappy, but at that point, I didn’t even care. I wished he would throw me back into the river, so I could have that overwhelming feeling of love flow over me again. Right now, I felt anything but love.

  Finally, he turned, and went back to the fire, sitting in front of it, while he ate his own bird, and glared at me the whole time. Then he wrapped the other bird in a piece of cloth, and put it in his pouch. I watched him as he went to the travois and crawled under the buffalo skin, turning his back to me.

  I started pulling on the leather thongs with my teeth, slowly untying the knots, with painstaking effort. Once I was free, I took his knife, that was still in its sheath, beside the fire, where he had cleaned the birds, and cut a hole in one of the blankets, pulling it down over my head and shoulders, and using the thong that had tied my wrists to tie around my waist, gathering the material under the makeshift belt. Every once in awhile I would glance at him to make sure he was still asleep, feeling anxious, in case he found I was untied, and then no telling what he would do. Next I went to his saddle, where he had tied the pouch with the bird in it, taking the pouch along with the water pouch. When I was doing that, I discovered my high-top boots in another pouch, which I put on my feet. I took the other blanket, rolled everything up inside of it, along with the knife in its sheath, tying the long leather thong, he had attached me to the tree with, around the bundle, then slipped one arm under the thong, to carry it with.

  Cautiously, I tiptoed away from the camp, as the low fire, waved against the buffalo furs, where Nah-ghee Chay-dehn was sleeping, making him appear to be a sleeping bear. To me, he was like a wild animal, and as unpredictable as one. I would follow the trail back along the river, and try to follow the Oregon trail again. I knew we were not the only wagon-train traveling there. There were several companies that had separated a day apart, and maybe I could find one of those wagon-trains to join.

  As I moved quickly, once I was a safe distance away from the camp, my clothes began to dry, and the steam from my body and my wet clothes, in combination, began to warm me. I was not even sleepy or tired, because I had been riding on the travois, and had slept some, while Nah-ghee Chay-dehn had been hunting.

  That will teach him to treat me like an animal, I told myself, as I got further and further away. The full moon lit the path, and while I was somewhat frightened, I was at least free.

  I continued to stumble along the trail, until the sun started to rise. By then, I was so tired, I decided to rest for awhile. I found a thicket to hide in, and rolled the blanket out, ate a little of the bird, then laid my head down. I fell asleep immediately. I am not sure how long I had been sleeping, but I realized I had slept too long. When I opened my eyes, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn was standing over me, looking down at me with a scowl upon his face.

  He didn’t say anything. Instead, he picked me up, and dumped me onto the travois again. He took the knife and attached it to his belt, tied the pouches onto his saddle, then he got back up on his horse, and started back in the direction I had come from. There was no escaping him, even if I wasn’t tied, I realized in despair.

  There was no hope of anything for me, but to go with this man who was determined to own me and regulate my every move. I realized this was worse than being married and having my independence taken away. This was like being a slave, or a prisoner. I had to admit I was a prisoner, and it didn’t look like my status was going to change any time soon. I laid back down on the travois, closing my eyes and trying to block everything out. I wasn’t even interested in the country that surrounded me any longer. I wished I could dream my way out of this situation, but this was more like a nightmare, than a dream, which I could never wake up from.

  I fell into a deep exhausted sleep, where I ran through a field of Dandelions with my little sister Becky, and raced my horse, Banner with my brother, Jessie. They were happy days, back on our farm in Missouri, but the rich farmers in the area, with their slaves doing the labor, kept the little farmers from being able to compete, barely making enough money to run their farms, and that was one more reason we had decided to go to Oregon.

  Someone was shaking my shoulder, and I kept pushing the hand away. I didn’t want to wake up. What was there to wake up to but a savage Indian, who would just dump me in the river again with my clothes on, because I chattered too much. The hides on the travois were warming me from the chill that was starting to fall around us, so it must be getting late, I thought. I had slept most of the day before Nah-ghee Chay-dehn had found me, so it must be late. I didn’t want to leave the warmth of my buffalo-hide cocoon.

  The hand shook me again, and I tried to open my eyes, but it was dark outside.

  “Hi-hee, hi-hee!” the voice of my captor kept saying.

  He pulled me up to a sitting position, and it was then that I realized that it was slowly starting to rain. Nah-ghee Chay-dehn pulled me off of the travois.

  “Hi-hee,” he repeated again, and began bundling up the buffalo robes, and blankets, pointing up a path, and pushing me in that direction.

  I could barely see, but I soon discovered that the path led to a small cave, where Nah-ghee Chay-dehn dumped the buffalo robes, and then headed back down the path, to bring his saddle, blankets and supplies up to the cave. It took him quite awhile to return, so I assumed he had removed the travois, and hobbled his horse, before he came back. There was just enough room for the two of us to sit on the pile of furs, as the rain started falling faster, and making a curtain of water over the entrance to the cave.

  Nah-ghee Chay-dehn pulled out what was left of the bird, and offered me a piece, but I merely shook my head. I had decided I would never eat or speak to Nah-ghee Chay-dehn again. Hopefully, I would die of starvation before we ever reached his village, I thought smugly to myself. Then the stupid Indian would be sorry he ever forced me to go with him. The thought, made me long to be enveloped back in that comfort of love, I had experienced when I was drowning.

  He kept offering me food, in between eating himself, but when I kept refusing, he merely shrugged, and ate the rest of the bird. There was no place to lay down, but I wasn’t sleepy anyway, and Nah-ghee Chay-dehn didn’t seem sleepy either. We sat, side by side, gazing at the sheets of water that fell before us, and I was thinking it would make the river rise again.

  Eventually, I must have gotten tired, because the next morning, I found my head leaning on Nah-ghee Chay-dehn’s shoulder, as we sat there, and his arm was holding me steady. One of the buffalo robes had been pulled over the two of us, and it was still raining outside.

  Nah-ghee Chay-dehn hunched over, and crawled out of the cave, in spite of the rain, and I assumed it was because he had to check on the horse, and perhaps relieve himself. I too needed that morning relief, so I also ventured out long enough to squat a little ways from the cave, and then I headed back inside. Soon, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn joined me. His skin was damp and shimmering with droplets of water, and he shook his head, slinging water in all directions, and even though the droplets landed against me, I didn’t react, or say anything. He offered me the leather water pouch, and I did accept that, and took a drink.

  Nah-ghee Chay-dehn gave me a disapproving look, and began speaking to me, as though telling me a story in his own language, the same as I had done to him, when I had been riding on the travois. I wondered if he was lonely for someone to talk to. Since he had yelled at me for trying to talk to him, I merely turned my back to him and tried to ignore the melodically sound of his voice droning on, in spite of my effort to ignore him.

  The rain continued to fall, so there was nothing that we could do but sit there and watch it, as little streams made their way down the rock path,
heading down towards the river. After awhile, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn, who seemed to have tired of talking to me, or himself, which ever the case had been, offered me some dried meat. I refused it as well, and he raised his eye brows at me, and then ate the hard meat himself.

  Eventually, it turned dark, and the rain was still falling. Nah-ghee Chay-dehn put his arm around my back to support me, but I pushed it away. He pretended like he was concerned about my comfort, but I knew that wasn’t true, or he never would have drug me into the water and then tied me to that tree. He had been petty and mean, because he could not force me from talking and disturbing his peace of mind. He was used to being in command of things, but I was determined to prove to him, he would never be in complete charge of me, even if he had me as his prisoner.

  CHAPTER THREE

  I was aware that the sun was shining into the opening of the cave, and Nah-ghee Chay-dehn was no longer sitting beside me. I felt stiff, and sore, and hungry, but I tried to push that aside, and crawled outside of the cave, and stretched, before going out behind some bushes. When I reappeared, I followed the damp rock path down to where I could see Nah-ghee Chay-dehn attaching the travois onto the horse. He looked over his shoulder at me, but didn’t say anything.

  After he retrieved the furs and blankets form the cave, placing the blankets back on his saddle and the furs on the travois, we started out again. He didn’t have to tell me to sit down on the travois. I knew the routine, and I also knew if I veered from it, there would be some consequence to pay.

  This time, when Nah-ghee Chay-dehn stopped along the way to hunt, he didn’t tie me up, and even though I could have easily stolen his horse, I had the feeling that wouldn’t stop him from hunting me down and punishing me for trying to escape. When he returned, he had another rabbit, which he tied to his saddle, and then continued on.

  By late afternoon, we stopped to camp once again. The same routine was followed. First, he built a fire, and then while the fire was left to burn, he cast his breechcloth aside, but this time he did not come to me to either undress me, or pull me in with him. I could have bathed on my own, but I chose not to. From this point on, I decided I was merely going to be an invisible prisoner, that Nah-ghee Chay-dehn need not feed or bathe. I felt tired, because I had not been eating, and I sat down on some blankets, which I took off of his saddle, and placed beneath a tree, and watched as Nah-ghee Chay-dehn bathed. I was used to seeing him in that condition, and it didn’t shock me as much. In fact, it intrigued me in many ways, and I boldly appraised him, as he flaunted himself in front of me.

  He gave me a questioning look, but did not speak, as he replaced his breechcloth and started skinning the rabbit. Again, he put the rabbit on a stick, to cook it over the fire, turning it every so often to make sure it was cooked evenly on each side. I watched as the fat dripped off of the rabbit, causing the fire to flare up, and dance higher. Now the aroma of the cooking meat did not make me feel hungry, as it had the first time he had cooked rabbit for us. In fact, I found it a little nauseating. I turned my back to him, and laid down on the blanket, pulling another one up over my shoulder.

  I could feel Nah-ghee Chay-dehn shaking me.

  “Woh-Day,” he was saying again. “Woh-Day.”

  I turned to glare at him, and he poked a piece of towards me, almost hitting me in the face with it.

  “Woh-Day,” he repeated.

  I merely turned my head away, and closed my eyes again.

  “Hee-yah!” he bellowed, as he pulled me up. “Woh-Day!”

  “Go away,” I mumbled, and pulled out of his grasp.

  Nah-ghee Chay-dehn grabbed my shoulder with one hand and shook me.

  “Woh-Day!” he growled.

  I knocked the food out of his hand as he offered it to me again, and his eyes turned angry.

  “Wee-kohe kohe kay wee-yahn! Woh-Day!” he spouted as he picked up the meat and brushed the dirt off of it, shaking it in my face.

  “Go jump in the River!” I muttered. “It is the only highlight of my day!”

  I pulled the blanket over my face, to block the sight of him out, so I wouldn’t have to think about him, or anything else.

  A moment later, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn was jerking me into a sitting position, holding me fast, as he forced my mouth open, and pushed the meat inside.

  “Woh-Day!” he growled.

  I spit the meat out, and when I did, his hand came down across my face. The sting of it shocked me, and I blinked back the tears.

  He pushed the meat in my mouth again, and this time I bit his finger, which earned me another slap.

  “Woh-Day, wee-kohe kohe kay wee-yahn!” he grunted at me.

  Instead, I jerked out of his arms, threw the makeshift blanket shirt off, and started sprinting out to the river.

  “Hee-yah!” I heard him bellowing at me.

  I put my hands over my ears to impress upon him that I wasn’t listening. I headed out into the swollen river, dove under, and let the water carry me away, willing myself to take a breath of water, but something wouldn’t allow me to do it, and my head popped up, gasping for air.

  To my disappointment, I felt a strong arm, pulling against me. I tried to fight him off but I was weak from not eating, and didn’t have the strength. I had no recourse but to allow him to pull me to the shore, and then he picked me up in his arms, carrying me along the bank back towards the camp as he began talking in his own language. Only his words did not sound angry. Now they sounded a little frightened, as he pushed the hair out of my eyes, and gave me a sad stare.

  When we reached the camp, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn, let his wet breech cloth drop to the ground. He removed my wet clothes as well, and somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I feared he was going to punish me in a different way for disobeying him.

  He brought me under the buffalo skins, and pulled me against him, stroking my hair like he had before, rocking me in his arms, but he didn’t sing to me. He merely continued to rock me, as he clutched me firmly against him.

  Eventually, I fell asleep. There seemed to be nothing I could succeed at in order to rebel against this man, I thought hopelessly, before I closed my eyes.

  When I opened my eyes, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn was leaning on one elbow, looking down at me. His expression was gentle, and he took his finger, and stroked it lightly over my forehead, pushing my tangled hair out of my eyes. He gave a slight smile, as he gazed down at me, studying my face with his dark mysterious eyes. His finger traced over my chapped lips, as he caressed them lightly with his touch, and I felt a strange shiver go through me, as I became aware that neither of us wore any clothes.

  I could feel his warm body, leaning against me, as he hovered over me, his eyes pinning me helplessly to where I could barely breath. I could not look away, and he was not even blinking as he caught me with his penetrating gaze. Then he was gathering me up in his arms, holding me to him. Saying something in his own language that I couldn’t understand, but it sounded pleading, as he rocked me against him.

  Finally, he released me, crawled from under the furs, and put his breechcloth back on. He handed me my shift and pantaloons, which had dried overnight, and went and stoked up the fire, as I got dressed again. Usually, he would start packing things back on his horse, in the mornings, but instead, I could see him warming up the remains of the rabbit from the night before, and then he came over to me, sat down with his legs crossed, held out the rabbit, and whispered, “Woh-Day.”

  As he whispered the word, I was amazed to discover a single tear leaving one eye, as he looked down at me with a pleading expression on his face.

  “Woh-Day,” he whispered again, as his hand reached up and cupped the side of my face, in a tender manner.

  I was torn between wanting to remain stubborn, and being moved by his obvious concern for me, because I wouldn’t eat. Finally, I gave in. He seemed genuinely concerned about me. He had insisted I stop crying, and yet that single tear betrayed him. He must have some sort of compassion after all, I decided. I took the rabbit and s
lowly started eating it.

  “Wah-shday,” he murmured. “Wah-shday.”

  We did not travel that day. In stead, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn, lay down under the furs with me, and held me in his arms, patting my back, repeating “Wah-shday,” at intervals. He seemed relieved. He gently kissed the place where he had slapped me. I think he was hoping I would forgive him for his treatment of me. I wasn’t sure what to think. Perhaps this was all just a matter of miscommunication, and my fear of what was to become of me. I still didn’t know if I could trust him.

  He left me once to spear a fish in the river, and then returned with it, cooking it over the fire. It was a large Salmon fish, and it was the most delicious fish I had ever eaten. Nah-ghee Chay-dehn smiled broadly as he watched me eat.

  “Wah-shday,” he kept repeating.

  I began to believe the word meant ‘good’.

  When we finished eating, he took me in his arms again, beneath the furs, and held me, leaning his cheek against the top of my head, without saying a word, and I found myself falling asleep against his strong, muscular chest.

  I was softly shaken awake, and Nah-ghee Chay-dehn took my hand, bringing me to my feet. Slowly, and gently, he removed my clothes again. Then he removed his breechcloth, and led me out into the water. I realized that this must be a ritual that his people did, bathing both morning and night, and the realization of it, intrigued me. Only this time, when we stood beside each other in the water, Nah-ghee Chay-dehn began bathing me, touching me gently with his large hands in such a way, that I merely stood there trembling at his touch.

  When we left the river, he dried me with one of the blankets, and then he had me sit down on one of the blankets. He took a bone comb out of a pouch and began to comb my tangled hair. I was amazed at how gently he did it, trying not to pull my hair or cause any pain. Then his fingers were working through my long, damp strands, and braiding it, fastening the ends with strips of rawhide. When he had finished braiding my hair, he turned me to face him. This time his eye roved over my naked body, as he looked at me.