Chaste

by Lydia Michaels

  “You’re a man. You’re a fucking man. She loves you and you can do this for her, because you’re a hairy, grisly, beer drinking, carnivorous, strapping, beast of a fucking man—blanks or not.”

  He shut his eyes and filled his mind with images of motivation. Samuel L dressed as Coach Carter in Boys Become Men nodded encouragingly from the corner. The hockey team from Miracle sat along the wall as the coach’s voice spoke about being born for great moments of opportunity. The Hoosher’s Jimmy Chitwood gave him a nod of determination and the janitor who bullied Rudy into not giving up gave him a stern glare and asked what he was trying to prove.

  Yeah, he was losing it, but needed the imagined support. It was time.

  He took his flesh in hand and got to business.

  He was loving. He was tender. He was there to get ‘er done.

  When he finished his men burst through the front line like the raging Scots charged into the Battle of Falkirk. He capped the cup and collapsed into the chair. It was done.

  It took longer than he suspected to leave the room. He’d spent months avoiding this situation, but now that his task was complete he feared the next step. Nervously, he poked around the room, setting the dirty magazines in perfect perpendicular order and washing his hands twice. He alphabetized the porno collection next to the dated television set and stared at his cup. He should probably turn that in before it spoiled.

  Sighing, he grabbed the little sample and unlocked the door. As he stepped into the hall he stilled.

  “Kelly?”

  Fuck. Making a slow turn he came face to face with Bridget West. His arm snaked behind his back holding his sample. “Hey, Bridget.”

  She smiled. “What are you doing here?”

  Why hadn’t he been a plumber or an electrician, something he could use as an excuse right now. “Uh…”

  She was wearing scrubs. Stepping closer, she whispered, “I heard you’re married now. You left so many women devastated we should form a support group. How’s that going, by the way?”

  “Marriage? It’s great.”

  She gave him a look that was hard to mistake. Yeah, he’d seen her naked a few times, did some nasty things with her and let her do some nastiness back to him, but what he had with Ashlynn made all those memories feel tawdry and cheap. He stepped back.

  “It was nice seeing you. I gotta go. My wife’s waiting for me at home.”

  She glanced at his hand stuffed behind his back and arched a brow. Motherfucker. He needed to get the hell out of there. Without another word he turned and bolted to the front desk, dropped off his swimmers, and hightailed it home.

  When he got home he found Ashlynn anxiously waiting for him. He didn’t give her time to ask questions. Rather, he reaffirmed his manhood and fucked her right there on the kitchen table until she called his name and made him feel like a god.

  Yeah. She was worth it.

  * * * *

  A week later, he was back at the formidable clinic, which really wasn’t anything more than a quaint little house remodeled as an office just outside of town, but Kelly found the picturesque shutters and window boxes slightly mocking.

  Ashlynn climbed out of the truck and followed him to the door. He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that the doctor had suggested he bring his wife to hear the results. Ashlynn had a calming effect however, so Kelly was glad to have her there with him.

  They were shown into a small office and waited. “Have you met the doctor yet?” she asked.

  Kelly tapped his foot. “Nope. My only intimate knowledge is with that of the plastic sort.” When she frowned, he clarified. “The cup.”

  She smiled at him. “Are you nervous?”

  Yes. “No. Just anxious to get this over with.”

  The door opened and an older man in a white lab coat stepped in. “Mr. And Mrs. McCullough? I’m Dr. Brestein. How are you?”

  Kelly shook the doctor’s hand and mumbled a reply. The doctor smiled and flipped open a file on his desk. “Well, let’s see…it looks like Kelly’s sperm suffers from poor motility.”

  “Poor motility? Like they aren’t getting around as good as they should?” he asked.

  “Exactly. In other words, they’re just a little lazy.”

  Those fuckers! “So there’s nothing really wrong?”

  Ashlynn smiled and the doctor, although not outwardly disagreeing with him, held out his hands. “Well, sometimes the problem can be resolved with simple changes. Stay out of hot tubs, wear the right sort of underwear, lay off drinking and smoking.”

  “What kind of underwear?” Ashlynn quickly asked.

  “The looser the better. Why do you think Scots brag about their virility? It’s because nothing’s holding them down under those kilts.”

  Ashlynn chuckled and blushed, but her eyes were set with determination. “Kelly doesn’t smoke, but he drinks on occasion.” She turned to him. “No more booze.”

  Who was this woman? He’d never seen her so single-minded. She had the look of a drill sergeant.

  “I can suggest some supplements that others have tried and had luck with. Basically, continue with a healthy living, have lots of intercourse, and sooner or later one of those little buggers are gonna find their way. If you still aren’t having luck in a while, come back and see me and we’ll discuss other options.”

  “What other options?” Kelly asked.

  “There’s always In Vitro Fertilization.” They frowned and the doctor explained. “The female takes hormones to help produce multiple eggs. The eggs are removed during a minor outpatient procedure, which requires mild sedation. The male’s sperm is cleaned and concentrated, mixed with the female’s eggs and once the cells form, the embryo is transplanted back into the female like a typical pregnancy.”

  “My guys can do this?” Kelly asked.

  The doctor smiled. “Most likely. But that’s a ways down the road. Your chart says you’ve been trying for seven months. Give it a little longer. I’ll give you some reading material that will help.”

  When they left the doctor’s Ashlynn was like bottled lightening. As soon as they got in the truck she squealed, “See! I told you nothing was wrong!”

  Had she been at the same meeting? “We don’t know that yet.”

  She turned and climbed onto the seat. “We just need to shake up your little swimmers. No more being lazy.”

  He laughed as she kissed his neck. Nudging her back into her seat he started the truck. “We’ll see.”

  She sighed, a perpetual smile on her face, as she buckled her seatbelt. “This is great news, Kelly.”

  “I know.”

  “You don’t seem relieved.”

  “I am. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up.”

  “You’re changing to boxers. No more briefs.”

  Good God. “Whatever you want.”

  They drove home and he feared Ashlynn was already painting a nursery in her head. That evening, they had sex four times, once in the living room, once in the shower, again in the bed, and once on the floor. He had no complaints, but felt incredible pressure to succeed.

  Each time he finished he prayed hard that that would be the one that counted. He was grateful there was no severe problem to speak of. However, the solution wasn’t cut and dried either.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  For their first wedding anniversary they went to Pittsburg. Kelly wanted to see Braydon and there was a restaurant Bray raved about last time he was that home Ashlynn wanted to try.

  They had dinner and returned to their hotel. As Ashlynn changed into a new pretty nightgown, she asked, “Are you excited to see Braydon tomorrow?”

  Kelly emptied his pockets and slipped off his pants. “Yeah.”

  His wife sashayed over to him and he smiled. She was so damn beautiful. Her arms wreathed his neck and she kissed him. “Thank you for dinner. The food was delicious.”

  “Certainly nothing like the restaurants we have in Center County.”

  She
hummed and proceeded to kiss him. He backed her to the bed and made quick work of getting her naked. The nightgown was nice, but her skin was better. Kelly caressed her curves, touched every spot that made her purr, and slowly lifted her on top of him. As she rode him, he stared into her soft brown eyes and watched her breasts sway. “You’re so beautiful, Ashlynn.”

  She smiled and kissed him. “You make me feel beautiful.”

  “I’m glad you’re my wife.”

  Her smile turned tender. “I’m glad you’re my husband.”

  They made love for the better part of an hour and when they finished, Kelly pulled her to his side. Her finger traced over the tattoo on his chest and she sighed. “Kelly?”

  “Yes, love?”

  “I think we should try the In Vitro.”

  He shut his eyes. It had been a year and there was no change. The questions about what they were waiting for whenever they were around family were starting to wear on him. Ashlynn wanted children and he wanted to give them to her. “It’s twelve thousand dollars.”

  “I know, but if we’re going to spend money on something, why not this? We can afford it.”

  They could, but it would be tough. The bar was doing well and the market had a great season, but it wasn’t like they were rolling in it. They would definitely feel the pinch of anything more than two grand. “If that’s what you want to do then we’ll do it.”

  She pressed a kiss to his heart. “Thank you. I love you.”

  * * * *

  Ashlynn had started the first round of hormone treatments. By Thanksgiving they were scheduled for her procedure. Kelly had made his contribution, another prodigious event shared with him, Jill, and the cup.

  The morning of her appointment he was nervous and sweating in strange places. He didn’t like the idea of his wife being sedated and poked at by doctors, but it was part of the path they’d chosen—or been put on.

  He waited beside Ashlynn in the procedure room. She looked so small in her paper gown, sitting patiently on the table.

  “Are you scared?” he asked.

  “A little. Mostly anxious. Just think, in a few days I could be pregnant.”

  Funny, he hadn’t really allowed himself to think like that. He’d been so worried about failing he’d forgotten how to imagine victory.

  Kelly took her hand and squeezed. He hoped this worked. It wasn’t something they could afford to do again and again.

  The doctor stepped in and greeted them. “How are we doing today, folks?”

  “Good. Nervous,” Ashlynn said, adjusting her gown.

  “Nothing to worry about, Ashlynn.” The doctor toyed with her IV and Kelly frowned as he eased Ashlynn back on the table. Were they doing this now? Like right now? “This should help.”

  Ashlynn’s eyes grew heavy and she sighed. Her hand gripped Kelly’s then loosened. Kelly watched, horrified, as the doctor pulled over a metal tray table with various tools on it.

  He unwrapped a pair of forceps. “Are you guys doing anything special for Thanksgiving?”

  Is he fucking kidding? He wanted to talk turkey when he had some metal clamp going up his wife’s slice of heaven? Luckily, Ashlynn gave a groggy reply.

  The doctor reached for a long device and turned a bright light between Ashlynn’s parted thighs. She moaned and Kelly turned. They could stop. They could stop this right now. She looked uncomfortable.

  “Are you all right?”

  Her eyes were closed and her mouth tight. “Mm-hmm.”

  “Ashlynn, love, we don’t have to do this.” Was she in pain?

  She squeezed his hand. She was so brave. “I want to.” Good God, how was he ever going to survive watching her give birth if this thing took?

  The doctor turned and busied himself at a table. The nurse Kelly hadn’t really paid attention to, assisted. Ashlynn seemed to be asleep, but her hand still held his tight.

  “That’s it,” the doctor announced, pulling off his gloves. “She’ll be a little drowsy for the rest of the day. There may be some mild cramping. No driving for twenty-four hours. The nurses out front will give you instructions.”

  “That’s it?” That couldn’t be it. After a year of sweat and tears there was no way it was that simple.

  “’Fraid so. Nicole’s taken what she needs to the lab and the process has already started. Hopefully in a few days we have some news for you.”

  Holy shit.

  Ashlynn was very fatigued when the whole thing was over. She could barely keep her eyes open on the ride home. He wasn’t sure what they put in her IV, but whatever it was, it was lasting.

  He carried her to the couch and covered her with a blanket, tucking the remote close in case she wanted it. Once she was situated he started on making soup for dinner. As he moved through the kitchen he couldn’t help thinking about his little swimmers and Ashlynn’s eggs all by themselves in some lab. Whatever was in that petri dish could end up being their child.

  His phone vibrated and he saw he had a missed call. He hit the button and listened. “Hey, Kel, it’s Finn. Mallory had the baby! A little girl, Gianna Leigh.” His brother laughed and Kelly smiled, happy for him. “I don’t know what she’s thinking giving a McCullough an Italian name like that, but I couldn’t tell her no. Anyway, not sure what you’re up to, but come up and meet your niece. Love ya, bro.”

  Kelly slipped the phone back in his pocket. He wanted to go to the hospital but wanted to stay with Ashlynn more. She’d be thrilled to hear Mallory had the baby. He just hoped when they met little Gianna they had some news of their own to share with the family.

  * * * *

  Ashlynn was a nervous wreck. The embryo took, now it was just a matter of getting it safely back inside of her. As Kelly drove them back to the doctor’s office she fidgeted. He seemed to sense her apprehension and patted her knee.

  “Everything will be fine, Ash.”

  He didn’t know that for certain. “I know. I’m just nervous.”

  They pulled into the office parking lot and soon enough Ashlynn was back in a paper gown listening to the doctor describe yet another procedure. “Well, folks, we made it this far. Now we just need to insert the embryo into Ashlynn’s uterus and wait.”

  “When will we know?” Kelly asked.

  “Home tests are quite efficient these days, but we don’t recommend them for patients in your situation. The embryo should attach to the wall within the next thirty-six hours, but what a home pregnancy kit tests for won’t really tell if the procedure was a success. I’m going to schedule you for a follow-up in nine days. We’ll run Ashlynn’s blood work and see how things are going. Ready?”

  Ashlynn reached for Kelly’s hand and leaned back. The doctor put on gloves and selected various items from a tray.

  “I love you, Ashlynn,” Kelly whispered close to her ear. “Even if this doesn’t work, I love you, no matter what.”

  She hadn’t expected this to be so emotional. They were making a child, traditionally or not. She squeezed his fingers. “I love you too, Kelly. That’s our baby in there.” She nodded, lips tight, as she blinked back tears. “I’ll do my best to make it a good home.”

  He kissed her and ran his fingers through her hair as the doctor inserted the embryo. The process was not nearly as intrusive as the first part had been.

  “That’s it.”

  She slowly sat up. “That’s it?”

  The doctor stood and smiled. “Yup. Now, remember, you’re technically carrying a child at this point, so no drinking and no over the counter medications. The nurses in the front are going to give you a package of prenatal samples to start you off. I’ll write you a script after I see you in nine days and we check that everything’s gone as planned.”

  He sounded so optimistic. “Thank you.”

  The older man smiled and nodded. “I’ll see you in nine days. Enjoy your Thanksgiving.”

  When the door closed behind him, Kelly turned to her. “You okay?”

  She nodded, oddly afraid to be happ
y. “I didn’t expect to get so emotional.”

  He stood before her and cupped her face. “It’s an emotional thing, Ash.” His hand went to her stomach, his gentle fingers splaying wide over the paper of her gown. “Our child could be in there.”

  She lost the battle with her tears. Kelly kissed her eyes and hugged her close. “I have a surprise for you.”

  “You do?”

  “Mallory had the baby.”

  She gasped. “What? When?”

  He looked sheepish. “Three days ago.”

  She smacked him. “Kelly! How come you didn’t tell me?”

  “I didn’t want you to get upset. I wanted us to at least make it this far before you heard another McCullough was born.”

  “Mallory’s going to be upset I haven’t visited yet.”

  He shook his head. “I called Finn, explained what we were going through, he told Mallory and they both said we could come over when we’re ready.”

  “You told them?”

  Kelly nodded. “This entire experience has been humbling beyond words. That’s me and you in there.” He glanced at her stomach and his expression tightened. When he turned his blue eyes on her again, they shimmered with unshed tears. His voice was small. “Me and you, love.”

  When they left the office Ashlynn insisted they go to visit Finn and Mallory. “We need to stop at the store for a gift.”

  “They aren’t expecting anything. It’s their third child.”

  She smacked him again. “Kelly! I am not walking in there without a gift. I don’t care if it’s their tenth child, we are giving our niece something special.”

  When they arrived at the Baby Depot Ashlynn went to find a pretty ruffled dress for Gianna. She’d lost Kelly somewhere in the stroller section where he was babbling about hydraulics. Once she found an outfit and grabbed stuff to wrap the gift she went searching for her husband.

  She found him holding a breast pump with a strange look on his face. “Kelly?”