by Debra Cowan
“Maybe not any longer.”
He knew he hadn’t heard that right. “That’s crazy. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Yes, I do.” She turned and walked back to the house. “And I want to stay here.”
Bram’s jaw dropped and he stared after her. What the hell?
* * *
Teaching was no longer the most important thing to her.
Deborah’s words circled around in his head. That was what she had said, wasn’t it? Either she didn’t realize what she’d expressed or Bram had heard wrong.
She drove him plumb crazy.
For so long, teaching was all she had wanted. Enough to leave him to get it. He couldn’t see her giving that up. Not for long anyway.
Two days later, Bram was still turning her words over in his mind. He’d given up trying not to think about it. The possibility of her staying was there all the time, buzzing around in his brain.
Which was why he went into town to see Annalise. Maybe Deborah’s declaration was another symptom or side effect of this memory-loss issue. Bram was hoping Annalise had heard from her doctor friend in Philadelphia.
He refused to consider that Deborah did mean what she’d said. It only sent his mind in all kinds of wrong directions.
Could memory loss make her act out of character? Because that’s what she was doing.
She had only just gotten her memory back, and not even all of it. It was likely she was confused. That made sense to him. Hell, it didn’t sound far-fetched at all, not like someone losing their memory.
Until he had some answers, all he knew to do was give her a wide berth. Which was what he’d planned to do until he left Annalise’s office and was stopped by Tony Santos. The rotund man who ran the telegraph office that also served as the post office asked Bram to deliver a letter to Deborah.
Seeing that it was from the school board in Abilene, Bram’s heart kicked hard. It probably contained details about where she would live and how many students she would have, but even as he told himself that, apprehension knotted his gut.
And the dread didn’t go away when he gave the letter to Deborah that evening. He wanted to watch her read it, but all she did was stare at it, then slip it into her skirt pocket. Mrs. Blue began putting food on the table, so he washed up for supper.
As they all sat down to eat, the older woman asked, “Bram, did you come from town?”
“Yes, ma’am. I rode in to ask Annalise if she’d heard back from her doctor friend yet and she hasn’t.”
He glanced at Deborah, who gave a small smile. “Maybe soon.”
Did he imagine those shadows he saw in her eyes? Everyone was silent as they ate. As hungry as Bram was, he hardly tasted the fried chicken.
“Michal,” he said, “Josie asked if you were still interested in working for her.”
“Oh...yes.” Deborah’s younger sister smiled broadly.
“She said she might have some sewing to give you at church on Sunday.”
“Okay.”
As supper progressed, Deborah added to the conversation here and there. She wasn’t unusually quiet, but Bram knew something was wrong and he knew it had to do with the letter he’d delivered, because she didn’t mention it to anyone.
Maybe the school board wanted her to come early and she was uncertain about saying so after her declaration that teaching wasn’t as important to her as it had once been.
Bram could drive himself crazy trying to guess. He saw no sign of tears or even that she was distracted.
Once supper was over, she rose and began clearing the table. When she reached for his plate, he touched her hand. “Come take a walk with me.”
She glanced at her mother, who nodded her permission.
The sun was sinking below the horizon when he and Deborah stepped outside.
He waited until they rounded the corner of the house, keeping his voice low because the screened windows were open.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He studied her profile, frowned at the anxiety coming from her. “Something’s wrong.”
“I’m fine.” She kept her attention on the ground.
“It has something to do with the letter I brought, doesn’t it?”
Her chin trembled. “Bram...”
He tugged her into the barn. “What is it? They want you to come earlier?”
“They don’t want me to come at all.”
“What?” He paused in lighting the lantern.
She burst into tears, burying her face in her hands. She said something, but he couldn’t understand because she was crying so hard.
Turning up the flame, Bram stared dumbly at her. “Deborah?”
She only cried harder.
Maybe he should fetch her ma or one of her sisters, but Bram couldn’t leave her like this. He wouldn’t turn away from her. Hell, he didn’t care if he regretted this the rest of his life. He pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her.
Chapter Eleven
She latched onto him as if she was planting roots, and Bram held her just as tightly. A spot on his shirt was damp with her tears. “Deborah? Sweetheart?”
She lifted her head, her lashes spiky.
“Tell me what the letter says.”
“It says—” She broke off, more tears streaming down her face. She fumbled in the pocket of her skirt and brought out the piece of paper, pushing it at him.
He couldn’t stand seeing her like this. When she laid her head on his chest again, he held her to him and began reading. She slid her arms around him, causing a funny ache in his throat.
Though she still cried, her sobs were quieter, less frequent, but he could almost feel her heart breaking. And he could see why.
The further he read, the more blistered up he got. In the flickering amber light he scanned the words—release you from your contract and already looking for a replacement.
Bram’s gaze returned to one sentence. We don’t hire women of low moral character.
Low moral character. The phrase exploded in his head.
That was exactly what Millie Jacobson had said about Deborah at church that day. Deborah hadn’t heard it, but Bram had.
Black fury slashed at him. Although he didn’t know how Millie had done it, he knew that viper was responsible for this. He wanted to ride into town and take a whip to her, but Deborah needed him right now. He wasn’t going anywhere.
She sagged against him as if her legs were about to give out. He swung her up into his arms, eyeing the bunk where he slept. The narrow bed didn’t look as if it would hold both of them, so he moved to a bale of hay several feet away and eased down, settling her in his lap. The feel of her soft curves against him had his body going tight.
Night sounds filtered in through the partially open barn door. The occasional murmur of a voice from the house, the chirp of crickets, the call of a hawk.
The fresh scent of her skin teased him as she looked up, her eyes deep blue and wet. “It sounds as if the school board knows about the night we spent in the cabin. How is that possible?”
Bram knew how.
“Oh!” Looking horrified, she covered her mouth with her hand. “Somebody from here had to have said something. Don’t you think?”
He damn sure did.
“Do you think it was Millie?”
“Yes.” He couldn’t keep the edge out of his voice.
Fresh tears rolled down Deborah’s cheeks. “I’ve never done anything to her and neither have you. Why would she be so vindictive?”
That same question burned in his gut. With one knuckle, he wiped away the wetness on her face. “I’ve never understood gossips or why they don’t mind ruining someone’s reputation. The school board shou
ld’ve at least asked to hear your side.”
Deborah exhaled a ragged breath then sat up, swiping furiously at her cheeks. “I don’t know why I’m so upset. Earlier, I said I wasn’t sure I wanted to teach anymore.”
But she obviously did. Why else would she be so distraught? The short-sleeved dress she wore bared most of her arms and his thumb made small circles on a silky path above her elbow. “And that would’ve been a decision you made. Not one that someone made for you based on rumors and gossip.”
Her mouth was close to his, close enough that he could feel the flutter of her breath. “I think I’m more angry than disappointed.”
Bram wasn’t so sure about that. His fist clenched on the crumpled piece of paper and he tried to ignore the desire pounding through him. “This isn’t right. You can fight it. You have a signed contract with them, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then.”
“If I challenge their decision, I might have to tell them that you were there, too.”
“I don’t care about that!” Why was she thinking about him when it was her good name at stake? She amazed him. “It isn’t my reputation they’re trying to ruin. Even if you decide you don’t want this job, you should meet with these people.”
“What would be the point?” she asked sadly. “It’s obvious they’ve already made up their minds about me.”
That went all over Bram. “I’ll go with you and speak to them, as well.”
“Maybe this is a sign that I should stay here.”
The anguish in her eyes grabbed at something deep inside him. Was she trying to convince herself that was what she wanted? Bram wasn’t convinced. One damn bit.
“There are other schools you can try.”
Her face fell. “You want me to leave?”
Hell, no. He closed his eyes against the brilliant flare of pain in her eyes. “What I want is for you to be able to do what you’ve thought about for so long, what you studied for. Nobody should take that away from you.” Including him.
“I told you I wasn’t sure any longer.”
“I know you did.” The feel of her in his lap was starting to affect his body. She had to feel his arousal. He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, smoothed her gray skirts. “But I also know how much you want to teach. That’s why you didn’t resign. Don’t give it up because of me. Because of anyone.”
“Even if I want to?” Her fingers grazed the scar on his cheek.
The need on her face echoed the need throbbing inside him.
She fixed her gaze on his mouth and Bram knew
she was going to kiss him. If she did, he knew he wouldn’t be able to refuse her. Knew he wouldn’t even try. “Deborah.”
“I’m so glad you were here when I got that letter.”
The trust on her face, the vulnerability there, unlocked something inside him. Her finger touched his lower lip an instant before she brushed her mouth against his.
He froze, trying to muster up some common sense. The savagery of the desire rising inside him startled him. His muscles trembled with the effort it cost him not to pull her under him, strip off her clothes and have at her the way he wanted. Hard, fast.
It didn’t matter that he told himself to put her away from him. Or that he could probably stop this with a word. He wanted her even though he knew it wasn’t smart. Right now he didn’t care about smart. He cared about the sweet, soft woman in his lap.
The first kiss was tentative and all her. But the instant she drew away a fraction, he moved his hand to cup the back of her head and keep her in place. His mouth covered hers.
When she opened to him and her arms slid around his neck, his common sense went up in smoke. All he cared about was getting her closer and keeping her there.
Aching, he took the kiss deeper, wanting her complete surrender. When she melted into him, a primal need to claim her clawed through him. The broken sound she made deep in her throat destroyed every thought in his head.
The only thing that existed was this woman, her fresh teasing scent, the warmth of her body, the press of her full breasts against his chest. Short nails grazed his nape as her fingers delved into his hair, her hip shifting right over his arousal.
He needed to touch her, all of her. Bram moved his lips to her neck, up to the sensitive spot behind her ear. She shuddered against him. Her soft hands tugged his shirt from his trousers and pushed the fabric up so she could flatten her hands against his bare back.
Remembering the sweet-cream taste of her skin, he angled her to him so he could reach the buttons down the front of her bodice. The glide of his hand over the unrestrained lines of her torso told him she wasn’t wearing a corset.
Sliding his mouth down her elegant neck, he unfastened her. The backs of his fingers skimmed her heated skin as he drew in the scent of her purely feminine musk. Once her bodice was undone, he slipped the buttons free on her camisole and spread the undergarment open, lifting his head to look at her.
The sight of taut dusky nipples and ivory skin made his mouth go dry. Savage need punched him. Compelled by the rush in his blood and feelings he’d spent too long denying, he curved his fingers around the full weight of her naked flesh. He felt her pulse hitch when he stroked the tender underside of her breast.
Next to her fair skin, his hand looked dark and big. He stared down at her in rapt silence, entranced by the play of smoky light on her body, until she squirmed on his lap.
“I could look at you forever.” He bent and ran his tongue along the inner curve of her smooth, warm flesh and up to the swell of her breast before he closed his mouth over her.
The ragged sound of his name spilling from her went straight to his heart, then lower. Pure burning desire drove through him like a spike. And a savage need to claim her. Here. Now.
He took her mouth again, hard this time. Demanding. She held him tighter.
Focused on getting her under him, he moved to her other breast, curling his tongue around her. Just as he started to lay her down, something sharp jabbed his arm. It took a moment for his hazy thoughts to clear. Hay had poked him.
They were sitting on a hay bale. In a barn. A barn, for cryin’ out loud.
Reason finally surfaced. Their first time couldn’t be like this. He wasn’t even sure they should have a first time. Oh, yeah, he wanted it, wanted her, but this wasn’t some woman he could just take and walk away from. Not Deborah.
Dragging in a steadying breath, he lifted his head, his breathing as rough as hers. She opened her eyes, the desire in her smoky blue eyes tempting him to make love to her here anyway. No.
He withdrew his hand, rested it on her waist.
“Bram?” Her shaking voice had him tightening his hold on her.
He was breathing hard and she was, too. “We can’t do this, Deborah.”
“But I want to be with you.”
Touching her face, he swallowed hard. “Not in a barn. Not like this.”
Her lips were swollen and red. She blinked as if only now recalling where they were. Well, at least he wasn’t the only one who’d been completely swept under.
“The barn,” she mouthed, shifting on his lap so that she sat up.
Right on top of his arousal. Even in the dim light, he could see color flush her cheeks. The sight of her breasts, pushed high, moist from his mouth, nearly did him in. Blood pounded in his groin and he literally hurt from wanting her. He bit back a groan.
Her raven hair was tousled, some of it escaping her chignon to rest on the delicate spot where her shoulder met her neck. He’d done that. Bram hadn’t even realized he’d put his hands in the thick silky mass.
Seconds passed as he tried to still the ruthless desire swirling through him. It didn’t help that she was an inch away or that the subtle musk of her skin made him ache to put hi
s mouth back on her. All over her.
Looking half-dazed, Deborah fastened her camisole and began closing her bodice, hiding her satiny skin bit by bit.
He clenched his hands into fists. “I’d help, but I couldn’t make myself button you up.”
She gave him a wobbly smile. Once she was finished, he set her on her feet and stood.
He noticed a piece of paper on the dirt floor behind her and realized it was the letter. He didn’t remember dropping it.
She stooped to pick it up and stuffed the missive back inside the pocket of her skirt. The sorrow on her delicate features only reinforced for Bram how much she wanted that teaching position.
Now that his brain seemed to be working again, he realized the mistake he’d almost made. If he claimed her the way he wanted, he would be committing himself to her and he didn’t know if he could.
Because it didn’t matter how much she insisted that she had changed her mind—the devastation in her eyes when she’d shown him that letter told a different story.
After the ups and downs of losing her memory then regaining it, how could she be sure of anything? Hadn’t he said he wasn’t going to touch her?
She must have seen something on his face, because when she finished straightening her clothes, she said, “Please don’t apologize for what just happened.”
“It would be a lie if I did, but I think we lost our heads. If we make love, it won’t be in a barn.”
She flushed, looking away as she asked hesitantly, “So, you didn’t stop because you don’t want me?”
He took her hand and laced her fingers through his. “You felt every inch of my body. Did that feel like a man who doesn’t want you?”
“No.”
“We just need to take it slowly. Make sure it’s what we both want.”
“I’m sure that I want to be with you.” She tilted her head, searching his eyes. “Maybe you aren’t sure you want the same.”
He wasn’t. He kept seeing the devastation in her eyes when she’d read that message.
It made him furious that Millie’s gossip had traveled all the way to Abilene. And it had to be Millie because of the phrase used in the letter. He wasn’t going to stand for it. Nothing untoward had happened in that cabin, yet he and Deborah had been forced into a pretend engagement. Although because they had, everything was proper now.
