by Debra Cowan
He’d bet good money Millie hadn’t spread that word.
If Deborah changed her mind about teaching, he didn’t want it to be because of him or because she’d been forced by someone else’s decision.
He fumed about it all night, and near dawn he came up with a plan.
When Duffy showed up for his shift, Bram didn’t go home. Instead, he rode to Whirlwind. He wasn’t going to be the one who took that job from her. And he wasn’t going to let anyone else either.
* * *
Upon reading the letter from the school board, Bram had been furious on her behalf. He had looked murderous. That meant he still had feelings for her, didn’t it?
After what had happened in the barn, Deborah caught him watching her with frank sexual intent. Several times she felt his gaze on her, searing through her clothes to all the places where he had put his mouth. But he didn’t kiss her again. In fact, he was careful not to touch her.
She didn’t understand why. Things had changed for them that night. She knew he felt it, too, even though he hadn’t responded in kind when she had told him she was sure she wanted to be with him. Why wasn’t he sure? Did he regret what had happened between them in the barn?
She was still wondering that two days later when Annalise Fine Baldwin arrived in a buggy driven by her dark-haired husband. Deborah walked out onto the porch with her mother and sisters. Easily one of the biggest men she had ever seen, Matt Baldwin reined the buggy up in front of the Blue home.
Jericho rode beside them, his Appaloosa mare keeping easy pace with their bay.
When Deborah saw Annalise, her pulse jumped. If the doctor was here, maybe that meant she had news. She shaded her eyes from the noon sun. As her brother swung his tall lean body out of the saddle, he hollered at Amos Fuller, who was riding off because his shift had ended with Jericho’s arrival.
Her brother had taken responsibility for the noon to 6:00 p.m. shift and Bram had begun staying from six at night until six the next morning. The other shift rotated between Amos and Duffy.
Amos turned back, Jericho meeting him halfway. She couldn’t hear what the men said, but the red-haired ranch hand nodded, then urged his sorrel mare into a flat-out run.
Jericho walked over to them as Matt helped his wife from the buggy.
Jessamine looked up. “Son, has something happened?”
“Nothing bad, Ma,” he said. “In fact, Annalise may have some good news.”
About her, Deborah hoped.
The doctor smiled and fluttered a piece of paper. “I heard from Dr. Hartford.”
Deborah hoped the letter contained something encouraging.
“Come in, come in.” Jessamine opened the front door, glancing back at Deborah’s sisters. “Marah, you and Michal water the horses.”
Marah took Cinco’s reins and led her brother’s horse around the house. Michal followed with the Baldwins’ animal and buggy.
Annalise stepped up on the porch, but Matt hung back. The big rancher tipped his hat to Mrs. Blue and Deborah. “I’ll let y’all talk privately with my wife.”
After giving her a quick kiss, he disappeared around the house.
Mother motioned everyone inside. “Let’s go into the parlor.”
Jericho palmed off his hat as he let the women precede him. “I sent Amos for Bram.”
At the questioning look Deborah shot him, her brother said, “He needs to hear this. It’s better if he gets the same information from Annalise that we do.”
As Deborah and Annalise followed her mother into the parlor, Jordan returned from the kitchen with a silver tray of lemonade. After serving everyone, she left with a glass for Matt.
Situated off the front room, the parlor was small and windowless yet provided a quiet meeting place. A deep burgundy rug covered the floor in front of the dusky green sofa.
As Deborah took a seat on the sofa beside her mother, Annalise settled across from them in the leather chair the same green as the couch. They’d brought both pieces from Uvalde along with Jessamine’s silver service.
The sound of pounding hooves had Deborah turning toward the door. Boots thudded across the floor and Bram appeared. The open placket of his shirt revealed the hollow at the base of his throat and a smattering of dark hair on the wide expanse of his chest.
Fatigue creased his rugged features, showed in his blue eyes. He didn’t look as if he’d slept any more than she had last night, yet he had come anyway.
He removed his hat. “I hope I didn’t hold you up.”
Annalise shook her head. “We haven’t even started.”
He crossed to the opposite wall where Jericho stood next to a picture of his parents. The two men shook hands.
“Thanks for sending word,” Bram said.
Her brother nodded, his silver gaze shifting to Annalise. The doctor looked from Deborah to Jessamine, then to the two men.
“Is this everyone?” she asked.
“Yes,” Jessamine answered.
Anticipation stretched Deborah’s nerves taut. Feeling Bram’s gaze on her, she looked past the doctor to the big man who studied her with a perplexed expression. As if she were a puzzle he was trying to solve. She didn’t understand that look.
Annalise opened the letter and Deborah’s attention shifted to the woman in front of her.
The doctor scanned the first page. “Deborah, when I saw Bram in town a couple of days ago, he told me you’d regained most of your memory.”
“That’s right.”
“Are you still unable to remember the time you spent in Monaco?”
“Yes.” Looking over as her mother squeezed her hand, she tried to keep the frustration out of her voice. “Bram and I both thought it would come back to me, like the rest of my memories, but it hasn’t.”
The other woman nodded, thumbing through the letter. “When you regained most of your memories the other day, was there any pain?”
“No.”
“That’s good.”
Bram cleared his throat. “Doc, is it possible that people who suffer from memory loss would act out of character? Did your friend say anything about that?”
Deborah glanced at him. What was he talking about? And why wouldn’t he look at her?
Annalise nodded, her green gaze scanning a page. “Hartford writes that he’s observed such a thing in quite a few patients.”
“So, it wouldn’t be unusual for a patient with Deborah’s problem to suddenly change their mind about something they’ve always wanted?”
Deborah frowned. Did he think that was why she had changed her mind about teaching? She glared at him, but spoke to Annalise, “It doesn’t happen in every instance, though, does it, Annalise?”
“Not according to Dr. Hartford, who’s certainly seen more cases than I have.”
“Still,” Bram persisted, “such a thing is probably pretty common, right?”
“I don’t know if I would say common.”
See? Deborah pinned him with a look.
Jericho’s curious gaze went from her to Bram and back again. So did her mother’s.
Annalise indicated her current page. “Dr. Hartford does write that he has observed such behavior in more patients than not.”
See? Bram shot a look right back at Deborah.
Ooh, she wanted to tell him to hush. She narrowed her eyes.
Looking amused, the doctor shifted in her chair, her gaze going from Bram to Deborah. “Have you experienced any flashes, like you did at Jericho’s house? Anything, even if you aren’t sure or think it’s nothing?”
Deborah shook her head. “Is that bad?”
“Not necessarily. At least we know you were in a specific place during the time you’re missing.”
“Do you think I should try to remember? Not just
wait for it to come to me? When I asked before, you said I shouldn’t force any memories.”
“That was at the beginning. You had no recall at all. Now that you do, it could be a different story.”
“So it might help if I do try to make myself remember?”
Bram’s disapproval lashed her from across the room.
Annalise turned her attention back to the letter. “Ah, here it is. Dr. Hartford believes that it sometimes helps the victim to try and re-create what they think happened.”
Deborah’s heart sank. “I don’t know enough to do that, but I could go back to Monaco.”
“No.” The word shot out of Bram like a bullet.
Four gazes jerked to him.
Deborah held on to her temper with an effort. Didn’t he want her to remember? “Why not? It might help.”
Bram shook his head, his jaw going anvil-hard.
Jericho shifted from one booted foot to the other. “What’s the problem?”
Bram looked at Deborah. “Have you forgotten how badly your head hurt when you tried to remember before?”
“It hasn’t happened in a while.” Did he really need to tell her brother about that?
“How bad?” Jericho asked.
Bram folded his arms. “It was painful enough that tears were rolling down her cheeks.”
Her brother frowned. “Maybe Bram’s right.”
“No.” Deborah stood. “I need to know what happened in Monaco, and if there’s a chance that going there might help me remember, then I’m going.”
“Not by yourself,” Jericho and Bram said in unison.
Her brother glanced at Bram. “I can’t go until next week.”
“I can go in a couple of days.”
Impatient and finally encouraged that there was something she could do, Deborah spoke up. “Maybe someone else could take me.”
Bram’s eyes narrowed. “You can get that notion out of your head right now.”
Instead of feeling pleasure that he didn’t want anyone else accompanying her, she was irritated by his attitude.
“There’s no telling how you’ll react to anything,” Annalise cautioned as she got to her feet. “Going back there might have a negative impact.”
“I have to try.” She wanted her life back. Her entire life.
“Since you and Bram are engaged now, the two of you can go without a chaperone,” Jericho pointed out.
Bram got a pained expression on his face, almost as if he were afraid to be alone with her. What did that mean?
Her temper flared. “Are you sure you’re willing to take me?”
At her caustic tone, he gave her a flat stare. “Yes. Until Cosgrove is caught, you sure aren’t going anywhere by yourself.”
Half an hour ago, she would’ve been happy to go alone with Bram to Monaco. To anywhere.
Annalise folded the letter and walked to the door. “If I come across anything else helpful, I’ll let you know.”
“Thank you.” Deborah hugged the other woman. “And thanks for driving out.”
“We really appreciate that,” Jericho said in his quiet voice.
As the Baldwins drove off, Bram and Jericho began discussing the upcoming trip.
“What if you run into Cosgrove?” her brother asked.
“I’ll be armed and so will Deborah.”
“If you decide you want someone to ride along, I can ask Riley or Davis Lee.”
“Jake’s another possibility, but I think we’ll be okay.”
The two men finished their conversation and shook hands. After bidding everyone goodbye, Bram started toward his horse.
Was anyone going to ask Deborah’s opinion? Of course not. Her fiancé thought she didn’t know her own mind.
Picking up her skirts, she hurried after him. “Bram?”
He turned, his gaze moving over her face before dropping to her mouth. A shiver rippled through her.
She knew now why he wasn’t sure about being with her. He didn’t believe she knew what she wanted. Or meant what she said. “You seem determined not to believe that I know what I want.”
“You did a complete turnaround!”
“Yes, because I changed my mind. Are you afraid that I’m not thinking straight because I haven’t regained my full memory?”
“I don’t know. I just know you stood in that barn and told me you suddenly didn’t want something that you’ve wanted your whole life. That makes no sense, Deborah.”
“People change their minds all the time.”
“Not you.” He slapped his hat on his head. “Not about this.”
He made her want to scream. “You don’t want to believe me.”
“I didn’t say anything like that.”
“You don’t want to want me either.”
He closed the distance between them, his blue eyes glittering like steel. “I sure as hell didn’t say that.”
She angled her chin at him. “Why did you stop the other night? When we were kissing and...stuff?”
“Because we were in a barn,” he said in a low rough voice, looking around to make sure no one could hear them.
“There was another reason, too.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes briefly.
“Ever since then, I’ve been trying to figure out why you aren’t sure you want to be with me. I think it’s because you don’t trust me. That’s the real problem, isn’t it?”
His nostrils flared, a flush darkening his cheeks.
“Even though I told you differently, you think I still want to teach.”
Stone-faced, he leveled a stare at her.
“And if I have to leave in order to do it, you don’t expect me to come back. That’s it, isn’t it?”
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to.
She inched closer to him, until her skirts brushed the tops of his boots and she could feel the line of his thighs against hers. “I’m not going anywhere.”
As he rode off, she knew he didn’t believe her. But he would.
Chapter Twelve
Deborah was excited about the trip to Monaco. She was glad Bram was the one taking her. Not only because he was able to make the trip sooner than her brother, but also because she wanted to spend time alone with him. The morning was well under way by the time he drove the buggy out of her yard and headed west.
She wore her lightest summer traveling suit, a white bodice and a pale blue split skirt that matched the ribbon of her bonnet. His revolver lay between them and his rifle was tucked under their seat. Deborah carried a pocket pistol in her skirt pocket. Years ago, Jericho had built one for each of his sisters and their mother. And he’d taught each of them how to hit what they aimed for.
As the buggy bumped along the wagon-rutted road, Deborah slid a look at the big man beside her. Though the top of the buggy was up, Bram wore his cream-colored Stetson low. Large calloused hands held the reins loosely on the palomino mare that pulled the cart.
The summer sun was hidden behind a fat bank of clouds, which slightly cooled the boiling temperature. The sleeves of his white shirt were rolled back to reveal corded forearms dusted with dark hair. Her gaze took in the burnished skin of his neck and face, the black hair curling damply against his strong nape.
He glanced at her, giving her a slow smile that sent her heart tripping.
They hadn’t kissed since that night in the barn. Had barely touched, she realized. Because her family was around all the time? She had hoped that once she and Bram were away from Circle R land, he might try to steal a kiss or two. Or at least act as though he wanted to, but he hadn’t.
There was an easy silence between them as the buggy rolled along. Deborah couldn’t seem to stop staring at the carved line of hi
s jaw, the high crest of his cheekbones. The mouth that had been so hungry on hers.
She was the first to speak. “Thanks for bringing me. I know you don’t like the idea.”
“I want you to remember.” His voice rumbled out. “I just don’t want it to cause you pain.”
She laid her gloved hand on his knee. Beneath her touch, she felt the flex of a powerful thigh.
“Maybe that won’t happen this time,” she said.
“I hope you’re right.”
“This will be a good trip. I can feel it.” She smiled. She expected to remember everything, fill in all the blanks in her memory.
What would be more difficult and would take longer was getting Bram to trust her.
The thought of the letter from the school board still slashed at her—she didn’t like being falsely accused—but that didn’t mean she regretted her decision.
Bram needed to know she had no intention of changing her mind. “Did I tell you that Catherine asked me to tutor Andrew when school begins?”
He slid her a slightly surprised look. “That’s good.”
“And Annalise asked if I would be willing to help her with her patients now that Catherine is occupied with Evie. I said I would.”
His gaze, speculative now, settled on her. “You’re good at being a nurse. You’d be a good doctor, too.”
He’d told her that before. Now, as then, pleasure warmed her, but she wanted him to understand what she was really doing—making plans for the future. A future in Whirlwind.
He was quiet for a moment, then turned to her. “And what about teaching? Have you thought more about that?”
After their conversation two days ago, she’d thought a lot about whether she really meant what she said. “Yes, I have.”
“If you agreed to tutor Andrew, you obviously don’t want to give up teaching.”
“There’s no sense in letting my studies go to waste. I also told John Tucker I would substitute for him in Whirlwind if he ever needed someone, but that will be enough to keep me happy.” She waited until he looked at her before adding deliberately, “And in Whirlwind.”
