by Kendra Riley
“Miss Rose?”
“Yes Susie?”
“Why are you crying?”
Hazel Rose had broken down then. In front of all the children. And with a heavy heart and shoulders that now stooped downwards – she told them that her and Robbie had broken up. It was difficult to see their faces become sad for her. Seven year olds should not know that kind of sadness and she had felt bad for telling them. She knew that she should’ve made up some story about why Robbie had left or pretended as if it was what she wanted. But it wasn’t easy to pretend when your heart had just been broken. She half expected to get letters of complaints from their parents for destroying their kid’s faith in love. But those children had been her pillars of strength and support for her. If they were teenagers she’d expect there would’ve been cries of “Screw him” and “What a bastard, you don’t need him” but seven year olds were a different breed.
After that, she had received a drawing from the entire class – which they said they had worked on together as a group – featuring a very pretty lady (herself), with flattering stick like arms and long black hair. The girl had a big bright smile and was holding hands with a big smiling man. The man had dark hair (Robbie had blonde hair), he was tall (Robbie was short) and above them were little red and pink hearts. They had found her another man.
Hazel had smiled every day in class after receiving the picture. But she was only smiling for them. Inside she thought that she would never be the same. She had been living with Robbie. That’s what happens when you are with someone for such a long time – your whole life is together. They had gotten the apartment just after college and when he left she wasn’t sure how she was going to survive there on her own. Firstly, the place was big and rent was not cheap. It was fine with two salaries but not so good with one.
Secondly, the whole place just reminded her of him. Even once she had taken down all the photographs it was hard not to think of him. Every corner of the house held a memory. Something they had done together. There was even a stage, when they had first moved in, when they had tried to have sex in every room. They had managed in every room except the laundry room, which had simply proven to be too small and far too uncomfortable. When Robbie left her she had spent a lot of time in that laundry room – the one room without a memory.
But two months later, after investing far too much money into staying there, she decided to move out. She found herself a sweet little apartment on the opposite side of town from where he had moved. It was half the rent and was also close enough to work that she could walk. She spent the next few months doing the place up and making it her own. She loved that apartment, even though the nights were tough and lonely.
It had taken a full year before she had finally gone on her first date. His name was Aaron. He was tall with dark hair and a smiling face – quite similar to the stickman that the kids had drawn for her. The date had gone well. He’d taken her to a very cozy little Italian restaurant and they had dined on pasta and far too much wine. Hazel found herself relaxing and enjoying herself for the first time since Robbie had left and for a brief moment, she had thought that she was finally over what had happened. At the end of the night, in a haze of alcohol, he had invited her back to his place. And she had accepted. Why not? I deserve this, she had told herself. She hadn’t had sex in forever and Aaron was a good looking man who actually seemed to like her. She had allowed him to take her to his house.
She had followed him to the front door. She had gone inside and admired his place. She had accepted another drink. And she had even allowed him to kiss her. Then he had told her that he liked her a lot and that he could see great things for them. She had felt the hairs on her back stand up. And when he had tried to take things further she had made an excuse to leave. Afterwards, she never saw him again. After that, she had slept with a few guys and gone on a few dates, but refused to let anything get serious. Her heart just wasn’t ready for it. It was still repairing itself from the first time it had broken into a million little pieces.
So it was strange that she had allowed herself to get this close to Damien (who also, as it turned out, looked quite a lot like that stickman).
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered in a tone that suggested nothing but the absolute truth and she decided that she would believe him. Even if it was just because she wanted to.
“So are you.”
And he was, in a rather banged up kind of way. He reminded her a little of Benicio del Toro and the thought always made her smile. Robbie had been all magazine perfect and now she took great pleasure whenever she saw someone with flaws. It was the flaws that made them beautiful – it meant that they had a story. Robbie had been all flawless on the outside and completely flawed in the inside. Damien didn’t try to hide who he was. She ran her finger across his scar, which cut right through his eyebrow so that the hair would never grow back and then she reached over and kissed it.
He looked at her then, perhaps trying to assess the situation. They’d gotten close like this before and she’d always pull away before it went any further. She continued to meet his gaze then, because Hazel wanted Damien to know that she was ready. They had already been on a few dates, already gotten to know each other quite well, but tonight was the first night that she was allowing it to go any further. He pulled gently at her lips and Hazel felt her entire body begin to tremble. She’d forgotten how good this felt. He teased at her lips, playing lightly with her lips until she could take it no more. If this had been anyone else she would’ve pulled away by now. Her body and mind always warned her. But it was different this time. She didn’t want to pull away. And every part of her was screaming ‘give me more’ – that’s when she knew that she was ready.
“Right,” she said and stood up.
They had been seated on the floor, heads bent over books and CD players as if they were straight out the nineties.
“I need more.”
She couldn’t believe that the words were even coming out of her mouth. She didn’t know that she could be this confident. She hadn’t even been that confident when she had been with Robbie for all those years. She took off her shirt and then pulled off her jeans, and then slowly started to take off her bra and panties. Damien tried to stand but she pushed him back down. So he lay back and watched her, a smile forming. Hazel moved around the room, aware of his eager eyes.
She dimmed the light – pretending to be romantic but really because the bright light was a little too revealing – and she put on some music. Then, she pulled Damien up and took off his clothes. He was taller than her so he had to help her with his t-shirt but she had no problem with the jeans. She loved the way he had hardened the moment she had pulled them down. Soon, he was standing naked in front of her. And he was even more beautiful to her in that moment than before. Across his chest was another scar and she reached over to touch it. Then she pulled him to the bed, climbed on top of him and rocked so that he slid inside her. She took his hands and placed one on her breast and one on the crook of her back and then she moved up and down until she could feel him get even deeper and grow even harder inside of her.
For once in her life, she wanted to be seen. She wanted him to look at her in that way. She didn’t mind that he could see her faults. She could see that he liked her. That he wanted her. She bent down and kissed him, then kissed his neck so that he shuddered against her touch. He pulled her down so that she was flat against him, her breasts against his chest, her mouth against his. They kissed and moved and kissed and moved. And it felt good. It felt great.
“Hazel,” he cried out, “I’m going to come.”
She smiled, sat back up and rocked harder, “Me too.”
This time there was no chance of her running away.
***
“Well, that was unexpected,” Damien said to her.
They were both lying on the bed with the covers down to their feet on the bed. The air was cold but they were both still too hot to pull it back up. And still, Hazel felt amazed
that she hadn’t immediately wanted to cover herself once they were done. She’d always covered herself after sex with Robbie, even after they had been together for years. She’d assumed that was just normal practice but now, lying comfortably naked next to Damien, she wasn’t so sure.
“Yeah, tell me about it. You were just too darn cute too resist. Really, you are just very, very cute, Mr. Carson.” She kissed him on the nose.
“Me? Cute? I’ll be honest – you’re the first person that has ever referred to me as cute.”
That made her chuckle. “I can imagine. And yet, I find the word very fitting for you. I’m kind of glad that I’m the only one that has called you cute. It’s my word for you. Nobody else’s. You are my Mr. Cute.”
“Best you not tell anyone that. I don’t want everyone going around and thinking I’m cute. I have an image to retain you know. A reputation to uphold. And cute definitely does not fit it. Now… how about a word for you?”
“For me?” Hazel asked. “What do you mean?”
“Yeah, I need a word for you, too. One that nobody else has called you. Let’s see – I’m sure you’ve been called gorgeous, beautiful and cute many times before. So I need a different name. A name that proves that I see you in a way that nobody has seen you before.”
“Oh yeah? This should be interesting.” She perched herself up so that she was facing him. He was still lying flat on his back and he was staring at the ceiling in deep concentration.
“I’ve got it!” he yelled.
“Ooh. Tell me.”
“Nah, I think I’ll keep this one to myself.”
Hazel punched him in the ribs. “You better tell me, otherwise we’re never doing that again.”
“Ooh. Are you threatening to withhold sex?” He grinned at her.
“You bet I am.” Again, Hazel couldn’t believe how confident she was with Damien. She liked the way he made her feel about herself.
“Well, it worked. Okay, your name is Panda.”
“Uh? What? What does that even mean? Oh no, it better not be because you’ve spotted white hair in amongst the dark ones! I’ve been noticing them more and more lately but you know what they say – pull out one and ten more will grow back.” Hazel put her hand up and tried to cover her hair, but this just made Damian laugh.
“No, I haven’t noticed any grey hairs. Although I will be inspecting your head later to see if you’re telling the truth. Actually, Panda was the name of my dog when I was growing up.”
“What? You’re naming me after your dog? I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
“Well, I’ve never loved another animal – or human really – as much as I loved that dog.”
Hazel looked at him then. It was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever said to her.
“That’s… that’s… so nice of you.” She smiled at him. “Also, it’s a pretty creative name to come up with as a child. All my dogs were unimaginatively Fluffy and Spot.”
“Well, little Panda girl, now that I’ve told you what your new nickname is, you cannot deny me sex. And you know… I quite think I’d like to do it again. Soon. Like now.”
Hazel giggled. This time, she knew that she wasn’t running away.
*
Hazel
“Hazel, we’re having a big Sunday lunch together. On Sunday. Well, obviously.” Her mother laughed at her own joke. “I hope you can make it. I’m in a cooking kind of mood.”
Her mother was always in a cooking kind of mood – which explained her brief fat years as a teenager. Now at least she could indulge whenever she saw them. Before it was an everyday occurrence. Her food was just impossible to say no to.
“I can mom. I’ll definitely be there. But only if you’re making those roast potatoes again.”
“Of course I am. I’ll make extra this time so you and your brother don’t fight after them. I swear, you’d think you were starved the way you act.”
Hazel laughed. “Thanks, Mom. But, uh… would it be okay if I brought someone with me?”
There was silence for a few seconds and then her mother exclaimed, “Is that someone a man?”
Hazel laughed. “Of course it is. Otherwise I would’ve just said something like ‘Rachel is coming with’ – yeah, it’s a man.” Hazel rolled her eyes. She knew that her mother would make a big deal out of it. She just couldn’t help herself.
“And do we know this man?” her mother pried.
“No, you don’t know him. Well, not yet anyway. If you did I would’ve just said ‘I’m bringing Paul.”
“Who is Paul?”
“I don’t know. I just made that up for the sake of my sarcasm.”
“Okay then, so does this man have a name?”
“His name is Damien. We’re kind of dating.”
“Hazel Josephine Rose.” Her mother always called her by her full name when she wanted to make a point about something. “Why on earth are we only finding out about this now? I have not even heard of someone called Damien in your life. Actually, I didn’t even know you were going on dates. And if you’re bringing him to Sunday lunch then this must be more serious than you’re letting on. Don’t think I don’t know you. Theresa, did you know about a Damien?” Her mother called out. “Even Theresa didn’t know. You have kept us all in the dark.”
Theresa was Hazel’s sister in law and the two were good friends. Although, because of her close proximity to her brother and the rest of the family, they weren’t great friends. She certainly didn’t call Theresa up to tell her about her problems, although clearly her mother seemed to think she did.
“Mom, I didn’t tell anyone because I wanted to make sure that we really liked each other. You know how it’s been. I don’t want to get hurt again.”
“And this Damien guy… you think he might be the one?”
Hazel rolled her eyes. “I think it’s far too soon to be thinking like that. But… I like him. He makes me happy.” Hazel smiled to herself at the thought of Damien. He really did make her happy. And Hazel had not allowed a man to make her happy in a very long time.
“Well, then I’m happy. And of course he can come with you for lunch. Thank goodness I’m making those extra roast potatoes now.”
It hadn’t been an easy decision for Hazel to introduce Damien to her family. She knew that it would only signal to him and to herself that they were more than friends. Although, having sex with him proved that already. Just that morning she’d heard a knock on her door and had rushed to get it. It was very early in the morning and she was still in her pajamas. Whoever was coming to see her at this time of the morning must be there for something serious. But when she opened the door she’d found Damien standing with two cups of takeaway coffee. For a moment she thought she was still dreaming. A rather happy dream at that.
“Damien? What you are doing here so early?” She peered out and saw that the darkened sky was only just starting to get light.
“I thought you could do with some coffee,” he said, grinning at her with his cute little lopsided smile that always melted her heart.
“I can ALWAYS do with some coffee. But still, this is an unusual time.”
“But still, I got up and you were the first thing I thought of. Also, you’re just so incredibly cute in those pajamas.”
It hadn’t taken them long to forget about the coffee and within minutes they were on her bed, clothes off and making love. This time it was him that seduced her – making sure that every part of her body was seen to. She had giggled with ticklishness when he had kissed her toes and she had gasped when he had moved up between her legs. And when his body was on top of hers she didn’t once pull away.
Afterwards she had laughed and ruffled his hair. “Was this really just a booty call?” she asked.
“No, I really wanted to bring you coffee. This was a great way to say thank you by the way. Especially since we haven’t even had the coffee yet.”
She went to warm it up in the microwave and then the two of them had climbed back into bed.
“So, uh… do you want to meet my parents sometime?” Then she had closed her eyes and groaned, wishing that the words had never come out of her mouth. This was a sure way to scare off any man. But when she had opened her eyes he was smiling at her.
“Yeah, I’d love that. Think they’re going to like a scarred man like myself?”
“Well, you may have some scars, but you’re also exceptionally cute, remember?”
“Oh yes. Of course, I keep forgetting how cute I am.”
“Also, my mom makes the most amazing food. But…hands off the roast potatoes. I already fought with my brother over them the last time. We don’t need a third person to split them with now.”
“You do realize that I now have to try them.”
“What? I mean… they’re disgusting. I warn you against eating those roast potatoes. You know, for the good of your health.”
They’d spent the morning together and later she had called him to inform him that a date had been set for him to meet the family. Even then she thought he would say that he had changed his mind, but he simply said he was looking forward to it. It was only after she had put down the phone that she realized how little she actually knew about his life. She knew that his parents were not alive anymore and that the only family that he had left was his brother. He never spoke about his brother though so she had a feeling that things weren’t so good between them.
She knew that he worked for a carpenter and liked to use his hands. But that was all she really knew about his life. Of course, she knew the fundamentals. She knew the way he made her feel. She knew what made him laugh and what annoyed him. She knew his favorite meals and the fact that he needed two cups of coffee in the morning to survive the rest of the day. She knew that when he woke up in the morning his hair stuck up like a Mohawk and would only go down after a shower. She knew that he was incredibly witty and good with his words. She knew that he liked looking tough but that he was really a softie underneath it all. And she knew that it was only the beginning – because she had plenty of time to get to know him more.
