Without Compromise

by Riker, Becky

  “NYPD,” Harry shouted and tried the knob. “Open the door.”

  No response.

  Tag did not hesitate to plant his heel firmly at the level of the deadbolt. The door splintered, and the men were in.

  Harlan led a sweep of the home before determining the suspects had fled. By the time CSU arrived, the SWAT team was preparing to leave.

  “Not as exciting as I had hoped it would be,” Prince popped a piece of gum into his mouth, “but it beats the beat.”

  Jeremy laughed at the pun.

  Harry and Tag headed for their own vehicle.

  “You ever pray while we’re out there?” Tag asked as they stored their equipment in the back of the SUV.

  Harry rounded the car and climbed into the driver’s seat.

  Tag waited for a response but didn’t get one. He figured Jacobson must think he was nuts.

  Harry drove back toward the station, “I’ve prayed before.”

  Tag leaned away from the other man to get a better look.

  Harry chuckled, “I was just thinking. I heard you.”

  “When have you ever prayed?”

  Harry chewed his lip a minute before answering, “The time I had to shoot that kid – the one on crack. I prayed that the kid would die of the drugs, so I wouldn’t have to shoot a fifteen-year-old while his mother watched.”

  Tag’s stomach clenched at the memory.

  “And when you were shot. I prayed real hard then.”

  “How’d you know how to do it?”

  Harry glanced over at him, “How to pray? Praying is easy. It’s having the faith that anyone is listening that’s so hard.”

  Tag wondered if he was making it out to be harder than it really was.

  “I grew up in church,” Harry continued. “It’s not that I don’t believe in God now – I do – I just have trouble believing he’s in control of everything.”

  Tag wasn’t sure how the whole religion thing worked, but he wondered how God could have the power to take a life or save it but didn’t control everything. If there was a God, but He didn’t control everything, who did?

  “You asking because of what Harlan said or because of Josie?”

  Tag lifted his shoulder in a noncommittal answer, “A little of both, maybe.”

  “You want my opinion?”

  “Sure.”

  Harry stopped at a red light and turned to meet Tag’s eyes, “Everyone knows I’m not a religious guy, but I can see a benefit in having some kind of relationship with the Guy who made me.”

  Tag wondered when they had jumped to the assumption that Tag was willing to put his belief in the creation theory.

  “So you don’t believe in evolution?”

  Harry looked up at the light to see it change. He proceeded through the intersection, “I guess not. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? I mean – they want us to believe that there were just always these particles of matter out there. Doesn’t it make sense that someone had to make it all?”

  Tag snorted, “How does that make any more sense? Who made God?”

  “I’d sooner believe in a God that always was than in a world that just made itself.”

  Tag wondered how they got on this conversation when they had never touched on it before.

  “Maybe you’re right, but then don’t you think you have to go the whole way?”

  “Whaddya mean?”

  “If you believe that God created the universe, then most of the Bible’s gotta be true.”

  “Sure,” Harry didn’t sound like he was following.

  “That means that God is all-powerful, and He did make those laws.”

  Harry turned into the station parking lot, “That would be a natural assumption.”

  Tag was almost finished, “And that all-powerful God is just sitting around twiddling His big thumbs while we break every single law He ever made?”

  Harry parked the car and looked at Tag.

  “I see where you’re going with this, Madden. You want to know how a loving God could possibly let people do what they do?”

  Tag shook his head, “No. Who’s talking about a loving God? I’m just wondering what God is doing – letting us live – when he could decimate us. I mean, if I was God, I’d rid the earth of this batch of humans and try again.”

  Harry laughed, “Nice picture, Tag. I kinda remember something about this from when I was a kid, but the old memory’s not what it used to be.”

  They got out of the car and headed inside.

  “You know who could probably help you out,” Harry suggested as they were stashing their gear.

  Tag looked at him.

  “Josie,” Harry checked his rifle.

  Tag didn’t have any good answers, but he was pretty sure asking Josie was a bad idea. She would think he was only doing it to get her to date him. He knew he had started looking into the religious matters because of her, but he was finding now that he needed to know himself.

  The men were soon back out on patrol.

  “I bought a Bible,” Tag admitted to Harry as they drove through their assigned neighborhood.

  “You going to read it?”

  “I read some last night.”

  Harry glanced over, “On your date?”

  Tag glowered, giving Harry a reason to laugh at him.

  “I should have known you weren’t out trying to forget Josie.”

  “Forget Josie?” Tag’s frowned deepened. “Why – how could I do that?”

  “With a date. You were up reading all night – not out on a hot date.”

  Tag shook his head. He knew he was going to sound nuts to Harry, but he opted for the truth.

  “I know she isn’t committing to me, but that’d feel like cheating.”

  Harry looked like he was about to respond, but a call came over the radio telling them to get to the scene of a mugging. The conversation would have to wait.

  Tag finished his shift and changed into street clothes. He wondered if he should bring Josie more flowers as an apology for not coming back or calling. He decided against it and opted to walk to the hospital to get rid of some of his nerves.

  The walk didn’t help. By the time he arrived on her floor, Tag was more unsettled than before. He vacillated between telling her nothing about his questions and opening the passages he had been reading to beg for an explanation.

  He bypassed the elevators in favor of the stairs and ran to the fourth floor.

  Grateful that Harry had informed him she was out of intensive care, he made it to the right room. He stood outside her door long enough that a nurse approached him.

  “May I help you, sir?”

  He looked down at her, “No, ah,” he kept his voice down, “I was just thinking that maybe I should’ve called her before I came. I mean, she could be sleeping.”

  The nurse smiled, “I was just in there five minutes ago. I don’t think she’s sleeping.”

  Tag shifted his feet, “I’m not sure she wants . . .company.”

  Actually, he was just not sure she wanted to see him.

  The nurse knocked on the door, “I’ll check and see.”

  “You’d better tell her who it is,” he cringed as he spoke after her retreating back.

  “You have company, but he wanted me to check and make sure you were up to it.”

  “Sure,” Josie sounded chipper.

  “He said I’d better tell you who it is, but I didn’t catch a name.”

  Tag cursed his stupidity.

  The nurse glanced at him, “Um. A little taller than average.”

  Josie must have asked for a description.

  “Blue eyes, blond, good-looking. Seems kinda nervous.”

  He heard Josie huff before she spoke again – this time loudly enough for him to hear clearly, “Is he bearing gifts and wearing an expression of complete remorse for abandoning me?”

  Tag leaned his head against the door frame, “No, to the first, but I’d be happy to go buy out the gift shop – or max out
my credit card down there – if you’d just give me a chance to apologize.”

  The nurse laughed as she sidled past him, “She’s smiling, so I assume that means you should go in.”

  He came in holding his hands in a pose of surrender.

  She was sitting up in bed, and they had taken the bandage off her head, “You look beautiful.”

  Josie blushed, “Molly came over and did my hair and makeup for me. She thought she was going to have to cut some of the tangles out, but she managed to save it all.”

  He sat in the chair, “I’m sorry, Josie. I was a bit overwhelmed.”

  Her brows gathered just slightly.

  “I know that isn’t an excuse,” he hurried to assure her. “I know I should have manned up and come back.”

  “Tag,” she reached out and touched his arm, “you don’t owe me. You don’t owe me an explanation or your time.”

  He grasped her fingers, “I want to.”

  “Tag, I can’t keep relying on you. We both know this relationship can’t go any further.”

  Tag felt sick. She had told him this before, but something in her tone struck a nerve.

  “Jo,” he stopped her before he could go further, “can you tell me why it makes such a big difference – what I believe, I mean?”

  “Please don’t get mad, Tag,” she pleaded with him, tears beginning to form a trail down her cheek. “I’m going to tell you, but I don’t want you to get mad and blame God.”

  He didn’t know how to do anything but nod dumbly.

  “The Bible says we can’t be yoked to unbelievers.”

  “Yoked?”

  “Connected,” she scowled at him. “You know what it means, Tag.”

  He wasn’t sure he did.

  “I’m not going to pressure you to have sex, Josie. I know how important it is for you to wait until marriage.”

  She pulled a tissue from the box, “It’s not just that, Tag. The longer I know you, the more I . . .”

  She started crying, and Tag couldn’t understand anything else she said.

  “Josie,” he scooted up onto her bed and pulled her into his arms, “I’m so sorry. I love you, and I know that isn’t enough.”

  She cried harder, holding on to the front of his shirt.

  “I wish it was enough, Josie, but you’re right.”

  He pressed his face into her hair, knowing this was the last chance he was going to get to hold her. Tag inhaled deeply, trying to memorize the scent of her and the feel of her in his arms.

  Finally, he pulled her face back from his chest, holding it between his palms, “You get better soon, Josie, okay?”

  She nodded.

  Tag couldn’t resist. He knew he was making this harder for both of them, but he didn’t have the strength to keep himself from leaning forward and brushing his lips against hers.

  “I love you, Josie Drake.”

  He stood up and left quickly, keeping his head down to avoid the looks of pity that would surely come from seeing a grown man crying as he hurried from the hospital.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Josie picked up the pillow and pressed it against her face to keep her scream from being heard throughout the ward. After releasing it, she turned her face to her bed and sobbed, hoping nobody would come to visit right then.

  She knew it was the right thing to do. She had expected Tag to argue more, but she was glad he hadn’t. Her pride wasn’t injured because he hadn’t fought for her. In fact, she loved him more for recognizing that she needed him to leave.

  An hour later, Josie had cleaned herself up a bit and was presentable when her parents arrived.

  “Tag’s been here?” her mother found her place at the end of the bed.

  Josie nodded, unsurprised that her mother had picked up on her red eyes and solemn expression.

  Sol sat down, “And you broke up with him.”

  Doris looked at her husband, “There was no breaking up to do. They weren’t dating.”

  Sol pointed his nose in the air just slightly, “If you say so.”

  “I think he’s going to try to make himself scarce,” Josie spoke on a soft sob.

  If she had known just how scarce Tag was going to make himself, she might have thought through her plan a little more.

  “Did I tell you I have a new neighbor?” Molly called her sister a couple weeks after Josie returned home from the hospital.

  Josie was working on the exercises her therapist had given her, “Oh? Who moved out?”

  Molly was silent so long that the answer became obvious.

  “When did he move, Molly?”

  “Right away,” the older sister sounded sympathetic. “Within days of your surgery.”

  “That was,” Josie swallowed to keep her tears at bay, “it was actually very nice of him.”

  Molly’s sniff of disbelief could be heard through the phone lines.

  “It was, “Josie defended him. “He knew how hard it was for me to see him.”

  “You don’t think it was just because he was afraid for himself?”

  “Maybe,” Josie conceded that much.

  “You think he’s gone for good?”

  “He changed his cell number,” Josie leaned over to touch her toes.

  “You called him?”

  “No. He texted me and told me he was going to do that and take my number off his phone, but if I needed anything I should call Harry.”

  “Josie, I’m so sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  It didn’t take long for Josie to heal from the accident. By February, she was ready to start shooting for the show. The producers had been a little nervous when they heard about her injury, but they had actually offered to put off her scenes for an extra week. It was an offer she found unnecessary, but she appreciated it nonetheless.

  Ken had made good on his word to look into the situation with Josie’s accident. Contrary to his better judgment, he had not filed any kind of legal claim against the man who had goofed during the incident. However, he did his best to ensure the man would not be working the rigging in any stunts again.

  Josie was into her second month of filming when she got a call from Ken.

  “How’s the job going?”

  “I love it,” she wiped the sweat from her face as she walked toward wardrobe. “It’s something new every time, but I’m getting to know people here.”

  “That’s great. It’s been nice weather for shooting.”

  Something was wrong. She wasn’t sure if it was the tone of his voice or if it was the fact that Ken was making small talk, and he never made small talk.

  “Ken,” Josie didn’t have time to guess, “what’s up?”

  “It could be nothing,” he began, “but I didn’t want you to go through the day without hearing.”

  She stopped moving, “Without hearing what?”

  He was silent, but Josie’s phone was not. It beeped, indicating an incoming call. It was Molly. Josie decided to call her back.

  “Ken,” she snapped, “if you have something to say, just say it.”

  He started to speak, but a text alert beeped out most of his words.

  “Hold on, Ken,” she looked down at the screen and saw the message was from Molly.

  She opened it without a thought.

  Turn on news. I’m heading your way. Will be there in ten minutes.

  “Ken,” Josie’s heart began to race as she hurried toward the director’s office, “what happened?”

  “There was apparently a police raid downtown. Two SWAT officers were shot. One was killed, and the other is in critical condition.”

  Josie stood outside the office, “What makes you think it’s Tag’s team?”

  “I don’t know that it is,” Ken admitted, “but one of the officers’ names was Jacobson, and the picture they flashed looked like the guy I met in your hospital room.”

  Josie hung up as she rapped on the director’s door. When he answered, she opened the door and stepped just inside the doo
r.

  “Lem,” she tried not to get emotional, “do you need me any more tonight?”

  “No,” he peered at her. “Is something wrong?”

  “A friend of mine is,” she blinked, “he’s a cop. He was part of a raid.”

  Lem stood up, “Not the one downtown?”

  She nodded.

  He picked up his phone, “I’ll have Perry drive you.”

  She waved him off, “My sister’s on the way. I’ll just go drop off this stuff,” she pulled the hat from her head.

  “Never mind the clothes, Josie. Get to the hospital.”

  She touched the belt, “I’ve got to take this off anyway.”

  Lem held out his hand, “I’ll take the accessories, Josie. Just go.”

  She looked down at her attire.

  “Here,” he handed her his blue windbreaker, “this will cover it up. Besides, it’s chilly out there – still March in New York, you know.”

  “Thanks, Lem,” she left and ran to meet her sister at the front gate.

  “I don’t know how we’re going to get you in there,” Molly said as she pushed all the traffic laws between the studio and the hospital. “They’re keeping people out because of the press.”

  Josie noticed the direction they were going, “Downtown hospital?”

  Molly nodded, “They were just a couple blocks from there.”

  “What do you know, Mol? Ken just said that Harry was involved. I didn’t hear if Harry was the injured one or. . . Did you hear the name of the other officer?”

  Molly shook her head, “I’m sorry; that’s all I know too. If it makes you feel better, I think Harry was the one who’s in critical condition.”

  Josie doubled over in pain. If Tag’s partner was not dead, what did that mean for Tag? She forced herself to breathe as she kept her head between her knees.

  “I’m sorry,” Molly put a hand on Josie’s back. “I guess that wasn’t helpful. I was just thinking that you were close to Harry.”

  Josie jumped from the car as Molly was pulling up to the ER.

  “Call me if you need me,” Molly called after her.

  Josie raised a hand in acknowledgement but didn’t look behind her.

  She approached the nurse at the desk.

  “I need,” she didn’t know how to proceed, “I have to see someone.”

  The nurse’s patient expression told Josie she had been doing this a while, “Who do you need to see?”