The Holotropic Mind

by Stanislav Grof

  In the oceanic state, the world appears to manifest indescribable radiance and beauty. The need for reasoning is dramatically reduced and the universe becomes "a mystery to be experienced, not a riddle to be solved." It becomes virtually impossible to find anything negative about existence; everything seems absolutely perfect. This sense of perfection has a built-in contradiction, one that Ram Dass once captured very succinctly by a statement he had heard from his Himalayan guru: "The world is absolutely perfect, including your own dissatisfaction with it, and everything you are trying to do to change it." While experiencing the oceanic ecstasy, the entire world appears as a friendly place where we can safely and securely assume a childlike, passive-dependent attitude. In this state, evil seems ephemeral, irrelevant, or even non-existent.

  The feelings of oceanic ecstasy are closely related to Abraham Maslow's "peak experience." He characterized it as: feeling whole, unified, and integrated; effortless and at ease; completely yourself; utilizing your capacities to the fullest; free of blocks, inhibitions, and fears; spontaneous and expressive; in the here and now; being pure psyche and spirit; with no wants and needs; simultaneously childlike and mature; and graced in a way that is beyond words. While my observations of oceanic ecstasy grew primarily out of the experiences encountered in regressive experiential work, Maslow's descriptions reflect his study of spontaneous peak experiences in adult life. The strong parallels between these two areas suggest that the roots of some of our most powerful motivating forces reach much further back in our lives than psychologists originally considered possible.

  The Agonies of the "Bad Womb"

  So far we have explored the complex symbolism that is associated with the "good womb" or undisturbed intrauterine experiences. Prenatal disturbances have their own distinct experiential characteristics; unless they are extreme, such as imminent miscarriage, attempted abortion, or severe toxic states, their symptoms are relatively subtle. They can usually be easily differentiated from the more dramatic unpleasant manifestations associated with the birth process, such as images of wars, sadomasochistic scenes, feelings of suffocation, agonizing pains and pressures, violent shaking, and spastic contractions of large muscles. Since most of the intrauterine assaults are based on chemical changes, the predominant themes are polluted or dangerous nature, poisoning, and insidious evil influences.

  The clear oceanic atmosphere can become dark, murky, and ominous and may seem to be filled with hidden aquatic dangers. Some of these dangers might seem to be grotesque creatures of nature, others creepy, treacherous, and malevolent demonic presences. One can identify with fish and other aquatic life forms threatened by industrial pollution of rivers and oceans or chicken embryos before hatching threatened by their own waste products. Similarly, the vision of a star-filled sky, characteristic for good womb experiences, can suddenly become blurred with an ugly film or fog. The visual disturbances resemble distorted pictures of malfunctioning television sets.

  Scenes of industrial waste polluting the air, chemical warfare, toxic dumps, as well as identification with prisoners dying in the gas chambers of concentration camps, belong to typical experiences of the bad womb. One can also sense the almost tangible presence of malevolent entities, extraterrestrial influences, and astrological fields. The dissolution of boundaries that creates a sense of mystical union with the world during undisturbed episodes of intrauterine life now becomes responsible for a sense of confusion and being threatened. We may feel open and vulnerable to evil attacks; in the extreme this experience leads to paranoid distortion in our perceptions of the world.

  Gateway to the Transpersonal Experience

  As we saw in the narrative that opened this chapter, the prenatal world of BPM I often serves as a gateway into the transpersonal domain of the psyche, which we will be describing in detail later. While identifying with either the good or bad womb experiences we can also experience specific transpersonal phenomena that share emotions and physical sensations with these states. Sometimes these experiences can reach far back in time, portraying episodes from the lives of our human or animal ancestors; there also may be karmic sequences and flashbacks from other periods of human history. At other times, we may transcend the boundaries that make us feel separate from the rest of the world and have a sense of merging with other people, groups of people, animals and plants, or even inorganic processes.

  Of special interest among these experiences are powerful encounters with various archetypal beings, particularly blissful and wrathful deities. The states of oceanic ecstasy are often accompanied by visions of bliss-bestowing deities, such as the Earth Mother Goddess and various other Great Mother Goddesses, the Buddha, Apollo, and others. As mentioned above, intrauterine disturbances are often experienced in conjunction with demons from different cultures. In advanced experiential work, participants have often had revelations that brought about an integration of good womb and bad womb experiences with dramatic insights that allowed them to see the purpose of all deities in the cosmic order.

  The integration of good and bad womb experiences can be illustrated through an excerpt from a session in which one man, Ben, while reliving episodes from his intrauterine life, reported encounters with archetypal beings. These experiences led him to some remarkable insights into the deities and demons of the Indian and Tibetan pantheon. He suddenly saw a striking relationship between the state of the Buddha sitting on a lotus in deep meditation and that of an embryo in a good womb. The peace, tranquillity, and satisfaction of the Buddha, although not identical with the embryonal bliss, seemed to share with it some important characteristics, as if it were its "higher octave." The demons surrounding the Buddha and potentially threatening his peace, as depicted in Indian and Tibetan paintings, appeared to Ben as also representing the disturbances associated with BPM I.

  Ben was able to distinguish among the demons two different kinds: bloodthirsty, openly aggressive, ferocious demons with fangs, daggers and spears symbolized the pains and dangers of the biological birth process; creepy, insidious, and treacherous ones represented noxious influences of the intrauterine life. On a different level, Ben also experienced what he was convinced were memories from his past incarnations. It seemed to him that elements of his "bad karma" had entered his life in the form of embryonal disturbances, the trauma of birth, and negative experiences associated with nursing. He saw the experiences of the "bad womb," of the trauma of birth, and the "bad breast," as points of transformation through which the karmic influences were entering his present life.

  The psychological and spiritual aspects of BPM I are typically accompanied by characteristic physical symptoms. While good womb experiences convey a deep sense of health and physiological well-being, the reliving of intrauterine traumas involves a variety of unpleasant physical manifestations. The most common of these are symptoms that resemble a bad cold or flu—muscular pains and aches, chills, fine tremors, and a sense of general malaise. Equally frequent are symptoms that we associate with a hangover, such as headache, nausea, intestinal rumblings, and gas. This may be accompanied by an unpleasant taste in the mouth that people describe variously as decomposed blood, iodine, metallic flavor, or simply "poison." In our efforts to validate these experiences, we frequently discover that during pregnancy the mother was ill, had poor dietary habits, worked or lived in toxic environments, or was a habitual user of alcohol or other drugs.

  Where Adult and Perinatal Experiences Merge

  In addition to all the above aspects, BPM I also has very interesting associations with memories from postnatal life. The positive aspects of this matrix represent a natural basis for recording all experiences of satisfaction from our lives (positive COEX systems). During systematic experiential work, people often discover deep connections between the oceanic ecstasy of BPM I and memories of happy periods of infancy and childhood, such as carefree and joyful play with peers or harmonious episodes from family life. Satisfying romances and love relationships with intense emotional and sexual gratification also
become associated with positive fetal periods. In deep experiential work, people frequently compare the oceanic ecstasy of a good womb with certain forms of rapture that we can experience as adults.

  Many experiences associated with this matrix can be triggered by natural scenery of great beauty, such as the splendor of a gorgeous sunrise or sunset, the peaceful majesty of the ocean, the breath-taking grandeur of a snow-capped mountain range, or the mystique of the northern lights. Similarly, pondering the unfathomable mystery of the star-filled sky, standing beside a giant Sequoia tree thousands of years old, or witnessing the exotic beauty of tropical islands can evoke feelings that are very close to BPM I. Similar states of mind can also be initiated by human creations of unusual aesthetic and artistic value, such as inspired music, great paintings, or spectacular architecture of an ancient palace, cathedral, or pyramid. Images such as these often spontaneously emerge in sessions governed by the first perinatal matrix. While positive experiences in our adult life can bring us in touch with the memories of the good womb, negative experiences are capable of putting us in touch with intrauterine distress. Here, for example, we might find the experiences of gastrointestinal discomfort of food poisoning or a hangover, or the malaise associated with a viral infection. Polluted air and water, as well as ingestion of various forms of intoxicants, are additional factors. Indirectly, images of spoiled and contaminated nature, industrial dumps, and junkyards, can have the same effect. Experiences of scuba diving represent a very powerful reminder of the situation in the womb. The innocent beauty of a coral reef with thousands of colorful tropical fish can reawaken the feelings of the oceanic ecstasy of the womb. In the same way, diving in murky and polluted water and encounters with undersea dangers can re-create the psychological situation in the bad womb. Judged from this perspective, we have certainly succeeded in the last few decades to shift the entire biosphere of our planet considerably in the direction of the bad womb.

  A New Phase Begins

  Whatever the experiences in the womb, the time arrives when this situation must come to an end. The fetus must undergo the phenomenal transition from a symbiotic aquatic organism to an entirely different form of existence. Even with the smoothest deliveries, this has to be viewed as a major ordeal, a true heroic journey, associated with considerable emotional and physical challenges. As the delivery begins, the child's universe within the womb is severely disturbed. The first signs of this disturbance are fairly subtle, coming in the form of hormonal influences. However, they become increasingly dramatic and mechanical with the onset of uterine contractions. The fetus begins to experience intense physical discomfort and a situation of extreme emergency. With the early signals of the beginning of the birth process, the fetal consciousness is introduced to an entirely new set of experiences quite different from what it has known up to this time. These are the experiences that are associated with BPM II—the loss of the amniotic universe and the engagement in the birth process. This phase of the early drama of life is the subject of the next chapter.

  3. EXPULSION FROM PARADISE—BPM II

  "My bodily sufferings were so intolerable that, though in my life I have endured the severest sufferings of this kind, none of them is of the smallest account by comparison with what I felt then, to say nothing of the knowledge that they would be endless and never ceasing. And even these are nothing by comparison with the agony of my soul, an oppression, a suffocation, and an affliction so deeply felt, and accompanied by such hopeless

  and distressing misery, that I cannot too forcibly describe it."

  —St. Teresa of Avila, Life

  Soon after the session began, he found himself entering the carefree world of a satisfied infant. All his perceptions, feelings, and sensations were infantile. The experience was incredibly real and authentic; he was even salivating and burping and his lips were making involuntary sucking movements. Every once in a while, this was interspersed with scenes from the world of adults, most of which were full of tension and conflict. The contrast between the simple world of the child and the difficulties of the adult age was painful, and it seemed to connect him with a deep craving to return to his primal infantile happiness. He saw images of religious and political gatherings with throngs of people seeking comfort in various organizations and ideologies. He suddenly understood what they were really seeking; they were following an inner longing, the same craving he felt in relation to the primal experience of oceanic ecstasy that he had known in the womb and on his mother's breast.

  The atmosphere seemed increasingly ominous and fraught with hidden danger. It seemed that the entire room started to turn and he felt drawn into the very center of a threatening whirlpool. He had to think about Edgar Alan Poe's chilling description of a similar situation in "A Descent into the Maelstrom." As the objects in the room seemed to be flying around him in a rotating motion, another image from literature emerged in his mind—the cyclone that in Frank Baum's Wonderful Wizard of Oz sweeps Dorothy away from the monotony of her life in Kansas and sends her on a strange journey of adventure. There was no doubt in his mind that his experience also had something to do with entering the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland, and he awaited with great trepidation what world he would find on the other side of the looking glass. The entire universe seemed to be closing in on him and there was nothing he could do to stop this apocalyptic engulfment.

  As he was sinking deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of his own unconscious, he felt an onslaught of anxiety, turning to panic. Everything became dark, oppressive, and terrifying. It was as if the weight of the whole world was encroaching on him, an incredible hydraulic pressure that threatened to crack his skull and reduce his body to a tiny compact ball. The discomfort he felt turned to pain and the pain increased to agony; the torture intensified to the point where every cell in his body felt like it was being bored open with a diabolic dentist's drill.

  The Engulfing Womb

  The above account illustrates how an adult might relive the onset of the birth process. It also shows how the memory of being expulsed from the womb and sent out to face the difficulties of the birth canal might merge with adult situations that share with it certain important qualities. The biological basis for BPM II is the termination of life in the womb and the encounter with uterine contractions. Initially, the changes are predominantly chemical; later they take on a mechanical character. The delivery is heralded by hormonal signals and other chemical shifts in the organism of the mother and child; these are soon followed by the intense muscular activities of the uterus.

  The same womb that throughout the normal pregnancy was relatively peaceful and predictable, is now engaging in strong periodic contractions. The entire world of the fetus is closing in and crushing it, causing anxiety and great physical discomfort. Each contraction compresses the uterine arteries and interferes with the flow of blood between the mother and the fetus. This is a very alarming situation for the fetus, since it means interruption of the supply of the life-giving oxygen and nourishment, as well as the severing of meaningful connections with the maternal organism. At this time, the uterine cervix is still closed. The contractions, closed cervix, and the unfavorable chemical changes combine to create a painful and lifethreatening environment from which the fetus can sense no possibility of escape. It is no wonder that death and birth are so closely related in this matrix.

  The time spent in this difficult, no exit situation varies widely from person to person. For some it might be minutes, for others many hours. Feeling stuck is a normal occurrence before the cervix is open, but occasionally the birth process can get arrested in later stages and does not proceed as it should. There are any number of reasons for this to happen. The mother's pelvis might be too narrow, the uterine contractions ineffective, or the placenta can block the uterine opening. On occasion, the child is excessively large or lies in an abnormal position that is not conducive to a smooth birth. All these circumstances make birth longer and more difficult; this clearly has a more traumatic impact on
the infant than an easy, normal delivery. And, of course, all these factors will find a direct expression in experiential sessions, during which a person relives his or her birth.

  The biological events are not the only factors that determine our experience of this matrix. Reports from people in therapy sessions and workshops indicate that we may also relive the fear and confusion of an inexperienced mother or the mother's negative or strongly ambivalent attitude toward the child; these can make this phase more difficult for both mother and child. It seems that the mother's conflicting emotions can disturb the physiological interplay between the uterine contractions and the opening of the cervix. This can interfere with the delivery, prolong it, and introduce a variety of complications into the natural dynamics of the birth process.

  Caged in a Hostile World

  Subjectively, reliving the onset of delivery brings intense anxiety and a sense of imminent and vital threat. It seems as if our entire universe is in danger, but the source of this menace remains mysterious, eluding our efforts to identify it. Because the initial changes are chemical in nature, they may feel like a disease or intoxication. In the extreme, the person may feel paranoid or under some insidious attack. In an effort to find an explanation, he or she might attribute the ominous feelings to poisons, electromagnetic radiation, evil forces, secret organizations, or even extraterrestrial influences. The spontaneous emergence of memories involving intrauterine disturbances or of the onset of the delivery from the womb, seems to be among important causes of paranoid states.