“By the way, how’s Cecilia?” he asked while negotiating a particularly windy street, one hand on the steering wheel, one on the gearshift.
“We had coffee yesterday. She’s fine. They’re so excited about the baby. Her due date’s in November but she doesn’t even look like she’s expecting.”
“I’m happy for her and…Perry, isn’t it? Is he the Perry who’s Weston’s best friend?”
“Yes, they’re close buddies. Cecilia and Perry are such a fun couple. I love spending time with them. But since Weston left, I’ve felt funny around Perry. I can understand his allegiance to Weston, and maybe the awkwardness is all in my mind, but it’s how I feel. Cecilia and I are best friends, though. I love her and she’s been so good to me since I moved here.”
We arrived at the restaurant, were quickly seated, and ordered within moments. It was early, and there were only a few other tables occupied. I loved the quiet atmosphere, and we could talk without shouting above other voices.
After toasting our glasses of Coke and white wine, we sat back and listened to the tinkling sound of the outdoor fountain.
“When will your divorce be final? In October, right?”
I hadn’t thought Edward was aware of the time frame for my divorce, and I could feel a hot flush creep up my neck. I hated it when I blushed.
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” I mentally groped for the right words. “Weston came to see me the other day. He was very upset, said he made a huge mistake when he left me. He and his girlfriend aren’t living together any longer and—” I paused, took a deep breath. “He wants to move back home, and try to work it out.”
His jaw clenched and he gazed out the window toward the fountain, looking like he was trying to control himself. Or perhaps he was searching for the right words in answer to the bombshell I’d just thrown out.
After several seconds of silence, he turned his head in my direction. “Is he moving back in?”
“No, he’s not. I’m still angry with him over leaving me when he found out I was carrying your child. He never gave me any indication he wanted to try to work things out before now. After he left, he refused to speak to me, wouldn’t take my phone calls, then he filed for divorce. I found out he was living with his past lover, Carol, so I believed he was serious, that he wanted out of our marriage. And when he came over to the house to pick up his things, he didn’t say the actual words, but I got the distinct impression he was in love with her. I never thought he’d want to come back home.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know if I could ever trust him again, whether he’d be willing to work on the problems that inevitably arise in any marriage. It reminded me of the phrase, ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going’. In his case, he got going alright.” I reached across the table and grasped his hand. “You’ve been so wonderful to me since you came into my life. You’re honest and kind and good and I enjoy spending time with you. You make me laugh. You’re intelligent. We can talk for hours about anything.”
I paused, thinking. One thing stood out in my mind, glaringly obvious. The thought had been lingering on the periphery of my consciousness ever since Weston had asked to come home. “You’re the father of my baby.”
“As I said, what are you going to do?” His tone was flat, unemotional.
“I love you, Edward. But I’m torn. I can’t give you an answer right now.” I searched his eyes for some glint of understanding. “He’s the first man I ever loved. He and I have been through a lot together. Until now he’d always been there for me—when my mom and dad died, when I lost Christine. He stuck by me while I spiraled into such a deep depression I didn’t know if I’d ever come out of it.” I paused, trying to decide how much to tell him without making this situation worse. “When he left me, I was devastated. But I never stopped loving him. I can’t see my way to either side of the question. Do I take him back or not?”
I felt uncomfortable sitting in a public restaurant, crying, my tears dripping onto the tablecloth as I searched in my purse for a tissue. He reached over and gave me the white handkerchief he always carried in his pocket.
He stood up, pulled out his wallet and brought out his credit card. “Let me pay for the meal then I’ll take you home. You’re upset. I’m upset. I think I need to give you your space, let you have as much time as you need to figure this out on your own.”
I nodded in agreement and we left the restaurant.
When he pulled up in front of my house, he left the Porsche idling, reached across the console and took my face in his hands. He kissed me lightly on the mouth.
“I love you, Brandy. You’re the first and only woman I’ve ever wanted to marry. I’m not in any position to fight for you against an enemy who had your heart before I entered the picture. You and I don’t have any real history, but…we have a connection. Jessica. And she’ll always be here. Which means we’ll be seeing each other for many years to come. I don’t know how that’ll go down because watching you with another man is gonna kill me.”
Tears seeped from beneath my eyelids, dripping onto his hands still gently holding my face, his gaze penetrating, unflinching. “And every time you see me, you’ll know I’m the man who wants to make love to you every night for the rest of our lives. My feelings won’t change, Brandy. I want to marry you, have more kids with you. I love you so much. Just keep all this in mind while you’re trying to figure things out.”
I nodded, unable to speak, my heart breaking. I opened the car door and stepped out, and walked up the pathway to the front door. I could hear his car gliding down Lauren Drive and wondered if I’d ever kiss him again.
Chapter 34
Several weeks passed and I welcomed the warmer days of August, my favorite month of summer. I hadn’t seen Cecilia since my last date with Edward. She and Perry had taken a vacation to Montana to see his family, and I was dying to talk to her about my dilemma, hoping she’d guide me down the right road, wherever it might lead me. I had invited her over to visit and was waiting for her to arrive. She had always been such a great sounding board for my personal issues when I needed someone to listen and I had faith she’d come through for me this time too.
There was a knock on my front door, and I made sure Jessica’s cradle was rocking and she was still asleep, then ran to answer it.
“Cecilia, hi! I’ve missed you sooo much.” We hugged tightly. “How are you feeling? How was your vacation?”
“We had a great time. Perry’s mom is a great cook. I ate so much I think both the baby and I gained ten pounds each.”
Laughing, I said, “Have you seen Dr. Farney since you’ve been back?”
“Yesterday. She said I’m doing fine. but she’s moved up my due date. Now she thinks I’m due at the end of October. So Perry and I plan to take the childbirth classes next month, in September.”
“You’ll love them. It really helped me. And Edward, of course.”
She grabbed onto my arm and smiled. “Speaking of which…”
“Come into the kitchen. Let’s sit down and have a decaf latte. I’ve got the espresso already made. I just have to steam the milk.”
She followed behind me and sat at the kitchen table while I finished preparing our coffees.
“We’ll have plenty of time to talk baby later, Brandy. I want to talk about Weston, and Edward, of course. Tell me what’s going on with you three.”
I glanced over my shoulder and gave her a withering look. “We three? Oh, that’s cute.” When the milk reached one hundred and sixty degrees I turned off the valve and began pouring the milk into mugs. “You’re right, though, it is a love triangle. I already told you Weston wants to come back home. But I’ve been dying to talk to you about Edward. The other night he took me out on a date and we went to L’Orangerie, right? And he asked me when the divorce would be final. I couldn’t lie to him, so I explained Weston wants to get back together.”
“Did he go ballistic or what?”
She shook her head. “I don’t envy being in your position. I mean, it’s great you have two of the most handsome men on the planet fighting over you, but I don’t know what I’d do either.”
“Don’t say that, Cecilia!” I shouted. Placing my hand on her arm, I added, “I’m sorry, I’m upset. And I’m counting on you to help me make a decision.”
She looked out the window for a few seconds then turned her eyes in my direction. “Brandy, I’m a firm believer everything happens for a reason. I know that may sound a little ‘out there’ to you, but I believe Edward came into your life for a reason. You lost Christine then met Edward and got pregnant with Jessica.” She shrugged. “I don’t know. And I think Carol came into Weston’s life for a reason too. And now she’s out of his life—for a reason. I don’t know how this will all play out, but maybe Weston wanting to come back is just the incentive you need to make a decision. Who do you want to spend your life with, Brandy?”
“You’re right, Cece. No one can make this decision for me. And I can’t sit on the fence about this. But it’s so hard. I don’t want to hurt either of them.”
She tilted her head. “Are you leaning in any particular direction?”
Our eyes locked. “When Weston asked if he could come back home, expecting me to accept him with open arms after the way he treated me, I—”
“You don’t trust him, do you?”
“West?” She nodded. “No, I guess I don’t.”
“You guess?” She frowned. “What about Edward? How do you feel about him?”
“I love him, Cece.” I noticed her smile. “What?”
“Anything else?”
“He’s the father of my child,” I whispered.
“I wouldn’t worry too much about this, Bran. It seems to me you’re well on your way to making a decision.” She patted my forearm. “Believe in yourself.”
It had been so good to talk to her about my predicament. I couldn’t be indecisive about this. My future and Jessica’s future were weighing in the balance and the scales were already tipping in Edward’s direction.
Chapter 35
September—and I hadn’t contacted Edward for several weeks. Both men were waiting for me to make a decision. To my surprise, Weston showed up on my doorstep two days before the custody hearing.
“May I come in? I wanted to ask you something. Am I interrupting?”
It was understood I would be the one to contact him, so what was going on? “I was in the front room, writing. Come in,” I gestured.
I sat down on the couch, and he settled in one of the armchairs across from me.
He bent forward, legs spread apart, his hands clasped between his knees. “I’ll make this short. I know we had an understanding. You’d be in touch with me after you had time to think about our conversation.” He looked down at his hands, then up at me. “But I want us to spend time together, Brandy. We haven’t been together, alone, since March and…”
I interrupted, “When you walked out. And wouldn’t return my phone calls. Then you come here to pick up your things and tell me it’s none of my business what’s happening with you and Carol—”
“I didn’t say—”
I held up my hand. “Then you show up at the block party drunker than I’ve ever seen you and completely humiliate me in front of all the neighbors. After that you ask if you can move back in because Carol’s a bitch. Have I gotten the sequence of events correct here?”
He hung his head, looking like a kicked puppy. “I know, I know. But remember how messed up you were after Christine died? You were so on the edge you slept with Edward. Well, I know what it’s like to be on the edge too, Brandy. You don’t hold a patent on that. When I found out you were pregnant with his baby I went ballistic.” He tapped the middle of his chest with his fingers. “My heart broke into a million pieces. I was shattered. Then Carol started phoning me, and she and I got together. I’m not asking you to condone my actions. I just want you to understand why I went to an attorney and wanted a divorce. And why I acted the way I did at your party. Both were inexcusable. But give me another chance. Give us another chance.”
He was right. He wasn’t the only one whose behavior was inexcusable. I’d been an emotional wreck when I’d slept with Edward. I had to acknowledge the fact he, too, was devastated when our baby died and he’d slept with Carol. Finding out I was carrying another man’s child had been the last straw for him, a blast to his ego and his heart. But that was no excuse for leaving me. It wasn’t fair to blame me for being a woman, able to conceive a child.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked, skepticism in my voice.
He shook his head. “You, me, and Jessica. We could have a picnic in the Oakland hills. I want us to spend time together, Brandy. Everything happened so abruptly at the end.”
“There was never any closure, West. We never had a chance to talk. I didn’t have a say before it ended.”
“I’m not looking for closure, Brandy. I want this to be the start of something new.”
“I’m not sure there’s anything to talk about.”
“Maybe not, but I’d like to see how it goes. Don’t let today be goodbye, Bran.”
My heart wasn’t completely empty of feelings for him. Perhaps this was our one chance to see if we could work things out. And that was a big if. “All right.”
He smiled, a look of relief on his face. “Great! How about ten o’clock Friday morning?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I’d be seeing Edward in two days at the custody hearing and planned to tell him about it then. As Cecilia said, everything happens for a reason. Maybe this time together was just what Weston and I needed to help me make my final decision.
Edward and I met in court so our attorneys could work out the specifics of his visiting rights with Jessica. He and I had already discussed what he wanted and agreed to his taking Jessica every other weekend, with his visits open to change as she grew older. The judge was amenable to what our lawyers had drawn up, and the entire process took less than a half hour.
We exited the courthouse and Edward approached me as we headed toward our cars in the parking lot. “That went well.”
Smiling, I replied, “I’m glad you and I agree because it makes it much easier. She’s your daughter. You should be able to see her whenever you want.”
“I appreciate your being so liberal about my visits with her. And, you’re right, it’ll be much less difficult because we agree on what’s best for Jess.”
We reached my car and I leaned against the driver’s side door. “Edward, I have to tell you something.” He nodded and smiled. “Weston came over the other day. He wants to go on a picnic with me and Jessica. To talk. Everything’s happened so fast since he left. He and I never had the chance to discuss things.”
His mouth clamped shut, his jaw clenched. He looked sternly at me. “You’re spending a day with your ex-husband? So, you’ve made your decision.”
I unlocked the car and threw my purse inside. “He’s not my ex yet, Edward. And I haven’t made any decision. I knew you’d make this out to be something it’s not. That’s not what’s going on here. We’ll use the time to talk about him and me.” I took a deep breath. “In fact, I had a long talk with Cecilia. She believes everything happens for a reason, and I’m beginning to agree with her. I lost my baby then slept with you and got pregnant with Jessica. Weston slept with Carol and left me after he found out I was having your child. Then he realized Carol wasn’t right for him and he came crawling back
to me.” I laid my hand on his forearm. “I need closure, Edward. I’m hoping this get-together with Weston will give me that. And him too. I have to do this.”
He took both my hands in his and looked me straight in the eyes. “Okay. I see where you’re coming. But I have a bad feeling about this, Brandy, knowing you’ll be alone with him.”
Wrenching my hands from his, I said, “Look, if you can’t understand what I’m doing, just forget it. I’ll be spending a few hours with him. He and Jess and I are driving to the Oakland hills for a picnic. I wanted to be honest with you, Edward. I didn’t have to tell you about this, you know. I’m going because it’s the right thing to do. There’s no way I can make plans for my future without discussing my past relationship with Weston.”
He nodded, but he looked sad. “All right. I guess I don’t have a choice. It’s just…you took me by surprise. But I understand you have to do what you believe is right. You go, work this thing out with him. I’ll be here when you get back, waiting.”
I got into the car and looked up at him, trying my best to smile. “I’ll call you.”
He leaned down and gave me a kiss. “I’ll wait for you to phone,” he said, shutting the car door for me.
Chapter 36
On Friday, I sat with Jessica in the front room waiting for Weston to arrive. Historically, September in Alameda had the best weather of the year and today looked to be no exception. They predicted it would reach seventy-five degrees with a slight breeze. When the doorbell chimed, I put the baby in the stroller, grabbed my purse, and answered it.
“Good morning.” Weston bent down and put his finger near Jessica’s hand. She instantly grabbed onto it and smiled. “She’s a happy little thing, isn’t she?” He grinned.
“She rarely cries unless she’s hungry and she loves to sit in her baby seat and look out the window while I’m writing, happy as a little bug.”
Straightening up, he asked, “Ready to go?”
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