Alien in the Family (3)

by Gini Koch

  Jareen nodded, but Lilith still had some power, because our bubble shifted, far away from Jareen and the others. It was shaking, and I saw Uma’s body tumble out and hit the ground, staff still inside her. I knew she was dead.

  I also knew when the bubble was gone because I started to tumble as if gravity was back and seriously pissed that I’d ignored it for so long. I closed my eyes and winced. This was going to hurt. A lot.

  But it didn’t hurt all that much. Because instead of hitting the ground, I fell where I’d been falling for the past year—into Martini’s arms.

  “Ooof!” Okay, it wasn’t the most smooth or romantic thing he could have said, but I was okay with it.

  “I’m not that heavy!”

  “Baby, you’re not heavy at all. You just fell a long way.” He was shaking. “I hate it when you do that, you know.” I shifted and wrapped my legs around his waist. He grinned. “But I so love it when you do that.”

  I kissed him, hard. But not too long. “Jeff, you have to get me back to Jareen.”

  “I’m right here.” So she was. Forgot, all these folks had the superspeed. “Naked Apes are really into public displays of affection. It’s nauseating back there, and here, and you’ve rubbed off on the Cat People and Major Doggies, too.”

  “Jeff, meet Jareen, my new best friend forever. Jareen, we need to channel Lilith the Bitch Goddess through you. Jeff, need to get down.” Martini released me unwillingly.

  “Er . . . while that sounds great, I think I’ll choose not becoming like Uma.”

  Kitty, we must do it now. ACE cannot contain Lilith any longer.

  “Has to be now. Jareen, it goes through you, and you birth it. Somehow. Otherwise, Lilith will be around and able to join with someone like Uma, or someone worse.”

  Jareen looked apprehensive, at least as much as a Giant Lizard could. “Why me?”

  “Because you’re just like Kitty,” Martini said. “Only green and with a tail. But personality and brainwise? You’re her twin.”

  Kitty!

  “ACE is freaking, Jareen. Please.” I took her hand.

  She nodded. “Okay. Tell Neeraj—”

  We didn’t get to find out what she wanted us to tell him, though I could guess, because her head went back sharply. Martini caught her before she went down. She was rigid, but because ACE was inside me, I could see a glowing substance funneling into her. It went in golden, but it came out all the colors of the Pantone Matching System color book.

  I watched the color motes fly through the air. They swirled around everyone with us, then everyone on the planet, then the planet itself. I watched via ACE, so I saw the colored pieces of Lilith’s consciousness swirl through our solar system then move off, toward Alpha Centauri.

  It is done. Lilith is scattered. ACE sounded sad.

  Are we safe from her?

  Yes. Lilith is one with the cosmos now and can join God.

  Interesting. Even the superconsciousnesses got to go to Heaven apparently. Even the ones who’d tried to take over the universe.

  God forgives.

  Oh, right. ACE heard more than top-layer, focused thoughts. How could God forgive her?

  Once Lilith was . . . birthed . . . Lilith saw all and so could understand Lilith’s wrongdoing. And repent. ACE sounded a little unsure on this point, and I decided we could table the rest of our intergalactic comparative religion course for another time. However, ACE still sounded sad.

  Do you envy her?

  In a way. But ACE pities Lilith more. ACE has what Lilith did not.

  Love.

  Yes. Because of Kitty.

  No. Because of ACE. You loved Earth before you met me, ACE. You cared and protected and mourned its inhabitants as your own. You did that, not me, not Paul. You could have told us you were God and we would have believed you. But you didn’t, because you also have humility. If you want to leave us, I’ll birth you. But if you want to stay, we would be happier.

  ACE wants to stay. ACE has a home here, and a purpose.

  Jareen groaned and came back. “That sucked. Did it work?”

  “Yes, good job. You birthed a demigoddess and saved the universe.”

  She grinned at me. “So, from what I gather for you guys, routine.”

  CHAPTER 54

  “LET’S GO HOME,” Martini said.

  “It’s not over, Jeff.”

  “Looks over to me.”

  “Where’s the battle cruiser?”

  “Good point.” Martini looked up. “I don’t see it, but that might not mean anything.”

  Kitty, the ship has taken its shuttles and is heading back to Alpha Centauri.

  Why?

  The rules must be followed.

  They have rules and follow them?

  Yes. Does Kitty wish a listing of the rules?

  No, ACE. I’ll take your word for it. Of course, our game has rules, too. I told Martini that the ship was gone.

  “Good, so we’re done.”

  “No. We have to take the king.”

  He groaned. “How? He’s on Alpha Four.”

  ACE?

  Yes, Kitty. Who should come?

  All, if they can stand the trip.

  Many are hurt, but all can survive it.

  And come back?

  If they choose to. There was evasion in ACE’s tone.

  I know what’s coming. And what I have to risk.

  Very well.

  Billy Idol’s ‘Cradle of Love’ started in my ears as I felt ACE gather us all up, dead bodies included.

  “Fitting song.” Martini put his arm around me.

  “You can hear it?” I wondered if my iPod was too loud.

  “I think we can all hear it. ACE must like your musical taste. Someone should.”

  We time warped. That’s the only way to describe it, though we didn’t have to dance or anything. But once we were all in ACE’s bubble, so to speak, we shifted. I could see the planets, stars, and empty space whiz by us, but I got the impression I was the only one who could.

  We landed at a plaza in front of a place that made Martini Manor look like welfare housing. Frankly, it made the Taj Mahal look skimpy. Huge, white, built on the side of a hill—the architects had wanted to make darned sure that when you stood at the bottom of the many steps leading up you knew you were an insignificant peasant.

  “Guess this is your family estate.”

  “Yeah.” Martini sounded awed. I did my best not to feel anything about that.

  A crowd appeared around us. It parted a bit as a group of people came down the stairs. One was old and leaning on a cane. I didn’t buy that he needed it and figured this was King Adolphus.

  I looked around. Our group was all on its feet. Sure, some of our group were being held up on their feet, but we were still standing. On cue, Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” came on.

  “Barely,” Tim called out. The others chuckled. Nice to know ACE wanted to share my tunes with everyone. I wasn’t sure they worked for the others like they did for me, but I didn’t have any time to worry about it because King Creepola was in front of us.

  The king stopped at a stair landing about fifty steps above us and looked around. “The Rituals are completed!” His voice boomed. He wasn’t bellowing like Martini—it was more like he was speaking through a super-duper sound system.

  “How’s he doing that?”

  “Troubadour.” Martini sounded as unimpressed with that skill as Christopher had when he’d told me about it. “Vocal projection is one of the traits.”

  “Well, that explains a lot.” Most actors don’t want to give up the gig of a lifetime, after all. I detached from Martini. “Wait here, Jeff.”

  I took off my headphones, put my iPod into a jacket pocket, and started up the stairs at a trot. The king was glaring at me. I didn’t care. He wasn’t getting to win with no pieces left on the board. I did have a question, though. ACE, how is it I can understand him and see him move at human speeds?

  ACE is providing t
ranslations for sight and sound. All will understand and see each other.

  You rock. I looked up. Sadly, I was still a lot of steps away from the king.

  “You are found not worthy,” he said to me, voice still booming out.

  I shrugged and kept on going. No one tried to stop me. Reached his level without panting. My track coaches had lived by the train and pain method. Fifty stairs was nothing, I’d learned to do two hundred at a go.

  “You are not worthy in my sight,” he said. Close up he was kind of icky. If I stripped away decades, he might have once looked good. Now, he looked old and shriveled. He didn’t have old person smell, which confirmed to me he wasn’t nearly as decrepit as he was acting. Happily, I didn’t see Alfred in him anywhere, so I could comfort myself that, should I ever get married to him, Martini wouldn’t age like this.

  “Yeah, and you’re really gross, but, hey, we can’t have everything.” My voice was booming, too. “Wow, you a walking microphone or something?”

  “Hardly,” he snarled.

  ACE is projecting Kitty’s voice.

  Thanks, big guy. I looked around. “Nice view. Bet it’s better from way up top there. So, just to bring the populace up to speed with the Reader’s Digest version of current events, you’ve been plotting to overthrow the entire solar system’s planetary leaders, toss a godlike superconsciousness inside yourself, then rule everyone forever from on high. Did I miss anything?”

  “How dare you?” He was bellowing, but still, Martini did it better.

  “Oh, blah, blah, blah. ACE? Any way you can save us all a lot of time and needless blathering and just show the folks at home what’s been going on across the railroad tracks?”

  I felt something radiate out of me. There were gasps and a lot of muttering. I felt it circle this world and send itself out to the other worlds in the solar system. Thanks. Hope it wasn’t overkill.

  They deserved to know.

  King Adolphus glared at me. Not up to Martini’s standards, let alone Christopher’s. “You are still found unworthy.”

  “Whatever, Kitler. It’s time to pick the successor.”

  “I am not dead.” He snarled at me. “But you soon will be.” He raised his cane up over his head.

  I heard a growl. First one, then several. Poofikins burst out of my pocket, landed in front of me, and went Martini-sized. The other Poofs all joined it, bodies and teeth set to full. I had a Poof blockade between me and the king. All growling.

  Adolphus started to back up, but a new growl announced another Poof. I assumed it was Tenley since it showed up behind the king. “I think the Poofs have a different view, Dolph-man.”

  “I am the ruler here!” he thundered.

  Poof growling increased. “Doesn’t seem like they care. Or agree. Could be that they know there are several options down below us, all better fit to lead and rule than you ever were, as near as I can tell.”

  I didn’t want Martini picking up anything from me right now. ACE, can you make sure Jeff can’t feel what I’m feeling?

  ACE has already, Kitty, since Kitty chose to come here. ACE understands.

  Thanks.

  Adolphus was back with the thundering. “Citizens, you must destroy these invaders and traitors!” I checked—nobody moved.

  “I don’t think they like you much any more, Kitler.”

  “I am the sanctified ruler!”

  “Sanctified? Dude, did you miss it? Your Amazonian Assassin Squad’s been destroyed, literally, so you have no fighting force to support you. Your battle cruiser’s on the way home, pretty much devoid of personnel. Your demigoddess is declawed and defanged. You aren’t going to get to join up and live forever, sorry not so much.”

  “You are a failure as a future queen,” he snarled at me. “Even if he stays, you will not stay with him.”

  “I know.” I did. My throat was tight and I wanted to cry about it, but I’d realized where we were heading as soon as I saw the outline of the real plan.

  Adolphus looked at me. His expression was familiar; I’d seen it a lot for the last year or so—enraged insanity focused solely on me. I was the girl all the psychos and megalomaniacs wanted to hang with, after all.

  “You. This is all your fault.”

  “Pretty much, yeah. That’s how I roll, Trouble Chick to the Rescue, sort of thing. Destroy the decades’ worth of planning in a couple of days. Yep, sounds familiar.”

  “I will destroy you.”

  “Already tried. Already failed. You saying you’re ready to go head-to-head with me now?”

  His answer was to lunge for me. I didn’t have to answer back. The Poofs did it for me.

  Adolphus was devoured. There weren’t even any bones left. The Poofs finished up, burped discreetly, then went back to small. They trotted over to me and purred.

  I had no choice.

  CHAPTER 55

  I BENT DOWN AND GAVE THE POOFS lots of pets and lovies. “Good Poofies!” I mean, I wasn’t going to argue with the save. And they were so proud of themselves. The purring was almost deafening.

  I stood up to see a man and woman near me. Tenley mewled and jumped onto the woman’s shoulder. She was about Alfred’s age, maybe a bit younger. I didn’t have to ask if she was Alexander’s mother. He looked just like her.

  The man was older than she was, but not as old as Alexander had insinuated. That this was Leonidas wasn’t a question in my mind—he wasn’t a big man, but he radiated intelligence, authority, and confidence. He looked around and raised his arms. “The Poofs have spoken!” His voice carried just like Adolphus’ had. I assumed that the troubadour talent went naturally with a political bent.

  “Excuse me? The Poofs chowed down, but they didn’t speak.”

  He nodded solemnly. “When a ruler is deemed unfit by the Poofs, it’s proof that a new ruler must be found.”

  I processed this. “You mean the Poofs’ role in the succession process is more than just making more Poofs?”

  “Yes.”

  “What about the king’s Poof?”

  “Sadly, Heinrich passed on to its greater reward many decades ago.”

  I let the myriad comments I could have made slide. Give me credit for the diplomatic effort. “So you’re okay that they turned Adolphus into Poof Chow?”

  He cleared his throat. “I would phrase it more that we are aware of the vital role the royal Poofs play in the control and progression of the monarchy, and while we are saddened that our last king has met his end, we rejoice that we will shortly crown a new king.”

  “Wow, you’re really good with the doublespeak.”

  I got a nod that was more like a bow. “You flatter me. I am Chief Councillor Leonidas.”

  “I guessed.”

  Leonidas’ lips quirked, but he kept the solemn going. “May I present Princess Victoria?”

  She did the little head bow. “And you are?”

  “I’m Kitty. Sorry about Gregory.” Sort of not really, but it’s what you’re supposed to say to someone when you’ve killed her son. “Not so sorry about King Megalomaniac, though, I have to admit.”

  “He should have known better.” I assumed she meant the king. “Who killed Gregory?”

  Tito was next to me, Gregory’s body in his arms. “I did.” He laid the body down and stepped back. “And I’d do it again. He was trying to destroy our world and your world, too.” ACE was projecting everyone’s voices, as near as I could tell.

  Victoria nodded solemnly to Tito. “Your guard is forgiven.”

  “My guard?”

  “She means me,” Tito said. “Thank you, Your Highness.” It dawned on me that Tito was staying up here in case someone else tried anything. Gower was right, I did hire well.

  “Love the Poofs, I must say.”

  “They are very loyal.” Victoria closed her eyes. “Alexander?”

  “I’m here, Mother,” he called to her. He was still in the Plaza, and Chuckie was holding him up. “I fought against Gregory, against our king. And I ha
ve aligned with these people now. And for what they stand for and believe in.”

  Victoria looked straight at me. “I saw what you showed us. We do have laws,” she said quietly. “My uncle was a traitor and the reason my eldest son is dead. He did nothing when my grandfather forced my sister and cousins, forced his own son, to leave our world. If Alfred were here, this would not have happened.”

  “True. But he’s not.”

  “His son is.” Leonidas pointed to Martini. “Have you come back, to rule us as we should be ruled? To protect this world and solar system and all who dwell in it?”

  I turned around and wiped my face of all expression, at least I hoped I did. This was why I’d wanted ACE to block my emotions from Martini, after all—I didn’t have any place in the decision he had to make.

  Martini looked around. There was a lot of whispering and pointing. Kitty, they will accept Jeff, if Jeff declares.

  I know.

  “You want me to declare as king of this world?” Martini shouted. ACE projected his voice, too. There was a lot of murmuring, and I heard some agreement.

  “Yes,” Victoria said. “We need a strong king to lead us.”

  “Really?” Martini looked around again. “You kicked my family off this world and exiled us to Earth. You set that planet up, set us up. And now that Granddad’s proved to be exactly what you deserved, you want a change in the leadership?”

  “Yes,” Leonidas said. “Not only Alpha Four, but the entire solar system requires strong, compassionate leadership. You are clearly a leader, and a good one. We need you. You are one of us as you can never be one with Earth. We ask you to take your rightful place here, where you have always belonged.”

  “Gee, tempting offer. Of course, let me guess—I can’t bring my family back here, can I?”

  “You would be the king,” Victoria said. “You could do as you wished. Let me show you what you would rule.” She waved her hands, and it was as though a big screen opened up above us and we were watching IMAX. The Doobie Brother’s “‘Takin’It to the Streets” came on. Clearly ACE enjoyed having a soundtrack.