Alien in the Family (3)

by Gini Koch

  Reader nodded slowly and made the twirly-finger move he’d been perfecting. I only twirled when Chuckie liked something, so I hadn’t twirled all that often. “Good. Keep it as an option. Let’s see the next.”

  “James, there’s only one next.”

  “Fine. Let’s see it.”

  Sighed, went back into the room. “Chuckie likes it, James says we can keep it as an option.” Mom and Lucinda both heaved sighs, and Mom started unbuttoning while Lucinda took the last dress down.

  “It’s very similar,” she said, sounding thoughtful. “Less . . . showy than the other one.”

  It was similar. Sleeveless with thin spaghetti straps where the other had thicker ones, embroidery that was the same color as the main fabric so it was more subtle, silk instead of satin so softer and less shiny than the first. It hugged my body and flared out just above my knees. It had a short train that complemented my entire backside. Cut low enough in front and back that a bra was out of the question, but I didn’t need one with the way the bodice was designed and fitted. The back cut straight across, under my shoulder blades, the front had a subtle dip instead of cutting straight across or plunging. Like the other, it buttoned all the way down the middle of my back to the end of the train.

  Mom and Lucinda stared at me. “This is the dress.” They said it unison. The unison thing was starting to really freak me out. It had to be wedding related.

  I was heading out when Lucinda stopped me. “Take your hair out of the ponytail.”

  I did. I mean, why not. Mom dug my brush out of my purse, and I did a full brush and fluff. Noted that I could actually move in this dress, form-fitting though it was.

  Went out, wondering what the male reaction was going to be. Interesting reaction from the girls: They all went quiet, as though they’d drawn their breath in. My grandmothers looked as if they were going to cry.

  Okay, great. What about the male opinion? Looked over to Chuckie and Reader. Chuckie was sitting up like he’d been goosed, his eyes were wide, and he looked shocked and wistful at the same time.

  Looked at Reader. Got the usual frowny-face of concentration and the finger twirl. Twirled. Reader indicated I should twirl again. “On your toes.”

  “Yes, sir.” Twirled again on my toes. Once more for good measure. “Getting dizzy, James.”

  He grinned. “I knew Paula wouldn’t let me down.”

  “Paula?”

  “Paula Varsalona. Great designer. Great lady, too, love her.” He waved his hand in front of Chuckie’s face.

  “Uh-huh.” Chuckie was still staring at me.

  “Perfect! That’s the reaction we’re looking for. Get out of that one carefully, please. I’ll bag it and move it as soon as you’re dressed.”

  “Um, does that mean I can sit down and have something to drink?”

  “Yes. For a few minutes.”

  “Thank you, Sergeant Reader. Thanks for starting me on the exact opposite end than this dress was, too.”

  Got the cover-boy grin flashed at me. “You deserved to have the full experience. Just did it in a short amount of time. Thank me later.” He turned to the other girls. “Okay, we’re going to stick with the same designer for you. So, everyone but Lorraine I want changing into one of these other dresses. Should have all your sizes in here.” He pulled a rack over and looked at me. “Go on, out of the dress.”

  I rolled my eyes and went back into the bedroom. “Well?” Mom asked. “What did Charles and James think?”

  “This is the dress.”

  Mom and Lucinda high-fived each other. They got me out of the dress and hung it carefully while I put my clothes back on. Grabbed my purse—the Poofs were snoozing. They seemed to do that a lot. Lucky things. Then the three of us went out of the room.

  “Now what?” I asked Reader.

  “Sit.” He put me in a chair next to Chuckie, who still seemed dazed.

  “Dude, you okay?”

  “Yeah.” Chuckie shook himself. “That’s a great dress. Have I mentioned that Martini’s a total womanizer, has a major gambling habit, and secretly hates dogs and cats? And children, he hates children.”

  I laughed. “No, you actually said he was a great guy who didn’t have a roving eye and was focused solely on my happiness.”

  “Did I? Man, am I a moron.”

  “Nah, but I love you for the honesty.” I patted his hand.

  “Yeah, great. Lucky bastard.”

  The girls were out and dressed now. Reader had them all in the same thing. “James, the dresses are all black.” Well, with a white flower at the hip. But still, black. Gorgeous, but black.

  “Yes, your wedding colors are black and white.” He looked at them with a critical eye and made the twirly-sign.

  “James, I thought we were tired of black and white.”

  “We are. Your groom, however, is not. He loves black and white. Several of your bridesmaids love black and white. And half of your guests think black and white is da bomb in terms of color choices. We’re on a limb by not going with Armani in the first place. Let’s not push the luck.”

  “I was thinking blue.”

  “Yes, I know.” He looked pained.

  “I had a really pretty blue all picked out.”

  “Yes, I know. It was a great color and honestly would look wonderful.”

  “Then why not?”

  “I refer you back to argument number one. Girls, really, how hard is it to remember to twirl? You’re not even drinking alcohol.”

  They all sighed and twirled, and I looked closely at the dresses. Full-length satin, sleeveless with a plunging neckline, plunging back, gathered midriff from just under the breasts to the top of the hips, A-line skirt that went out pretty wide. Excellent for hiding tails and such.

  “I like it. Not wild about the flower.”

  “Of course. Don’t care; it makes the dress more dramatic. But have to be sure it’s the right choice.” Reader had the frowny-face on again. “Girls, go back, walk out one by one, twirl, go back.”

  They all sighed but did what he asked. While we watched the impromptu catwalk, I polled my mother, Lucinda, and my grandmothers. “So, what do you guys think?”

  Nana Sadie was watching intently. “I don’t want them to look better than you.”

  “Not my fault they’re all gorgeous.”

  Nona Maria sighed. “True. But you were perfect in the dress. James is so good with fashion.”

  “That’s why he’s my partner, yeah.”

  Both grandmothers looked at me, gave me very innocent smiles, then turned back to watch the rest of the girls do their modeling thing.

  Something about their expressions made me wonder. I watched the girls more closely. The dresses were really great—they looked good on all of them, even Jareen, and when you considered that the dresses were looking good on Dazzlers as well as Giant Lizards, you had to figure the designer was fabulous. No tails showed at all, no matter how the Animal Planet girls moved. Awesome dresses. I’d live with the flower at the waist, it was more dramatic.

  My brain kicked. None of the girls were disguised as human. I had seven aliens parading up and down in designer wear, and no one was batting an eye.

  I cleared my throat. “Ah, Nana? Nona? What do you see, when you look at the girls?”

  “I see seven lovely ladies,” Nona Maria said. She sounded like she was trying not to giggle.

  “We’re very proud of you for having such an interracial wedding party,” Nana Sadie added. Considering how upset she and my Papa Abe had been when my parents got married, her attitude was impressive. Nona and Nono hadn’t been much more thrilled at the start. Now each set loved the other like true family. My grandparents had come a long way on religious tolerance over the ensuing decades. I got the feeling they were coming along even quicker on species tolerance.

  “Um, Chuckie?”

  He sighed. “Ask your mother.”

  “Mom?”

  She sighed. “Your grandparents had a difficult time bel
ieving your reasons for leaving the party in the first place. Then when you and Michael came back and others started acting like the end of the world was coming and so forth, they got more suspicious.”

  “So, what, you just broke down and shared highest-level government secrets with them to stop them from complaining?” How had this woman been working in covert ops for most of her life?

  Mom gave me a dirty look. “No.”

  “Did Dad crack?” He was the more easily guilted of the two of them.

  Dirtier look. “No.”

  “Who shared, then? Not Uncle Mort!” The high-up-there career Marine? I would figure someone would have to be cutting off body parts to get Uncle Mort to share any secret, let alone government ones.

  Dirtiest look yet. “Hardly.”

  “Who then?”

  Lucinda sighed. “We discussed it. They’re all becoming family now. That means what we do affects them. Alfred, Stanley, Ericka, Richard, and I made the decision. Richard told them. Most of them took it very well.”

  “Most of them?” My voice was heading to the dog-only register. “You told my entire family tha—” Chuckie put his hand on my wrist and I stopped myself. Maybe they hadn’t said what I thought.

  “That you’re marrying a space alien?” Nona Sadie finished for me. “Yes. You know, Kitty, a prince is a prince.”

  “Oh, my God.” It hadn’t occurred to me that this was what Martini’s title was if he wasn’t king. “Guess it’s a good thing Jeff passed on the Alpha Four crown then.” Whoops. My mouth was doing that speaking without thinking thing again. Hated that.

  My grandmothers exchanged glances. “Pay up,” Nana Sadie said.

  Nona Maria sighed and nodded. “I always take the long shot.” She dug into her purse and handed money to Nana Sadie.

  “You two knew about that? And you were betting? On whether or not Jeff would choose the kingship over me? You were betting on it? And Nona picked that he would?” My family. The love was overwhelming.

  Nona Maria shrugged. “I told you, I always bet long shots. Besides, he’d had to deal with Carla. I mean, lesser men have run screaming away because of her.”

  “Like three husbands,” Mom muttered.

  “Right,” Nana Sadie said. “And he’d already dealt with our Ruth, too.” She shook her head. “I almost felt daring, taking you over the kingship.”

  I looked at Reader. He was focused on the dresses. “Girls, bend, sit. Want to make sure no one’s going to bust out.” They groaned but followed his orders.

  Looked to Chuckie. He shrugged. “It’s a security breach, yeah. Considering Angela’s technically my superior, though, nothing I could do about it. Besides, I wasn’t there when it happened, and Richard, as the Sovereign Pontifex, has free rein to make these decisions.”

  “They were betting! On Jeff and me!”

  He looked over at my grandmothers. “Did you give me any odds at all?”

  “Oh, yes, Charles,” Nona Maria said. “If Jeffrey took the kingship, you were the clear favorite to marry her.”

  “Christopher had longer odds because of his relationship to Jeffrey,” Nana Sadie added.

  “Thanks. Oh, I assume everyone did the spit swear and pinkie oath?”

  “Yes, Charles. Carla had to have a special memory implanted. Everyone else, no issues. Most of us had our suspicions aroused last year, when all those handsome men came and took us to special bunkers for our protection. It was nice to know what was really going on. The children were all given the same lectures the A-C children get, apparently, and they seem clear on why secrecy is important and why you don’t talk about your alien relatives or you go to the doctors for special tests.” Nona Maria was laughing.

  “So you were all busy while we were out saving the world?” I didn’t know whether to be relieved or upset. Settled for a combination of the two. “And, Mom, everyone in the family knows, other than Aunt Carla? Even Aunt Ruth knows?”

  “Your Aunt Ruth was relieved to find out that by A-C traditions you and Jeff had been engaged for six months. She was on board after that. Your Aunt Carla firmly believes you’re marrying the Martini and Rossi scion and one of the top fieldimageering teams is assigned to her. She’ll see what we want her to see, just like all the hired help, and that will be fine.”

  “I can see so many ways this could end up not being fine. I can’t even talk there are so many ways.”

  “Oh, Kitty, relax,” Nana Sadie said. “James, what’s your decision?”

  “We’ll keep them.” He nodded. “Okay, girls, out of those. Make sure you bag your dress and mark it with the tag so there’s no confusion about whose is whose.” He pulled out his phone. “Need the pickup and returns I told you about. Right, very thankful, just didn’t work with the bride’s personal style. Right. Good, pronto.”

  Reader closed his phone and looked at me. “I have the mother and grandmother dresses already picked out.”

  “What’s Jeff wearing?”

  He grinned at me. “What I picked out.”

  “Is it a white jacket?” I asked hopefully.

  Reader looked pained. “No, it’s not. He looked smarmy in the white jacket. He’s in something that looks great on him, and that’s all you need to know until the wedding.” He went into the bedroom, presumably to bag my wedding dress.

  “I wanted a white jacket,” I called after him.

  “Don’t care,” he shouted back.

  “Ten dollars says she loves it,” Nana Sadie said quickly.

  “Taken,” Nona Maria said just as quickly.

  It was like I was in the middle of the Old Ladies Bookie Club. And it was run by my grandmothers. I needed a drink, but that was out of the question.

  Made do. Grabbed a bottle of sparkling cider and chugged it.

  CHAPTER 62

  SEVERAL A-CS SHOWED UP and took the vast array of dresses away. I discovered we had a shoe store and a lingerie department in Chuckie’s suite, too. They’d just been hidden by the clothes.

  Shoes and lingerie went a lot faster. Since I didn’t need a bra, Reader put me into a white lace garter belt with thighhigh white hose. We had the commando versus thong argument. I won; in my experience, being dressed up meant I was at risk for my clothing being destroyed and my dress flying up in the air. We compromised, and my thong was white lace. Shoes matched the dress; they were high, but comfortable.

  “I need something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.”

  “Dress is new and borrowed.”

  “James, that means I can’t get it dirty. It’s me, you know it’s going to get dirty.”

  He sighed. “Fine. Jeff already told me to spend whatever on the dress you liked. Blue is handled.” He pulled a light blue garter out of his pocket.

  “Nice. So, blue and new handled, right?”

  “Right.” He looked at my grandmothers. “Who has a necklace or bracelet Kitty can borrow that will go with her dress? Older the better.”

  Mom raised her hand. “I do. It’s what I wore at my wedding. Yes, it’s with me,” she added.

  “What is it?”

  “Diamond necklace, should work just fine with the dress, bracelet matches. It was your father’s wedding present to me.”

  “Dad was a grad student when you got married.”

  Nana Sadie shook her head. “Your Uncle Jacob is a jeweler. You think he didn’t give his brother a deal?”

  “Right, sorry. Sort of dizzy and overwhelmed.”

  “That’s the story of your life,” Chuckie said with a grin.

  Everyone’s accessories covered, I was ready to collapse. Killing parasitic superbeings and dealing with psychos and megalomaniacs seemed so much easier than all of this. Everyone else also seemed to be having a great time. I wondered what was wrong with me.

  “Okay, Four Seasons time,” Reader announced.

  Every other woman squealed. “Um, huh?”

  “Spa treatments. Of course, we had to stagger because we had so many, but everyon
e should be done with plenty of time for the party.”

  “Party?”

  “Your bachelorette party. Mentioned before? Let’s keep with the program, shall we?” It was like Reader had channeled Martha Stewart.

  “Is Jeff going to have a bachelor party?” I tried not to sound apprehensive about this and failed utterly.

  “No.” Reader was ushering. Chuckie already had the elevator, as near as I could tell.

  “So, I get a party but Jeff doesn’t?” The last thing I wanted was him around a stripper, and it wasn’t like he could get drunk. But it didn’t seem fair that I’d get a party and he wouldn’t.

  Reader sighed. “He’ll be taken care of.”

  “How? This is Vegas. Define ‘taken care of.’ ”

  “Tell her,” Chuckie said as Reader dragged me to the elevator. One car, with all my bridesmaids, had already gone down. “She’ll just whine and badger it out of you.”

  “Fine. Jeff and the other guys will be ‘crashing’ your party. Okay? Happy the surprise is ruined?”

  “Yes. ’Cause now I can enjoy it.” We held the elevator; Chuckie locked up; we all went down. The girls were waiting for us, all looking human. Chuckie led the way. I hung back and grabbed Reader. “I want a word with James. Not Sergeant Reader.”

  He sighed dramatically. “Okay, girlfriend. What?”

  “Do I get to plan anything?”

  He gave me a long look. “Do you want to? Truly?”

  I thought about it. “Honestly . . . no.”

  “Right. Can we go?”

  I took his arm, then stopped dead. “Oh, my God. James, I don’t have a ring for Jeff! I don’t have anything for Jeff!”

  Reader shook his head. “Oh, ye of little faith.” He put his arm around my shoulders and started moving us along. “Do you really think I was going to let that slip?”

  “You picked out the wedding ring I’m giving to him? I love you, and you have awesome taste, but, um, shouldn’t I be doing that?”

  “You wound me.” He wouldn’t say another word until we were at the Four Seasons.

  Right before we went in I got the “being watched” feeling again. I looked around without any attempt to appear casual. Saw no one taking an undue interest. Looked for Mister Joel Oliver. Didn’t see him or anyone in a trench coat. But I hadn’t spotted him before, Chuckie had. “James, do you feel like we’re being followed?”