Jonathan's Promise

by Hans M Hirschi

  “Well, it’s that damned old age. I used to be able to sleep until lunch, I’ll have you know.” Jonathan tried hard to sound more upbeat than he felt. He didn’t want to worry Parker. “So tell me, why weren’t you able to sleep?” Jonathan knew, of course, that Parker hadn’t come all the way to his house just to check up on him. Something was bothering him.

  Parker blushed and stared at the coffee maker.

  “Come on, Parker, tell me, no beating around the bush. Is it your boyfriend?”

  Parker nodded.

  “What about him?” Jonathan wondered what had his grandson so unnerved. “Is he in trouble? Are you?”

  “No, Grandpa, I’m not. And neither is he.”

  “But there’s something, right?”

  Parker placed the cup with the steaming coffee on the table in front of Jonathan and nodded again.

  “I thought so. Just tell me. I promise, no judgment. You should know me by now. Have I ever—”

  “No, Grandpa,” Parker interrupted. “I know you won’t judge. That’s why I’m here. It’s kind of ridiculous, but…Cody’s not like you and me.”

  “Cody, eh? That’s a beautiful name. Tell me more.”

  “He’s twenty-two years old, and he’s the nicest person I’ve ever met in my life.” Parker’s eyes gleamed when he mentioned the boy he was dating.

  Jonathan had to smile, and deep, deep inside his heart, something woke up: an ember of hope, a flicker of life. “Surely, if he’s such an amazing person, there’s no reason for you to be afraid of introducing him to us?”

  “Well, you see…Cody is blind. Always has been. There’s something amiss with his optical nerves, how they’re connected to his brain, like the wiring is wrong. But you can’t really tell he’s blind. He’s got gorgeous honey-colored eyes…” Parker smiled at his thoughts and then shrugged. “But he can’t see.”

  “And?” Jonathan wasn’t sure he understood.

  “I’m afraid Mom and Dad will be angry with me for dating a handicapped person…” Parker looked at the floor, avoiding his grandfather’s gaze.

  “Parker,” Jonathan said sternly. “You’re not giving your parents much credit if you think that. And you’re not giving me and Granddad much credit either, if you think we’d have raised your mother to think less of someone because they have a disability. What’s wrong with you?”

  Parker sighed. “I know, right? It’s all me. I’m just afraid that people will pity me for going out with a cripple, and that they’ll talk about us behind our backs, or say stupid things to Cody, making him feel as if I’m only with him out of pity.”

  “Are you?” Jonathan’s eyes bore into his grandson, who didn’t respond. “I’ve heard a lot of bullcrap out of your mouth over the years, Parker, but this takes the prize. Who do you think you are? First of all, Cody is a human being, not a cripple. Blindness is a physical disability, a handicap maybe, but it doesn’t cripple him. I mean, he goes to school, right?”

  Parker nodded but kept his gaze to the floor.

  “So, he talks to you. He seems fully functional in all other aspects…isn’t he?”

  Parker blushed, but still didn’t lift his gaze.

  “I see you’ve already crossed the Rubicon…” Jonathan got up from his chair and embraced his grandson, holding him a moment before he grabbed his face with both hands to force him to look at him. “Now listen to me, young man. This Cody of yours, he obviously sees something in you that you aren’t capable of seeing—something I’m having trouble seeing right now. The self-pity you’re serving me here doesn’t resonate with who I know you to be. It seems to me Cody sees more than meets the eye. He’s not blind, Parker. So, when will I meet this man of yours?”

  “Really?” Parker looked surprised. “You want to meet him?”

  “You don’t get it, do you?” Jonathan shook his head. “Of course I want to meet him. He’s your boyfriend. And if it helps, you can bring him here before you introduce him to your mother. But a word of warning. I have no secrets, and I’m not about to start lying to your parents. If they ask me, I’ll tell them about our conversation.”

  Now Parker was all smiles. “Thank you, Grandpa. This means the world to me. Is it okay if I bring him over for lunch today?”

  Jonathan nodded, and Parker hugged him tightly. “Hey, careful, don’t snap any bones!”

  Breaking the embrace, Parker rushed toward the door. “I’ll bring Chinese, your favorite, okay?”

  Stunned by the sudden turn of events, Jonathan laughed, calling after the boy, “What about my breakfast?” But Parker couldn’t hear him anymore; he was already gone.

  ***

  “He what?” Jeanette was notably upset.

  “Don’t worry about it. The kid had something on his mind, and he wanted to talk to his grandpa first. I’ve called you to tell you not to worry. Try to understand, coming out is still difficult for kids. Realizing that you’re not like most everybody else is still challenging, and if Parker wants me to meet his boyfriend first, what’s the harm?” Jonathan dutifully omitted the real reason why Parker had wanted him to meet Cody first.

  “I guess…” Jeanette’s voice and face had grown softer over the vid-phone. “But, Dad, promise me to treat the young man nicely. Don’t be as harsh as you were when I brought home Paul…”

  Jonathan pretended to be shocked. “What do you mean? I was the perfect gentleman, treating Paul as if he were family, from the very beginning.”

  Jeanette laughed in response, and Jonathan knew she had a point. When she’d come home with Paul, at the age of eighteen and barely out of high school, he’d been anything but pleased and had questioned the poor sod for hours about his intentions toward their daughter. Dan hadn’t been home at the time, and when he finally came home, he’d had to rescue poor Paul from Jonathan’s interrogation methods.

  “What were you thinking? They’re dating? They’re kids. They’re not about to get married, Jon!” Dan had scolded him, although he’d later admitted that he’d probably have done the same thing, had Jeanette not pleaded with him to step in and rescue her boyfriend.

  It spoke to Paul’s character that he was undeterred and eventually had the courage to ask for Jeanette’s hand in marriage—an ancient and totally antiquated tradition, which nonetheless had made Jonathan cry.

  “They’re coming over for lunch today. I’ll meet the kid, I’ll be very nice. I am the grandfather, after all, I’ll leave the Spanish inquisition to you, my dear.” Jonathan’s mood had greatly improved, and he was suddenly looking forward to the day.

  “Thanks, Dad. I think I’ll see if I can’t do some reverse parenting here. Not sure I want to do to anyone what you did to Paul when you first met him.”

  “Well it seems my job was well done, then, and you’ve learned well.”

  “Yeah, right. But tell me, how are you feeling, Dad? Did you get any sleep last night? You know you’re welcome to come over here and stay with us for a few days. Must be awful to be alone in the house.”

  “I’m all right. Yes, it’s hard, but it seems I’m still serving a purpose, and as long as you, Rick, and the kids still have a need for me, I’ll stick around. I’m good. Actually, I’m not good, but you know what I mean. I will be fine if you give me time. It’s only been a week. I miss him. After sixty years, losing the love of your life really fucks up your system, let me tell you!”

  On the other end of the line, Jeanette was crying. “I miss him, too. I mean, we always kind of figured that Papa would leave us first, but when you’re finally confronted with that reality… When you called us…” She was sobbing now.

  “Hey, kiddo,” he tried to comfort her. “I know, it’s all right, let it out.” Fresh tears filled his eyes. “He’s left us all with a big gaping wound in our hearts. Your father is irreplaceable, and it will take time to heal those wounds. Just remember this, kiddo, he is alive for as long as we remember him, remember his laughter, remember the dimples on his cheeks, his kindness, and how he would always put e
verybody else before his own needs. That is the person you mustn’t forget. That is the memory we have to preserve, in our minds and in our hearts. And for as long as we do that, Dan will live on. See? I haven’t lost a husband, he’s simply traveled on ahead, waiting for me, beyond the horizon.”

  Sniveling, Jeanette responded, “Thanks, Dad, I appreciate that. It’s just hard on me right now. I miss him so much.”

  “I know, so do I.”

  “But you’ll be okay?”

  Jonathan smiled into the camera. “I’m better than when I woke up this morning. That son of yours just injected me with a healthy dose of appetite for life. And then there’s Jonathan’s baby on the way—heck, I think there’s still some life in the old geezer. So what do you say? Shall we all go out for our Sunday dinner? I’ll call Madame Wong and see if she has the table in her chambre séparée for us, and I’ll invite Parker’s boyfriend so you can all meet him on neutral ground. How about that for a compromise?”

  “Sounds like a plan, Dad!” Jeanette sounded more like herself. “But promise to call me as soon as they’re gone today. I’m not sure I can wait until Sunday to learn about my baby’s first love…”

  “What makes you think this is his first?”

  “Dad!” Jeanette looked outraged.

  “What? Don’t ‘Dad’ me, all of a sudden. Just because Paul was your first and only doesn’t mean everybody else is strung that way. And just because Parker only came out to us yesterday doesn’t mean he hasn’t been around town for a while. The boy is twenty years old, after all.”

  Jeanette’s shoulders drooped. Jonathan could almost hear the cogs turning in his daughter’s head, and she was silent for a long moment. “Jeanette, what’s the matter?”

  “I’m, uh, just thinking…”

  “Don’t freak out. You know how Dennis has been around town, and if Parker’s anything like his cousin—”

  “You know what, Dad? I don’t want to know…”

  Jonathan chuckled. “Sorry, my dear, but that’s life. I’m not saying he has, I’m merely suggesting you shouldn’t make assumptions based on your own experience. Being gay is still, despite how far we’ve come in recent decades, a very different experience than growing up straight. And for the past twenty years, Parker has had to deal with those feelings, and that knowledge, on his own.

  “Now, I’ll grant you that hopefully, your father and I have set a good example of a happy couple, and there are plenty other role models out there, but there’s a reason why he waited so long, and you need to be mindful of what it means not to be able to talk to anyone in your family about this. You know well enough what it was like for me…” Jonathan didn’t want or need to say anymore. He’d had to tell the story of his childhood, and how he’d met Dan, often enough.

  “Yeah, Dad, sorry. I get it.” She started to cry again. “My poor baby…”

  “Is Paul still at home?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Go talk to him. He’s a smart man. He’ll talk sense into you.”

  “I’m glad you finally came around to liking him.”

  “Don’t get haughty with me, young lady. You know I love Paul. I just wanted to make sure he was the right guy for you.”

  “Yeah, thanks, Dad. Anyway, you’re right, I need to tell him. Please be kind to the boys, and call me when they’re gone. Love you!”

  “I love you, too. Give my best to Paul.”

  After he’d hung up, Jonathan got ready for the day ahead. The spark that had been lit in his heart began to glow warmly, making him feel all fuzzy inside. He took a long and hot shower, indulging in the heat of the water, without the usual banter and nagging from Dan about water preservation and the environment. He shaved and applied the various serums, toners and creams that helped him maintain the facade that he wasn’t a wrinkly mess of old age. He also applied a liberal amount of his favorite aftershave and paused to take in his reflection in the mirror.

  Not bad, not bad at all for a guy my age.

  In fact, people often said he looked like a man in his sixties, rather than a man sixteen months shy of eighty. Not that he cared much. At his age, the thought of looking good was more about self-worth than cocking it up for others. He and Dan had been so perfectly in tune that there had never been a reason to look elsewhere for love. As for the physical part of it? Well, they’d had their fun, but Jonathan had lost that drive some time ago. It had come with the realization that there were other forms of intimacy more important than the thrill of a one-night stand, and even though the sex with Dan had been infrequent in recent years, and nowhere near as steaming as in their youth, it had other qualities and a deeper meaning than just getting laid.

  Jonathan had loved their intimacy—the hugs, the kisses, the touches, an arm on a shoulder or around a waist—that casual closeness, whenever, wherever. I’ll miss that most of all, he thought, and looked upward once again, as if expecting Dan to be looking down at him.

  Returning to their bedroom—his bedroom—he put on jeans and picked out a sweater from the closet. When he was dressed, he walked through to his office and the computer. There were literally hundreds of condolence messages from all over the world, from people they had met through the years, from other charities, government and non-government organizations alike. Even the city’s mayor had send a vid-note, expressing her sadness at the sudden loss of one of the city’s great sons. Jonathan and Dan had become quite the celebrities in Chicago, as their foundation grew and became an important player in the city’s and region’s social welfare regimen.

  Jonathan wasn’t really in the mood to reply to them all, but he knew it was expected of him. He sent short vid-notes to close friends and managed to talk to the few who answered in person. He updated a short video blog message on the charity’s website, thanking everyone for their condolences and apologizing for not responding individually; there were simply too many of them. Jonathan was sincere, and he truly appreciated the sympathy pouring out to him, even though he knew it was more a consequence of his fortune and the good he used it for, than him or Dan as human beings. Without the money, he likely wouldn’t have met most of these people.

  The call to the mayor’s office wasn’t something he was looking forward to, but she was on their list of regular donors, and they had met her many times during her rising career. There was even talk she might one day run for president.

  “Jonathan! Thank you for returning my call. I was devastated to hear of Dan’s passing. How are you holding up, my friend?” Her voice was soft and sympathetic.

  “Madame Mayor…”

  “Nonsense, please, call me Jacqueline, or Jacqui. We’re friends. No need for the formalities.”

  “Jacqui, I’m sorry. Well, yes, it happened quickly, and it was quite unexpected, for all of us. You know that Dan had suffered from prostate cancer a few years ago, but the doctors told us it was in remission and that he was fine. A couple of weeks ago, he went in for his three-year checkup, and they found it in his blood. That’s usually a bad sign, but not hopeless. But Dan felt he’d had enough, and he didn’t fight it. He was tired. In the end, he passed quickly and peacefully. We buried him yesterday, out by our country cabin.”

  “I’m so sorry, Jonathan. Is there anything I can do? Anything?”

  “I appreciate the offer. I’ll be all right. I’ve got my family around me—two kids, grandkids, and it seems I’ll be a great grandfather soon.”

  “Well, listen, if there is anything you can think of, please let me know. We owe the two of you so much. You’ve come to our rescue on so many occasions, filling gaps when city hall couldn’t, or wouldn’t step up. The keys to the city is the least I can think of…”

  “Thank you, Jacqui, but you know how Dan felt about these things. He loathed the public eye. He was a reporter, a true journalist. He observed and told the news; he never wanted to be the news.”

  “You’re absolutely right, of course. Just know this, my friend: in the heart of this mayor and her administration, yo
u are heroes, both of you. And you certainly have the keys to my city, anytime.”

  Jonathan choked up at her words. “Thank you, Madame Mayor. You honor me.”

  “Jacqui, Jonathan, it’s Jacqui to you. I’ve got to run, the governor is visiting us today. But please, whenever you need me, call me, all right?”

  “I will, I will. Thanks, Jacqui!” But she’d already hung up, and Jonathan had to wonder. How did we ever make calls without seeing the other party? Vid-calls made it so much easier to see if someone was honest or not, and even though Jacqui was as skilled a politician as any, Jonathan detected no deceit in her face. She meant every word she’d said. It made him feel good about the work he and Dan had done for the city, from homeless shelters to the arts. They’d always found ways to stuff budget holes and finance much-needed social projects the city “wouldn’t or couldn’t,” as Jacqui had put it.

  With an hour to go before Parker came by for lunch, Jonathan went to the living room—by way of the kitchen, to grab another cup of coffee—and sat in his favorite reclining chair. It had actually been Dan’s chair, but he supposed it was his now. With his reading pad in his hand, he settled back and continued reading the book he had started during his short vigil at Dan’s bedside.

  At some point he must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing he remembered was Parker, shaking his shoulder: “Grandpa, wake up!”

  * * * * *

  Chapter 5 - Cody

  “Parker. I’m sorry. I must’ve dozed off…” Jonathan yawned. “It’s an age thing. The older I get, the less I sleep at night, and the more I seem to be dozing off at odd times throughout the day. I hope I didn’t scare you..” He looked at Parker apologetically.

  “No worries, Grandpa. Dead people don’t snore.”

  Jonathan had to laugh at the comment. “Are you going to introduce me to the young man behind you?” He got up from his chair and took a couple of steps toward the figure standing well behind Parker in the doorway to the living room.