Jonathan's Promise

by Hans M Hirschi

  “Who are we talking about?” Sverre asked, somewhat relieved. “Your grandsons?”

  Jonathan shook his head and sat down across from the captain. “No, me.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, this old fool is behaving like a teenager, reckless and irresponsible.”

  “Love has that effect on all of us.” The captain smiled. “I would say you deserve happiness. Who is the lucky fella?”

  “That’s why I need to talk to you.” Jonathan became serious. “It’s one of your crew members.”

  Sverre didn’t seem surprised and merely nodded, but his lips noticeably thinned.

  Jonathan continued, “I don’t want to get him into trouble. I know about ship’s rules with regard to crew interacting with guests. It’s just…” He didn’t quite know how to say it. “Sverre, I’m an old man. I don’t know how much time I’ve got left. To get a second shot at love is extremely rare in life, and at my age? It’s unheard of…”

  “It’s reciprocal? He feels the same about you?”

  Jonathan nodded, blushing.

  Sverre shook his head. “Wow, that’s quite the news. You know, of course, that simply by acknowledging his feelings for you, this person has already broken several rules. You’re putting me in a very awkward position.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t want to sneak behind people’s backs. We’ve fought long enough to live our lives in the light. I’m not about to be shoved back into a closet again, no matter the reason.”

  “I appreciate that. I really do, but I’m also bound by the company. Please understand that those aren’t my rules. They’re company rules, and I can’t just break them.” The captain considered for a moment. “Let me talk to headquarters. Give me a few hours, and I’ll have a response for you. If I can get them to make an exception, I personally have no issue. There are good reasons for these rules to be in place, but sometimes, rules turn into stale laws, and people see no leeway, no gray zones, and your friend could get into a lot of trouble. Let’s try to avoid that. I also need to think about the message an exception sends to the rest of the crew. You know you can’t keep this quiet, right? The minute your friend walks through these doors, the entire ship will know within an hour. We’re a small and very tight-knit community.”

  “I can imagine. He’s already said he’d resign, but I don’t want him to sacrifice his career for me. Heck, we don’t even know if we have a future.”

  Sverre got up. “Listen, tell your friend to stay put. I’ll be back with news in a little while.” He extended his hand in a greeting and left the cabin, leaving Jonathan to wrestle with his thoughts, and to break the news to the boys…

  ***

  “You what?” Parker exclaimed when Jonathan told him and Cody about Marc that night over a private dinner in their cabin.

  “Please, Parker—” Jonathan raised both arms in defense “—please don’t judge me. This wasn’t planned. It happened.”

  “What’s the matter with you?” Cody asked Parker, puzzled by his reaction. “Everybody is entitled to a second chance, even Grandpa—maybe particularly Grandpa.”

  “That’s not the point,” Parker continued, in a frenzy. “Granddad has been dead a year! I always thought you loved him. And now you fall for a masseuse? Really? I’m sure Granddad would turn in his grave if he knew.”

  Jonathan was quiet, the words hurting him more than he could’ve imagined. Yet he was glad Parker was being honest. After all, he had contemplated and toyed with the exact same thoughts. What have I been thinking? How did I ever believe this was a good idea?

  Cody rushed to Jonathan’s defense. “Parker, baby, please. What’s this all about? You are being totally unfair. If something were to ever happen to me, I would want you to find happiness again, the sooner the better. I wouldn’t care if you danced on my grave. I would never, ever, wish for you to pine after me, no matter what. We only have this one life, and we should live it to the fullest, whether we’re in our twenties or in our eighties. What difference does it make?”

  Parker’s eyes were wide open as he listened to his fiancé. “But, I—”

  “No buts, and no ifs.” Cody’s eyes were staring straight at Parker, which Jonathan found eerie. “You have no idea how difficult it is to find love, and I never pegged you for being so narrow-minded. With my eyes I’m not exactly a catch. And yet you fell for me. Stop being such a prick and be happy for your grandpa!”

  “I don’t know,” Jonathan protested on his grandson’s behalf, “maybe Parker is on to something. I mean it’s not just me. I have a family, kids, grandkids and even a great-grandchild to consider. They all loved Dan. If I were to move on, what kind of example would I be setting?”

  Cody was unperturbed. “Only the best, Grandpa! Only the best. If this Marc really loves you for who you are, and not just because you’re staying in the biggest suite on board, if he is genuinely interested in you, and not your money, then I say go for it. What do you have to lose?”

  “My family?”

  “No, you won’t!” Parker looked up and shook his head. “I love you, Grandpa. It was just a bit of a shock. I mean, you and Granddad, you have always been my idols. The two of you were always so cool, so relaxed, so in control. I just couldn’t imagine you ever not being together. But Cody’s right. He always is, my man. I’m just being an idiot. My mind tells me you can do whatever you want, love whoever you’re lucky to have love you in return. My heart just needs a little bit more time, all right?”

  Jonathan wasn’t convinced. “But how do I know he loves me and not our money?”

  “You’ll know,” Cody said, not a doubt in his voice.

  Parker offered, “There are a gazillion ways to ensure that. You could have a prenup signed, or you could sign over your fortune to Mom and Rick, or you could just get to know him…”

  “I guess. After all, he’s taking a much bigger risk than I am. His career is on the line. If this comes out, he could be thrown off the ship at the next port.”

  “Wow, he must really like you…” Cody was impressed.

  “I spoke to the captain, and I’m waiting for his response. He still hasn’t come back. I’m worried. What if they won’t make an exception?”

  “Don’t worry about that now. I’m sure it’ll be all right,” Cody assured him, and Parker nodded. As if on cue, the doorbell rang, and Parker got up to answer it.

  At the door, Carlos and the captain waited to be let in. Carlos proceeded quietly into the dining area of the living room, to check on his guests and see if they needed anything else. The captain followed Parker into the room and waited, making small talk about the quality of the food and wine, until Carlos left again, before he spoke.

  “Jonathan, may I have a word with you in private?”

  “The boys know, Sverre. We’ve just been talking about it,” Jonathan said flatly. The expression on Sverre’s face implied bad news.

  “I’ve been on the phone with the CEO and corporate HR for over an hour, and I’m afraid they weren’t amenable to the idea. They’re afraid that if we make an exception in this case, if the crew think that if the guest is ‘exclusive’ enough, they can get away with anything, then we’d lose the structure that is so vital for smooth operations on board. I’m sorry, but their decision is final.” Sverre seemed unhappy with the way his superiors had handled the situation, but his hands were tied.

  Jonathan’s heart sank, and tears filled his eyes.

  Parker rushed to his side and hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Grandpa. We’ll find a way. Let’s just think this through.”

  Sverre was notably hurt by Jonathan’s quiet reaction. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to the bridge. Please talk to your friend, and let me know how you wish to proceed.” He grabbed his hat, turned around briskly, and left the boys to comfort their grandfather.

  “I need to talk to him. He needs to know. The poor soul must be on edge.”

  “How do you want to do this?” Parker asked. “I mean, you have to be c
areful not to expose him.”

  “I have an idea,” Cody said. “Why don’t you send him a note in an envelope? If anyone asks, you forgot to tip him earlier today. We could get Carlos to deliver it—didn’t you say they’re roommates?”

  “Yeah, they are. That might work. Parker, dear, can you get me the stationary from the desk? We can give it to Carlos when he comes to pick up the dishes.” Jonathan felt a little more hopeful, but he was also afraid. How can I be so afraid? Do I really have such strong feelings for him already?

  After dinner, Jonathan and the boys had their coffee outside, in the large open courtyard, underneath the stars. They each had a nice glass of grappa and talked in subdued voices. Carlos had come to pick up the dishes earlier, and Jonathan had handed him the envelope with the note, padded with a few dollar bills, to make the story more credible. They didn’t expect to hear anything that night and were surprised when Carlos came back so soon.

  “Excuse me, Mr. Jonathan,” he said, still not comfortable with calling his guests by their first name only. “I’ve spoken to Marc, and he told me what happened. He’s in HR right now, handing in his resignation. He’ll leave the ship tomorrow morning, when we reach St. John’s. There are flights back to Europe every day. He is asking if he can come by and take his leave before he disembarks tomorrow?”

  Jonathan was in shock and unable to speak, so Cody answered in his stead. “Yes, please tell Marc he can come by here any time after he’s done in HR, okay?”

  Carlos nodded and—uncomfortable with the entire situation—left the three men alone.

  “I’m so sorry, Grandpa,” Parker consoled. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I would’ve liked to meet him, to get to know him. He must be quite an individual to have this effect on you.”

  Jonathan patted Parker’s leg. “Thank you, son. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Old men like me shouldn’t fall in love. That’s for you young folks. We should be content to live the rest of our lives in the company of our memories and be happy for what we had.”

  “That’s bullshit, Grandpa, and you know it.” Cody was furious. “Is this the Jonathan who survived ten days alone in the forest, freezing, without water or food? Is this the Jonathan who just weeks ago had this amazing outlook on life, with plans for a round-the-world tour? If you really want to get to know Marc, you’ll just have to find a way. Don’t give up now! Don’t let the first small hurdle stop you.”

  Jonathan smiled weakly. “I don’t know, Cody. Maybe this is for the best.”

  “And what about Marc?” Cody asked. “If he’d thought the same way as you about this, he’d simply have forgotten you and moved on. But he’s quitting his job. Clearly he feels very strongly about you and would rather leave the ship, give up his career, than have to be so close to you, every day, and yet not be able to be with you.”

  “What are you suggesting?” Parker asked.

  “I think Grandpa should invite him to stay on board. We have enough room in the suite. Let him stay here, as a guest, and let them get to know each other. If nothing comes of it, they can always go separate ways. There’s an airport at literally every port we dock.”

  “What do you think, Grandpa? We have two empty bedrooms available. Don’t you think you deserve to give this a chance?”

  Jonathan shrugged. “This isn’t just my decision, you know. But yes, I think it’s worth a shot. I’ll ask him when he comes by.” His mind was reeling with recent events. It had only been a couple of days, and he shouldn’t have been feeling this way. Well, we’ve already had sex, of sorts. What am I doing? I’m eighty years old, and I’m behaving like a teenager. Dan, help me, what do you think I should do?

  ***

  Jonathan found no real sleep that night. He tossed and turned in his bed, contemplating the events of the past forty-eight hours, Marc’s smile—that infectious smile, that beautiful smile—his eyes, and how he had felt Marc watching him, the looks he gave, the way he touched, and the way Jonathan had reacted to that, again, and again. He wondered if he was going insane, or if his decisions were still being driven by his sorrow. Perhaps it was nothing more than physical reaction. After all, he knew literally nothing about Marc. He’d even misjudged the man’s age. Forty years old. He’s a mature man, in his prime. Why would he fall for me? That makes even less sense than a young man with daddy issues.

  He talked to Dan, tried to get answers from his late, wise husband, but to no avail. Finally, in the wee hours of the morning, he drifted off into an uneasy sleep, and he had a dream, about Sean. The two of them, without Dan, were sitting in the rocking chairs on the deck of the cabin, the cabin that had been Dan’s and Sean’s long before it had been his and Dan’s, the cabin Sean had wanted to buy, that had always been the focal point of Dan’s life.

  “Hey.” Sean acknowledged Jonathan with a nod and took another sip from his beer.

  Jonathan didn’t respond. He’d never met Sean, didn’t know what to say to the man, the love of Dan’s life he had replaced.

  “Don’t worry about Dan, Jon,” Sean said, seemingly knowing exactly what was going on in Jonathan’s mind. “He’s fine. He misses you, though, just like he missed me, remember?”

  Jonathan thought back and remembered how Dan had lost Sean, and how he’d been mourning him for an entire year. He’d withdrawn from life, from people, and secluded himself at the cabin, until Jonathan had shown up at his doorstep.

  They had discussed it many times, how Jonathan had saved Dan from his sorrow, from the loss after Sean. Dan never thought he’d find love again, yet somehow, young Jonathan had nestled himself in Dan’s life from the first night.

  “Remember that first morning?” Sean smiled at Jonathan, hinting at the first night he’d spent in bed next to Dan. It was such a long time ago—before his eighteenth birthday—it was a dimly lit memory, but something Dan had often talked about later on in their life, as they spooned each other in bed. “Remember how Dan woke to find you poking at his rear entrance?” Sean laughed at the memory.

  “How do you know?” Jonathan asked.

  “It’s your dream, dear…” Sean took another sip from the beer. “I know whatever you know.”

  There was logic to Sean’s words. How else would Jonathan be able to speak to a man who’d been dead for more than six decades? Sean still looked young, beautiful, just the way he did in the few photographs from the period that Dan had kept.

  “So if this is a dream, what do you think I should do?”

  Sean smiled. “Really? You’re actually asking me what I think? Remember who you’re talking to, and you have the answer to your question.” Sean turned and took another sip from his beer, looking out into the clearing, and the lake lying before them, perfectly still, not a single crease on the surface, a perfect mirror of the late-evening light. Not another word was said.

  When Jonathan awoke, it was to Cody’s hand on his shoulder. “Grandpa, wake up. You have a visitor. It’s almost ten a.m. We arrived in St. John’s three hours ago.”

  “I’m sorry. I had a bad night. Couldn’t fall asleep, and then I had this really weird dream.”

  “Oh? Anything you care to share?”

  “Sean spoke to me, it was the weirdest thing…”

  “Who’s Sean?”

  “He was Dan’s first love, the love of his life. That was before he’d met me. He and Sean bought the cabin by the lake, but then Sean was killed in a hunting accident, and Dan kind of stopped living…” That’s when it hit Jonathan. “Oh my god! That’s what he wanted to tell me…” Without warning, he began to cry, the tears flowing freely down his cheeks.

  “Grandpa?” Cody was worried, not understanding the sudden reaction to a mere dream. “Grandpa, talk to me…”

  “They’re telling me to go ahead, to live again. I’m so blessed…” Jonathan was crying almost hysterically, yet smiling at the same time.

  Parker, alerted to the sound, came running into the room. “What’s going on here. Are you okay, Grandpa?”

&
nbsp; “I will be, just give me a moment.” Jonathan tried to sit up in bed. “Is Marc here?”

  Parker nodded. “He’s waiting in the living room. Want me to send him in here?”

  Jonathan shook his head. “No, I’ll be out in a minute. Please offer him something to drink and make sure he doesn’t leave! He’s staying with us!” As he spoke those words, Jonathan’s tears dried up as quickly as they had begun, and his voice vibrated with a newfound energy and force.

  Cody and Parker left the room to go look after their guest, curious as to who this Marc might be.

  When Jonathan emerged, he was dressed in the cruise line’s standard bathrobe. He’d been in a hurry and was afraid that Marc might leave if he didn’t come out of his room quickly.

  When Marc saw him approach, he flew up from the couch and ran to him, and kissed him. “How are you?”

  “Hey, I’m good. How are you?”

  “Now that I get to see you again, I’m very good. I’m just sorry I have to leave. I simply can’t imagine being so close to you without being with you…” Marc’s gaze dropped to the floor, and he looked like a soaked puppy.

  “About that…” Jonathan put his arm around Marc and led him back to the couch, where Cody and Parker were still sitting. “I have an idea.”

  They sat down, and the three men listened as Jonathan told them of his dream, and the decision he’d reached.

  “…So basically, what Sean was telling me was that I had once been to Dan, what you, Marc, are to me now. A second chance at happiness. Oddly, I had appeared on Dan’s doorstep on the first anniversary of Sean’s death, and here you are, walking into my life, only months after the first anniversary of Dan’s passing. We were talking about this last night, whether it was okay for me to pursue another relationship, or when—”

  Parker interrupted him. “I did apologize, Grandpa. I know I was out of line. I never meant to—”

  Jonathan held up his hand. “Don’t worry, Parker. You were right, in a way, to say what you did. Because what you said is what a lot of people might think, not that I care much about what other people think or say. My family, yes, you matter of course, and I had already thought along the very same lines: too soon, too fast. I had even mentioned as much to you, Marc, right?” Jonathan looked at Marc, and noticed how confused he was.