Never Trust a Skinny Cupcake Baker (Death by Cupcake Book 1)

by D. E. Haggerty

  “I think she’s in the locker room.”

  “No doubt causing trouble.”

  I just shrug in answer. He shakes his head again and grabs my hand before pulling me out of the gym. We walk a few yards before he pulls me into an alleyway. He pushes me against the wall and boxes me in with his hands flat against the wall next to my head.

  “What were you thinking?” Oh, he’s really mad. I can see a vein bulging in his forehead.

  “We just wanted to get Dolly’s home address.”

  He sighs and closes his eyes. He takes a moment before opening his eyes. “That’s information I could have gotten you. I told you to let me help with the details. If Duchamps finds out you were sneaking around at Dolly’s gym, he’s going to use that against you.”

  I shake my head. “No one saw me.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Well, except you. And I don’t want you to get into any trouble at work.”

  He takes a deep breath and moves his hands to my face. “Sweetheart, I love that you’re worried about me, but I can take care of myself. You’re the one of accused of murder.” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he’s kissing me.

  “Hey big guy!” Ben releases my lips to look at Anna who’s standing at the entrance to the alley. “Can you cool it? I need to get out of here – like now!”

  Ben shakes his head but grabs my hand and walks to Anna. He grabs her hand with his free one. “Come on, you two. Time you get back to the bakery.”

  We walk back to the bakery with Ben keeping a hold of both of us. Anna keeps looking back as if the hounds of hell are chasing her. But there’s no one. Anna’s type of chaos-causing usually leaves confusion in its wake and not fury. For some reason, people have a hard time believing a tiny, pink-haired fairy is evil.

  The second we near the bakery, Anna squirms loose of Ben’s hold and grabs her bike from the alley behind the bakery and takes off, still looking behind her for pursuers. I shake my head at her and open the door to my apartment. I turn to say good-bye to Ben, but he’s right on my tails.

  “What are you doing, Ben?” His recent pushy behavior is nothing like the past year of sweet date requests and walking me home after work.

  “I’m coming in with you.”

  I put my hand up to stop him. “I’ve got work to do.” Assuming I can manage to keep my teaching job that is.

  Ben isn’t deterred. “I’ll watch the game while you work, and then we’ll order in.”

  “Sounds like you’ve got it all planned out.”

  He sighs and drops his forehead to mine. “Sweetheart, give me this. You getting hauled into the police station scared the pants off of me. I’m finally getting the chance at making you mine. I can’t lose you now.”

  Wow, that’s sweet. I melt. Who wouldn’t? I don’t say another word and let him follow me up to my apartment. Ben plops down on my sofa, and I head to the kitchen table to get some teaching prep done. I spend two hours working on a syllabus for the class and preparing my first lecture. The doorbell rings and brings me out of my groove.

  “Food’s here,” Ben yells as he takes off down the stairs to greet the delivery person. He comes back up with several bags smelling like curry.

  “Mmm… Indian.” I leave my work and grab some plates and utensils from the kitchen before joining Ben on the sofa. He’s laying the food out on the coffee table. It looks like enough food to feed an army. “Think you got enough food?”

  “I’m a big guy. I need a lot of fuel. Want to watch a movie?”

  I nod and start filling my plate up with Tikka Masala and Butter Chicken. I do love Indian food. Ben puts a movie in and joins me on the sofa. He makes my full plate look like an appetizer. He’s not kidding about eating a lot of food.

  We eat in silence while we watch the movie. I finish my plate and put it on the table before curling up on the sofa. Ben turns to me. “Don’t you want any more? There’s plenty of food.”

  I shake my head. “I shouldn’t. I gain weight really easy and it’s not as if I’m not big enough as it is. Nobody wants a fat girlfriend.”

  Ben slowly puts his plate down and turns to me. He leans over and grabs my face between his huge paws. “Beautiful, look at me. I’m a big guy. I don’t want a skinny girlfriend who looks like she’ll break if I hug her too tight and only eats salads. I love your curves. You’re not fat. You look like a woman should look, all soft curves.” And then he proceeds to show me that yes, indeed, he does love my curves.

  Chapter 11

  Never judge a cupcake by its frosting.

  My fairy trouble-maker has obviously forgotten her woes when she arrives singing the next day. “Good morning!” She chirps as she waves at me in my office where I am once again working on invoices. Or at least I’m trying to work on invoices. Mostly I’m thinking about Ben and how he can work magic with his tongue. He really is too good to be true.

  Anna starts to walk away but then stops and stares at me. “You look different this morning.” She studies me as if I’m a recipe she’s trying to puzzle out. “Oh my! Did Ben rock your boat last night?” She doesn’t wait for my answer but starts dancing around singing, “Callie and Ben sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g!”

  “Don’t get your panties in a twist!” I shout out to her. “That’s all we did.”

  She giggles and cheers. “Go Callie! Go Callie!” If she had pompoms, she’d be rocking out as a cheerleader. I’m beyond relieved that the bakery doesn’t open for another two hours.

  I get back to work, and Anna moves around the kitchen mixing and preparing dough. The quiet doesn’t last long, though. It never does with her. She appears in front of my desk and leans down to whisper. “So, are we going to break into Dolly’s place after closing this afternoon?”

  I take my glasses off and rub the bridge of my nose. I hadn’t thought this through. How in the world are we going to get into Dolly’s place? We aren’t thieves, and Anna proved quite successfully yesterday that we are anything but subtle. “This is a bad idea,” I admit to Anna.

  “Don’t be a spoil sport!” And then she hits me with the big guns. “And don’t forget, you need this if you’re going to keep your teaching position.”

  Blast! She’s right. “Okay. We’ll go there and see if we can find anything out, but I’m not breaking into her apartment. I’m already on the hook for a murder I didn’t commit. I don’t need to add breaking and entering to my rap sheet.”

  Anna smiles. “Puh-lease. We got this.”

  I can only hope she’s right. If this goes south, though, I’m throwing her under the bus because no way would any one convict the sprite of any wrongdoing.

  ♥♥♥

  I nearly jump out of my skin when my phone rings as I’m locking up at the end of the day. “Hey, Ben,” I say and look around for him outside the bakery. “Where are you?”

  “I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t walk you home today.” I feel guilty for how relieved that makes me feel. I can’t lie for a darn, and he doesn’t need to know that Anna and I are planning to try a bit of B&E to find Dolly’s address book. My guilt turns to anger when I hear his next words. “In fact, I won’t be around tomorrow either.”

  “What?” I knew it! It was all a game to him. He doesn’t want me. He just wants another notch on his bedpost.

  “Beautiful, don’t be upset. I want to be there, but I’m getting a lot of flak for being the boyfriend of a murder suspect.”

  Huh, that’s not what I expected to hear. “Uh, well… okay then.” I’m a bit tongue tied after his confession. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

  “I don’t care about that, but I don’t want to compromise the investigation.” I hear shuffling in the background. “Uh oh, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you tonight.” He hangs up before I have a chance to respond.

  I shake my head and return to locking up before following Anna to the back exit. We hop on our bikes and cycle the two miles to Dolly’s apartment building. It’s a three-story brick building, which spans the e
ntire city block. There are several entrances. After a bit of inspection, we discover that Dolly’s apartment is the second entrance.

  We try the door and find the entrance isn’t locked. We quickly enter and climb the stairs. There are two apartments on each floor. At least we don’t have to walk through a long hall and pass a bunch of nosey residents. Dolly’s apartment is on the top floor. We trudge up the three flights and then just stare at the door. Might as well try the door. No surprise. It’s locked.

  Anna starts to fiddle with the lock, but it’s pretty clear she has no idea what she’s doing. My heart nearly jumps out of my chest when I hear the door behind me open. “What are you doing?”

  I turn to stare at the man yelling at us and nearly fall down the stairs in surprise. He’s tall, way taller than Ben, although the kitten heels he’s wearing probably add several inches to his already impressive height. He’s wearing a pink flowered silk robe and his hair is in a hair net. Is that mascara he’s wearing?

  I start to apologize for bothering him and take the first step down the stairs, but Anna interrupts my escape attempt.

  “Oh thank goodness, you’re home.” She smiles up at him and flutters her lashes. “We’re in a bit of a jam.”

  The neighbor crosses his arms over his chest causing the robe to drape open. His chest is completely hairless. I look down to see he’s wearing woman’s underwear. And not just some simple underwear from the local department store. This is the good silk and lace stuff. That can’t be cheap.

  “Richard Wagner reportedly liked to wear women’s underwear made of silk and satin.” I can’t seem to help myself from blurting out random facts when I’m nervous.

  He ignores me and demands, “What’s going on?” in a voice that makes it clear that although he may enjoy wearing woman’s clothing, he’s definitely a man who won’t be putting up with silly females.

  “We’re at our wit’s end,” Anna says as she saunters up to him. Never one to acknowledge another’s personal space, she’s nearly rubbing up against him. With their difference in height, Anna’s chest is nearly aligned with the neighbor’s manly parts. I start to worry about the effect, if any, having Anna’s female attributes in such close quarters will have on the man’s underwear. “We’re trying to notify all of Dolly’s friends about the funeral, but those stupid police took her phone. We have no idea how to find her friends now.”

  The man leans away from Anna and relaxes a tiny bit. “You’re friends of Dolly? I haven’t seen you around here before.”

  “We know her from work,” I pipe up.

  He raises an eyebrow at me and then proceeds to very obviously check out my assets. A smile lights up his face. “Yeah, I can see you working at Club Bristol.” He looks down at Anna and smirks. “But this little pink-haired one isn’t exactly the type.”

  I nearly swallow my tongue and manage to stop myself from asking what Club Bristol is. He needs to think we work there as he obviously doesn’t know about Dolly’s job as a pole dancing instructor. Anna is much quicker on the uptake than me. “I work behind the scenes,” she says. “You know costume design and that sort of thing.” Does she actually know what Club Bristol is? Or is she guessing?

  The neighbor nods as if it makes sense. I can only hope it does. “Sorry, I can’t help you. I don’t have a key to Dolly’s place.” He scoots back into his apartment. “I need to get some sleep. I had a late shift last night.” I wonder what kind of work he does. “Good luck.” And with that, he shuts his door, and I hear the lock click as well.

  I turn to Anna and place a finger over my mouth. She looks like she’s about to burst, but she’ll need to do that somewhere outside the hearing range of the neighbor who obviously has exceptional auditory faculties if he heard us fiddling with Dolly’s lock while he was sleeping. Anna nods, and I grab her hand before racing down the stairs and out the building.

  It’s only when we reach our bikes locked up at the end of the block that I dare to speak. “What in the world is Club Bristol?”

  Anna grabs her smart phone and starts ticking away. “I’m guessing by the fact that Dolly was a pole dance instructor and from the name that it’s a strip club.” It only takes a moment before she confirms her guess. “Yep. Have a look.” It appears that Club Bristol is a gentleman’s club outside the city.

  “Now what?” I hand Anna’s phone back to her.

  She scrunches up her face at me. “What do you mean? Now what? Now we go to Club Bristol and snoop around. A titty bar is a much better place to find murder suspects than a gym.”

  “That’s prejudiced,” I say. Did I just say that? I shake my head. When did my life get this weird?

  Anna grabs my arm. “What else are we going to do? Wait for Laurel and Hardy to solve the murder?” She snorts. “Like that’s going to happen.”

  I know she’s right, but I have no desire to go to a gentleman’s club or whatever the proper name for a strip club is. With my rounded stomach and flabby arms, I’ll stick out like a sore thumb. I imagine a spotlight will zero in on my big butt the minute I walk in such a place.

  “We’re going to have to go tomorrow, though.” Anna has no clue I’m having an existential crisis. She’s blabbing on as if there’s nothing strange about women going to a strip club. “I’ll need to borrow my roommate’s car. It’s really far out of town, and we’ll need a car in case we need to make a quick getaway.”

  Quick getaway? I should have never told her the pink hair was cute.

  Chapter 12

  When stressed and in doubt, cupcake it out.

  I spend the next day flip-flopping between trying to persuade Anna going to the strip club is a bad idea to trying to convince myself that I don’t have a choice and it won’t be so bad. Yeah right. By the time closing rolls around, I’m a mess of nerves. Either Anna doesn’t notice or she doesn’t care because she completely ignores my moodiness.

  We lock up and get into Anna’s roommate’s car to head to the outskirts of town to Club Bristol. We’re ahead of rush hour and it takes us less than thirty minutes to find the address. Anna pulls into the parking lot and stops. There are only four other cars in the lot. Half past four on a Wednesday afternoon doesn’t appear to be a peak time for a strip club.

  The club is everything I imagined a strip club would look like – a squat one-story industrial-type building without any windows. The brick work has been whitewashed, but it’s obviously been awhile since the wash was performed as the current color is a dingy gray. There are advertisements all over the place for ‘the best dancing girls in the state’.

  Anna jumps out of the car, her body trembling in excitement. I reluctantly open the door and follow her. The black door is on the right-side of the building and is currently unmanned. I assume there’s normally a bouncer, though, as there’s a stool next to the door as well as an overflowing ashtray.

  I take a deep breath and walk into the club. It’s dark and smoky. No surprise there. The floors are covered in shag carpeting, the walls are painted a red so deep it looks black, and the chairs are red velour. Is strip club a euphemism for whore house? To the right is a shiny, black bar. Straight ahead is a stage in an M-shape with three stripper poles. Of course there are stripper poles. Dolly worked here after all.

  “You next?” A man shouts, and I nearly jump out of my shoes. I look to my left to see two men in shiny suits sitting at a table in the middle of the room. “Come on, doll, are you the next dancer?”

  “Dancer?”

  The man rolls his eyes and talks to the man next to him. “Not the brightest one of the bunch is she?” He turns back to me. “Come on, sweetheart.” He looks me up and down, and I feel the sudden need to shower with bleach. “You’ve got the body for it. Show us what you can do.”

  I’ve got the body for it? Have we landed on planet opposite? I’m still trying to figure out how to respond when Anna grabs my hand. “Where are the dressing rooms? She needs to change.”

  The man points to a door on the right side of t
he stage behind the bar. “Hurry up. We ain’t got all day!”

  Anna pulls me to the door. I stumble behind her unsure if I should follow her or get the heck out of Dodge. She pushes through the door and looks around before spotting a room filled with racks of clothing. She forces me into a chair before moving to the clothing rack and pawing through the outfits.

  “Anna, stop!” I say when my brain finally catches up. “I can’t go up there and dance. Let’s just get out of here and come back another time.”

  I don’t even get a chance to stand up from the chair before Anna’s on me. Her tiny body boxes me in the chair. “I don’t want to hear it! You heard the man. You’ve got the perfect body for this because you’re… let’s say it together… sexy!” She turns back to the rack of clothes. “Besides, while you’re up there doing your thing, I can snoop around.” She pulls out an outfit and hands it to me.

  I don’t have a choice but to take the hanger as she shoves it in my hand. There’s not enough fabric here. She’s got to be kidding me. “I can’t wear this,” I protest.

  Anna’s having none of it. “You will wear it, and you will go up on that stage and totally rock! In the meantime, I’ll be doing some investigating so we can save your job. You know, the one that you spent the last ten years studying and preparing for?”

  I want to scream and shout and fight her, but I don’t really see what other option we have. I suppose we can sneak out the back door, but then we’d have to come back at some point as this is our only lead. Mr. Creepy #1 and Mr. Creepy #2 might not recognize me – a chubby girl with boring brown hair. But a tiny pixie with bright pink hair? I shake my head and put on the darn outfit.

  The school girl skirt is beyond short. Does it even count as a skirt if your underwear is visible? Thanks to naughty thoughts concentrated on Ben and where kissing him might lead, at least I’ve got one of my few sexy pairs of undies on. My black satin bra and panty set with pink edging is probably tame for the usual patrons of this place, but it’s all I’ve got. On top is a short-sleeved white blouse. At least it covers up the girls.