The Lost Daughter of Liverpool: A heartbreaking and gritty family saga (The Mersey Trilogy Book 1)

by Pam Howes

  ‘What’s going on in here?’ he yelled. Carol was sobbing on the rug, kicking her legs in the air. He scooped her up into his arms and held her tight. ‘Now shush, Daddy’s here. It’s okay.’ He raised an eyebrow at Dora as she picked up Jackie’s teddy from the floor. ‘Well?’

  Dora propped Jackie into the corner of the sofa and waved the teddy at him. ‘She’s pulled an arm off,’ she cried. ‘Frank bought that teddy for Jackie. She’s a naughty girl. I asked her to give it to me and she just yanked the arm off.’

  Carol looked sheepishly at the teddy and sucked her thumb.

  ‘Did you break Jackie’s teddy?’ Joe asked, gently but with an edge to his voice that Carol knew meant business. She nodded. ‘Then what do you say to Mammy?’

  Carol looked away and shrugged. ‘Sowwy,’ she mumbled.

  ‘Mammy can’t hear you,’ Joe said. ‘Say it again.’

  ‘Sowwy, Mammy.’ Carol stared defiantly at Dora.

  ‘Perhaps you can help me to mend it later, after dinner,’ Dora suggested as Joe put Carol down and told her to go and play out in the garden for a while. She shot off, giving Dora a baleful glance over her shoulder. ‘I give her attention but she ignores me,’ Dora began. ‘I’ve tried to read her a story earlier and suggested we do a puzzle together. I am trying, Joe.’

  ‘If you didn’t have hold of Jackie all the time it might help a bit more,’ he suggested.

  Dora remained silent and he went back into the kitchen to his chores. Last night had been difficult. She was no longer on strong sedation, just a very mild one and only when her mam felt she needed it. She’d not brought any with her for the weekend, so she’d had a small sherry once the kids were asleep. Joe had put some records on and invited her to dance with him. He’d moved the sofa back against the wall and they’d waltzed around the sitting room, laughing. It had felt good to have him hold her again and he’d kissed her. She’d responded to his kisses, but when he’d tried to steer her towards the bedroom she’d pushed him away in tears and told him he had to sleep on the sofa or take her back to her mam’s. He told her he needed her and he’d make absolutely sure there were no pregnancy consequences. He’d pleaded with her to trust him, but she didn’t want to know.

  Joe banged on the kitchen window. ‘Carol, come back inside please.’ Carol ran indoors and looked at him expectantly. ‘Take your Three Bears book to Mammy and she’ll read you a story. Go on,’ he encouraged as she pulled a face. ‘She’s waiting for you.’ Carol ran into her bedroom and he nodded at Dora. ‘Read it to her.’

  ‘Okay. Will you take Jackie then?’

  ‘Of course.’ He popped Jackie into the high chair in the kitchen and stuffed a cushion behind her. Her blue eyes followed him everywhere and she smiled as he blew her a raspberry. She was such a placid little soul compared to Carol. Easy enough to look after, which was perhaps as well. He cocked an ear at the door. Dora was reading, with Carol interrupting every few seconds at places she liked to do the voices. He smiled and got on with the dinner, Jackie watching his every move.

  Dora heard Joe setting the table and then he popped his head around Carol’s bedroom door. She smiled as his eyebrows raised when he saw what they were up to. Carol was sitting on the bed and she was at the sewing table pinning the arm on Teddy.

  ‘Pass me the thread, there’s a good girl,’ Dora said and Carol jumped up and handed her a spool of cotton. He smiled; it was a beginning, of sorts.

  ‘Shall I just do Sunday next week?’ she suggested. ‘I think a full weekend is a bit too much for us all at the moment.’

  ‘That’s up to you, love,’ he said. ‘See how you feel nearer the time.’

  Dora nodded. If she was totally honest with herself, at the moment she just couldn’t see a time when they’d all live as a family again, but she could live in hope.

  CHAPTER 33

  DECEMBER 1950

  Ivy was excited as she got ready for the ROF Christmas dance. Joe’s band was playing and he was coming to pick her up in fifteen minutes. She wasn’t courting Joe, in spite of the rumours she chose to ignore; he was still married to Dora. But he and Ivy had become closer as the months rolled by. Dora was still living with her mother and brother in Knowsley and came home to stay with Joe on Sundays. Ivy still helped him out on a Saturday night while he played with the band. She enjoyed looking after Carol while he earned a bit of extra money for his family.

  A routine had been established, and as far as she knew, Dora had no idea that Carol was cared for by Ivy, or that she and Joe came to tea at her flat quite regularly. She had even invited Joe and Carol for tea on Christmas Day. He’d told her that he would need to have his dinner with Dora’s family as it was Jackie’s first Christmas, but would leave about half-four and come and see her. She was looking forward to it and for the first time in her life she’d bought a tree and decorations. Her landlord and his wife had invited her to eat dinner with them and she’d accepted. Flo was going to her sister’s, so she didn’t need to worry about her.

  The doorbell rang and she slipped her jacket on and picked up her handbag. Joe had a big smile on his face and he looked good in his smart stage suit. Ivy made sure his shirt was always washed and pressed each week in case he didn’t have the time to do it himself. He pecked her on the cheek and escorted her down the stairs.

  ‘You look stunning,’ he told her.

  She beamed. ‘Thank you.’ No one had ever said that to her before, not even her late husband. She’d never be as pretty as Dora, she knew that, but she’d lost a bit of weight with all the worry over the last few months about Joe and the gossips, and she’d grown her hair longer; it was swinging on her shoulders now, dark and glossy, and she felt good in her new red dress. She’d done her best to do him proud.

  The festively decorated room was crowded as Joe led her to the table reserved for the band and their ladies. She spotted Flo sitting alone at a small table at the back of the room. ‘Joe.’ She pulled on his sleeve and inclined her head. ‘I’ll just pop over and say hello to Flo and when you’re on stage I’ll sit with her or dance with her.’

  ‘Okay. I’ll get her a drink while I’m getting ours. Sweet sherry?’

  ‘Please.’ How nice to have a man knowing what you drank without having to ask. She swanned across the room, ignoring the women who whispered behind their hands as she passed their tables. Such cold looks. She was officially with Joe at this do, he’d invited her and she was going to sit proudly with the band and their wives. She ignored the barbed comments: wife snatcher and you should be ashamed of yourself. The state of half of them, fat and untidy with no dress sense, they were lucky their husbands weren’t sniffing around another woman. Not that it was like that with her and Joe. He treated her with respect and had only ever pecked her on the cheek or very lightly on the lips after he’d had a pint or two at a dance. But she lived in hope. His eyes had certainly lit up tonight when she’d opened the door.

  Flo smiled as Ivy sat down beside her. ‘You look very nice.’

  ‘So do you. That dress really suits you.’

  ‘It’s the one poor Dora made for me. I’ve only worn it a couple of times before so it seemed a waste not to wear it tonight. Do you think she’ll ever make dresses again, Ivy?’

  ‘God, I’ve no idea. She might.’ Ivy couldn’t see it, but who knew.

  ‘When she moves back in with Joe permanently she might do it then.’

  Ivy frowned and looked across to where Joe was standing at the bar, talking to another band member, his back to them as he queued for the drinks. ‘What makes you think that will happen? Has someone said something to you?’

  ‘No, but she can’t stay at her mam’s for ever, surely.’

  Ivy shrugged. ‘It’s not our business, is it? Anyway, here’s Joe with a drink for you. I’ll go back to the other table and I’ll see you in a bit.’ She smiled as Joe drew level and handed Flo her drink.

  ‘Thank you, Joe. Merry Christmas.’

  ‘You too, Flo.’ He took Ivy’s
arm and led her back to their table as Dolly and Eric came into the room. ‘Uh, oh, here’s trouble,’ he hissed.

  ‘Just ignore them Joe. You’re entitled to a life, for goodness sake.’

  As she and Flo stood in the queue for the ladies, Dolly and another woman Ivy recognised as a wife of one of the workers came in. Ivy turned her back as Dolly snorted and opened her big mouth.

  ‘She should be ashamed of herself, that one. Stealing a bloke from his sick wife. No decency, some folk. And she was after my Eric last year.’

  Ivy ignored her. She wouldn’t rise to the bait in case she said something out of turn that would lose her favour with Joe. The other woman joined in.

  ‘I’ve heard tell she stops over when she babysits for him. He’s as bad as her for encouraging it. No wonder his wife went mental, poor woman, and he won’t have her at home, you know. She’s still at her mother’s. It’s shocking.’

  More women joined in with their pennyworth, but Ivy had heard enough. She could handle people talking about her, but she wasn’t having anyone saying things about Joe that weren’t true. She wasn’t aware of just how much Dolly knew about Dora’s condition as Joe had told her he only talked to the woman about childcare for Carol.

  She turned and pushed her face as close to Dolly’s as she could. The smell of stale fags and alcohol on her breath almost made Ivy gag. ‘You should get your facts straight, madam. You’ve no idea of what Joe has to cope with at the moment. He needs all the help he can get, not stupid women like you pulling him down and starting rumours all the time.’ She took a deep breath. ‘And believe me, Dolly; I wouldn’t look twice at your Eric, even if he took a bath a week, never mind just on his birthday. I’m really not that desperate, chuck.’ She grabbed Flo by the shoulder and bundled her outside before Dolly could react. Their exit was followed by hoots of laughter from some of the women who also wouldn’t look twice at kindly, but bumbling and very sweaty, Eric.

  Ivy marched Flo across to the band table and pulled up an extra chair. Joe raised an enquiring eyebrow and Ivy told him in a low whisper what had been said, and that she felt Flo would be safer here with them.

  He sighed. ‘Bloody Dolly. I know she thinks she’s on my side, but she needs to mind her own business. She’s desperate to go and see Dora at her mam’s, but she’ll cause more problems with her loose tongue. At least I’m in on a Sunday when she pops into ours for five minutes. She wouldn’t dare say anything out of order while I’m there.’

  Ivy nodded. ‘I’ll dance with Flo now for a bit. Stop them yapping for a while.’

  ‘We’re back on stage in a few minutes anyway for the final spot. Catch up with you later.’

  Joe drove Ivy home in silence. No more had been said by Dolly and her cronies, but there’d been an undercurrent and sly glances in his direction that took the edge off the night. He felt sorry for Ivy, because she really had been trying to help him. As they got into the car she’d announced that maybe it was best if they stayed away from each other for a while, but he didn’t want that to happen. For one thing he needed her friendship and for her to be there so he could let off steam when things got on top of him. Then there was the help she gave him with Carol. He couldn’t do without that. And she’d planned a little tea party for them on Christmas Day. Carol was looking forward to that and she knew it had to be kept a very special secret. He was amazed at how secretive she could be for a three-year-old, although it did take a bit of bribery, usually sweeties.

  There’d been tears earlier as he’d taken Carol to Dora’s mam’s for the night. But Uncle Frank had swept his niece into his arms and said he’d got some board games to teach her. He’d placed a big boxed compendium set in her arms and told her it used to be his when he was a small boy. She demanded snakes and ladders before Joe left the house and seemed happy enough to be left there. Dora had been feeding Jackie and looked content enough and had greeted him with a smile. He’d dropped a kiss on top of her head. Hopefully once he was out of the way she might join in the games with their daughter.

  He stopped the car and turned to Ivy. He traced a finger down her cheek and she smiled. ‘I don’t want to not see you,’ he whispered. ‘I value your support.’

  ‘I don’t want to not see you either, but there’s Dora and she’ll always be your wife, no matter what happens. The gossips will get to her eventually. You’ll have to watch that Dolly.’

  ‘And I will. Come on, I’ll make sure you get safely inside on those heels.’

  He helped her out of the car and into the house. Ivy took her shoes off and they crept quietly up the stairs to her flat.

  ‘Would you like a nightcap?’ Ivy asked. She switched on the table lamps and the electric fire. The curtains were already drawn against the cold December night and with her little Christmas tree in the corner near the window, the room felt cosy and welcoming.

  Joe sat down on the sofa and sighed. He was tired, but there was only an empty house to go back to. ‘Why not?’

  ‘I’ve only got sweet sherry,’ she said. ‘Oh hang on; there might be a drop of brandy left from when I made the Christmas pudding and cake for my landlord.’ She rummaged in the kitchen cupboard and produced a bottle. ‘Is that okay?’

  ‘Smashing.’

  She poured their drinks, put them on the coffee table and sat down beside him.

  ‘Cheers. Happy Christmas to us both.’ She clinked her glass to his and took a sip. She was conscious of Joe staring at her and a change in the way he was doing it. His eyes were narrowed, as though seeing her for the first time. He took her glass, put it down on the table and pulled her into his arms. Her stomach looped as his lips came down on hers, gently at first and then crushing her to him. He kissed her like she’d never been kissed before. As he pulled away and gazed into her eyes Ivy was lost as he yanked her to her feet and led her into the bedroom. She held her breath as he unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor. His eyes rested on her cleavage and he deftly removed her bra and buried his head in her breasts, lowering her to the bed. She helped him remove his clothes and like a man possessed he explored her every inch before pushing into her. There were no words of love exchanged, but by the time they fell into a deeply satiated sleep it was almost four in the morning.

  Ivy stirred first as she lay in his arms. The clock on the bedside table said nine and she knew he had to go and collect Carol from Dora’s mother’s house. He looked so peaceful sleeping beside her that she hadn’t the heart to wake him, but if he didn’t get going soon there would be phone calls made to his bungalow and questions asked. She planted a kiss on his lips and he opened his eyes. A look of mild panic crossed his features, but her smile reassured him it was okay.

  ‘I’ll make you some breakfast while you have a wash,’ she said. ‘Then you need to get home and changed before you pick Carol up.’ She slipped out of bed, pulled on her silky dressing gown and padded out of the room, conscious of his eyes on her.

  By the time he was ready she’d made him scrambled eggs on toast and a mug of coffee.

  ‘Thank you. It’s ages since anyone made me breakfast. Except for you in the canteen, of course.’

  She smiled and sipped her drink, sitting opposite him at the small table. Her heart felt heavy at the thought of him dashing off home. But he wasn’t hers to hang on to and last night had been the best time of her life. She’d treasure the memory for ever. She knew she had to play it careful here and not give him cause to worry about the fact that he’d been unfaithful to Dora. ‘Joe, last night was wonderful. But it has to remain our secret.’

  ‘Of course.’ He nodded. ‘No one must find out. The only problem I can foresee is Dolly will have seen my car isn’t at the house and will be patrolling, waiting for me coming home, putting two and two together and making five.’

  Ivy had already got her answer in place for that one. ‘What I’d suggest is that you go and get Carol first. Tell Dora you gave a lift home to one of the band and fell asleep on their sofa after a nightcap. Then you can t
ell Dolly the same tale when you arrive back at the bungalow. Because she’ll be pouncing on you as soon as she sees you.’

  Joe nodded. ‘Good idea.’ He got to his feet and picked up his jacket from the sofa. The car keys jangled in the pocket. ‘Thank you, for everything. And right or wrong, what we did last night made me feel alive again.’

  She smiled. ‘Now off you go and enjoy your time with Carol. I’ll see you on Christmas afternoon.’

  CHAPTER 34

  Dora looked up with excitement as Joe and Carol came into the sitting room. She held out her arms and Carol ran into them. ‘Did Father Christmas come?’ Dora asked.

  ‘Yes!’ Carol shouted and thrust a dolly at her mother. ‘He brought me this. And he brought me a bike, but Daddy said you can see it when you come to our house.’

  ‘And I will.’ She flinched as Joe dropped a kiss on her cheek and gave her a squeeze. She pulled away and led Carol to the small tree in the corner of the sitting room. ‘I think he left some things here for you too. Shall we see what there is?’

  Carol dropped to her knees and squealed with delight as Dora handed her several gaily wrapped parcels. She tore off the wrapping paper, exclaiming as she revealed, amongst other things, a large teddy bears’ picnic jigsaw puzzle, some dolly outfits for her new dolly made by Granny and a brightly coloured kaleidoscope from Uncle Frank. She held it up, a puzzled expression on her face. ‘What does this do?’

  Frank took her to the window and sat her on the deep sill. He showed her how to put the kaleidoscope to her eye and twist the end as she looked up to the sky. ‘Can you see pretty colours and patterns?’ he asked.