The Lover

by Genell Dellin

  Deep in his heart, though, he knew that wasn’t the only reason, if it was a reason at all.

  The true explanation was that he wanted to spend time with Susanna. And he really did have good intentions of teaching her some skills she needed to survive.

  He could only hope those good intentions weren’t the ones that paved the road to hell.

  Chapter 8

  Susanna rode along beside Eagle Jack, rocked by the slow, rhythmic motion of the horses. The moonlight seemed to reach out around them and pull them in, as it was growing stronger by the minute. It filled her with a whole new mystery—how could it open up the night over the whole prairie and wrap them close in a golden cocoon at the same time?

  She ran the tip of her tongue over her lips. Yes, she could still taste Eagle Jack and feel the quick, sweet pressure of his kiss. He had abandoned it far too soon, yet, she would not—she could not—provoke him to finish it because it would only make her want more.

  What she needed to do right that minute was go back to the wagon and help Maynell, because she was supposed to take supper to the other men, too. Maynell would be waiting for her and getting impatient.

  Instead, she let the reins go a little looser in her fingers and kept on riding beside Eagle Jack. Spring was coming in, stronger on every moonbeam. The smells of grass beneath their feet and fresh rain way off somewhere mingled with those of the cattle and horses. A nightbird called.

  Her heart rode higher on the sound.

  The wagon creaked along, somewhere behind them, the mules’ harnesses jingling. A cow bawled on one side of the herd and another, on the other side, answered.

  Susanna stood in her stirrups and twisted in the saddle to look back. It was like a dream to see them moving through the night—the great sea of horns flashing, the white on their hides catching the moonlight, their hooves making a low rumble against the ground. She watched awhile, then sat down and looked to the north again, to the market, to the place where she’d get the money to save her home. Her goal was up ahead and she was on her way.

  Her cattle were on the road at last! The realization came to her, into her skin like the moonlight’s shine, into her blood like the sweet night air. Suddenly, for the first time since she couldn’t remember when, she was there, there in only that moment, and a new sense of hope was filling her up, body and spirit. The thing she had dreamed of for months and months was happening.

  And it would end well, too. Everything would be all right.

  It gave her an instant of rare peace.

  Eagle Jack began to whistle softly, a jaunty, happy melody that she recognized but couldn’t quite name. Then she knew—it was “Oh, Susanna!”

  She turned to look at him and he inclined his head and winked as if to confirm the tune was all about her.

  As if her glance had asked that question. Sometimes he could be so full of himself.

  Shaking her head wryly, grinning at his silliness, she held his gaze for a minute. He was the reason she was feeling such hope, such security, for once in her life. And that, in itself, was one of the scariest thoughts she’d ever had.

  He could draw her into a whole web of hope and imaginings if she would let herself go there. She needed to turn her mount around and go back to Maynell.

  But Eagle Jack wouldn’t let her look away and they rode through the spring moonlight side by side for another little distance. He stopped whistling and just smiled at her.

  “I have to go,” she said finally. “Maynell will have the other men’s food ready and I have to take it to them.”

  He nodded and raised his bag of jerky and biscuits in salute.

  “Thanks,” he said.

  She turned her horse around and skirted the edge of the herd to get back to the wagon. Her heart was stirring with such a real confusion of feelings that she could hardly sort them out. She was scared and happy and excited and hopeful and uncertain and at peace and a whole lot more, besides. All she knew for sure was that Eagle Jack Sixkiller somehow was part of every emotion she had right now.

  They drove through the night, just as Eagle Jack had planned and, although they stopped for breakfast and to water the cattle, they kept moving on north, slowly, during most of the rest of the day. Susanna had expected they would rest most of the day but he wouldn’t hear of it. Finally, in the late afternoon, he stopped his horse, indicated a grassy meadow in the bend of a big creek for the bedground, and the crew threw the cattle off the trail at last.

  Eagle Jack seemed to Susanna to be everywhere at once, but he was mostly with the cattle, showing his inexperienced men how to fan them out and push them slowly to the water to drink and how to gently hold them together and circle them as they grazed to get them, later, to bed down. She was glad he was so occupied because it meant she and Maynell could put up her tent in an unobtrusive spot in the trees without his notice.

  Maybe he’d feel he needed to sleep out with the men to be nearer the cattle tonight. Maybe he’d forget he was supposed to behave as if they were married. Maybe he had already made his point by sleeping in her room at home.

  She hoped so. She didn’t even care if the men thought they were fighting. The last thing she needed was to share a tent with Eagle Jack—what would follow if they happened to kiss again? What would she do if he did decide to “bother” her? Would she be strong enough to resist him? Something was wrong with her. She had barely been able to keep her eyes off him all night and all day.

  Even after they got the tent up, he kept coming into her mind while she was helping Maynell cook supper, but that was only because she was too tired to think straight. Or maybe it was because Maynell kept up a running chatter about what Eagle Jack would like for supper, and whether Eagle Jack liked dried apple pie and what Eagle Jack would want for breakfast.

  “Maynell,” she said, “why don’t you worry about what Jimbo would want?”

  “Because I know what he wants,” Maynell said, with a sigh. “Jimbo wants to be off to hisself to chew his tobacco in peace.”

  Sure enough, when Eagle Jack and most of the crew rode up and stopped to dismount far enough from the fire not to get dust in the food, Jimbo wasn’t with them. He and Rodney, one of Marvin’s partners, had stayed with the herd.

  “Remember, boys, let’s keep a sharp lookout while we eat,” Eagle Jack called to them. “That herd’s nowhere near trailbroke yet.”

  Somebody said something she didn’t catch and Eagle Jack’s rich laugh rang out. He seemed to certainly be in fine fettle for someone who’d spent a sleepless night horseback.

  That explained it. That was why her mind was such a mess. It was tied in knots just like her body after being in the saddle for so long. Her constant awareness of Eagle Jack was only caused by being so tired and being in this new world of the trail. He had been here before. He was her guide north. That explained why she kept watching him.

  As the men walked up to the fire, Susanna turned, bent over the pot hanging there, and began stirring the stew she and Maynell had put on to cook the minute they had a fire. She would keep her back turned until Eagle Jack passed by and went to the wash bench to clean up for supper. She was exhausted. One look into his dark eyes and she’d forget all these chores and fall into his arms. She’d been thinking about how it would feel for him to hold her. She’d been trying to forget the taste of his kiss.

  A big hand slapped her lightly on the bottom.

  “What d’you think, honey?” he said in his low, rich voice. “Is supper ready?”

  She sprang upright and whirled to face him, brandishing the long-handled wooden spoon, heat rushing to her face from embarrassment.

  “Eagle Jack!” she cried.

  Susanna couldn’t help glancing around to see who had noticed the familiarity. Marvin’s face was nearly as red as hers and his friend, Lanny, was grinning. Both of them quickly looked away from her and Eagle Jack. Over by the wagon, Maynell was watching, her eyes gleaming with satisfaction.

  “You stop that,” Susanna said, lowe
ring her voice so only Eagle Jack could hear. “Good heavens, Eagle Jack, you’re scandalizing the camp.”

  He pretended to be hurt. “I don’t know why,” he drawled, “they all know a man has every right to give his wife a little love pat once in awhile.”

  His eyes were twinkling with mischief. His contagious smile was as broad as the prairie.

  “What’s the matter, darlin’?” he said. “Have you forgotten our wedding ceremony? Remember—when the preacher asked if you would obey me, and you said you would?”

  “I will not,” she said, and swatted at him with the spoon.

  He dodged the blow.

  “Now, now, love,” he said, “let’s not set a bad example. Some of these boys might think about gettin’ hitched some day. We don’t want to discourage ’em.”

  “What in the world is the matter with you?” she said. “For a man who’s spent all night in the saddle, and one with a wound on his head, to boot, you’re certainly in an expansive mood.”

  He pretended to misunderstand. “It’s not that expensive, sweet Susanna. It’ll only cost you one little kiss.”

  She lowered her voice even more.

  “Listen, Eagle Jack,” she said, “I’m sorry I started that about playing kissing games. We’ve got to keep in mind that this is a business arrangement.”

  He shook his head, his eyes still twinkling.

  “I’m all business, all the time. You know that.” He reached out and brushed her hair back from her face. “Don’t you? And you know that I’m only doing what you told me to do, sweetheart—just keepin’ up appearances.”

  He grinned and looked her up and down in an overdone imitation of a lecher. His heavy-lidded gaze lingered on her breasts for a moment. Her treacherous nipples hardened in anticipation of his touch.

  She looked him in the eye and hoped he didn’t see the condition he’d put her in.

  “You’re overdoing it,” she said. “A little bit of pretending goes a long way, Eagle Jack.”

  “Not far enough, Susanna,” he said. “Not yet.”

  He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, then he followed the other men to the wash bench.

  After supper, as soon as the dishes were done, Susanna went to her tent and made two separate beds. If Eagle Jack truly did intend to share her tent, when he came in from night guard he could clearly see that he was meant to use the same quilts he’d slept on in her room. And he’d also be able to clearly see that she was sound asleep.

  Her purpose had been accomplished. They had all the men believing that they were married. That was all she needed or wanted, so that was all there would be, no matter what he had implied when he said, “Not far enough, Susanna. Not yet.”

  It sent a thrill through her, even now, when she remembered the low, intimate way he had said it. Her hands trembled as she washed up and changed into clean clothes. Eagle Jack had told the men to take off no more than their boots at night until the herd was well settled to the trail and she was going to do the same. They were so short handed they needed everyone watching the cattle just going down the trail and that need would be magnified if there should be a stampede. She was staying dressed, not because Eagle Jack might come in here—she wasn’t going to let him have that much control over her—but so she could ride at a moment’s notice.

  She brushed her hair, crawled into her bedroll, and left all her anxieties behind. Exhausted as she was, she fell into a dreamless sleep the minute her head touched the pillow. She didn’t even turn over until Maynell’s loud voice brought her back to reality.

  “Come and get it,” May yelled, loud enough to waken Daniel way back there at Brushy Creek, “before I throw it out.”

  The sun was nearly up—pink light was filtering in through the canvas walls of the tent and the whole camp was stirring. Incredibly, it was morning already.

  Eagle Jack. Where was he?

  She sat up and turned to look at his bedroll. It was rumpled. It had been used. He had been here, he had been sleeping nearby and she hadn’t even known it.

  Something velvety and wet touched her hand as she reached down to throw back the covers. She jerked back her hand, looked to see what it was and then picked it up, her heart pounding harder than it had even when Eagle Jack had kissed her.

  A flower. One beautiful bluebonnet, covered with morning dew.

  The first flower anyone ever gave her.

  “Dear Lord in heaven.”

  She breathed the words as a prayer. She had to have help because if Eagle Jack gave it half a try, he could make her fall in love with him.

  Susanna wasn’t alone with Eagle Jack until that afternoon when they rode ahead on scout together. All day she had stuck close to the wagon and Maynell. All day she had been thinking what to do.

  What could she do to protect her heart? What could she do to build a wall between them? She could never trust any man enough to let him into her life as a husband. Yet a fantasy of Eagle Jack in that role had actually flashed across her mind when she’d held the bluebonnet in her hand.

  By the time he called her to scout ahead with him for the night’s bedground, she had thought of only one course of action.

  “Eagle Jack,” she said, when they had left the herd behind, “don’t bring me any more flowers.”

  He whipped his head around to look at her.

  “What the hell kind of a remark is that?” he asked.

  He looked and sounded so surprised that her heart tripped over itself and then pounded, hard.

  “The…bluebonnet,” she said, suddenly wondering whether he’d brought it or not, trying to think if someone else could have.

  He stared at her with such an insulted look, such an incredible expression that she couldn’t look away, even when she wanted to.

  She felt her cheeks get hotter and hotter. Her mind chased every glimpse of a thought. Had she made a mistake? Could she even have torn the flower from the ground in her sleep? They were camped on grass. Yet it had been touched by the dew.

  “Aren’t…you the one who left that bluebonnet on my bed?” she asked.

  “I wondered if you found it,” he said.

  “Yes, I did,” she said.

  He pushed back his hat while his hard, dark eyes searched her face.

  “And you didn’t like it,” he said flatly.

  “I didn’t say that.”

  He gave a disgusted snort. “You better start saying what you mean, Susanna, or I’m gone down the road. This is craziness.”

  It struck her then how much she was hurting him.

  “Acting like we’re married to fool the men is one thing,” she said stiffly, “but in private, that’s another thing entirely.”

  “You’ve kissed me in private.”

  “I know,” she said miserably, “but this is different.”

  “Yeah,” he said sarcastically, “it is. I’ve never given flowers to a woman who said ‘Don’t bring me any more flowers’, instead of ‘Thank you, you are so thoughtful, Eagle Jack.’”

  He glared at her harder.

  “None of ’em ever said, ‘No, I won’t marry you but thanks for the flowers,’ either. I didn’t bring you that bluebonnet as a proposal of a real marriage or anything like that, Susanna. You sure know how to insult a man.”

  He was furious. That was how much she had hurt him.

  “I know that,” she cried. “What I’m trying to say is…”

  “Spit it out,” he interrupted. “I thought you didn’t like to be slapped around—from what you said about Everett—so I thought you might like a flower.”

  “I did! I do! What I mean is…” she began, but it was too late. He had figured it out for himself.

  “All right, I remember,” he said, “you’re scared of me because I’m not like Everett. Well, that’s just too damn bad, Susanna. I am who I am, and you can just get over it or give me my pay.”

  He kissed to his horse and galloped on ahead. When she caught up to him, he had cooled down but he would
talk only about the lay of the land and the grass and the water and where they might bed down that night if no other herd had that bedground. He had drifted all over this country, he said. He knew it well.

  But when she tried to get him to tell her more about his life as a drifter, he wouldn’t. A terrible loneliness moved through her. She had done it now. They weren’t even going to be friends anymore, and she’d built the wall she’d wanted between them.

  Now that she’d done it, she hated the way it felt.

  She also hated that she had hurt him so much over one small gesture he had made, which was a small flirtation to him, nothing more. She had overreacted by a mile.

  Her cheeks flared even hotter, she was so embarrassed. Eagle Jack had known lots of women and she was only another one on the string to him.

  But the trouble was that she didn’t feel that same way about him. He was special to her and when the drive was done, she would never forget him. She already knew that without a doubt.

  So it was best that he was hurt and mad at her and they’d be only business partners. That was for the best, by far.

  But that evening, when Eagle Jack rode away right after supper, it tore a hole in Susanna’s heart to see him leave. He told her good-bye as her good public husband but the look in his eyes was as dispassionate as it had been all day. She watched him out of sight, then turned to their supper guest, a rider who claimed to be out looking for strays from a herd already gone up the trail.

  Susanna and Maynell agreed that he had the demeanor of a grub-line rider who didn’t want a job, but she’d thought of testing him by offering him one. They needed more help. Yet she didn’t like the fellow. She didn’t like much of anybody today, including herself. Especially herself. She didn’t like for Eagle Jack to be so cool and businesslike, was the main problem. That was coloring her every minute and she had to learn to forget it.

  “Did you see the little running mare yourself?” she asked the visitor. Her tone came out sharper than she’d intended.