Take My Hand

by Haken, Nicola

  “Hey, you,” he said with a wink when he opened the door. The scent of his deodorant danced up my nose when he neared me. It smelt nice I guess, but not nearly as potent as whatever Dexter wears.

  What the…

  Why would I even think about Dexter’s smell when I was about to break up with my boyfriend? Huh…

  “Hey,” I replied hesitantly. He leaned in to kiss me and I turned my head to the side, allowing him a peck on the cheek. That was what gave me away. He knew straightaway something was bothering me.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked dutifully, stepping aside so I could pass him on our way to the living room. I headed straight for the couch and sat down, moving one of Dexter’s t-shirts out of the way as I did, and bizarrely letting it linger in my hands longer than it should.

  “I, um, I’m not sure how to put it,” I admitted nervously, my voice cracking.

  “Ah, this is the breaking up speech,” he noted, not sounding too devastated about. I was right – that made me feel crappy.

  “Yeah. I guess it is.”

  “What did I do wrong?” Oh lord, I just reached a whole new level of crapiness. “Is this about last night? Because I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you drink so much. More to the point, I shouldn’t have let myself drink so much.”

  “No, no, no,” I assured, shaking my head. “You didn’t exactly force my mouth open and pour the stuff down my throat. You haven’t done anything. You’re a great guy, Jared. It’s not you, it’s me.” Please tell me I didn’t actually just say that. Jared laughed, proof that I really did.

  “Sorry,” I muttered. “It’s true though. I’m not really used to all this ‘dating’ business,” I air-quoted and everything. “I suppose it’s just all a little too much what with moving away from home and starting Uni and everything. I only really went out with you to please Rachel.” Jared’s face dropped so low he almost whacked his chin on the floor. “Shit! I didn’t mean…” Yep, I’d landed myself so far in it I actually swore. “Oh crap I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.” I found myself scanning the floor in search of a giant void I could jump into.

  “Don’t worry, Em. These things happen. I’m glad you were honest with me before we went any further. I could never hate you, sugar.” See? He was lovely. So why wasn’t it working for me? Damn my broken hoohaa.

  “So we’re friends?”

  “You bet, baby,” he replied with a wink before slapping me gently on the back. In that moment I felt more relaxed in his company than ever. Jared and I were friends, and great friends we would be too. “So, friend… you want to keep me company at work for an hour till we get busy?”

  “Erm…” Pub equalled alcohol. Just the thought made me queasy. My face must’ve said as much.

  “You can stick to Coke?” I laughed softly – gratefully.

  “Sure. Sounds like a plan.”

  Chapter Nine

  Dexter

  “Hey, mate, will you fix Em a Coke while I hang my jacket in the back?” I heard Jared say while I was bending down counting the mixers below the bar.

  “Sure,” I said simply, rising to my feet and wiping the condensation from my fingers on the cloth draped over my shoulder. “Ice?” I chucked a smile Emily’s way before plucking a glass from the shelf and picking up the nozzle for the draught Cola.

  “Please.” She smiled back but it was different than usual. For the first time since I’d met her she didn’t look uneasy. She looked… content.

  Ah shit. They’d just fucked for the first time. And now it was all I could think about.

  “So what time are you moving back tomorrow?” Emily asked and I had never been so grateful to hear another voice. The subject change instantly erased the vile image of Jared… Ugh I can’t even finish that.

  “I get the keys back at eleven. Not sure if I’m gonna make sociology yet so if not can you take notes for me?” I asked, setting her drink on the bar.

  “Course I will,” she replied before taking a sip. Jared returned before I could respond so I gave her a grateful nod and made my way to the other side of the bar to serve one of the regulars. I didn’t want to watch while they ogled each other all flushed and gooey-eyed.

  Emily stayed, perched on the same stool at Jared’s end of the bar, for a couple of hours or so. I tried really hard not to watch them interacting but I couldn’t seem to help stealing the odd glance. Oddly I didn’t see them touch one another once. Jared usually had his eager paws all over her. If it wasn’t for the fact he kept making her giggle I’d have sworn they’d had an argument.

  “I’m getting off, Dex,” Emily announced, wiggling over to where I was pulling a lager. Like I needed any more reminders of what she and Jared had been doing earlier.

  “K, doll. Catch you later.” She smiled that innocent smile of hers and then hollered a goodbye to Jared. What, no kiss? What was with them tonight?

  When Emily left I decided I wouldn’t ask Jared what was going down between him and Emily. It wasn’t my business and I didn’t particular care.

  “So what’s going on with you and Emily?” Yeah okay so that lasted all of five seconds.

  “You noticed huh?” Hard not to. Though don’t ask me why ‘cause I don’t have a fucking clue. “She broke up with me tonight.” Was not expecting that answer. Was he that bad in the sack? There I go again torturing myself with images that made me want to vomit violently. Maybe I should vomit. The sight of it had to be more pleasant than what I was picturing now.

  “Ouch, man. What’d ya do?”

  “Wow thanks for the vote of confidence,” he deadpanned. “She said I didn’t do anything. To be honest I just think she’s a little too… I dunno… innocent?” She was definitely that. “I can’t say I’m all that disappointed. Don’t get me wrong she’s cute and sweet. She makes me laugh and shit but, Jesus if I don’t get laid soon my balls are gonna fuckin’ explode.” I kinda felt his pain but hearing it out loud… were us guys always such assholes?

  “And you’re doing the friends thing I take it? You think that’ll work?” I’ve never seen how it could be possible to be friends with an ex lay before.

  “Yeah I reckon so. I think that’s what we should’ve been from the start to be honest. In fact, that’s probably all we ever were. It’s not like we slept together or anything.” Hmm. I felt my mood pick up immediately. That little statement pleased me more than it should. I don’t know what the fuck is going on with me lately but it’s confusing the hell out of me. I don’t fancy Emily. No seriously. Really I don’t. Actually I’m pretty sure it’s just the loneliness. Yeah that’s definitely it. Another day or two and I’ll probably start crushing on Jared.

  Therefore I’m bumping up getting laid to the top of my list for when I move back home tomorrow. That’ll sort me out.

  **********

  “You’ve got to be fucking with me,” I groaned out loud when I walked back into my crap-hole of a flat for the first time since the tsunami. The pipes were clearly fixed given the fact there was no water slapping me in the face, but the place was still a sodden mess. And it stank – something like mildew mixed with dog shit and a dash of cat’s piss for good measure. Guess I shouldn’t have expected anything else when I’m only paying a hundred and twenty pounds per week for the shit-heap. I would definitely be missing classes today.

  Emily popped into my head as I rolled up the sleeves of my long-sleeved black shirt in preparation to rip up the moldy carpet – I should really let her know so she didn’t forget to take notes. Then I remembered I didn’t have her number so I had to text Jared and get him to tell her instead. Good job they were still friends or my plan would’ve been totally pissed on.

  I’ve woken up covered in my own vomit a fair few times in my life yet nothing could’ve prepared me for the smell that annihilated my senses when I bent down to that reeking fucking carpet. I decided my best option was to cut it into squares rather than try and lift it in one piece. It would’ve been awkward enough with the added weight of three week o
ld water.

  I’d just finished scoring the squares when the bell downstairs rang. After drying my hands on the bottom of my shirt I curiously hurried towards the main entrance door - I wasn’t expecting anyone. When I opened the door my mood instantly lifted.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked Emily. “How did you know where I lived?”

  “I asked Jared. Hope you don’t mind. I just thought you might need some help moving back in.”

  “What about class?” was my first thought. My second was silently telling myself not to sound like such an ungrateful jackass. “Sorry. I mean that’s real nice of you. But you really didn’t need to. I only had one case with me at Jared’s.”

  “Oh,” she muttered dejectedly – her cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink like they always did when she was embarrassed.

  “But seeing as you’re here… come on up,” I offered, standing to the side and pointing up the stairs. She smiled that sweet smile and brushed past me as she made her way inside.

  “Oh my God!” she squealed when she strolled obliviously into the cesspit that was my home.

  “Yeah. Still got a few finishing touches to make.”

  “It would’ve taken you forever to clear this mess on your own. See? Good job I came right?” she said, shrugging off her tan mac and laying it neatly on top of the kitchen countertop – the only place that wasn’t wet. Then she rolled her the sleeves of her baby-pink sweater and knelt down.

  “Whoa whoa whoa, you don’t need to-”

  “Why don’t you just shut up and come help me,” she scolded playfully. Wow, her slight attempt at being masterful was kind of hot. And Jesus, seeing her bent down like that was doing uncomfortable things to the inside of my pants. This was getting ridiculous. I decided there and then that if my place wasn’t ready to bring a girl back tonight, then I’d find one and go to theirs.

  Chapter Ten

  Emily

  Seeing the state of Dexter’s flat made me glad I came. I debated with myself for over an hour about whether to come. We’re not exactly best friends – we still hardly know each other – but I figured we should change that if we’re going to be working together on our Uni assignment. Now I just needed to get over the fact that I’d lied to our tutor and told him both Dexter and I had food poisoning from a dodgy burger van. I’ve never told such a blatant lie before and I still don’t really know why I did it. There were plenty of other times and places Dexter and I could’ve gotten to know one another. Still it might well have earned me a new tick for Number 17:

  · Do something badass!

  I certainly considered lying to someone in a position of authority as ‘being badass’. But to Rachel it’s probably no more exciting than ordering extra cream in my coffee. Anyway, I decided to worry about that later. We had a stinking carpet to get rid of.

  “Ah this shit’s never gonna come off,” Dexter groaned after we’d peeled away almost half the carpet, revealing a tonne of sticky crap that I assumed was laid to help the carpet stay in place. The veins in his neck were popping out of both frustration and effort as he tried to scrub it off with a wallpaper scraper.

  “You know you can buy this special stuff in B&Q that dissolves all things sticky. I think it might even be called Sticky Stuff Remover. Maybe we should go get some?”

  “B&Q… that’s a hardware store right?” Instinctively my face contorted into an expression which read ‘are you being serious, what planet are you from?’ And then I remembered that he had never even visited this country until just over a month ago.

  “Right. There’s one about five minutes away on that big retail park just past Tesco. I can drive us if you don’t know where it is,” I offered.

  “Nah, I think I know where you mean. I can go on my own though if you want to get going.” Huh. I felt like I’d just been slapped across the face though I have no idea why. Did he want me to go? I knew I shouldn’t have come. “I mean I’d really appreciate it if you did come. I just don’t want to keep you from anything.” And just like that, I was in a great mood again. God this move was taking its toll on me – I can’t keep up with my moods lately.

  “Well I’ve got nothing better planned. Besides, I’m determined to get this place cleared up before bedtime.”

  “You have a bedtime? That’s cute, doll,” he teased. I wanted to slap his shoulder but I didn’t feel like we were at that stage in our friendship yet.

  “You know what I mean. Stop being a jerk,” I retorted playfully. “So are we going or what?”

  “Impatient little thing aren’t we?” Dexter got up from the floor and I followed. “Come on,” he said, laughing to himself.

  I followed Dexter out of his cramped flat and down the single flight of stairs to the main entrance. The stairs smelt like public toilets and I had to try really hard not to gag. When we stepped outside he led me around the corner of the old, crumbling-brick building to a small car park with a heavy yellow barrier that looked so rusty I doubt it had dropped down in years.

  “Good. You’re wearing sneakers,” he noted, glancing down at my feet. Confused, I opened my mouth to ask him why my choice of footwear was important to him but then closed it again when he stopped by a big black motorbike.

  Oh crap.

  “Please tell me this isn’t what you drive?” I asked nervously, petrified-induced bile scratching at my throat.

  “Sure is,” he winked, “Em, meet Jenny,” he announced proudly, reaching into a bucket-style compartment fixed onto the back and pulling out two shiny black helmets.

  “Jenny?”

  “Jenny. She’s my baby in training. Needs a lotta work doing on her but I love her all the same.” I couldn’t decide if I found his love for this metal death trap adorable or just plain freaky.

  “Well I’m not getting on that,” I protested determinedly.

  “Oh come on. You’re not afraid are you?” he taunted with a wicked grin stretched across his too-playful-to-resist face.

  “No,” I lied, straightening my back as if that made me look more confident with what I was saying.

  “Aww whassa madda pwincess? You scared of da big bad bike?” he mocked again in his best kiddie accent. I huffed like a stroppy thirteen year old and rolled my eyes. There’s no way I’m going to escape eye-wrinkles when I’m older. Dexter and Rachel would make sure of that – it seems they both have faces which are just crying out to have eyes rolled at. “Come on, doll. Take my hand - I’ll keep you safe I promise,” he added, sounding too sincere to not believe him.

  I took the hand he was offering out to me, and the hamster-sized butterflies that were shredding my stomach to pieces just seconds ago, instantaneously disappeared. I couldn’t help notice how strange it felt. Or rather how not strange it felt. Whenever I held Jared’s hand I was always so acutely aware of it. Not that I minded it, or didn’t enjoy touching Jared – I just knew I was doing it. Everyone has their preferred way of holding hands. Some like their fingers on top, some on the bottom. Some like them intertwined – like me. And of course if it’s someone new, you can’t exactly say ‘actually I prefer to do it this way’ because you’d sound stupid. So usually, only people you’ve known for years can offer a truly comfortable hand hold.

  But holding Dexter’s… the gaps between his fingers were the perfect fit for mine as I entwined them with his. Almost like they were designed to slot together. It felt so… easy. As if we’d been holding hands for years and we knew just how each other liked it.

  Never letting go of my hand Dexter hopped up onto the bike effortlessly. Then he stiffened his arm so I could use it for support while I clambered on behind him.

  “Your hands are sticky,” I noted when I had to peel away from his firm yet gentle grip to put my helmet on.

  “So are yours,” he threw back, his helmet already in place. I slipped mine over my head and fiddled with the straps falling down either side of my face.

  “This is too big,” I pouted, hopeful this meant we could take my car after all.


  “Stop whining,” he mocked with a playful glint in his denim-blue eyes. He shifted his body so he was half-facing me and teased the loose straps from my fingers. “They just need a little tightening.” After some slight tugging he fastened the clasp under my chin and then pressed on my nose like a button. “Suits you.” He winked at me and my belly felt weird – like the beginnings of a stomach bug.

  You watch, I’ll be coming down with the exact condition I lied about this morning. Bloody karma.

  “Ready, doll?”

  “No.”

  He shook his head but I couldn’t see his expression because he’d flipped his helmet visor down and turned back around. I noticed handles on either side of me which I assumed I was supposed to hold on to, so I did. It didn’t feel very secure – I was wobbling from side to side already and we hadn’t even set off yet. Oh crap I was so going to die today.

  “Gimme your hands,” Dexter ordered gently. “You’ll feel safer like this.” He reached behind him and took hold of my hands. Then he pulled them around his waist and linked my fingers together around his tight stomach. I was definitely coming down with something. I could literally feel something bubbling in my belly as I pressed my whole body against his, tightened my arms around his waist and closed my petrified eyes. “Here we go!”

  Bringing the bike to life with a kick of his foot, we started to move – getting progressively faster until we hit the main road. I could hear the harsh wind pounding against my helmet and feel it ballooning my clothes. Even taking into account being struck down with a severe case of the Norovirus a couple of years ago, I had never felt so close to crapping my pants my whole life.