Awake and Dreaming

by Kit Pearson

  “Just Lisbeth,” said Laura firmly. “Theo needs to get used to you one at a time. All of you are too overwhelming.”

  “Lisbeth’s the most overwhelming,” complained Anna. She and John stomped out the door.

  “Lisbeth, why don’t you show Theo your guinea pig? Come on, Benny, let’s have a story about Curious George before your nap.”

  “I don’t need a nap!” said Ben, but he yawned as he followed his mother out of the kitchen.

  Lisbeth looked ready to burst with importance. Theo was glad that Laura had picked her. She talked so much she was easy to be with.

  The guinea pig, Snow White, lived in the laundry room. Lisbeth took her out of her cage and Snow White sniffed around the floor, making whistling noises. Lisbeth put her in Theo’s hands. The guinea pig’s claws tickled and she felt like a wriggly ball.

  They went upstairs and Lisbeth introduced Theo to all her stuffed animals and dolls, then all of Anna’s—each had a name. Theo chose Peppermint, a floppy pink cat, and a small owl called Hoot to put on her own bed.

  “Are you sure you don’t want Heather?” said Lisbeth, clutching the beautiful doll. She looked relieved when Theo shook her head.

  Lisbeth let her hold Heather. “I got her for Christmas from Grannie and Gramps. Grannie knitted a whole lot of clothes for her.”

  She told Theo the names of all the people in her class. “I wish you were in grade two like me. Then I could be with you every minute!”

  Laura peeked in. “Are you all right, Theo?”

  “Yes … Mum.” Theo blushed. She’d said it!

  Laura—Mum—smiled at her. “I’ll be working downstairs if you need me. Lisbeth, could you please try to tidy up this mess?”

  Lisbeth picked up a few of the clothes and shoved them into the closet. She gave up quickly. “Most of this is Anna’s stuff,” she said. “I don’t see why I should have to do all the work.”

  They played two games of Pizza Party, then made bead necklaces from a craft kit. “This is really Anna’s,” explained Lisbeth. “She never lets me touch it, but I don’t think she’d mind if you used it. And of course I have to help you.”

  Lisbeth acted as if it were completely normal that Theo was part of the family. She didn’t say anything about being on the ferry or wishing, and Theo was afraid to break the spell and ask about it. She listened to Lisbeth chatter and tried to believe that she was now her sister.

  While Lisbeth was putting away the beads, Theo bent to look at the books. “Are all these yours?” she asked in wonder.

  “Well, we all share them. John and Ben have lots more in their rooms.” Lisbeth pulled out Charlotte’s Web. “Do you want to hear me read?”

  When Theo nodded, Lisbeth read the first page in a slow, careful stacatto, following the sentences with her finger. She let out her breath at the end. “There!” She looked expectant. “This is a hard book for grade two,” she added.

  Theo realized what she wanted. “You’re a really good reader!” she told Lisbeth. The younger girl’s face glowed like a small sun—as if Theo’s praise really mattered.

  She looks up to me! thought Theo. Like a big sister!

  “I used to love this book,” she said shyly. “Would you like me to read some more of it to you?”

  “Sure!” They sat on Theo’s bed and leaned against the wall. Theo began to read the familiar story. Ben wandered in, dressed only in a T-shirt and underpants. He curled up on one side of Theo, sucking his thumb. His plump body was warm and sticky and smelled like bread. Lisbeth pressed against her on the other side and then Bingo came in and settled on the floor.

  Theo tried to make the farmyard world of Fern and Wilbur and Charlotte come alive for them. She looked up once to remind herself where she was. The last time she’d been immersed in this story she’d escaped to it in desperation—escaped from her scary school and the bleak shelter she and Rae were living in.

  But look at her now! Sitting in a pleasantly cluttered room with a sister and brother on each side of her and a dog at her feet … This was too good to be real.

  But it’s not real, Theo reminded herself. It’s magic.

  “Read!” commanded Ben.

  Theo smiled at him and continued the story.

  BY THE TIME the others got home from school, it had stopped raining. As soon as they’d had a snack, they all went out.

  Theo walked down the front steps of the house, rolling up the sleeves on the jacket Anna had lent her. The four Kaldors—five, counting Bingo—jostled and pressed around her. It was like being on the cover of All-of-a-Kind Family.

  “What should we show her first?” asked John.

  “The graveyard!” said Lisbeth. “Come on, Theo!” She grabbed Theo’s hand and led her across the street. They went through an entrance in the holly hedge and into what looked like a large park. Huge trees spread their branches against the clearing sky. The grass was studded with gravestones, some upright and some flat; it looked like a grey and green chessboard.

  “No one minds if we play in here,” said Anna.

  “Sometimes we play ghosts!” said Lisbeth. “I think this place is haunted, don’t you Ben?”

  Ben took Anna’s hand. “Don’t worry, there’s no such thing as ghosts,” she told him.

  “Ben thinks there is. Last year he asked me if that was where the ghosts went to the bathroom!” Lisbeth pointed to a public washroom by the road.

  “That was when I was little,” said Ben.

  They trekked over the wet grass, showing Theo their favourite graves—a black iron anchor, a fireman’s hat, a stone eagle with outspread wings. There was a baby’s chair with two tiny stone shoes on it and a bush clipped into the shape of an armchair. Some of the monuments were tall columns or huge vaults that John said were for rich families. Some of the gravestones were cracked or caked with moss or tilted in the grass.

  “This cemetery is really old,” John told Theo. “Dad told me lots of people from B.C. history are buried here, like Sir James Douglas and Emily Carr.”

  “They give tours sometimes,” said Anna. “Once John and I tagged along and listened to the guide tell spooky stories about some of the dead people.”

  They had reached a tall stone angel with a gentle face. “This is our favourite place,” said Anna. They sat on the steps circling the angel while Ben collected sticks.

  A crow landed on a cross near them and rattled its throat. The sun appeared briefly and everything gleamed: the freshly washed grass dotted with snowdrops, the red berries and yellow forsythia blossoms lighting up the shrubs. Beyond the cemetery was the sea. Theo hadn’t realized the Kaldors lived so close to it.

  She examined some graves near her. Some of the letters were so clogged with moss they were hard to read. Some just said “Mother” or “At Rest.”

  All of these people were dead … It gave her a shivery feeling. She tried to avoid stepping on any of the stones.

  “Snerd to the me-mor-y of …” read Lisbeth carefully.

  “Snerd!” Anna giggled. “Sacred, silly.”

  “I’m not silly!” said Lisbeth.

  “No, you’re not,” said John. “Come on, let’s show Theo the beach.”

  He led them out of another gate and down the hill until they reached a much busier street along the water. When John said it was safe, they dashed across the road and descended some concrete steps to a pebbly beach.

  “Sometimes I fish here,” John explained to Theo. “But I’ve never caught anything. Dad did—he caught an eight-pound salmon!”

  “Fishing’s so boring,” said Anna. They walked along a breakwater for a while, throwing sticks for Bingo. He emerged from the water looking like a sleek black seal.

  “Won’t he get cold?” asked Theo, as Bingo galloped in again.

  “He’s a water dog,” Ben told her. “He can swim in much colder water than this.”

  A group of ducks, some with ringed necks and striped heads, bobbed near them; John said they were called Harlequin ducks. He
pointed across the sea. “The Olympic Mountains are over there, but it’s too cloudy to see them today.”

  “We’ve been there,” said Anna. “They’re in the United States. Once we hiked up Hurricane Ridge and looked back at Victoria.”

  “I hate hiking,” said Lisbeth.

  “You’re just lazy,” said Anna. “Our family goes on lots of hikes, Theo. Lis pretends not to like it, but she does really. Sometimes we camp, too. You can share Lisbeth’s and my tent, Theo.”

  Theo thought of the kids in Swallows and Amazons—they were always sleeping in tents. “That would be great,” she said softly. “When do you go?”

  “Usually in July,” said John. “Dad said that this year we might go to Long Beach. You’ll love it there, Theo. The beaches are huge!”

  Theo still couldn’t accept that they were including her so easily. So far no one had asked a thing about her former life—they just seemed eager to introduce her to her new one.

  July was a long way off. She forced herself to believe she would still be in this family then and take part in all these treats.

  “I want to show Theo my mountain now,” said Ben.

  They trooped back across the busy road and up the steep street to their house. It backed onto what did look like a small mountain—a massive hill of rock with a low modern building on top.

  The Kaldors climbed up easily, even Ben. Theo lagged behind until Anna came back and helped her find her footing on the mossy rocks.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I forgot you’re not used to this like we are. We’ve been coming up here for three years, ever since we moved in.”

  They caught their breaths on a ledge beside the building. “That’s a condominium,” said John. “This part of the rock is their property, but they let us climb here.”

  Theo thought they’d reached the top, but then they went past the building and climbed even higher, pushing through bushes and along a muddy path to a towering part of the hill that looked out in all directions.

  “Isn’t this great?” panted John. He pointed out an island with a lighthouse, downtown Victoria and the Lieutenant-Governor’s mansion. Gulls rose and fell from the water and a tug that looked like a toy boat plodded along the horizon. The sky was clearing and distant tips of mountains floated above the clouds. Theo could see the cemetery far below.

  The Kaldors had their own park—the cemetery—their own beach, and their own mountain! Not really theirs—but it seemed so.

  But now all these wonders belonged to Theo too! She feasted her eyes on the expanse of rock, water, trees and houses. She could come up here whenever she wanted and look again.

  Then the sun streamed out of the sky in shimmering columns.

  “Wow,” said Anna.

  “Do you like it, Theo?” said Lisbeth proudly, as if she had ordered the glowing scene herself.

  “It’s … beautiful,” said Theo. So beautiful it hurt. She wished she could find a better word to express how the sun made purple-green canyons of the remaining clouds and how the silvery sea seemed to stretch on forever. She thought of the dreary streets and buildings she had always known and felt like Heidi coming to the Alps. “It’s like magic,” she whispered.

  Then she couldn’t help blurting out the question that kept nagging at her. “Is this magic?” she asked them. “Did I really come here because I wished on the moon?”

  But none of them seemed to hear. “Let’s go back,” said John. “I have a music lesson at four-thirty.”

  “John’s really good at piano,” said Anna, as they made their way down. “And I sing in a choir. What do you like to do, Theo?”

  This was the first time anyone had asked about herself. “I don’t know,” said Theo.

  “Maybe you could take ballet with me,” said Lisbeth. “This year I’m going to be a bumble-bee in our spring concert.”

  “I don’t like dancing,” said Theo quickly.

  “What about soccer?” said Anna. “My best friend, Grace, and I are on the same team. Do you want to try it?”

  “Maybe,” said Theo. “But I’ve never played soccer before.”

  “It’s easy,” said Anna. “You just run around and try to kick the ball whenever it comes near you.”

  When they reached their backyard, John left on his bike for his lesson and Anna went in to do her homework. Lisbeth and Ben showed Theo how to climb a tree that towered over the house.

  She’d never climbed a tree before. Ben scrambled to the top like a monkey, while Theo perched shakily on a branch. She touched its strange, peeling bark.

  “What kind of a tree is this?” she asked them.

  “An arbutus,” said Lisbeth. “There are lots of them here. Grannie tried to grow one in Vancouver but it died.”

  “Arbutus,” said Theo carefully. She stored the word in her packed mind, along with Emily Carr, Olympic Mountains and Harlequin ducks. She pressed her cheek against the smooth orange trunk of the tree. Even it seemed to welcome her.

  THE EVENING was as full of delights as the day had been. Theo, Lisbeth and Ben were watching TV when they heard a whistle—two high notes and a low one.

  “Daddy!” shouted Ben, running into the hall. Lisbeth dashed after him and Theo followed slowly, recalling his name—Dan.

  Bingo hurtled into the hall and threw himself at Dan, his mouth slack with worship—as if he were saying, “I love all of you very much but this is my master!”

  “Hello there, Theo,” said Dan, hanging up his raincoat. Theo hung her head; she didn’t know what you were supposed to say to fathers. She remembered that she’d told Mum she’d call him “Dad,” but maybe Dan didn’t know that yet.

  The whole family congregated in the kitchen, the adults trying to put together dinner while the children got in the way. When they were finally sitting down, Dan turned to Theo and said, “Laura phoned and told me you wanted to call us Mum and Dad, Theo. I’m so pleased.”

  He had such a comfortable voice and his eyes twinkled behind their glasses. Theo shyly returned his smile and gulped down delicious mouthfuls of pasta.

  After dinner Theo sat in the living-room and watched Dan—Dad—carefully start a fire with newspaper and kindling.

  “We’re only allowed to watch two TV programs a day,” said Lisbeth. “It’s so unfair!”

  Theo thought it was peaceful. Everyone sat in the large, cluttered room doing something. Mum and Dad read the paper, John did his math homework, Anna read a book, Ben played with Lego, and Lisbeth lay on her stomach, drawing pictures of guinea pigs wearing clothes. Theo sat down beside Ben and helped him build a castle. But she kept lifting her head and gazing at the family. They still seemed too perfect to be real.

  At seven-thirty Dad took Ben upstairs to give him a bath. Theo joined the others around the dining-room table for a game of Monopoly. Then Mum looked at her watch and said, “Bedtime, girls.”

  “Not yet,” complained Lisbeth. But she led Theo and Anna up the stairs and they got into their pyjamas and brushed their teeth. Dad came up and sat on Theo’s bed while they settled on each side of him. He was holding a book with a worn leather cover.

  “I thought we’d start something new tonight, in honour of Theo,” he said. He opened up the book. “This is a story by a man called Rudyard Kipling. It’s called ‘The Cat That Walked by Himself.’”

  His deep voice began: “‘Hear and attend and listen; for this befell and behappened and became and was, O my Best Beloved, when the Tame animals were wild.’”

  It was the most wonderful story Theo had ever heard—eery and enchanting and completely satisfying.

  “‘… when the moon gets up and night comes, he is the Cat that walks by himself, and all places are alike to him. Then he goes out to the Wet Wild Woods or up the Wet Wild Trees or on the Wet Wild Roofs, waving his wild tail and walking by his wild lone,’” finished Dad.

  Beardsley, who had been lying in Lisbeth’s lap, stood up and stalked out of the room with his tail straight up in the air. They all laughed.
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  “He was listening!” said Lisbeth. “But Bingo’s not a proper dog, Daddy, because he never chases Beardsley.”

  “Bingo doesn’t know he’s a dog,” said Dad. “He thinks he’s a person. Time for bed, now.”

  He tucked each of them in and kissed them. His beard tickled.

  A few minutes later Mum came up and kissed them too. “Anna’s allowed to read for half an hour,” she said. “You can too, Theo.”

  “I’m too sleepy to read,” said Theo.

  “Good night, then,” said Mum. “I’m so glad you’ve come to us.”

  Theo was half-awake when Anna turned out her light. “Are you okay?” she asked. “Do you want a drink of water or anything?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “Good night, then. See you in the morning.”

  “Good night,” whispered Theo.

  She wriggled further into her pink flannel nest, hugging Peppermint and Hoot. She had a flash of longing for Sabrina, but she closed her eyes against any thoughts of her real life. The perfect day was over.

  9

  Theo was afraid to open her eyes the next morning. She was sure she’d be back on the ferry, waking up after the most incredible dream of her life. But she heard someone thump out of the upper bunk. Then Anna was bouncing on Theo’s feet. “Good morning!” She grinned. “I can’t believe you’re really here!”

  “Neither can I,” said Theo, grinning just as wide.

  Lisbeth threw her pillow at them and they started a wild fight until Dad stuck his head in and told them to get dressed.

  “Can’t Theo go to school with us today?” asked Lisbeth at breakfast.

  “No, I want to take her shopping for clothes,” said Mum.

  “Can I come?” cried Lisbeth and Anna at the same time.

  Mum shook her head. “It would be too hard to concentrate with you two along. If she feels like it, she can go to school with you tomorrow. What do you think, Theo?”

  “Maybe,” whispered Theo, because the girls looked so eager. But she didn’t want to go to school—this blissful bubble might burst.

  Ben had gone with Dad and the other children left too. Then Mum and Theo got into the van and drove to a mall. Mum was a swift, efficient shopper. They whisked in and out of several stores where she bought Theo more clothes than she’d ever owned in her life.