Deathless & Divided (The Chicago War #1)

by Bethany-Kris

  Nobody ever answered for that. Nobody ever would.

  Why was Mia Conti so goddamn different from Lily’s mother?

  And why did it bother Lily so much?

  Lily blew out a heavy breath, jerked her car door open, and got out. The cool breeze of the late July air swept around her bare legs. The dress she wore fell just above her knees and the skirt blew wide as the wind picked up.

  She didn’t even care that she was wearing heels and it was colder than normal. Locking her car, Lily started a trek down the street. She needed to clear her head or do something. Just anything.

  Being in Chicago and getting a front row seat to what seemed like the beginning of another family feud only put Lily right back into her childhood. She didn’t feel like a young girl anymore, but her emotions mirrored that time and threated to take her under with the weight.

  More confused than ever, Lily pulled her phone out of her purse and dialed a familiar number. Dino picked up on the second ring.

  “Lily,” he greeted.

  “Why are we different?” she asked right away.

  Dino cleared his throat and chuckled. “I have no idea what you’re asking me, little one.”

  Despite how that pet name usually bothered her, especially when one of her brothers used it, Lily smiled that time.

  “Our parents and what happened to them. Why are we different, Dino? Why didn’t someone fight for what happened to Mom or—”

  “Dad turned on the Outfit,” Dino interjected gently. “You know that.”

  “But Mom didn’t!”

  Dino grunted out, “Yeah, I know. This is way out of left field for you, Lily. Where is this coming from, anyway?”

  “I was over at Eve’s,” Lily replied, hoping that explained it without her needing to go into further details.

  “You’ve always been strong-willed and opinionated about our business,” Dino said. “We don’t talk about these things, Lily, because you don’t want to.”

  “I want to now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to know what was so different about our mother! I get Dad turned rat, okay. But Mom—”

  “Wrong place, wrong time,” Dino interrupted softly. “She was in the house with him and it wasn’t supposed to happen. That was all Ben ever said to me, Lily.”

  “Doesn’t it make you mad, though? Doesn’t that just … enrage you that she was killed? Both of them, even, Dino. Why doesn’t it piss you off?”

  “It does,” her brother replied. “It always has, but sometimes it’s better to bide your time, little one. Not everything is black and white.”

  Lily stilled on the sidewalk, taking in her brother’s words and what they might mean.

  “Where is all this coming from?” Dino asked.

  “I told you, I was at Eve’s place.”

  “And all your scars are getting cut open again.”

  “Maybe. I don’t know, it’s just … I don’t want to see more people hurt because of what happened to Mia, but at the same time, I think I understand how Eve and her father want some kind of retribution. Doesn’t that make me an awful hypocrite?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You’re biased.”

  “No, not really. I think you’ve got certain people and the Outfit messed up. It’s not the same thing. You’re pissed off at the people who took our mother away—the Outfit didn’t do that, Lily.”

  “It’s the same thing!”

  “It’s not, in certain ways. I’m the Outfit. Theo is the Outfit. The Rossi family, your friends, and even Damian. We’re the Outfit—la famiglia. Certain people inside the Outfit made decisions that hurt us because of la famiglia. I know it’s hard to understand, but those people don’t make up the Outfit, Lily. It is way more than just a couple of people. It is all the people. It’s a culture, a lifestyle. We don’t choose this life because it’s an easy one; we choose it because we believe in it.”

  “Why does it seem like every man is just out for himself, then?” Lily asked.

  To her, that was how the Outfit had always felt.

  “Because that’s the problem with it. Certain people have forgotten what it’s supposed to be. Don’t blame the Outfit, blame the people.”

  “Don’t blame the gun, blame the man,” Lily muttered.

  “Exactly.”

  “It can’t be that simple, Dino.”

  Her brother laughed. “Yeah, it rarely is.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Damian rested on the hood of the Maserati, his gaze staying trained on the figure through the darkness. Down the sidewalk, Lily hung up her phone call, put her hand over her eyes, and shook her head.

  She’d been too far away for him to understand most of the conversation, but he had heard her use Dino’s name at least once.

  Lily turned back toward her car, took a couple of steps, and nearly stumbled over her own two feet at the sight of Damian sitting where he hadn’t been before.

  “Shit,” Lily gasped, her new phone dropping from her hand to the pavement.

  Luckily, it didn’t break.

  Damian chuckled as Lily picked up her phone and stood straight again, glaring daggers at him the entire time.

  “You almost owed me a new phone again,” Lily warned.

  “You should get used to this, sweetheart.”

  “Having a stalker?”

  Damian raised a single brow at her statement. “Really?”

  Lily made a face. “Yeah, never mind. What are you doing?”

  “Keeping you close.”

  The briefest, tiniest smile tugged at the corner of Lily’s mouth. “Oh?”

  “Just like I said.”

  “Where have you been, then?”

  “Around,” Damian replied, knowing how vague he sounded. “You’ve been busy and I work better when people can’t see me.”

  “Just like a ghost, huh?”

  “Just like that.” Damian nodded in her direction, saying, “I had a meeting with some of the Rossi family while you visited with Eve and I just caught you in time before you left. I thought you would be staying later. Didn’t you have color schemes to finish or some nonsense?”

  “How did you know that?”

  “Dino,” Damian said simply.

  “You’re keeping tabs on me and following me?” she asked, her voice pitching high.

  “Don’t be angry, Lily.”

  Lily’s expression darkened. “That’s a pretty bold—”

  “You want to have a life,” Damian interrupted calmly. “You want to do things and go out. I don’t blame you, but there’s a lot of messy stuff happening right now, so I have to keep a close eye on you while it happens. I’m sorry if the idea of having someone trail you leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but it’s either this, or you won’t be allowed to leave Dino’s place until shit blows over.”

  Lily’s stance softened. “It’s just you watching me, right?”

  Damian smiled. “Just me.”

  “You could have told me, Damian.”

  “I did—at Mia’s funeral. I can’t help it if you don’t read between the lines. Just because you can’t see me, doesn’t mean I’m not still around, Lily.”

  Lily picked at her nails and avoided his stare. “What kind of messy stuff?”

  “Distrust and uncertainty. From a lot of people. It makes for a bad situation.”

  “Oh.”

  “You’re not going to end up some casualty in this mess if I can help it,” Damian said, sighing. “Leading me back to point, I almost missed you because you left early. What happened?”

  “Nothing,” Lily replied too quickly for it to be true.

  “Nothing, right. That’s why you drove around aimlessly for twenty minutes, pulled over on a random street, and then proceeded to make a phone call to your brother while you paced back and forth. Come on, Lily. Do I look like a fucking idiot to you?”

  Lily refused to look at him again. “No, but it’s not important. Leave it alone.”

&n
bsp; “Look at me.”

  “Damian—”

  “Lily, look at me right now,” he demanded.

  Lily blinked up at him, a wetness shining in her brown eyes. Tears saturated her bottom lashes, threatening to fall. Instantly, Damian’s gut twisted with anger and an unusual rush of sadness and confusion.

  Christ.

  He hated it when women cried.

  “Happy?” Lily asked as the first streaks of her tears tracked down her cheeks.

  “No. Why would I be happy over your tears?”

  Lily sniffed and wiped at her eyes, but it didn’t stop the second flood of wetness that came right after.

  “I am not a crier,” she mumbled.

  “You said that once before, but I’m starting to wonder.” Damian tried to will away the odd sensations balling in his stomach. Like a shot of rage straight to his veins, all he could think about was finding out who had made Lily cry and forcing whatever goddamn apology he could out of them for it. “What happened?”

  “Bad week,” she said in explanation. “All of this crap reminds me of my parents and what my brothers and I went through as kids. I called Dino because I couldn’t understand how one person’s death could cause so much uproar around us like Mia’s has. I get she was loved and that she didn’t deserve to die, but so was my mother. She was loved, too. Her death was nothing more than an accident, too.”

  “And no one said a thing about her being killed,” Damian finished for her.

  “Yeah, in a way. And it makes me feel awful to even think about it.”

  “I get that. Nothing is ever simple, right? What did Dino tell you?”

  “Blame the man, not the gun,” she said quietly.

  “And who is the gun in this situation?” he asked.

  “The Outfit.”

  Ah.

  There it was.

  Dino had forewarned Damian before he even met Lily that she had her issues with the Outfit. Most of them could be drawn straight back to her parents’ murders.

  “He has a good point,” Damian said.

  Lily didn’t bother to wipe the tears from her cheeks as she said, “I know, but it still bothers me and I feel like a fraud.”

  “Why?”

  “I told Eve someone else’s mother might die because hers did and at the same time, all I could think about was why didn’t someone die for mine, too?”

  “You know why though, don’t you?” Damian asked.

  “My father.”

  “Yeah, him. Dino saved you kids back then. You know that, right?”

  Lily shook her head. “No.”

  “He was old enough to have a leg stuck in the Outfit and he was working under Ben’s thumb a great deal of the time. Because he understood the rules and how badly it made you kids look that your father turned on the Outfit, Dino did what he had to so that your parents’ shame wasn’t reflected on to you or Theo. Dino separated you from Joseph and Valerie DeLuca.”

  Lily flinched at her mother’s and father’s names, but Damian didn’t relent. “He took you out of that home, put you in with your uncle immediately, and then threw himself full force into the Outfit. He never finished high school. He’s never even had kids of his own or been married, Lily. Because he’s spent his entire life working to wash away the shame so that people could see you and Theo as his brother and sister, not the children of Joseph and Valerie.”

  “I’m not ashamed of my parents,” Lily said.

  “But you are ashamed of what your father did.”

  Lily cringed, staying silent.

  “You can say it. It’s just me here, you know,” Damian said. “Nobody else needs to know. You’re not protecting dead people by saying something that’s true.”

  “He did wrong by the Outfit,” she said instead.

  “And the people reacted how they were taught to.”

  “How do you not blame the gun?”

  Damian shrugged. “Because it didn’t pull the trigger. It just follows the rules.”

  “I don’t think my mother’s death was an accident,” Lily told him.

  “Why not?”

  “I think my uncle knew she would have taken her kids and ran.”

  “It’s possible,” Damian agreed. “Ben has always tried to control the DeLuca side of things as much as he could. Don’t take this the wrong way, but dwelling on it all isn’t going to help you, Lily. All that stuff has already happened. It’s been over with for years. I’m not saying you should forgive and forget, but maybe you should start leaving it where it belongs.”

  “Behind,” she murmured.

  “Yeah. Back where it can’t keep hurting you. Because right now, you’re the only one letting it hurt you, sweetheart.”

  “Is that how you do it, Damian?”

  “I’m more concerned about the now to be worrying about buried people, Lily.”

  “Don’t you miss your parents?” she asked.

  “I barely remember them, but if you want the truth, I miss the idea of people who were supposed to be only mine and them loving me. I miss what I think that should feel like because I never got the chance to experience it.”

  “Oh.”

  Just like that, her tears starting falling again. Damian’s gut twisted harder at the sight, making him feel all kinds of terrible. Pushing off the hood of the car, he crossed the few feet between them, caught her pretty face in his palms, and tilted her head up so he could stare down at her.

  “Please don’t cry,” he murmured. “I don’t do well with tears. I told you that. Stop.”

  Lily sucked on her bottom lip but she didn’t stop. He figured she couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re going to force me to do it, huh?”

  “Do what?”

  “Make you stop crying so I can feel better,” Damian said, grinning wickedly.

  Lily laughed through her tears. “And just how do you plan on—”

  Damian’s mouth crashed down on hers, swallowing her words and gasp with his teeth and lips. The sweetest squeak of surprise echoed from Lily before she responded to the kiss and fisted his jacket in her hands. Her mouth tasted of cherries and salt as she kissed him back, tugging him closer. He kept her pinned in place, wanting to feel her mouth on his while he got himself reacquainted with the taste of her.

  With every scrape of his teeth to her lips and every strike of his tongue, Damian felt like he owned this girl a little more. Like she was only his and that he was all she wanted. Just the way her body fitted into his and she never shied away from his touch and kiss, Damian knew … Lily DeLuca was two steps away from falling straight for him.

  He didn’t mind.

  Unfortunately, Damian could still see the tears in her eyes fighting to fall and her breathing hitched, telling him she was holding back sobs.

  “Don’t cry, don’t cry,” Damian chanted, kissing along the line of Lily’s cheek bone. “When you cry, it makes me want to find the person who made you do it and shove my fist so far down their throat that I could rip their heart out and then force-feed them the organ. Seriously, it bothers me. Stop it, Lily.”

  “I’m trying,” she mumbled as his lips ghosted over hers again. “You made me sad again by talking about your parents.”

  Great. Now he was the reason for her tears.

  Damian couldn’t handle this shit.

  “I punched a kid in the face for you once,” he said, hoping that gained her attention enough to stop her crying.

  Lily let him wipe away the wetness on her lashes. “When?”

  “You had just turned seven. I wasn’t hanging around that much anymore and neither was Theo, really. We were doing … other things with Dino.” Damian shrugged, not wanting to go into all that. “Anyway, that left you to make new friends. Some idiot nine-year-old boy happened to be one of them. He made you run home crying over something. Dino was there when you told Ben what happened. He told Theo, your brother told me, and I hit the kid then next time I saw him.”

  “That’s terrible,
” Lily muttered.

  “Learned his fucking lesson, I bet.”

  Lily laughed, but another tear streaked down her cheek. Damian cussed under his breath at the sight, willing away her sadness.

  “How can you laugh and cry at the same time?” Damian asked, overwhelmed by how affected this girl made him. He could not handle the awfulness welling in his gut because of her crying mess.

  “Because I’m sad and happy.”

  “That doesn’t make sense.”

  “It does, too!”

  “You sound like a child arguing with me like that,” Damian said, running his finger over her trembling bottom lip.

  Lily gasped, hurt filling her gaze all over again.

  “I was kidding, Lily!”

  She didn’t look like she believed him for a second.

  “I was,” he repeated.

  “Still awful.”

  “You’re still crying,” Damian pointed out.

  “You haven’t made me stop yet, so you must not want to feel better. Remember?”

  Sneaky little …

  Damian kissed Lily again without warning, tugging her into his chest and turning them both so he could back her down the sidewalk. Their lips didn’t part once, not even when they stumbled off the sidewalk and Lily’s legs hit the hood of her Maserati. Unable to control the crazy desire thickening his blood, Damian ran his hands up Lily’s smooth legs and under her skirt. He could practically feel her heartbeat and blood rushing up to the surface of her skin under his touch. Every sound, every goosebump, and every inch of her was starting to imprint in Damian’s memory like a melody he couldn’t forget.

  He didn’t really want to.

  The way her tongue swept her bottom lip had his gaze narrowing in on her mouth all over again. He wanted to bite her lip until she begged him for more, so he did just that. The sharp, breathy whine Lily released shot straight down to his aching cock.

  But Damian wasn’t important. He wasn’t interested in getting his own rocks off. No, he wanted to get her off.

  “Oh, my God, what are you doing?” she asked in a breathless whisper.

  “Feeling you. What the fuck does it look like?” Damian grabbed her ass in a firm grip and lifted her onto the hood before dragging his hands back down her legs. “Christ, I swear you’ve got the best legs in Chicago, Lily.”