The Complete Where Dreams

by M. L. Buchman

They toured the whole store together. Racks of every color and type of yarn towered about them. Like a small, labyrinthine bookstore, its shelves stocked to overflowing with heavy yarns for fisherman’s sweaters, fine yarns for baby clothes, and feathery “eyelash” yarns for when you just wanted to feel utterly ridiculous.

  “Check this out,” Tamara called Perrin over to the Jamieson yarns. “The skeins are so small and cute. I just love the colors.”

  “They’re my favorites,” Perrin pulled out four different colors. “Come on.”

  She led Tamara to a small mirror.

  “Watch your face as I hold up each color.” She started with a blue and Tamara shrugged, then an orange that clashed with her hair and her complexion.

  “Eww!”

  Then a black.

  “That one’s good.”

  The Perrin held up the dark green heather yarn. It played off Tamara’s rich-red hair. With her fair skin, it snapped all attention to the girl’s dark eyes. The extra softness kept it from being too severe beside her young woman’s features.

  “Wow… ” Tammy offered on a long drawn sigh.

  “This doesn’t mean all your clothes should be Loden green, but when you want to really knock out some boy, this wouldn’t be a bad place to start.”

  They took the skeins back to the shelves.

  “Hey Perrin. Why aren’t there any guys here except for that one over there looking bored?”

  “Not a lot of male knitters. Funny thing is, there are a lot of cultures where it was traditionally the male who did the knitting. Now, this is just a cozy place for women to hang out. See the big table in the corner with a couple knitters around it? There’s almost always someone there to sit and knit with. Or you can bring in hard problems if you get stuck and someone will always help you out. I often think that this is how the world would feel if it was run by women.”

  “Cozy.”

  “Exactly. Now, we need the color sets for the four designs we were missing.”

  “You want me to help you pick colors for clothes that will go onstage?” her voice was wispy and awed.

  Perrin figured it was part of that distant-and-impossibly-remote “Dad’s world” and Tamara felt as if she were just a kid intruding. Like Tamara, Perrin had been plenty precocious, and that had caused its own set of problems. Well, it wouldn’t for this girl. Not if Perrin had anything to say about it.

  “You’re the one that found the solution to something that’s been making me crazy for over a week. You solved it, I’ll make sure every knows that. As a matter of fact… ” Perrin stepped over to the display of knitting tools and pulled down a massively ridiculous crochet hook that had to be there as a joke, it was two feet long and almost as big around as Perrin’s wrist. She rolled it to the label, “Size 50.” It wasn’t a toy, some project actually required this monster. That was just too crazy. If she could think of what to do with it, she might buy it.

  “Kneel, Empress-to-be Tamara Cullen.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “Kneel, or I tell your dad that I’m not the only one kissing boys.”

  “Oh man!” Tamara knelt.

  Perrin tapped her lightly on each shoulder with the crochet hook, then thonked her on the head hard enough to elicit an, “Ow!”

  “I hereby dub you my official design assistant. Rise oh Tamara of the thank-you-for-saving-me design team.”

  As she clambered back to her feet, several of the nearby women who had stopped to observe the goings-on offered a round of applause.

  Tamara blushed a brilliant red while Perrin waved the hook as if acknowledging her adoring subjects. When the applause had turned to kind laughter and everyone had returned to their shopping, she turned once again to Tamara.

  “Now, assistant, let’s go choose some colors.”

  Chapter 9

  “Wow. You should have seen her, Bill. I wish I could have shared it with you. We had the best time picking out the yarn.” Perrin’s voice over the phone was almost as breathless as Tammy’s had been.

  “Wish I could have seen it.” He wished it so much it ached. His daughter had come home from her afternoon lit up like she was the queen of the world. Any lingering desire to chew her out for lying to him about going to Gretchen’s died when she threw herself into his arms.

  “It took her a good half hour at top speed to tell me about all the things the two of you had done. And she can talk awfully fast when she’s on a roll.”

  Bill lay back on the top of his bed covers and stared at the dim ceiling.

  “You aren’t upset, are you?” Perrin’s voice was soft.

  “Upset? At what?”

  “Well, I mean I know I shouldn’t be attaching myself to her, or letting her attach to me, but she’s such an amazing kid. And she wants to grow up so badly. Do you remember what that was like?”

  Bill remembered joining the high-school theater as a freshman and having his entire life changed when Mary Ann, an awe-inspiring junior, had wandered across the stage carrying some tools to go fix a broken Fresnel lamp. She’d been tall, slender, with dark hair down past the middle of her back. His worldview had altered in that moment. He’d never grown up fast enough to get her attention. He’d never once been able to tell her how he worshipped her in the two years they did shows together before she graduated and was gone.

  “Yeah, I remember what it was like. I just wish it wasn’t my girl doing it. And no, I’m not upset. I just wish I could have been there with her… With you. How can I miss you so much? We hardly know each other.”

  “You could ask me out on a date.”

  He could, if he could just figure out how to arrange it. Turandot was finally down and the set struck and returned to storage. For a while, the weeknights and weekends were his once more. His and his kids.

  “Where are you now?”

  “Why? Are you asking me out now? I thought your kids were asleep.”

  “They are. I just wanted to picture where you were, what you were doing. What I really wish is that you were lying on the pillow beside mine.” And he did. Against all likelihood, he could picture her here, in the bedroom where no woman had ever been. He wanted to turn and see Perrin beside him. All her chaos, all her uncertainty, all her beauty, and all that magnificence curled up beside him. He could see it so clearly, as if she were—

  “I’m in my studio.”

  “Oh,” a dose of reality. He was sprawled on the bed thinking more about her body than any teenage boy, and she was working.

  “I’m lying naked on my cutting table, just waiting for a strong man to come and ravage me.”

  The heat that flashed through his body left him sweating and his pulse racing.

  “O-kay. That’s an image I going to be glad to be stuck with for a long time.”

  Perrin giggled, just like a happy teenage girl who was thinking as much about his as he was about her.

  “How about something simpler?”

  “Spoilsport,” she made a raspberry sound. “Such a party pooper, you don’t even want to come here. Big meanie would rather leave me all alone and unravaged in my little bed.”

  “Thought you were… ” he lowered his voice to make sure it didn’t carry down the hall to the kids, “… sprawled naked on your design table waiting desperately for me?”

  “Oh no, any strong and willing man would be fine. You just happen to be the one I’m talking to. And I’m not naked, I’m wearing a flannel nightgown. Yes, all alone in my own bed.”

  “Not how I pictured you.” Not at all. He’d thought Perrin would be one to sleep naked, or in one of those oversized t-shirts that always made a woman’s legs look so amazing.

  “No, Bill Cullen, I’ve never worn a little black teddy, nor am I planning to anytime soon. Not even for your fantasies. If you’re going to ravage me, you’ll just have to deal with a woman who wears plain white flannel nightgowns.”

  “Not even pink?”

  “Nope, white.”

  “JC Penny’s?”
/>   “Caught me.”

  “Actually, that’s an image I could definitely work with. And no, Perrin Williams, I don’t want to ravage you… ” he let the silence drag for several seconds. “I’m desperate to ravage you.”

  Her voice was soft and dreamy. “You’d better make it soon, Bill Cullen. I don’t know how much longer I can stand it if you don’t.”

  “I’ve have to see you. What are you doing tomorrow?” It so hard to form normal, practical thoughts with her voice whispering into his ear.

  “I thought you were going to be with the kids.”

  “I am. I was thinking we could have a picnic.”

  “With the kids?” she sounded suddenly cautious and practical. He knew he should be as well.

  “They do appear to know you better than I do. Maybe it’s time I caught up a bit.”

  “You’re sure?”

  Was he? Even though he’d been the one to invite her, Perrin was still giving him an out. Pushing him to do what was right rather than what she knew was their mutual desperation to be with each other. Yet another layer of flighty designer was peeled off to reveal the practical woman inside.

  “Some day, Perrin, you’re going to have to tell me why you carry your shields so high.”

  Her echoing silence told him he’d blown it. Cassidy Knowles had only reinforced Perrin’s statement that she wouldn’t be sharing her life history. He cursed himself for being eight kinds of dumb. To have been hurt so badly and rise above it, how much strength had that taken? How many conscious choices had she made to be a better person despite her past? He didn’t even need to know what her past had been to know what affect it had upon who she was. She had risen triumphant from whatever ashes…

  “I don’t know if I can, Bill. I truly don’t know if I can.” Her voice was so small.

  “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  Again the interminable silence. Honey? He was becoming awfully attached to her. Well, it was no less than the truth, he was.

  “Would you still like me on your picnic?” Her voice was even smaller if possible.

  “Yes. No equivocation. No doubt. I’m not the fastest guy around, but I eventually get there. I would very much like you to join us.”

  Another silence.

  Then, after the silence had dragged on long enough that he wondered if she was still there, he heard a quiet, “Thank you.”

  “It’s raining!”

  “I noticed!” Perrin dove into the back of Bill’s car and wound up sitting next to Jaspar.

  Bill made a signal to Tamara to move back. He should have thought of it sooner, but it had been her turn to be up front.

  Perrin stopped her before she even had her seatbelt undone. “Don’t! You’ll just get wet and I’ll get wetter if we try to trade.”

  “Some day for a picnic, Dad,” Jaspar accused him as if he had personal control of the weather.

  “It was sunny this morning,” he glanced over his shoulder at her and mouthed a, “Hi!” which Perrin returned. It was so good to see her he could hardly stand it.

  “I guess we could go to a restaurant,” Bill leaned forward to look up at the sky through the windshield and cursed the changeable spring weather.

  Jaspar declared his opinion with a loud snoring sound.

  “Gotta do better than that, Dad,” Tammy joined in on her brother’s side. “Perrin did pizza and cool costumes last time. You’re gonna have to top that.”

  “Ouch! Don’t I get a break, extra points for being your father who can make you wash dishes every night for a month if he feels like it?”

  “Nope!” the kids both roared back at him.

  Perrin shot him a grin in the rearview mirror.

  “What?”

  “How about the backup plan we discussed last night?”

  She was definitely smiling, something up her sleeve. They hadn’t discussed any backup plan. Oh, she was trying to help him save face in front of the kids, bless her.

  “Which one?” he asked, trying to keep up with the game.

  “How about the one at CenturyLink Center, on Occidental.”

  “Oh right. Sure.”

  She winked at him as he pulled back into traffic and Jaspar started telling her all about his stage role even if the backstage stuff was the part that he found to be really “wicked.”

  A glance at Tammy told him that, as usual, her dad hadn’t deceived her for even a moment.

  “A dog show!” Both kids had screamed aloud the instant they saw the sign. Bill had spotted the poster, but they hadn’t and he’d kept his mouth shut. Perrin was so brilliant it was hard to fathom.

  What finally clued in the kids was a sign running vertically down a street-corner light post. Only when he approached it did he see it had been knit in English Setter white and brown with six-inch tall letters that you wanted to pet they look so fuzzy and friendly.

  “Yarn bombing,” Tammy informed him when he asked.

  “It’s cool,” he acknowledged.

  “Wicked, Dad. According to Jasp, that’s the right word today. Get with the program.” Tammy smiled and took his hand so that he didn’t feel too fuddy-duddy-daddy, one of her phrases.

  Once through the door the kids raced off to see everything at once.

  Bill tried to keep up, but Perrin grabbed his hand to slow him down.

  “You’re not going to find a place safer than this for them to get off the leash a bit. So to speak.”

  He guessed that was true, but it didn’t make him any happier. At least they had their cell phones with them if they found any trouble. The Exhibition Center was a tall space. Not enough to feel like outdoors, especially not with all of the steel and concrete structure and numerous pipes running across the ceiling, but enough to give an airy feel to the event.

  The vast floor space was clogged with people and dogs. Teacup poodles checked out German Shepherds. Dachshunds greeted anyone who’d listen, and terriers tried to watch everything at once. The animals, all muzzled, were surprisingly well behaved. But it was hard to move without getting wrapped up in a leash or seven.

  Off to the right was a vendors’ area for everything from vets to dog hair-care products and specialty foods. Most of the booths had a dog sleeping at the owner’s feet.

  To the left were big courses for agility, speed, and whatever other kinds of competitions happened at a dog show, barricaded off with thigh-high fencing. An Australian shepherd was running the course at the moment. A large ring was also fenced off for the show dogs, presently a collection of wrinkle-skinned Shar-peis in every shade of brown, black, and tan. Toward the back, a surprising distance away, there appeared to be long rows of kennels and grooming stations for the participants.

  An indoor dog show in Seattle, who knew.

  Perrin had.

  “You’re an absolute life saver.”

  “I saw the rain, did a quick Internet search, and this was the best I came up with. I hope it’s okay?”

  “Okay? It’s so perfect. Though I’m not taking home a puppy. Not even if all three of you gang up on me. No how. No way.”

  “Yes sir, Mr. Bill Cullen, sir.” She saluted him.

  He couldn’t help himself. He leaned in and kissed her.

  She let him for a long moment, then pushed him gently away. She started them moving forward again, moseying forward though he was oblivious to what was around them. All he could think about was the woman beside him.

  “That felt so good.”

  “It really did, didn’t it?” Perrin agreed with him.

  “I want to do it again.”

  “Don’t. Tamara’s expecting it. But Jaspar won’t be. Let it be enough that we’re holding hands.”

  Bill glanced down in surprise. They were. He traced it back in his mind. They had been ever since the entry when she’d stopped him from rushing after the kids. It had felt so natural that he’d thought nothing of it.

  “This going slow plan sucks.”

  She
bumped shoulders with him. “This is so not slow. We really need to figure out what’s going on between us soon. If there’s even a chance for us, or if I’m going to hurt your kids horribly, even unintentionally. I’d rather walk out the door now than hurt them, though it might kill me to do so.”

  “Well, you’re the woman three steps ahead of everyone. Any brilliant ideas?”

  Perrin went silent at that. They managed two whole aisles of the vendors’ area without any ideas between them. Two aisles of things they would never need in their lives. Hand-tooled leather collars fit for a mastiff. A small bookstore with everything from a photobook of the Queen’s corgis to how to train your dog for sheep herding.

  “They still do that?”

  “Apparently.”

  Buffalo meat dog food. Emu meat dog food. Vegetarian dog food as if the master’s predilection made any sense for the pet.

  They circulated out by the agility ring so that the kids could spot them more easily. Now it was Golden retrievers racing the course at a dead run, guided by whistles and hand gestures of their trainers. At impossible speeds they were ducking through knee-high pipes, leaping over barriers, and winding through upright stanchions so close together that the dogs looked like eels while passing through.

  “Could you get free Tuesday evening? Not the night, but at least the evening?”

  “Why? What do you have in mind?”

  Perrin shook her head, “Yay or nay, Mr. Cullen. You either can or can’t.”

  “I’ll find a way. Actually Lucy, my sister, has been wanting the kids for an overnight. Would a night as well be okay?”

  They were so close together that it felt as if their bodies were about to meld, though their only actual point of contact was their clasped hands.

  “The night would be wonderful.” Perrin almost looked teary, though he’d never seen her cry.

  “What is it?”

  She shook her head part way, then hesitated, somehow knowing she’d told him too little and it was on the verge of bothering him.

  “I just can’t get over that you want to be with me. That’s all.”

  “That’s all?”

  She nodded.

  “Woman, you are going to make me totally insane yet.”