‘Don’t you dare,’ he said, pushing the money away. ‘Give us a ring when you need me again.’
Shutting the door behind me, I took a slow deep breath in and out. At last, I was in a building with no-one else around. Nobody was going to walk into my bedroom in the morning to rifle through the spare wardrobe for her Gucci-whatever she may or may not have left in there, when she knows you are completely naked.
‘Don’t be shy, hunny, I made you.’ Did that count when she did the same thing and brought her husband in with her?
I was trying to decide between unpacking my case now or diving straight into bed. My bed. I glanced at the clock on the living room wall. It was almost two in the morning, the dirty washing in my bag wasn’t going to go anywhere. Bed won.
I had barely walked inside my room when the buzzer went. What had I left in the taxi this time? John had found my purse and passport last time I’d come home from a holiday.
Holding down the intercom button, I said, ‘Sorry, John, what have I forgotten this time?’
There was silence for a second. ‘Who’s John?’ a quiet voice crackled through the speaker.
I jumped at the unexpected voice. I tried to speak, but I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to say. I had obviously been quiet for too long, because the voice spoke again.
‘Is that why I haven’t heard from you? You have a new guy?’ Danny sounded a little bit drunk.
I stayed quiet for a while, seeing if he would talk some more. He didn’t.
‘What do you want, Danny?’ My voice was strained. He had sent me a couple of messages whilst I had been away, asking how I was, if I wanted to meet up. I hadn’t replied. There had been plenty of times he hadn’t replied to me since he was back with her, so I wanted to see how he liked being ignored.
‘Let me in.’
There was a small part of me that wanted to press the door release, throw the front door open, and wait for him naked at the top of the stairs. I obviously wasn’t going to do that, though.
‘Where’s Erica?’ I asked, clearing my throat first.
He paused. His voice was quieter this time. ‘At home.’
‘Why aren’t you there?’
‘I wanted to see you, Casey. I miss you. Let me in.’
After a few more minutes considering the options, I realised I was going to let him in no matter what the outcome. It was Danny. How was I going to send him away? He had a girlfriend again though now, so things were going to be different. We would have to go backwards and learn how to be friends all over again.
Danny had other ideas. I opened the door as Danny reached the top of the stairs, and before I knew what was going on his lips were on mine and I was pushed up against the wall.
‘Danny, what are you doing?’ I tried to push him away, but it felt so good kissing him again.
‘I’m gonna take you to bed and kiss you everywhere, before sliding inside you and giving you a night you’ll never forget.’
‘What about Erica?’
He covered my mouth. ‘Shh, we don’t need to talk about her.’
One side of me wanted to scream at him, push him away, and throw him out. How dare he! That was a disgusting way to treat somebody he was supposed to love. I also knew I deserved better than being his dirty secret, no matter how much it sometimes appealed to me.
The other side of me was enjoying this far too much to care. The smell of him, the taste. I felt like I had come home. As the two sides of my brain fought each other, I stopped thinking about anything and let him carry me through to my bedroom.
Straight after we’d made love, he jumped up and started getting dressed. The reality of what had happened was playing on my conscience. The relief I had felt when I found out he hadn’t cheated the first time round made this guilt feel twice as strong.
I watched him storming round my room, picking up discarded items of clothes. ‘Where’s my phone?’ he was muttering under his breath. Finding it under his jacket, he looked up at me and smiled. ‘Are you ok?’
I wasn’t sure if I was, but I nodded anyway. He normally stayed. He would normally be snoring at my side now or cuddled up, talking about his day. This was the difference. If I was willing to date a man who had a girlfriend, I would have to deal with stolen moments and short encounters.
He climbed over my bed to lay on top of me and kiss me goodbye. My completely naked body was separated from his by a duvet, his clothes, and a million miles.
‘See you soon.’ He grabbed his coat and left.
I told myself I had to remember this feeling. I hoped that memory would stop me from ever making this mistake again. I curled myself into a ball and cried myself to sleep.
It didn’t stop me, though. The feelings go away, and the memory of multiple orgasms take over. Every message I thought was him, every knock at the door. I started to crave him again. My old way of thinking came back. I didn’t owe anything to Erica. If he was sneaking off and she didn’t realise why, then it was her own fault.
Kat had given birth to a beautiful baby boy, and even though no blood was shared between us, I fell brilliantly into my proud auntie roll. The second I held her little baby in my arms, every inch of sadness I had about not having my own baby disappeared. Every day I wasn’t working, I was at hers, helping with housework and keeping her sane with gossip from the office.
One lunchtime, as Brody slept in my arms, I turned to my best friend in the world and finally told her what I had been trying to hide for so long.
‘Kat, please don’t judge me.’
‘What’s wrong, hun?’
‘I’m sleeping with Danny still.’ No sooner had the words left my lips than I wanted to take them back. I was ready for Kat to scream and shout at me and throw me out of her house, but I knew that I couldn’t carry on keeping secrets.
‘Isn’t Danny back with Erica?’ she asked, as if there was nothing wrong with it. I nodded. ‘Well, that must be hard. How are you feeling about it?’
‘At first, I felt bad. Guilty. Dirty even, but now, I feel great. I have realised that having just some of him is better than having none of him at all.’ I wanted her to shout at me, to yell, to start comparing me to the slags that Sean had slept with.
Instead, she just tilted her head to the side. ‘Ahh, it’s a shame he got back with her. You two were really good together. Oooh, let’s watch Loose Women, I think Katie Price is on today.’ She switched TV channels and went to make us tea.
As she walked back into the room, she continued speaking. ‘I’m sure he will see one day, hun. She’s horrid to him; we’ve both seen it. There has to be something wrong with their relationship or he wouldn’t still be seeing you. He obviously has some sort of feelings for you.’
I looked down at the sleeping baby in my arms and smiled. ‘Yeah, one day he’ll see.’ I had Kat’s approval.
Chapter Thirty-One
A whole year passed, and things hadn’t changed. Danny kept appearing at my door without warning. He had bought himself a second bar in Eastbourne and spent half his time there, so we found it easier to see each other. Erica was working away more and more, as her modelling career was taking off. This also meant I saw her face everywhere.
Now, when I saw photos of her, I could talk back to her. Actually, he’s ours. We share him, but one day he’s going to be all mine. I had become proud of being the other woman. I was having all the fun with none of the bullshit. I knew about her, she didn’t know about me. If you thought about it, I had the upper hand.
On the four-year anniversary of Nan’s death, I went to visit her and Grandad’s grave. I hadn’t been for a while, and felt awful. As I got there, I saw a familiar figure placing flowers on the ground.
‘Max?’
He spun around. ‘Hey, Casey. I’m sorry. I hope you don’t mind, I just…’
‘Of course I don’t mind. It’s really nice of you to come.’
I hovered a little way away. I was worried if I took a step forward, he would run into the undergrowth l
ike a frightened animal. He looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I took small steps forward. He moved back a little so I could get in, and I knelt on the ground to start trimming my flowers and arrange them into the plastic vase.
‘How have you been?’ I asked casually.
He didn’t say anything, but with a small glance to my side I noticed he was nodding. ‘Good.’
I wanted to fill the silence. ‘Coming up to the big four zero this weekend, huh?’
He shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot, both hands planted deep inside his pockets.
‘Casey, I was kind of hoping I’d bump into you,’ he said. ‘I need to speak to you. Do you fancy lunch?’
I didn’t see how it could hurt, so I finished fixing the flowers and we arranged where to meet before getting into our separate cars.
The harbour was beautiful on a sunny day. There were lazy seagulls floating on the tranquil water between the rows of boats. Amongst the cluster of restaurants was a favourite of Max’s. When we used to do dinner and a movie, he had always opted for the Harvester over all the Italian restaurants and posh fish and chips. We were seated in the corner. It had been our usual table.
When the waitress came over, Max automatically gave our order then looked at me with a horrified look on his face. ‘Oh my God, Case, I’m so sorry. You probably—’
I stopped him. ‘No, it’s fine. My food preferences haven’t changed much.’ She went off to get our drinks.
‘You look good.’ Max stared at me for a rather long time.
‘You do, too,’ I replied politely. He didn’t. He looked tired and stressed. ‘Why are we here, Max? What do you want to speak to me about?’
He rung his hands together and sighed deeply. I thought the worst. Did he have another cancer scare? Was it more than a scare? He looked back at my face. ‘I really wanted to be the person to tell you. I didn’t want you to hear it from anybody else.’
I reached out to touch his hand. ‘Are you sick? Are you ok?’
‘I’m fine.’ He cupped his hand over mine.
‘Is it Lisa? Is she ill?’
‘No, she isn’t ill. Nobody is.’
I breathed a sigh of relief. Then what was wrong?
‘She’s pregnant, Case. I’m gonna be a dad.’
‘Wow.’ I wasn’t sure how I felt about this information. I stared down at the empty table before me, bringing my hands out of his and into my lap.
‘I’m really sorry.’
My head flung up to face him. ‘Don’t be silly, Max, it’s great news. It really is. You have nothing to be sorry for.’
He leant back in his chair. ‘Then why are you crying?’
It was only then that I noticed big blobs of tears running down my face. I wiped them away and changed my crying into laughing. Max laughed, too. I really was happy for him. I was crying for me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
‘So, did you tell him about Danny?’ Kat quizzed me. It was her first night out since having Brody, and she had been downing drinks like they were going out of fashion. I had only just told her about bumping into Max.
‘No.’ I was shocked she had even asked that. ‘What was I meant to say? Hey, Max, remember your old friend you’ve known since he was sixteen and you now don’t even talk to, I’ve been screwing him. Behind his girlfriend’s back.’
‘And he’s got a better penis,’ she hiccupped.
‘Not better, different.’
‘And it makes me sing in every way.’ She was in her giggly mood. I ordered myself another drink as she carried on giggling about willies.
We were having a great night. Kat hadn’t changed. I thought being a mum might have had her yawning in the corner, or checking her watch. Instead, she put her phone in her pocket on vibrate and told me Brody was with his dad, who was more than capable of taking the reins for one night.
I couldn’t have been happier, as it had been so long since we had been out together. The conversation steered to Max and Danny a few times during the evening. Near the end of the night, Danny text me.
‘He’s on his way to mine,’ I told Kat. ‘Our taxi is due in five minutes.’
‘What do you think Max would have said about Danny?’ she asked, starting to get her coat on.
‘God knows. Maybe he would have offered to join us?’ I found this idea hilarious.
Kat didn’t. ‘Erm, don’t forget, Max has a girlfriend.’
‘Yeah, so does Danny.’ I shrugged. I had only been joking about the Max thing, but Kat was being deadly serious. I hadn’t read the signs, though, and thought she was on the same drunken wavelength as me. ‘Besides, he was mine first, for years.’
‘Well, in that case, Erica was Danny’s first,’ she replied.
Ouch, the truth hurts when it’s tied to a rock and thrown in your face.
‘Ok, best friend, what happened to not judging? You said you were cool with this.’
They say that drink can bring out the truth, and from what came out of Kat’s mouth next I knew she had been bottling up her true feelings for a while.
‘You can do what you like, Casey, but it doesn’t make you look any less of a fool, running home to shag some guy that is never going to be yours. Face it. He got back with her when he didn’t need to. Before you know it, he’s going to be marrying her and having babies, and you’ll be thrown to the gutter and he won’t give you a second thought.’
Kat had never spoken to me like that before. I was usually the one with the vicious tongue. But I couldn’t answer her. I couldn’t argue back. Everything she said was right.
As right as she was, I still wasn’t ready to admit it, so I stormed off outside to wait for our taxi. We didn’t speak a word the whole way home.
As I got out, I just said, ‘Bye’ before slamming the door shut. Danny was sitting on the wall by my door.
‘Don’t talk,’ I told him. I was still fuming with Kat. ‘Take me upstairs, but I don’t want to have to talk. ‘
What is it about angry sex? I was angry at the world, angry at Kat for making me see the truth, angry at Max for having everything we had ever wanted. Angry at Lisa for being able to give it to him, but most of all I was angry at Danny. I was angry at him for choosing Erica. I was angry at him for using me. I was angry at him for making me fall in love with him.
That anger transpired into the sweatiest, dirtiest, and best sex I had ever had in my life. I was left panting and exhausted, but even after he fell asleep, I couldn’t. I lay staring at him. The anger hadn’t worn off.
Why was I settling to be second best? He chose her. It came down to the crunch and he chose Erica. He didn’t even tell me about it. I obviously didn’t even cross his mind. I had been sleeping with him and spending time with him for a whole nine months, and he didn’t even consider me when he got back with his girlfriend.
Actions speak louder than words, so no matter how many times I had heard him say to people that I was special and I was important, he had a very funny way of showing it. I kept looking at him. What was so special about this guy in front of me that I had completely changed the way I looked at the world?
It was not ok that I was sleeping with him. He had a girlfriend. It didn’t matter that I didn’t like her. It wasn’t moral. It didn’t matter that he was willing to cheat. What mattered was I would never have done that before.
All these jumbled thoughts were racing through my head, and anger started rising inside of me. It wasn’t ok that he had come between me and my best friend this evening. It wasn’t ok that he used to be Max’s friend. It wasn’t ok that he came away with me for a weekend to see my family and then went quiet. It wasn’t ok that he ignored messages I’d sent him for days or even weeks. None of it was ok.
‘Get out,’ I whispered, staring hard at his sleeping face. ‘Get out,’ I said a little bit louder. I wanted him to wake up. I needed this over now. ‘Get out, get out, get out, get out!’ Each word got louder, and I began to push him. I wanted him away from me now.
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He woke with a start. ‘Woah, what’s wrong?’
‘Get out!’ I was yelling now, bringing the duvet up to cover my naked body. I didn’t want him to look at me.
‘Babe…’
‘Don’t you dare call me that. I am not your babe! Get out of my flat. Get out.’
‘Case, what’s wrong?’ He looked bewildered.
‘What’s wrong? What is wrong? What do you think Danny, you tell me? You tell me what is wrong. In fact, it would be so much easier to ask what is right, because the answer is nothing. Nothing is right about this.’
I got out of bed and started pacing up and down. I was feeling trapped and suffocated, and I needed to be out of this situation.
‘Hey, calm down. Let’s just get back into bed and talk.’
‘No, Danny, I mean it. I need you to get out.’
Danny rubbed his face, probably trying to wake himself up. ‘It’s four in the morning. Where will I go?’
‘Go back to your girlfriend, Danny. Go back to her. That’s where you want to be anyway.’
‘Case, of course I want to be here.’
I put on an oversized t-shirt, stood up straight and looked right at him. ‘Why?’ I asked.
He looked confused, but I ploughed on. ‘Why Erica? What does she have? What is so special that you chose her?’
‘Case…’
‘No, Danny, I want to know. You spent months telling me how crap your sex life was, how bad a girlfriend she was, how she is always away. So, why choose her? We were so good together and you chose her.’ He stared at me, disbelief on his face. ‘You absolute arsehole!’ I spat at him.
A sudden surge of anger flashed across his face. ‘You knew exactly what you were getting into, Case. You knew I had a girlfriend when we started this.’
A wave of disappointment washed over me as my voice cracked and tears started to roll down my face.
‘No, I didn’t. Yes, you had a girlfriend when we started talking, but then you split up. I allowed myself to fall for you when you were split from her, then – without any warning at all – you were gone, and she was back in your life and… and… and…’ My words started to peter out.
Another Woman's Man Page 13
