“Hey baby, don’t get too comfortable. We are going on a little trip.”
“A trip? Okay, I don’t know what you have done, but I can’t wait to see what it is.”
After freshening up and getting a few odds and ends Rachel was ready. There was a white Escalade Limo waiting at the curb to take us to the airport, where we boarded a 1st class flight to St. Bart’s. When we arrived, a limo met us at the airport and took us to the private villa I’d reserved.
The staff I’d hired for the evening, a 5 star chef, two servers, a cellist, a butler, and a maid arrived about 7:00 P.M. The appetizer of Lobster legs and fried oysters with accompanying sauces was served first. Dinner was a delicious Duck a L’Orange, Braised vegetables, Yeast rolls, and a special herbal rice pilaf. Desert was a decadent Belgian chocolate cake with gourmet vanilla mint ice cream. We had after dinner caramel espressos with cinnamon sticks. While the cellist played, I began my proposal on bended knee.
“Rachel I liked you the first time I laid eyes on you. God brought us together in the midst of our personal storms. I had given up hope of finding a woman who would appreciate me and love me with an intensity that equally matched my love for her. I’ve found that in you. You make me smile inside and love harder. I hurt when you hurt. I want to share in your happiness and success as well as your trials. I want to be your rock, your protector, and your comfort. I want you to be the half that completes me. I promise to keep God first and foremost and let his glory sustain my love for and with you. Rachel, will you please, please, please baby, baby, please marry me?”
“Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes! Oh yes Alton!”
“You just made me the happiest man in the world.”
“You made me the happiest woman in the world.”
After carrying the entire burden of our respective relationships, our eyes opened. Instead of just saying to hell with it and deciding to have an affair, we decided to pray about the depressing unions we were in. God worked through that prayer by showing us that you can’t carry a relationship with your love alone. One lesson we both learned was that you can’t love someone into loving you.
Surprisingly, after being treated like dirt by our spouses, neither Rachel nor I were bitter about it. We found the blessing in it as it took those relationships to teach us what love is as opposed to what it is not. God answered our prayers by giving us what we needed not what we wanted. It wasn’t their will to love us as we loved them. Our marriages were destined to fail because we were all unequally yoked. Instead of magically fixing the marriages for our instant gratitude, God opened our eyes with the wisdom and strength to walk away.
Because you stand before a preacher and recite vows does not automatically mean the marriage has favor in God’s eyes. It is your will to marry that person but if God is against it, God can express that by simply not blessing the union. If the union isn’t blessed, it will destruct on its own because it is only held together by human will, which is inherently flawed. Also, in God’s blessing of a union, there is protection. With no blessing, there is no protection leaving the union susceptible to not only outside forces but inside forces as well.
God’s blessing is necessary to sustain life. Rachel is my blessing because she sustains my life. Blessings are eternal, without them everything would perish. The life of Jesus Christ is the ultimate blessing that God bestowed upon us, its reward being everlasting life.
Rachel
Once upon a time I could only dream of a man like Alton. He is attentive without smothering me. He makes me feel secure. He knows just what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. He takes the lead without being asked and without feeling it necessary to reduce my value, my input, or me. Elias required that I be reduced to a total non-entity with nothing to say or feel. Alton always lets me know that he values my thoughts and me and that I matter to him. Sometimes I just have to sit back and just watch him in awe. I had been brainwashed into believing that the false bravado many males exhibit was the definition of a man.
Children have been a desire of mine for a long time but I never took that plunge with Elias. Every time I thought he was making a change, he would slip back into mental madness. I was afraid my children would turn out to be raving lunatics like him. Secondly, I would have to be on guard constantly to keep him from abusing them. Elias, on occasion expressed the desire to have children, but I questioned his motives.
When he spoke of having children he always followed it with what he would and wouldn’t allow them to do, how he would discipline them, what he would expect from them, and what their names would be. He even predetermined the careers they would pursue. If his son had a natural talent for art or singing, Elias was going to force him to be a lawyer or a doctor. He’d planned to begin training them in science starting at 1 year old! Elias didn’t want children to be a father and watch his family grow, he saw children as an extension of his rule. He just wanted more subjects in his tyrannical kingdom.
To watch Alton with his daughter Paige is so touching. He takes so much time with her. I need to feel comfortable with the man I choose to father my children. I also need to feel secure that he is dedicated to the partnership of raising them. Once you bring children into the picture, it’s no longer just about you. They don’t ask to be here.
Elias made my biological clock go silent. Alton jump-started the clock, but instead of ticking it started pounding like King Kong was tap-dancing on it. The man is fine! There is no other way to put it. When he looks at me with those golden brown eyes and smiles at me with those dimples I feel warm inside. When he told me we were going to St. Bart’s I couldn’t believe it.
“Alton, what have you done? What is all this?”
“I made an open reservation for a private villa. You like it don’t you?”
“Of course I just assumed that we would do like normal people and go to hotel. I am just shocked that’s all. I know this was expensive.”
“Rachel nothing about you just normal. Not your beauty, your warmth, your radiance, your sweet kisses, or the way you’ve taken my heart, none of it is normal. Don’t be concerned with the cost. You deserve this and so much more and I plan to give you as much of it as I can.”
“Thanks Alton. God you’re so sweet. I don’t know if I deserve all of this, I’d be happy at the Snooty Fox Inn as long as you are there with me.”
“That’s okay. By the time we go home you will know that you deserve this and more.”
“I just can’t believe you are real.”
Alton walked over to me slowly and placed his lips to mine. He placed his large hands on my back firmly and instantly I felt my legs weaken. He softly nibbled my bottom lip teasing me as he continued to kiss me.
“I can assure you that I am real and I am yours.”
“Shut up and kiss me some more.”
“Mmmm Okay.”
Eleven
Jazz Hardaway
As if Marlena had pressed a magic button, things started happening for me. Artists were booking meetings with me left and right. The first Monday in September was the beginning of a phenomenal week for me. During a call from an MCA executive about working with Mary J. Bilge. I pulled the receiver away from my ear for a moment and just looked at it because I couldn’t believe it. The next day Motown called about working with Erykah Badu. She had heard some of my work and wanted to collaborate. That was a dream come true because I’d long admired her work with PhreQuency and 9th Wonder.
Later in the week Zeke got the callback he’d been praying for. He’d auditioned for a part in a biopic about Motown. Zeke auditioned for a supporting role. When he auditioned, they unexpectedly asked him to sing. Their response was a simple, “Okay, we’ll call you.” He figured the lackluster tone in the casting director’s voice meant he didn’t get the part. The casting director called and told him that they had chosen him for a part, but not the supporting role he auditioned for. Zeke looked disappointed until the casting director said, “After your audition, we had a meeting and watched your t
ape. It was unanimous. We are looking for someone to play Marvin Gaye. You have the look, the voice, and you’re the whole package. Are you interested?”
I couldn’t really describe the look on Zeke’s face. He looked like he was about to throw up but he had a dazed smile on his face. He stayed like that for a minute after he hung up.
“Yo Zeke? Come back to earth, man. You alright?”
“Huh? Oh yeah. I am just shocked. Do you know what this means?”
“Yeah, you about to start living the dream you’ve been working so hard for. I’m proud of you Zeke.”
“Thanks Jazz. I am happy for you too. Look where we were a year ago and look where we are now.”
“Yeah, I owe you a lot.”
“No you don’t owe me anything. God did all of this.”
“Man, never in a million years did I think I would come this far so fast.”
“Jazz no matter how far you go always make sure you give God due credit. The biggest mistake we can make is to become too self-assured and think we are doing it all alone. Don’t ever become so self-validating that you forget God, because you will fall so fast you won’t even see the ground when you hit it.”
“I will Zeke. I’ll remember that.”
With the highest highs, also come the lowest lows. A lot of times they follow each other. The drama started the following Sunday when my dad called.
“Hello?”
“Hey boy, what have you been up to?”
“I had meetings with some really big artists who want to work with me. Things are really starting to happen for real.”
“I have been hearing some things that I don’t like and I want to get em straight.” He said in his straight to the point manner.
“What’s that pop?”
“About you being seen all around Atlanta with some man.”
“Probably just one of my homeboys.”
“People seem to think he’s your boyfriend why would they think that Jazz?”
“Nah, Pop.”
“Looka here boy, do you know who you’re talking to? I wasn’t born yesterday and I didn’t fall down on the last drop of fucking rain.”
“What you trying to say?”
“I didn’t raise no fags. You know how connected I am and I won’t have people thinking my son is a fucking faggot.”
“I don’t know what you heard pop but I ain’t a fucking faggot. I wanna know who said that shit. Once I find em I bet they won’t say it again. If a dude even looks at me wrong I’ll fuck him up!”
“Okay boy. I don’t want to have this conversation again. You know Marcus Battles? You need to have a talk with him. I’ll visit you in your grave before I see you be a faggot and I mean that! Take it how you want it.”
“You ain’t got anything to worry about pop. Everything is cool on my end.”
After I pressed the “End” key on my phone, I stood up and turned around. Zeke was standing in the doorway. I’ve never felt smaller than I felt at that moment. He didn’t say anything he just shook his head and looked at me like I was a big disappointment. We had just gotten back to normal. I was past pissed off. Zeke was mad at me again, my dad had just threatened to kill me if he ever found out the truth, and the walls were closing in at warp speed.
I learned from the last time not to let Zeke just walk away and let his anger simmer. I had to at least try to explain things to him.
“Zeke I need to talk to you, at least hear me out.”
“The door is open.”
“Zeke I know what you heard sounded bad, but it ain’t like you think. It was my dad. Somebody told him they saw me with you. They told him you were my boyfriend. I had to convince him otherwise. That’s why I said those things.”
“Jazz, I haven’t said a word about the things you said. The fact that you just automatically went into defense mode tells me that you think something is wrong with what you said.”
“Zeke you don’t understand. My dad just said he would visit my grave before he saw me be a faggot. You don’t know my dad. When he says something like that he means it.”
“Jazz I still don’t know why you are explaining this to me. That was your conversation on the phone not mine. You weren’t talking to me I am fine. I will say this though, I know you and I know how you speak when you really feel something you are saying. The things I heard and the way you said them, I felt like you meant them. It doesn’t matter what I feel about it. I just want to ask you a question and I want you to think about it.”
“What’s that?”
“How can you possibly love me when you hate yourself? It took hate to say those things and self-hate is the worst kind. You can’t love me unless you truly love yourself. If you hate gay people then you hate me. Do I need to be worried that you would harm me to prove a point to someone that you aren’t what you are?”
“Zeke you know I would never do anything to hurt you. I couldn’t hurt you baby, you gotta believe that.” I said as I hung my head. It hurt me that Zeke even thought I could ever put my hands on him or do anything to harm him. If he only knew just how strongly I felt about protecting him.
“Jazz you have to understand that words hurt worse than physical pain. Physical pain is temporary, words stay with you.” Zeke explained.
It was the first time I’d ever thought about it but he was right.
“I can see you have a lot on your mind Jazz. You’ll think better after you get some sleep.”
“Yeah my head is hurting now.”
I lay on my back across Zeke’s legs and he massaged my temples. Soon my head felt better. Sleep was calling my name in no time. I took my shirt and pants off and lay back in the bed with my arms open. Zeke took his place with his head on my chest as I put my arms around him.
“We’re gonna be okay, I promise.” I whispered as he went to sleep.
The next day it was business as usual. I thought about the conversation with my dad on and off throughout the day. I wanted to go look for Marcus but decided against it. I spent all day in the studio trying to get a track just right. Finally after 6 hours, I got it how I wanted it. All I could think about was taking a long, hot shower, something to eat, and going to bed. Destiny had other plans though.
About 6:00 P.M. when I pulled up in the driveway, I saw a car parked behind Zeke’s. When I got out of my truck, I walked up the driveway to the front of Zeke’s car. I heard the front door open and I heard a voice that wasn’t Zeke’s.
“Zeke, am I ever gonna convince you to go out with me.”
“Boy, you ask me that every time you see me and I tell you no every time too. I told you, I am very happily involved and no other man exists in my world but him.”
“You’re just saying that because you haven’t gone out with me.”
“And I’m not going to. Besides, you know I don’t do you light, bright, damn near white boys.”
“Oh really? Why is that, what’s wrong with us?”
“Nothing, you just don’t do anything for me.”
“So the dude you’re with now, what did you say his name was again?”
“Don’t think you can catch me slipping. I didn’t tell you his name because it’s none of your business.”
“Oh so you keeping him a secret huh?”
“Not at all, but you only stopped by to see if I was gonna be desperate enough to say yes this time.”
“I did just want to check up on you to see how things were going.”
“Okay, well I’m fine. Again, don’t try to catch me slipping. You are just waiting around thinking you’re gonna see who I’m with. Get out of here, will you?”
“Okay, you got me. I’ll holla at you later, sexy.”
As I stood there in front of Zeke’s car out of sight, I grew angrier by the minute. I recognized the voice instantly and it was not one I wanted to hear as soon as I got home. When he said his goodbyes to Zeke, I waited for his ass to walk past me and tapped him on his shoulder.
“What’s up?” I said as if glad to see the s
nake.
“Uh Uh Uh Uhhhh.” He stammered.
“Don’t look so shocked man.”
Zeke heard us and turned around.
“You two know each other?” Zeke asked.
“Oh yeah, we go way back. Don’t we?” I said sarcastically.
“Uh Uh Yeah, Yeah way back.”
“Alright man, you about to go? Good seeing you.” I said as he walked away relieved.
I let him get about 5 feet away and called his name.
“Come here, I been meaning to give this to you when I saw you again.”
“Oh what’s that?” He asked curiously.”
“This ass kicking!” I shouted.
He turned to run, but I grabbed him by his collar.
“You know I hate motherfuckers with diarrhea of the mouth!” I said.
I punched him in his face. He tried to run but I hit him in his chest, causing him to fall.
“Get up!”
“What are you doing?” Zeke asked.
“Go in the house. I’ll explain it later.”
I saw the man trying to run out the corner of my eye.
“You think I’m finished? Do you think I’ve kicked your ass bad enough for what you did? Huh? Speak up! I can’t hear you fool?”
“Come on Jazz please don’t do this.”
“Wrong answer.” I said, as I stole on his face a couple more times.”
“I ought to kill you for what you did.”
“Jazz, please man. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please Jazz, it’s hard for me. I still love you!”
“If I hear of you running your mouth again, I’mma do some time, you get my drift?”
“Yes, yes.”
“Now get your ass out of here and don’t let me see you again.
Zeke was still standing at the door, he went inside first and I followed. I tried to kiss him like I always do when I get home. When I reached out for him, Zeke darted away from me.
Get Somebody New Page 15
