Harlot

by Tracie Podger

  “Charlotte, we need to have a conversation.” I looked up from the hospital bed and saw the counselor in the doorway.

  I nodded. Nicola took the seat beside the bed. “I know you’ve said you don’t wish to talk about what happened to you, but we do need to consider whether you could have gotten pregnant. It’s not too late for medication, but I want to talk you through your options, if you don’t want to take it.”

  “I don’t know if he actually raped me, I just don’t remember. I know my clothes were missing.”

  “Someone did, honey. There’s evidence,” she said, gently.

  “What evidence?”

  “Slight damage and some bleeding. Although there is no evidence he ejaculated, it’s best to be over careful.”

  I shook my head. I just didn’t understand. I’d woken naked from the waist down and that had to mean someone raped me while I was unconscious. Then I remembered the words I’d heard spoken between Damien and Cody. I held out my hand for the medication.

  “At the moment, we have to assume it was Damien. We will be able to confirm with DNA testing,” she added.

  I knew it wasn’t Damien, and did it really matter who it was? I rested my head back and closed my eyes. I wondered if Nicola thought I ought to be sobbing, reacting in a manner I expect she was used to seeing, but in my mind, every second of sex I’d had in my short life was like being raped. Whether I walked into a bedroom or was dragged, it made no difference; I had done what I had without consent. I was immune to any feelings I was expected to display.

  I closed my eyes, effectively ending our conversation. I wasn’t ready to divulge my life to a stranger, especially since I had no idea if I was still under arrest or not.

  An hour, or maybe two, passed before I saw movement at the glass window in the hospital room door. Paul looked through and I straightened myself up in the bed. He walked in followed by Frank, the police officer.

  “Charlotte, Frank needs to ask a couple of questions. Obviously, I’m here if you need to speak to me privately about any concerns you have. Are you up to talking?”

  I nodded, not sure what I was going to be faced with.

  “Charlotte, did you know Philip Stanton?”

  I was thankful that I was in the process of wincing through movement, otherwise I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep a neutral look on my face.

  “Not personally, I saw a report on the TV. You don’t think Damien was involved in that, do you?”

  “Why would you think Damien would be involved?”

  “I just assumed that’s why you’re asking me. I mean, I’d never met Mr. Stanton but wasn’t he a governor or something?”

  “He was the ex-mayor. No, we don’t think Damien was involved. A woman’s shoe was found in Mr. Stanton’s bedroom.” He stared at me but had the grace to look a little uncomfortable.

  “Ah, I see. So, because I was about to be forced into prostitution, you think I had to be fucking the ex-mayor!” I raised my voice in mock indignation. Inside my heart beat a rapid pace and my stomach curled in on itself.

  “No, but…”

  I looked at Paul. “Am I actually under arrest for anything? I know they took my photograph but no one has explained anything to me.”

  Paul glanced at Frank with one eyebrow raised. Could that be another failing to add to the list?

  “Not charged yet, Miss Kenny. At the end of the day, we can’t ascertain exactly how Mr. Kenny died, other than it would have been horrifically.” His frosty stare was met by mine. I guess he wasn’t as supportive as I’d been led to believe.

  “Then I think I need to go get my things from my apartment and make arrangements to find somewhere to live.”

  Frank left, Paul showed him to the door and then returned to sit in the chair.

  “Charlotte, you can’t leave yet, I’m afraid. I mean, you can leave the hospital when the doctor discharges you, but you need to stay local. I know whatever you did, it was because you had no choice. But let’s not push our luck, okay? There is still the matter of Philip.”

  He stood and gave me a smile.

  “How does this work, Paul? I mean, I have some money, but…”

  “It’s taken care of. Just get yourself well, Charlotte. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

  He turned toward the door. “Oh, you have visitors outside.”

  Not that I was disappointed to see Kieran and Rose, but I had hoped Beau might have been with them. I needed to talk to him, explain how sorry I was.

  “Oh, sweetie, look at your face,” Rose said, rushing to me.

  Her kindness broke me. I reached out and she wrapped me in her arms. I sobbed, I guessed four years of absolute, utter desperateness poured from me. I even heard myself wail. She held me tight, rocked me, and whispered in my ear.

  I felt completely spent when Rose gently lowered me back on the bed. She swept my tear sodden hair from my face. Kieran sat to one side, holding my hand and patting it.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about,” she said.

  “Cecelia…”

  “Cecelia had heart failure, Charlotte. Nothing you, or he, did, caused her death. It was only a matter of time. To be honest, she lived longer than she thought she was going to. She just didn’t want anyone to know or fuss over her.”

  “Sweetheart, you don’t have to tell us anything, okay? But we want you to know that we’re here for you, when you’re ready to talk,” Kieran said.

  Two days later, I discharged myself. I’d had a further meeting with Paul to learn that charges, not that I ever really understood what charges there might be, were not going to be brought. However, the police were still keen to talk to me should I remember anything further. I remembered it all, I just wasn’t willing to put my life at risk by divulging any of it.

  Rose drove me back to the apartment and it felt very odd to walk in, knowing it was probably now owned by Beau. I hadn’t seen nor heard from him since he’d driven me to the hospital, and I guessed I didn’t expect to.

  I thought of him, and of the list I’d found. I thought of Philip and wondered why there was still a lack of news. I wondered what would happen to Damien’s body and hoped I wouldn’t be involved in any decision-making.

  I didn’t know what had happened to my cell. I guessed I’d dropped it when I fought Damien. Perhaps I’d ask Paul, he said he wanted to tie up any loose ends, when he visited later that day.

  I emptied the fridge of stale food; cleaned until my hands were red raw and the apartment gave off that comforting swimming pool smell. I washed bed linens in the communal laundry room. While I piled the linens in the dryer, I wondered if Cecelia owned the whole house or just the one apartment. I wanted to know what was happening with her. I hoped I’d be allowed to attend her funeral and pay my respects. I was sure Rose would keep me informed.

  Paul arrived later that afternoon; he was dressed casually in a button-down shirt and jeans. He placed a file on the counter and accepted the coffee I’d had ready.

  “What happens now?” I asked.

  “As far as Damien is concerned, you’re in the clear. I have to say, I’m sure Frank thinks you might have been involved more than you’ve said, but proving that just isn’t going to be possible. It’s going to be classified as an accident. I know they are still keen to learn who the drug dealer friend is and, this is just my opinion, there is more of a reason for that than just wanting to know who your cousin was involved with. I’m going to dig a little there.”

  “I don’t know if I thanked you. I really am grateful that you offered to help. But who is paying for this?”

  “Beau is, Charlotte. Although I’ve offered my services at a reduced fee, we go back a long way.”

  “Oh, why?”

  “That’s something you’d have to ask him. I’m looking at the possibility of suing for wrongful arrest. There are certain procedures that also weren’t followed.”

  I shook my head. “I just want to move on a
nd get past this, Paul.”

  “That’s another thing I have for you. Your grandmother’s house is legally yours. At least let me get that back for you. Charlotte, I want to help. My daughter went missing a year ago, you’ve heard of her I understand, Rachel. You…”

  Once I got over the shock, I cut his sentence off. “I remind you of her?”

  He set his coffee cup down and sighed. “You do, but that’s not the reason. I don’t know what you know of my daughter. She was a good girl, a great person, until one day she wasn’t, and I never knew why. I tried hard but you know, parents and kids…” Obviously he didn’t finish his sentence because I didn’t know.

  “Anyway, she changed when she met Beau and the old Rachel returned. And now she’s gone and I’m back to where I was years ago. The not knowing why is the killer. But you found that list, the message, so I kind of feel I owe you for that sliver of relief at least.”

  “And helping me will do what?” I didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but I couldn’t afford to stay around, and I didn’t want to take his help and then leave him like his daughter did.

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’m grateful for your help, Paul, I really am, but I can’t stay here, and I’m worried that you’ll think I’ve run out on you as well.” I decided just to be honest.

  “There’s no reason you can’t stay, but I understand that. For now, shall we at least get that house back?”

  The thought of getting my grandmother’s house back was tempting, but I’d never live in it again. “Okay, but then it has to be sold, immediately. I don’t want to go back there, ever.”

  He smiled and opened his file.

  “Tell me what you remember.”

  I went through the evening I was evicted, explaining that I thought it might have been either a drug deal gone wrong or a lost bet. Paul wrote as I spoke.

  “I don’t suppose you have any paperwork, your grandmother’s will for example?”

  “No, but from memory, it was a local solicitor that dealt with it all, and of course, the court was involved.”

  “Then I should be able to get all the info I need from there.”

  “Paul, anything I tell you is confidential isn’t it? You can’t repeat to anyone what I say, can you?”

  “It is, and no. Unless I think you’re about to commit a crime, then the law gets a little gray.”

  I fell silent for a moment, deliberating.

  “The police asked me about Philip Stanton, do you know why?”

  “Only that a shoe was found and I guess they made a judgement about you based on where you lived and....” He shrugged apologetically. “They’re assuming he had company and it might have been paid for company.” He looked a little uncomfortable when he spoke.

  “He did have company, but it wasn’t paid for company. I was there.”

  He sat bolt upright. “Okay, don’t tell me anything more just yet. Let me think.”

  He flicked through the pages in his file until he came to a piece of lined paper with scrawl. He read through and I was amazed he could decipher his own writing.

  “What happened, Charlotte?”

  “He was a friend, I mean, he was looking to pick up a woman but just to talk. He was lonely. We met up a few times and all we did was sit and talk.”

  “Did he give you anything, even as a gift?”

  “Yes, he gave me one hundred dollars, but that was one of the last times we met, I think. He wanted me to buy some nice clothes. Not for him, for me.”

  “Did you have sex with him?”

  “Once, the last time we met, and it was a mistake. He didn’t force himself on me, I thought I was doing the right thing, for him.”

  It sounded so lame, even to my own ears.

  “We didn’t have an arrangement, or a relationship, other than friends, I thought.”

  “Tell me what happened that night.”

  “I went into the shower, he had a bathroom off his bedroom. I swear, Paul, I didn’t hear a thing. I came out of the bedroom and…”

  “And?”

  “And he was sitting up in the bed, there was so much blood, up the wall behind him. He’d…He’d been shot.” I tapped my forehead, not wanting to speak the words.

  “You didn’t hear or see anything?”

  “No, and that’s why I didn’t go to the police. How could I have not heard? They would never have believed me. I panicked. I ran back to the trailer and Damien showed up some time later. He said, something like, I know where you’ve been, you won’t go back there, will you?”

  “What was your impression of what he said?”

  “That he killed him. I thought he was the man helping the police with their investigation but I’m not sure now. Honestly, I don’t know what happened. He was sleeping when I went into the shower and then he was dead. I didn’t hear anything.” I really wanted to reiterate that point.

  “How could I have not heard?” I said, quieter.

  “Why didn’t you tell Frank when he asked you about Philip?”

  “Because he wouldn’t believe me.” I could feel anxiety washing over me; I wasn’t convinced that Paul believed me, either.

  “How can I convince you I’m telling the truth?” I asked.

  “Are you, one-hundred-percent, telling me the truth?”

  “Yes. I’ve told a lot of lies I won’t deny that. I told Cecelia my name was Johnson, because I was scared. I was terrified that Damien would come after me; I was frightened that I’d get arrested for Philip. I did call the police, I told them a man had been murdered and gave his address. I wouldn’t have done that if I was guilty, would I?”

  “I don’t think Damien killed Philip.”

  “Why?”

  “Because whoever did, was a professional. You were in the shower, they would have known that. A professional is paid to do one hit, unless you’d witnessed that, you weren’t a target. Do you think Damien would have walked in, while you were in the shower, shot Philip and then left? Or would he have made you watch, or whatever?”

  I hadn’t thought along those lines at all.

  “Why would someone kill Philip, though?”

  “That’s what the police are trying to figure out. It’s all gone quiet, even his son has stopped his press activity and he’s a lawyer. Something has been found, some background maybe, and it’s being hushed up now.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Nothing. You say nothing at all, other than to me. I need to do a little research.”

  I nodded gently, grateful for his help and guidance.

  “What about the list, Paul?” I asked, referring to the message in the book.

  “Well, we don’t know exactly what she was trying to tell us, but to me, it was clear she felt the need to hide. Why? That’s what I need to know.”

  He’d said we but then me. Did that mean it was both Beau and Paul and did the ‘me’ mean only Paul thought the same as I did; Rachel had no choice but to run?

  “How do you find out more?”

  “I thought I knew my daughter, her mother died and I brought her up, but maybe I didn’t. Perhaps there were so many secrets and I want to seriously dissect her life. Especially the time she went off the rails before she hooked up with Beau.”

  “They were high school sweethearts, weren’t they?”

  “Sort of. They got together, then split, got back together, the usual teenage relationship, I guess.”

  That wasn’t how Beau explained it. Or maybe he did, I couldn’t recall what he’d actually said, if he’d said anything at all.

  “I need to get going. I have to tell you, it might be that at some point we have to tell the police what happened…” He held up his hand to silence the protest that was about to leave my lips. “I can cover that, Charlotte. Leaving the scene of a crime is about the only thing you’ve done wrong, but we have good reason to suggest why.”

  “I don’t know about this. I need to think.”

  “You think, let me get on with a few thing
s. The house is our priority, then we’ll deal with Philip.”

  Paul closed his folder and I walked him to the apartment door. He paused in the hallway.

  “Like I said, you’ve given me something to believe my daughter is alive. I don’t know if you understand how great that is.”

  He left before I could answer. Was it great? She’d been gone a year, I could only pray that she still was.

  Although I hadn’t been given any shifts, I took a walk to the diner. I didn’t expect to work, in fact, with the bruising to my face, it was an effort to be out in public. I was a ‘stranger’ in town, and that alone seemed to cause curiosity without drawing attention to myself by looking like I’d been ten rounds with a boxer. However, I needed to earn money. I wanted to put my life back on track as quickly as possible.

  “Sweetie, what are you doing here? You should be resting,” Rose said.

  I would have loved nothing more than to tell her the truth. I’d been subjected to far worse in the past. The only things causing me problems were the broken ribs.

  “I need to eat, and I want to get out of the apartment,” I said, sliding cautiously into a booth.

  “Then let me take care of you,” she said, with a smile.

  “No takers for Kieran’s experiment today?” I said, wincing as I spoke.

  Rose winked at me as she placed a cup on the table and poured a coffee. She slid into the seat opposite me.

  “How are you, Rose?” I asked. She’d lost a good friend.

  “I’m going to miss her. We’ve known each other many years. But, like I said, we knew this day was coming. I spoke to Beau last night to see what help he needed.”

  “How was he?”

  “He’s devastated, of course. He sounded a little lost, if I’m honest.”

  I wanted to reach out to him but wasn’t sure of the reception I’d receive. While I pondered on what to do, Kieran’s latest experiment was placed on the table. It looked like a chili, after one taste I found out it was heavy on the chili! I waved my arm and thankfully Rose understood. A large glass of ice water was placed in front of me.