Are You Ready?

by Amanda Hearty

  ‘That’s it, Ali. That’s the one,’ her dad said at last, holding her mum’s hand.

  Ali looked in the mirror. ‘But it’s way more expensive, Dad, it’s—’

  Ali’s dad cut in. ‘I don’t care how much it costs. That’s the one, Ali, the one for you. You look like a princess.’

  And before she knew it they had paid for the dress, with the assistant promising the alterations would be finished in three weeks’ time. Ali bought some ivory low-heeled shoes and a beautiful ivory beaded veil; it was all perfect. And as Ali and her parents headed for dinner in a local Italian to celebrate ‘the dress’, Ali forgot all about the stress of work, and of buses and wedding arrangements – and just pictured herself walking up the aisle in that dream dress.

  78

  Ben was swamped with work. His desk was full of balance sheets, tax invoices, calculators and coffee cups. He had never realized his dad worked so hard. So much for the idea that if you ran your own company you were your own boss and could do whatever you wanted. Ben had been lucky to grab a bagel at lunchtime. The week had flown by, and even though he had tried to explain to clients that his dad was off work, and they had sympathized with him, somehow they had also still expected their work to be done on time and up to scratch. It had taken Ben a day or two to get back into the swing of things in the accountancy world but it was like riding a bike, once you knew how to balance an account you never forgot!

  His father was coming out of hospital tomorrow. Maura was nervous about how he would cope at home, but the doctors had reassured her that if he had any problems she could bring him straight back in. They weren’t going to take any chances with his heart. Ben was glad that Joe was coming out on a Saturday, because if it had been mid-week he wouldn’t have been able to be there, work was so busy. He was determined to finish his work tonight by 6 p.m. and head straight for the pub. He hadn’t seen any of his friends in weeks and needed to relax and have a few pints.

  At six thirty Ben turned off his computer, locked the offices, and headed straight for The Bailey. The lads were already there and Ben just couldn’t wait for a night of banter and pints. He pushed his way through the usual throng of after-work Friday drinkers, and found his friends. They were all delighted to see him, and happy to hear his dad was on the road to recovery, even if it would take him a while to get back to his old self. After telling them all about the hospital, the family business and being swamped at work the conversation returned to the usual male subjects: football and rugby. Ben was glad. It was nice to be able to relax and talk about something different.

  By his third pint Ben had completely forgotten all the stress of the week and was laughing at his friend Philip’s attempt to chat up some girls at the bar. But Philip did succeed in bringing two of the girls over to where Ben and the lads were sitting. Ben made room for them, and before long was chatting to the girls, who both worked on a well-known magazine and kept the boys entertained with funny celebrity gossip. The girls managed to persuade the bar manager that they would mention the pub in the next issue of the magazine in return for some free rounds of drinks, so before long Ben was not only having a great time but getting pretty drunk.

  It is great to have a normal Friday night, he thought, as he put his arm around Nikki, who was blonde and very chatty. They walked on to Krystle nightclub. Nikki seemed to know everyone in Dublin, and managed to blag her way in to the nightclub for free, dragging Ben in with her. The night was only beginning in Krystle: the music was blaring and the club just filling up. As Ben’s other friends filed in they all made their way to the smoking garden, while Ben and Nikki danced to Kanye West. After some shots and free champagne Ben was flying, and felt himself drawn more to Nikki. She obviously felt the same way, and before long they were grabbing their coats and hailing a taxi. As Nikki sat beside him in the taxi and leaned in to kiss him, Ben made a drunken but mental note to thank Philip for his bar bravery earlier. If it hadn’t been for him, Ben wouldn’t be on his way back to a gorgeous blonde’s flat. Life is good, Ben thought, as he paid the taxi man and headed into Nikki’s apartment, holding her by the hand.

  79

  Life is a nightmare, Ben thought, as he searched for his mobile phone. It had been ringing for ages now, but it had taken about ten rings to wake Ben from his drunken slumber. As he fumbled amid jeans, socks and underwear for his Nokia, he thought his head would explode. He hadn’t been this hungover for a long time. Finally he found the phone and answered.

  ‘Where are you, Ben? Do you know what time it is? Your father’s blood pressure will be sky-high.’

  Ben looked at his watch, it was twelve o’clock. Crap, he thought, his mum was right, they were supposed to be in the hospital by 11 a.m. to collect Joe.

  ‘Where are you, anyway?’ Maura O’Connor almost shouted down the phone.

  Ben looked around at Nikki who was unconscious on the bed. Ben didn’t have a clue where he was, maybe Donnybrook, but he could be anywhere. The night before seemed like a dream.

  ‘Mum, I know I said I would drive, but could I meet you at the hospital? I’ll be there as soon as I can.’

  Maura agreed, and once she was gone Ben stood up to find the bathroom: he needed a shower before collecting his dad. Nikki awoke as Ben tripped over her boots.

  ‘Hi,’ she croaked. ‘Big night, hey? Are you OK?’

  Ben sat down on the bed. ‘Sorry to sound like a prick, Nikki, but I’ve to be somewhere ASAP, so if you wouldn’t mind I need to shower and then leave.’

  Ben waited for her to be annoyed, but she smiled at him.

  ‘No problem, Ben. I’m off to Spain later this afternoon with the girls for a week of sun and fun, so no bother. Do you want me to order you a taxi?’

  Ben nodded as he headed for the bathroom, he felt kind of weird. He hadn’t had a proper one-night stand in ages, and usually felt a bit guilty after, but Nikki didn’t seem to care. Somehow that made Ben feel like he was the one being used. He tried to think it through in the shower, but the cold water forced him to realize just how bad his hangover was, and as he got dressed again and tried to make himself look presentable Nikki called out that his taxi had arrived. He walked to the door, and Nikki handed him a piece of paper with her number on it.

  ‘In case you ever have an urge to dance your heart out to Kanye West again, Ben. I had a great time last night, see you!’ And with that she gave him a quick peck on the cheek and closed the apartment door.

  Ben was half in shock, not sure what to make of the situation. Maybe all magazine girls were like this, blagging drinks and free entry to nightclubs, followed by one-night stands; or maybe she did like him. Ben really didn’t have time to think about it as he rang his mum to tell her he was on the way. Today was going to be a big day, and Ben needed to be there for his dad.

  As Joe walked into the kitchen his eyes swelled with tears.

  ‘I didn’t think I would ever see that crazy parrot again,’ he said with a smile, as Ben helped him into a chair. Maura set about making them all coffee.

  Mango starting squawking away, delighted with all the attention Joe was giving him. The dog was going berserk too – tail wagging, jumping up and down all over Joe. Ben’s head was pumping, his hangover seeming to get worse. Maura started to unpack the groceries they had picked up on the way home from the hospital.

  ‘Maura, I’ll never take any of your meals for granted again, that hospital food was like cardboard. I’ve been dreaming of your homemade lasagne and shepherds pie!’

  ‘I thought you might like me to make them.’ Maura smiled as she turned the oven on and decided they all needed a big lunch to celebrate Joe’s return home.

  Ben helped Joe unpack his bags, and change into some new clothes.

  ‘Everything smells of hospital, Ben, it’s horrible. Can you put my dirty things straight into the wash, please? I don’t want to be reminded of that odour again.’

  Ben looked at his dad, realizing how hard it must have been for him to be stuck in that hospital t
hinking he was going to die. He gave his dad a hug.

  ‘I’m so glad you are home, Dad.’

  Joe hugged him back, then slipped on an old jumper and trousers. The clothes hung off him: in the few short weeks he had been ill he had lost a huge amount of weight. Ben was shocked at how old and sick he suddenly looked.

  ‘Ben, I’m very tired. I think I might go for a nap before lunch is ready. Wake me when that lasagne is cooked, I can’t wait.’ Joe smiled as Ben helped him into the bed, but Ben knew it must be hard to have to be helped to do the simplest things.

  If he can barely get himself dressed or into bed, how will he ever go back to work? Ben worried. He closed his parents’ bedroom door, and decided to lie down himself. As his hangover seemed to clear Ben’s mind began to fill with worries about his dad’s health, his ability to return to work, and the future of his company.

  80

  Molly picked up her box of cookbooks and headed for the front door. Luke stood in the kitchen, and didn’t offer to help her with the last box. She stared at him.

  ‘You know, Luke, you could at least look me in the eyes as I leave.’

  Luke gazed into the big brown eyes of his ex-girlfriend and sighed. Neither spoke, and eventually Luke picked up the blue Nigella Lawson cookie jar.

  ‘This is yours. You might as well take it. I never really liked homemade cookies anyway.’

  Molly felt like hitting Luke over the head with the heavy jar, but then thought that would be very un-domestic-goddess-like, and instead picked the jar up and took one last lingering look around the apartment. After many discussions Molly and Luke had decided that it would be better for Luke to keep the one-bedded rented apartment. Molly knew how much he liked it, and she also knew that on her salary there was no way she could afford to live there by herself. So, instead, she was returning home. Her mum kept saying she didn’t mind, but Molly knew that by the time she was thirty her parents had hoped she would be getting married, or buying a house – not moving back home. As she looked around the brightly coloured rooms she felt a lump in her throat, remembering the first day they had moved in. They had been so excited finally to be living alone, and as they had unpacked boxes and eaten take-out pizza Luke had yet again told her how much he loved her, and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with her. That day felt like a dream now. As Molly took one last look at their small balcony and remembered cramped yet fun barbecues and beers there on sunny days, she felt her life was slipping out of her grasp. She felt lost: life without Luke, without a partner, felt so alien at her age. Molly didn’t know how she would cope. All her friends had partners, and life normally revolved around double dates, or nights out with them all. Now she would be the lonely single girl, living at home with her parents. It couldn’t get any sadder.

  Luke politely walked Molly to the front door, and Molly had to stop herself from begging him to change his mind. But she knew he wouldn’t, and a part of her didn’t want to take him back anyway. What he felt and thought about her now was breaking her heart. She handed him her apartment key.

  ‘Thanks, Molly,’ he said, as he took it. He tried to shake her hand. It was so cold and businesslike, Molly thought broken-heartedly.

  Luckily Molly’s hands were too full, so instead he just gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, but it was still cold and awkward. Molly didn’t know what to say, and so just walked out of the door and headed to her mum’s car, which she had borrowed and which was now full of her clothes, CDs and junk. She looked back to say goodbye to Luke, but the door was closed. So that’s the end of that, Molly said to herself. She squashed the cookbooks and cookie jar into the boot, and headed home, but she was only two minutes up the road when she had to pull over. As the tears poured out of her she thought of the one thing that she had left with Luke in the apartment – her heart – and with that she cried until she knew she had to go home and face her parents.

  81

  Molly heard a knock at her bedroom door. Her mum’s head appeared.

  ‘Can I come in, Molly?’

  Molly pulled her pyjamas on. After years of living with her boyfriend she was finding it hard to get used to living at home with her parents, and their habit of dropping in on her unexpectedly.

  Molly could barely remember getting into bed the previous night. She’d been crying all night and had hardly slept a wink. She’d heard the milkman and newspaper man arriving at 7 a.m., but she must have finally dozed off after that. Molly’s mum sat down on her bed. She had a plate of toasted cheese, ham and tomato sandwiches in one hand and a can of Coke in the other.

  ‘I thought you could do with this, pet,’ she said. She hugged Molly while she gulped back the Coke.

  ‘My favourite,’ Molly said. She sat up in bed and tucked into the roasting-hot sandwiches.

  ‘I take it it didn’t go too well with Luke last night, then?’ her mum asked, as she opened the curtains. The room was strewn with boxes and bags from Molly’s apartment.

  ‘We’re still broken up, if that’s what you mean, Mum,’ Molly said quietly.

  ‘I’m so sorry, pet, I really am. I just don’t understand what went wrong. I know it is none of my business, but I still think Luke must be a bit jealous of your cooking. But he’ll get over that, you’ll see.’

  ‘I’m not sure that he will.’ Molly sighed. She tried not to shout out that she knew it was totally over, and that Luke didn’t give a toss about her any more.

  ‘Maybe Luke was right,’ she said. ‘Am I obsessed with work and my career? I should have seen how unhappy all those long hours I worked were making him. It’s funny because he was the one that encouraged me to leave the bank and follow my heart, and then, when I did, I guess he didn’t like it. But still, no matter what anyone says, he hurt me. He really hurt me, Mum.’

  ‘I know he did, pet,’ Molly’s mum said, giving her a kiss. ‘You have your work cut out for you in this room, Molly, but why don’t we forget about it today, and just head off somewhere? Just you and me, spend a Sunday afternoon like we used to. We could go to Brittas Bay for the day if you liked?’

  Molly looked round the room that was frozen in time from when she moved out years ago, with its Hello Kitty cushions, college accountancy books and massive U2 poster on the back of the door.

  ‘OK, Mum. Let me get dressed and I’ll worry about this mess later.’ And with that Molly decided she had cried enough in the last twenty-four hours, and that a day spent in the sunshine with her mum would be the perfect medicine for suddenly becoming single.

  The beach at Brittas, County Wicklow was full of young families, with kids running everywhere, delighted after months of winter and heavy clothes to be feeling free in their swimsuits and T-shirts. Molly and her mum walked to the centre of the beach and found a nice spot that was a bit quieter and had less children, kite-flying and football matches. Brittas brought back such happy memories for Molly: her grandad had owned a mobile home here when she was little, and she used to love visiting him for the whole summer, where it always seemed to be sunny, and the days were full of swimming, playing and barbecues. Whole days were spent just building sandcastles, or having picnics. Molly and her brother used to especially love spending bank holiday weekends here, when all the local summer kids would be allowed to travel around in a trailer on the back of a local tractor and be taken on a tour of the mobile home park. Molly used to feel so proud waving to her parents as they passed her grandad’s mobile home; and in the evenings, after each child received a chocolate bar and can of Coke, they all used to head to the big campfire on the beach. It was a memory Molly would never forget.

  ‘Are you thinking about Luke?’ Molly’s mum asked as she put on her sunhat and sunglasses.

  ‘No, I’m actually thinking of Grandad and all the summers we spent here on this beach.’

  ‘Oh, they were the simple days then, there was no going abroad, and trying to take screaming kids on a long-haul flight. No, with Brittas we could hop in the car once your dad was finished work o
n a Friday, and be down in time to make dinner and have a glass of wine in McDaniels pub. I never saw you and your brother so happy as all the days you spent in the water, and running around on the beach.’

  Molly smiled. ‘Remember the summer Hurricane Charlie hit and we had to abandon the beach and try to make it back to Dad in Dublin? I thought we would die.’ Molly laughed.

  ‘Don’t laugh, Molly, how do you think I felt, trying to drive back in that storm with you and your brother complaining because we couldn’t stop for chips and you had forgotten your armbands? I’ll never forget that! But I suppose that was the only stressful day we had here, the rest of the days were just full of relaxation and fun. I do miss your grandad and that mobile home, though. Maybe when you have kids you can buy a place down here yourself, and we can relive those summer memories.’

  Molly forced a smile and tried to push ideas of Luke and their never-to-happen-now marriage out of her mind. Instead she opened a cooler box that she often used to transport catering food, but which was now full of treats for the beach. She had been in no mood to cook before they left, so instead they had stopped off for supplies on the way into Brittas. Molly really was reliving her younger beach days, by tucking in to a Tayto crisp sandwich, followed by Coke and a Magnum ice-cream. As they ate she saw a group of guys carrying surf boards into the water; they were all joking, smiling and enjoying the sunshine. Molly thought one of them looked like Scott Williams, and for a moment they exchanged glances, and he seemed to smile and nod at her. It can’t be him, though, Molly thought: he would never be exciting or relaxed enough to go surfing. It must be someone else, she thought, licking her ice-cream, and watching the guys having what seemed like lots of fun.