Being Amber

by Sylvia Ryan

  “I guess.” Jaci shrugged and then turned her head to look at Xander as if to make sure he was still there. “Might as well get everybody’s curiosity out of the way.”

  Caroline got up from the bed and gathered the remnants of the dinner. Hannah straightened up the sheet and blanket, brushing off a few crumbs here and there.

  Emily walked to the door, her curly springs of hair bounced with her steps. As soon as the door was opened, the immediate buzz of voices told Xander the hallway was packed with curious neighbors, just as it was the night before.

  An endless stream of people visited Jaci while he brooded. Finding her rolled into a ball in the bathtub wrenched his feelings from their hiding spot, and the breakdown that followed tied his heart into knots. He was more worried about her after seeing her fall apart. He was sure the depth of hurt she felt was barely tolerable. It was hard not to be affected by it, not when standing there staring it down face to face. It took him several hours to pull himself together, and even though various people sat and talked with him, it wasn’t until Rock came in that Xander started to tamp down the thoughts and emotions that sprung up from his time with Jaci earlier in the night.

  Emily introduced Rock to Jaci, and then he crossed the room to sit next to Xander. The two of them spent the better part of the evening casually pretending that they weren’t conducting the most intense stake out of their careers.

  The apartment was loud and crowded by the time Gwen arrived. She grabbed Xander’s hand the moment she got close enough to touch him. He registered an instant of surprise at the concerned look on her face. He thought he’d been hiding his turmoil well. “Somehow, I knew this would be hard for you,” she murmured. “Are you okay?”

  Xander glanced over to Rock who nodded, and then excused himself.

  “It’s fine,” he said with the most convincing smile he could muster. But they grew up together. Gwen was his family, his adopted sister. She knew him. With a glance, she knew.

  Gwen’s mother died a few weeks after Xander’s dad, leaving her young and parentless. Their mothers had been best friends, so it was a no-brainer for his mom, Allie, to take her in.

  Having a sibling in the Amber Zone was an anomaly and a blessing. The two of them grew up together, sharing the common ground of knowing what it felt like to lose a parent. She always seemed to know what was going on inside him, probably because similar things were going on inside her. They were close, and he couldn’t wait for Gwen to meet Jaci. He wanted to know Gwen’s initial opinion of her. She was a good judge of character, and suddenly it was important for her to like Jaci, to give her stamp of approval on the woman. But tonight would not be the night to find out. The place was a madhouse.

  Gwen sat and held his hand for over an hour. Then she left with plans to stop back to meet Jaci when there weren’t so many people around.

  The evening was excruciatingly long for Xander as the majority of people living in the vicinity paraded in to pay their respects to the new fallow of the building. He watched every person who walked into their apartment closely for some indication of stalking behavior, mental instability or even overfriendliness. He noticed nothing unusual from the visitors, but learned a lot about his new roommate.

  Jaci handled the steady stream of people sitting and laying on the bed well. Every single person that came in the room that night touched her. It was obvious this was like nothing she’d ever seen or experienced before. She looked self-conscious at first when both men and women kissed her cheeks, caressed her arms, and ran their fingers through her hair. She seemed extraordinarily surprised that, to them, she was important. Special.

  She was approachable, and even though she felt terrible, she made the effort to get to know people and return their touch. She got it. He was impressed.

  Whenever anyone asked how she was feeling, “Good” was always her response. He knew she didn’t feel good. But her strength of spirit, her pride, would not let her show her personal pain. It didn’t look like she was feeling sorry for herself and she didn’t want others to feel sorry for her either, and that made her all the more endearing.

  Because he’d been watching the visitors so closely, Xander caught the play of emotions on their faces when they interacted with her. This was upsetting for many of the men, women too, he guessed, but probably more in a thank-God-it’s-you-and-not-me kind of way.

  He understood the Gov’s desire to eliminate the genetic anomalies, reducing and eventually eliminating the diseased people who burdened the social systems that are only now functional again. Amber society helped themselves feel better by assigning the fallow a place of honor within the community. They patted themselves on the back, telling themselves it was enough and moved on. The truth, the fact that the fallow suffered in silence throughout their whole lives, was dismissed. Despite the questionable circumstances of the last three fallow deaths, statistics showed a significantly higher rate of suicide for them compared to the rest of the Amber population. Xander silently vowed Jaci would not be one of them. She would make it through all of this. He was going to be sure of it.

  The evening wound down with no obvious suspects standing out. It was late, and Caroline was saying goodbye to the last of the stragglers. Rock, who’d been sitting with him again since Gwen left, nodded his goodbye to Jaci and left with Emily. Caroline closed the door after the last visitor left and met his gaze. Jaci had already rolled over onto her side and seemed close to sleep.

  “You can go,” Xander said. “I’ll take care of her overnight.”

  Caroline stood looking between Jaci and him for a moment.

  “She’ll be fine. You’ve done enough for the day. Go.”

  With a sigh, Caroline picked up her purse. “Com me if you need me. I can be here in two minutes.”

  He nodded and ushered Caroline through the doorway, closing and locking the door behind her. He walked through the apartment, turning off lights and throwing away cups left behind by their visitors.

  He got ready for bed in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and stripping off his jeans and t-shirt. He was excited to be back in his own apartment, his own bed again. This would be the first good night’s sleep he’d have in weeks.

  Coming out of the bathroom, Xander turned off the light and walked around the foot of the bed to get to his side. It was dark, but not so dark that he couldn’t see. The moon cast a faint blue light in through the window, and he easily saw Jaci’s face once his eyes adjusted to the dark.

  He pulled back the blanket and slid in next to her. She faced him and was obviously fast asleep. He studied her face. She was lovely. The blueish light from the moon illuminated her. She was an angel with an aura of peaceful grace surrounding her. She looked less troubled than in her earlier sleep. He sighed with relaxation and relief.

  “Jaci?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Roll over to your other side.”

  Jaci cracked an eye open. “Not enough room?”

  “It’s not that. I can’t get up next to you if you’re facing me. Unless you want to switch sides if that’s better for you.”

  Without answering, Jaci rolled over so she faced away from him. She took a deep breath and settled back to sleep as Xander pressed his body against hers. The wall of his abs cradled the curve of her spine. The bare skin of her legs brushed up against his. He slaked his hand up her side, encountering the material of her panties and the yellow silk nightshirt. He clenched his teeth, wanting so badly to go underneath the shirt instead of over. Her hair brushed his face, smelling like vanilla and tickling his nose. He smiled, she smelled sweet, too. He gingerly let his hand fall around her, on the outside of her shirt, his elbow at her waist, his hand cupping her breast.

  “Okay?” he whispered.

  Goose bumps raised on her skin and the nipple under his palm hardened.

  Xander chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

  * * * *

  Rock faced away from the two women in his bed, listening to Journey ask all about Jaci an
d the goings on that evening. He loved to listen to them talk when they thought he was sleeping. The voyeuristic quality of eavesdropping, of hearing the side of a person they don’t intend you to know, the secret side of them, was compelling.

  Earlier, Journey had been petulant when he’d left for Xander’s apartment. She was mad because he wouldn’t let her go too.

  But even now, he stood by his decision. Journey was a different kind of woman than most. She was small, shy and easily affected by others. In other words, the complete opposite of Emily.

  He’d been clueless on how to handle this skittish woman when she’d moved in almost two years ago. It looked like she was about to cry from the sight of him alone. Rock assumed she’d probably gotten that way from years of moving from place to place after her parents died. It seemed like she wanted to make as little noise and take up the smallest amount of space she possibly could. He was so completely blessed to have Emily in his life back then. She embraced Journey with open arms and acted in Rock’s place many times when he was clueless as to what to do because his mere presence intimidated the tiny mouse of a woman. Emily helped him soothe Journey regularly back then.

  He felt fortunate his girlfriend and his roommate got along. He’d known many men who’d had to get rid of their girlfriends because they didn’t get along with their females. Not Emily.

  Journey had come a long way since her arrival at his apartment. What at first seemed to Rock like an impossible pairing, quickly became exactly right for him. She needed a strong protector and he was very good at the protection thing.

  He was all she had, and he’d move mountains for her if she needed him to.

  Rolling over, Rock met Emily’s gaze over Journey’s head. She was spooning Journey with both arms wrapped firmly around her. Journey looked over at him. Her eyes widened and her chatter suddenly dropped off when she realized he wasn’t asleep.

  “If I let Emily console you, do you think you’ll be able to get rid of your hurt feelings and wake up tomorrow with a better attitude?” Rock asked.

  He glanced back up at Emily. She smiled at him, and her eyes glittered with desire. He was well aware Emily loved soothing Journey. He didn’t let her do it often. He didn’t want Journey to become dependent on either one of them for touch or sexual gratification. She needed to learn and become comfortable with the process of making new benefriends. Which, he had to admit, she was.

  Journey smiled at him. “I’m trying not to be bratty. And cross my heart, I won’t wake up with an attitude tomorrow, whether you let Emily or not.” She pouted. “I felt left out, that’s all. I trust you to know what’s best, you know that.”

  He took her chin, lifting it so she would meet his eyes. “That’s my good girl.” He released Journey and nodded at Emily.

  Emily squealed. “I was hoping. It’s been a while hasn’t it, Journey?” Emily asked as she moved to her knees. “Come up here, on your knees, brat,” Emily said with a giggle. The spark in Journey’s eyes as she lifted herself to kneel opposite Emily captivated him.

  One by one, Emily unbuttoned the small white buttons that kept Journey’s nightgown closed. Her unhurried approach to seduction intrigued Rock. Mainly because he knew Emily was more of a fuck-me-hard-and-fast woman, but when it came to Journey, she was mellow.

  When Emily finished undoing the buttons, she dipped her hands under the material and brushed the fabric from Journey’s shoulders. Her hands lightly skated over the soft, pale skin as the nightgown pooled on the mattress around her knees.

  Journey whimpered at the tease of Emily’s caress. Her face was already flushed and Rock observed the slight tremble of her hands as she steadied herself after getting rid of the nightgown, and then placing them on the tops of her thighs.

  “Lay back, Journey,” Rock ordered as Emily got off the bed to remove her own clothes. Journey immediately complied, stretching her diminutive body next to him. The bright moonlight transformed her pale skin to ghostly white. Her nipples puckered as he raked his gaze over them. They were pretty, but Rock honestly lost all interest in any women other than Em.

  Emily crawled back on the bed and knelt between Journey’s legs. Reaching out, she swept two fingers through Journey’s pussy. Rock held his breath as he watched Emily lift the fingers to her mouth, tasting Journey’s cunt and meeting Rock’s eyes.

  She was teasing him, trying to get him to join her. He returned her manipulation with his best look of censure and a growl. “Who’s the brat now?” he warned her. She smiled at him but quickly turned her attention back to Journey.

  Emily crawled her way up Journey’s body until her lips closed in slowly on Journey’s. The profile of the two women as their lips met was a feast for the eyes. He watched their long, gentle kiss intently. The occasional peeks of tongue as they twined in the recesses of each other’s mouths, stirred him. The women shared each other’s air and moaned into each others’ mouths.

  When Emily separated her lips from the other woman’s, she lowered her kisses to Journey’s neck and then lower to her chest.

  Emily’s seduction was a performance. Rock could have come in his boxers when she bit down on one of Journey’s nipples. In response, Journey arched her back up for more. The reaction was sheer perfection. A visual moment in time that would never leave him.

  Emily continued her trails of kisses down Journey’s body, occasionally replacing a kiss with a lick or a bite. Then she stuck the tip of her tongue into Journey’s navel.

  With a sweet moan, Journey brought her hands up and tangled them in Emily’s black-and-purple curls. As Emily’s ministrations traveled further south, Journey’s body swayed under the slow advance and retreat of Emily’s fingers, and the talents of Emily’s mouth.

  Watching every moment, Rock remembered Emily mentioning she’d been able to coax three fingers into Journey the last time they were together. He’d raised an eyebrow in response and laughed. “Let me know when you’ve worked your way up to fisting and then we’ll talk.” A jolt of lust had him clenching his teeth as he refocused to where Emily’s hands worked Journey.

  Fuck! His cock was going to explode just thinking about it.

  Journey neared her peak, and Rock traced his gaze up to her face.

  Sweet little mouse. He loved the expression on Journey’s face when she came. It held a strange combination of acquiescence and triumph while the orgasm nourished her, coloring her cheeks and giving her what she needed to thrive.

  While she hovered right on the edge of her orgasm, Journey let go of Emily’s hair and grabbed his hand. The pale hand squeezed his tightly as she reached for her orgasm. Her body was fixed as she stretched to reach the zenith. She froze for a few seconds then suddenly, she tumbled, falling, crying out in her meager mouse voice. Pleasure and love whirled fiercely within him at the sight of the two women in his life.

  Journey eventually crumpled and Emily collapsed onto the bed next to him.

  Rock laughed a slow, menacing chuckle. Now Emily was going to suck him as repayment for her earlier teasing. He cupped the nape of her neck.

  “Come here, Em…”

  Chapter 6

  Every morning since moving to Amber, Jaci woke up tunneled into Xander’s body like it was a cocoon that surrounded and protected her from the outside world. This morning, the weight of his iron arm caged her as she lay there awake, unmoving because she wanted to soak up his…his what? What was it he gave her by holding her while they slept? She didn’t know exactly how to describe it, but it was comfortable and safe and every morning, she never wanted it to end. But sadly, it always did.

  When Xander left the bed after their first night sleeping together, she had the chance to see all of him in the light of day and she almost groaned aloud. With only a pair of shorts on, she saw that his body was perfection, powerful and sexy. He was tall and lean. His tanned skin stretched taut over his frame showing all the intricate cuts and edges of his anatomy. His shoulders and chest were broad and every muscle in his torso showed above the
low-slung waistband of his shorts. When she looked at him with the morning light framing him, it was as if she admired the flawless art of God. He took her breath away. Her favorite part of her new life in the Amber Zone was waking up every morning engulfed by this masterpiece of a man.

  Every morning, when he rose to go to the bathroom and get dressed, Jaci lingered in the bed, feeling a physical ache, a substantial loss, as if a part of her was gone too.

  After a few days of this, it occurred to her that she wasn’t going to be good at the touching not equaling sex concept because in her heart and mind, Xander’s touch was pure sex. No matter how many times she’d tried to convince herself it wasn’t. Her body reacted to him as if he were her lover. By the time he left the bed every morning, she was fully primed for him, her breathing deep and ragged and her skin screaming for more of his touch. In this time she relished most, she imagined them together in beautiful love scenes. They were everything to each other–lovers and friends, protector and protected, savior and saved. Daily, she tried to will it to happen, to telepath her fantasy scene into his brain. It didn’t work.

  Xander gave no indication he had even one sexual impulse toward her and no matter how much she wished his sexual desire for her to be there, it wasn’t. Even when he held her in his arms and she pressed up close to his body, the sexual component on his part was noticeably absent.

  Jaci’s recovery progressed quickly. She spent the next few days adjusting. A lot of that time she spent with Jordan.

  “It’s time you got your lazy ass out of bed,” Jordan announced one morning, walking over to Jaci’s dresser and rummaging through it for clothes. “I’m getting you out of the apartment to tour the building.” She turned to face Jaci. “Jeez, when are you going to get your clothes?”