by Sara Crest
“Damn really? How much horsepower does this baby have?”
The guy rolled his eyes “dude it’s a motorcycle not a horse” he blurted out. The girls giggled behind him, clearly checking him out as he sat proudly on Johnny’s bike.
“Oh my mistake, I don’t know too much about stuff like this. Could you start it up for me? I love the way these babies sound.”
“Oh uh I would but I don’t have the key right now I left it inside, this is just where I park it when I just want to get a feel for her but don’t want to take her out for a spin” the guy said as he ran his hand all over the bike’s body, leaving smudges from his fingers.
“Oh that’s ok we actually won’t need your key” Johnny said smugly. He took his key out of his pocket and put it in the ignition, maintaining eye contact with the guy the whole time, turning the key so that the bike came to life. Johnny looked at him with a wide grin, the guy went wide eyed when he realized what he had just done and practically jumped off of the bike and fell hard onto the pavement.
The girls backed away, pointing and laughing at the guy as he made a fool of himself. He tried to get up but Johnny walked over and pushed him back down
Johnny reached into his bag, I rushed over to stop him thinking that he was about to pull something out to hit the guy with but instead he pulled out a rag and a bottle of cleaner. “If you're gonna act like it's your bike then you're gonna clean it like your bike.” He tossed the cloth and bottle to the guy, barely catching it as he struggled to get back up. “Start with the smudges you left on the side, I wanna see my face in it when you're finished.”
As he watched the guy wipe down his bike the two girls came over to him trying to strike up a conversation. Before they could even start flirting with Johnny he shut them down. “Not interested” he said sternly without even looking at them.
The two girl's faces went sour as they pouted and stormed off, leaving Johnny watching the guy clean his bike.
“You seem like you've done this before” I said to Johnny as I rejoined him.
“It's the best way to make sure they never do it again.” Johnny walked over to the guy and pulled him away from the bike by the back of his shirt. “If I ever see you disrespecting another man's bike like that I'll do more than just make you clean it.” The guy stumbled to get up, sprinting away in the direction of the girls as Johnny and I watched him.
“Part of me thinks you greatly enjoyed that.”
Johnny smiled “that part of you would be right.”
“Wanna get out of here?” I asked “I'm sure your guys are gone.”
“Yeah might as well, spent more time than I thought we would. Should probably get gas and then we'll be out of here.” Johnny got back on his bike, inspecting the cleaning job that the guy did.
I looked down main street, the whole street was empty now with all the stores closed down. I thought about all the times my parents used to take me for walks through our old town, back before my dad became a truck driver and everything went downhill.
“You think you could ever live in a town like this again?” Johnny asked. I looked back at him, he was leaning forward on the handlebars of his bike waiting intently for my response.
“One day maybe, maybe even the one I grew up in. For now though, life's too short to spend it all in one place.”
“I think I'm rubbing off on you” Johnny replied as he started his bike back up.
“I think it's the other way around” I said jokingly, hopping on the back of the bike. I wish I could have heard what Johnny was going to say back when we were close, but I guess he’d tell me another time, when he was ready again. “I saw a 24 hour gas station when we rode into town, it's near the highway.”
“Works for me.” Johnny turned the bike around and sped away from main street back in the direction of the highway. I took one last look at the town as the sun’s light just barely peaked over the horizon. It almost made me homesick. Almost.
* * *
We pulled into the gas station just as its lights came on for the night. Johnny got off of his bike, taking out a wad of cash and handing a few bills to the attendant.
Johnny walked back over to the pump and handed me the nozzle “fill it up, I need to go inside and get us something to drink.” Johnny walked into the store nearby, trusting me to fill up his bike. I took the nozzle and put it in, filling up the near empty bike with gas.
As I leaned against the bike I heard the sound of a few motorcycles pulling in. I turned around and went ghost white, two Rolling Raider members rolled into the gas station. “Jesus how many members are in this gang?” I thought to myself. I tried not to look at them, pretending to be distracted by Johnny’s bike.
“Y’all hear about that chapter leader down in Florida that abandoned the club? Oh what’s his name... Johnny Odell.” One said as he got off his bike.
“No shit Johnny Odell? I thought he was supposed to be legit. Some fucking leader he is, you take that oath and you’re a double R for life. If I saw him I’d kill him with my bare hands for abandoning his post” another replied.
“They’re offering a reward for them, dead or alive, ten fucking grand and lifetime’s worth of dues paid.”
“Them? Did he convince another member to go with him?”
“Nah not another member, some bar skank. You’d think a chapter leader would need more than some skank giving him a blowjob to abandon the club.”
“Oh please, how many times have you told me you thought about leaving for some girl.”
“Doesn’t mean I did it. Besides I’m just a grunt, if I got to be a chapter leader you better believe that I ain’t leaving the gang for any girl. I’d lead this club to the fucking promised land.”
“Yeah sure you would, I bet if you were in his position you would be smoking and drinking all day every day. We’d find you in a damn gutter somewhere.”
They went silent but I didn’t dare turn around, afraid that they would have noticed me listening. I felt a hand grab my shoulder and I practically jumped out of my shoes. I turned around to see Johnny standing behind me.
“Is it filled up?” he whispered, his face looked incredibly serious as he was fully aware of the Raider members standing behind him.
I nodded. He took the gas nozzle from out of the bike and slowly put it back in its holder “get on the bike we have to get out of here” he whispered to me.
Just as I did what he said and got on one of the gang members called out to us “hey buddy that’s a great ride you got there.”
The two members walked over to us, Johnny pulled his sleeves down to make sure his tattoos were hidden before turning to greet them.
“Oh this thing, it’s nothing special been riding it for years.” Johnny replied seemingly trying to end the conversation.
“I was talking about your girlfriend” the gang member replied grinning ear to ear. I saw Johnny’s clench his hand into a fist, holding himself back.
“Yeah, ain’t nobody wants to ride that piece of shit machine you got. That cutie sitting on top is another story” the other member continued. He turned to me grinning “baby if you wanna know what it feels like to be with a real man and to sit on a real bike why don’t you come on over.”
“No thanks boys, all that horsepower leads me to believe you’re compensating for something” I blurted out, regretting what I said almost immediately.
“The fuck did you just say to me you back warming whore?” the biker snarled.
“Hey! You mess with her you mess with me, asshole!” Johnny yelled as he grabbed the biker by the shirt.
“Touch me and the Raiders will cut your balls off you fucking-”
Johnny didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence, delivering a solid punch right to his face. The biker fell to the ground screaming. “Oh fuck he broke my nose, goddammit! You’re fucking dead!”
The other biker tried to run over to me, reaching out and painfully grabbing my hair. Before I even had a chance to scream out in pain Johnn
y grabbed him by the back of his collar and flung him to the ground. Johnny pinned him against the ground, holding him in place by his neck and looking down on the gang member.
“Wait a second I recognize you, you’re Johnny Odell! You’re the fucker who abandoned his duties.”
“I didn’t abandon shit, there was a damn mutiny.”
“Pfft, can’t control your men and can’t control your bitch” the biker said as he spat upward into Johnny’s face.
Johnny scowled in anger and wiped the spit off of his face, punching the member hard enough to knock him out. Johnny walked back over to his bike, stepping over the other biker who lay on the ground holding his broken nose. Johnny reached into his bag and took out a large bottle of water, walking over to the bikers motorcycles. He opened their gas tanks and emptied the water into the tank, ruining their engines. “You’re a shame to the club boys, next time don’t go picking on people you think can’t defend themselves.”
He came back over to the bike and kissed me “are you alright? He didn’t hurt you did he?”
“I’ll be fine Johnny, thank you.” I took his hand and held it tight, he really did make me feel safe. It meant a lot to me that he was willing to fight men that he would once call his brothers in order to make sure I was protected. I should have felt even more bonded to him, but when I looked into his face something felt off but I couldn’t quite figure out what it was. It made me feel like I forced him into an uncomfortable position and I was immediately hit with guilt.
Before I got a chance to ask him what was wrong he was back on the bike, turning the key to the ignition. I wanted to figure out what was wrong but it just didn’t feel right to ask him while two of his club members lay on the ground.
He pulled on the accelerator and we sped out of the gas station, leaving behind the two bikers. I wrapped my hands around Johnny’s waist but kept my distance, worried about what was wrong.
4
We found ourselves in a Motel just outside Oklahoma City, the early morning sunlight peaked through the windows as we prepared to keep going on our journey. Johnny sat at a chair by the window, he had his sleeve rolled up and was staring at some of his tattoos.
“Johnny, is everything alright?”
“It’s a hard thing to do” he replied as he rolled his sleeve back up. “You spend so many years knowing that the guys in those jackets have your back, then you wake up one day and suddenly you’re on the other side. It’s one thing to know that you’re not their leader, I struggled with them before I led them, but it’s another thing to know that they’re just not your brothers anymore.”
I took his hand in mine “well that’s why we’re going to Seattle, to not only get your brothers back but to let them know you’re their leader and that you would never steer them wrong.” He gave me a reassuring smile, squeezing my hand, in reality I told him what he wanted to hear.
There was no doubt in my mind the Johnny couldn’t lead those men. There was no doubt in my mind that he had the tenacity, wit, and strength to lead the group of rough men that you would find in his chapter. It was just that I didn’t really want him to go back. I wanted us to go and start an adventure together, free from the Rolling Raiders, it was selfish I know but I wanted him all to myself. With him I felt as though I could put my fears of being free behind me, because no matter what I had him to encourage me, to be my partner, to protect me from the outside and myself. If he was preoccupied with his gang then what would happen to me? Would I just become his arm candy? Would I fall back into being afraid to open up? Afraid to live new experiences? I had only known Johnny a few weeks and already I felt that we were meant for each other. How we would last under his duties as a leader, I just didn’t know.
“Come on, the sooner we get out of here the sooner we get to Seattle. Thankfully the Raiders don’t really operate much in the Rockies so we shouldn’t have any more issues until we hit the northwest.”
He seemed so determined, it’s why I grew to admire him so quickly. I wanted to tell him, to beg him, to abandon the gang and for us to just be together but I didn’t want him to think I doubted him. He was there for me, without him I would have never left that town, now I wanted to be there for him.
“If we really ride hard we can get there in two days, then everything will be back to normal. Better than normal with you” he said as he kissed me on the forehead.
I just wanted everything to be alright
* * *
I had actually grown to enjoy riding on Johnny’s bike. The wind in my hair, the sound of things whizzing by, how he weaved in and around cars. I loved it, or at least I did earlier on. As we grew closer and closer to Seattle I could sense him becoming more and more determined. His responses to my questions became shorter, he became a more distant listener whenever we stopped to get gas or to eat. Part of me thought that maybe he was regretting bringing me along. He was still affectionate with me; kissing me, brushing my hair behind my ear with his hand, protective whenever he thought that someone might have been a gang member… but it was different than before. I started to think he was afraid of opening himself up to me, as if he thought he would have to choose between his future duties with the club or a relationship with me. It was beginning to be a far cry from the man who almost confessed his feelings to me back at that small town.
With every passing mile we got closer to Seattle, closer to his goal, closer to recovering from his fall from grace. He began going faster and faster on his bike, not concerning himself with me squeezing onto him for dear life as we hit speeds I would never imagine going on a car let alone a motorcycle. At that speed we couldn’t speak to each other, the winds were so loud that any words we spoke were practically stolen from our mouths. To my dismay this caused us to go hours without saying anything to one another, but Johnny was so determined that he didn’t even seem to notice.
When night fell we pulled over into a gas station, I thought we’d finally be able to actually speak to each other, to go to bed with one another and feel each other. Johnny had other plans.
“Just a few more hours and we’ll be in Oregon, from there we’ll have to be careful heading into Washington and Seattle. It’s all prime Raider territory.” His tone had changed from when we first started the trip, before he was optimistic, now he seemed far more determined and serious.
“Don’t you think we should take a break and get some sleep? We’ve been riding all day we don’t want to burn out…”
“Ash we’re so close I can feel it, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until we at least hit Oregon.”
“But that’s not for at least 4 hours Johnny, we both need some rest.” I took his hand but he brushed it off as he reached for the gas pump.
“Is this how life is going to be like with you and your club? Riding all day and all night with barely a break in between?”
“Well yeah there’s gonna be a lot of riding, we’re a motorcycle club it’s what we do Ash.”
“Don’t you want to slow down a little bit? Enjoy the places you’re going and see what you’re passing by.”
He stayed silent as he began filling up his bike with gas.
“Come on Johnny I hate to see you like this, please just sleep for a little while to get your head on straight.”
“We’ll have all the time in the world to rest once we figure this out and I’m back home with my chapter.”
“Back home? How long are you planning on keeping the gang in Florida?” I asked as I became worried over what Johnny’s intentions were.
“Well we got a lot of things going on in Florida, I need to stay around to get myself situated and make sure everything's running smoothly before I move the chapter to another area.”
“But… you said we could adventure together. You said you’d be the push I need to go see the world.”
“Yeah well I was stressed out from what was going on when I said all of that” Johnny snapped back as he became increasingly annoyed. “If you don’t respect what I’ll have to
do once I regain control then you just don’t understand me.”
I grabbed his arm “this ain’t about me respecting you Johnny, this is about you telling me about what you wanted to do together. Just a few days ago you said you wanted to live a life of adventure with me, now you’re expecting me to stay around like I have with the bar for the past five years? Except this time I get to watch the stress of this club slowly kill you? Ever since we started getting closer to Seattle it’s like everything’s been funny with you.”
“I’ve driven you nearly the whole length of the country. I’ve let you feel the wind in your hair and the thrill of being on that bike. I’ve defended you from men that I hope to call my brothers once again and you’re complaining to me about adventure?”
I stared at him silently as he looked at me in frustration with his big green eyes. I felt tears begin to well up in the corners of my eyes as I contemplated not being able to adventure with the man I had grown to admire and to treasure so dearly. He turned and continued filling up his bike, thankfully beginning to calm down.
“I’m sorry” he said “and you’re right, I did promise you a life of adventure, real adventure. It’s just that my life has been based on the Rolling Raiders for so long that I don’t know if I can go back to any other kind of life. I just need one last shot with them, even if I don’t get in then I’ll clear my name and I’ll fulfill my promise.”
“And what happens if you get back in?”
“If I get back in then I’ll bring on someone from another chapter to help me lead, let someone else take on more of the responsibility. It’ll give me more time with you.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” He leaned in and kissed me, although there was still doubt in my mind I felt far more reassured now. I hoped that if he did get his title back as chapter leader that he would remember the stress it caused him and reinvigorate whatever it was inside of him that made him want to take me away. Above all, I wanted him to be happy, but if he expected me to spend all my time sitting around while he did his duties then I don’t know what I could do.
