“No point in doing all that, I've already seen your junk.” The Big Man came in and waved his hand in his direction; the room illuminated instantly. He was the only light source available, it almost hurt to look at him directly he shone so bright.
He squinted. He only wore white robes when someone was in deep shit. Usually, he just wore regular clothes. “Casey, what were you thinking?” The Big Man crossed his arms over his chest. “You know what my rules are.”
“I love her.” His voice cracked. “I have been fighting with myself about this for months now. I held out, and fought this. I did.”
“But it's wrong. You explicitly broke just about every rule in the code of ethics.” He shook his head sadly. “I left these human feelings there, but I didn't plan on you acting on them. It was your goal to fight them, and win.”
“I know.” He hung his head guiltily.
“You know what this means, don't you?”
“Yeah, I do, Boss. You are going to fire me, right? Send me down to Satan? Get rid of me, like you should have from day one.” He hung his head.
The Big Man came over to him and gently touched his shoulder. “Casey, you know you can call me by my name, don't you? I'm your Father. Being so, I have to punish you. You broke my rules. But I'm not so cruel and cold hearted as to send you to that jerk. And I'm not going to fire you.”
He looked up in The Big Man's face, pain skewing his features. “Then what are you going to do to me? It won't matter because I won't stop loving her. You can take everything away from me, but I'll still know she's there.” He slammed his fist into his chest and braced himself, waiting for the response he was sure to come.
“You are passionate, Casey. I'll give you that any day of the week. You will make a hell of a human when you return to Earth as long as that passion is directed at something worthwhile. You have come so far from the hood rat that showed up at the gates. I hate to see you throwing all of this away. I don't know why you are throwing all of this away.” He paused and took a moment to collect himself. “I know that Camille Taylor is a special girl, don't get me wrong, as my daughter, she is the apple of my eye, but she is not worth throwing all your hard work away for.” He shook his head sadly, and looked at Casey with his crystalline hazel eyes.
“Isn't love worth that much? It even says in the Bible it was one of the things that amazed you. How a man loves a woman.” He ground his teeth together and clenched his fists at his sides.
“Of course it is. The love between a man and a woman is one of the most beautiful things imaginable. Love never fails. But you know what I asked of you Casey. I asked for simply seven years of you following my rules and helping others. You had six months left. That's it. Why now?”
“Because, boss. I've never met anyone like her and I know I never will again.” He stood there, every bit of the defiant child.
“Your heart is pure on this one. Your mind, not so much. Casey, I'm impressed. I didn't think you had this much emotion in you, son. Frankly I thought you'd screw up long before this, but you proved me wrong every day, even when I tried to trip you up with some of the women from your fantasies.” The Big Man smiled softly.
He spluttered. “What do you know of my fantasies? I mean, isn't that a bit personal?”
He smiled magnanimously. “Maybe so, my son, but you forget, I know every hair on your head. I know everything about you. But this, this threw me for a loop. I thought she was safe with you, but I have been proven wrong.” He tapped a long and elegant finger against his perfect mouth. “Casey, what am I going to do with you?”
He tilted his chin and rebelliously retorted, “You are supposed to be one who forgives, isn't that what you told me before, God?”
He smiled, his eyes twinkling. “Oh, there is the Casey I know and love dearly. So insubordinate and difficult. Can't you accept I want nothing but the best for you?”
“No.” He exclaimed. “I can't. You've brought me to a better place. But she's worth breaking every rule for. Aren't rules meant to be broken?”
The Big Man stood quietly, letting Casey's anger settle around him like a wet blanket. “Casey. I'll tell you what. If you think she's worth all of this, I'll give you your humanity.”
He looked at him like he had grown three heads. “What?”
God nodded. “Yeah, I'll give you your humanity.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What is the catch?” He eyed him warily.
“Why does everything always have to have a catch, Casey?” The Big Man smiled patiently.
“Because, every fucking thing in life has a catch. I know there is a catch.” He clenched his fists again.
“Well, you are right. There is a catch. I'll give you these options. You can have your humanity, if you choose. You will remember Camille, but only her face. Nothing more. If she really means that much to you, you'll find her and prove to me the deep and unfailing love you have for this girl. You will be given a new identity and a new life, far away from her. She will remember everything from your encounter, but she will forget your name. She will consider it all a dream and struggle with herself. Or, you can continue on with me here until I see fit and I will make it so she feels no pain or loss and her life gets put back on solid ground. You will never be allowed to reach her again in this form. Her frequency will be changed so you can never come back through, and once you receive your humanity, I will let you go to her. You will have to start from scratch with her. She will be allowed to remember your time together fondly. I give you the choice.” He turned toward the door. “Casey, I want you to think long and hard about your choice. What is the best for you both?”
He spat, “Neither choice is fair, Boss, and you know it.”
“No, they aren't. You're right, they aren't but I want you to experience a lesson though. It won't feel good either way, but it's something you need. It is one of my last tasks for you. One of the last lessons from me before you become a human again. I wouldn't be a good Father if I gave all of my children everything they wanted, would I? We'd have some strange stuff going on in the world.” He turned back to him.
“Like we don't already?” Casey snorted in anger.
God shrugged. “It's true. We do. But it would be worse if I gave everyone what they prayed for. Take your time thinking this over, my son. I will come for you when you are ready.”
“What if I can't decide.” His throat was tight with emotion.
“Casey, you have to, or you'll be stuck here forever. This is the Waiting Bridge. Normally I use it for those who can't decide if they want to turn to me or turn to Satan. This time I'm reserving it for you. For as long as you need. Others may come and go, but you won't see them, nor will they see you. You will have all the time you need to make the best decision for you and for the girl you love.” With that, he was gone. Silence filled the darkness that fell as he left.
He sat on the floor. He brought his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and put his head down. “God!” He screamed out. “You can't do this to me! Not after everything I've given you. I've given you six and a half years of faithful service. I can't make this decision. I can't. It's impossible. Either way, no one wins! Why?” He beat his fists against the dark, touching nothing but emptiness, no matter how far he pushed himself.
The darkness pressed in around him like a warm cocoon. “He will come back for me and I can set this right.” His eyes closed and he slept. He tossed and turned, his sleep broken until dreams finally came creeping in. Camille was two steps ahead of him on a rickety bridge laughing and teasing him. “You can't get me, Casey! Come chase me!” She turned and slipped on a wet patch then she fell over the edge, her dark hair streaming high above her head as she tumbled into the dark abyss beneath the bridge. He pushed against the wall keeping him from saving her. He screamed and screamed until his throat was raw.
Time keeps on moving in a way that one doesn't quite understand when at the Waiting Bridge. He didn't know if he'd slept minutes, hours or days. His eyes flicked open
and his heart was pounding in his chest. Nothing but nothingness. Emptiness. No sound. A pin could drop here and echo forever, each echo doubling in on itself and moving like a perpetual ripple effect.
He felt no hunger or thirst. He felt hollow, carved out, empty and in all the ways one could, but completely starved at the same time. He rested his head in his hands and he cried a soul devouring cry that drained him dry. “He will come back for me.” He whispered to himself. His whisper echoed in the nothingness. The darkness tightened around him like a envelope. He whispered, “Camille,” and sleep overtook him again.
He dreamed of her again. This time she was standing at the top of a waterfall, her green eyes teasing him as she looked over her shoulder. “I'm going to jump. You'll have to come catch me! Show me how you fly, angel boy! I don't want to hit the rocks at the bottom!”
He screamed as he tried to run for her. “Camille, NO! Don't! I can't save you! NO! NO! Don't jump!”
She put her hands over her head and dove off the top of the waterfall. He screamed in agony.
His eyes flicked open again. He stood and felt boxed in. The dark penetrated him. “I can't do this. I can't. I'm losing my mind, watching her die over and over. It's a hell of a thing to make me do. Why do I have to learn this? Haven't I learned enough?”
Fury rose up in him and he screamed, throwing his head back and his arms wide. “Haven't I done enough? You fucked me over my whole life now you want to do it again! Why? Why have I never been good enough? You claim I've come so far but you punish me anyway. I don't understand. I hate this! Can't you hear me! Answer me, damn you! I want an answer! Why! Don't hide behind the darkness! Come out and face me! Face me, damn you...”
Exhaustion claimed him again. He collapsed and slept in the dark of the Waiting Bridge. The Big Man watched him quietly, his own heart hurting as he watched the war going on inside of him. “My son, you will make the best decision. You will make me proud, just like you always have.”
Casey dreamt of her again. She was in the sunshine under a tree, her soft green eyes twinkling at him. He was trapped in this Godforsaken hell hole and couldn't move, just like before. A breeze ruffled Cami's hair and she was drawing on a notepad, stopping every few seconds to peek up at him through her impossibly long dark lashes. She scribbled a few more things down then looked at him solemnly. She held the page up. It said simply, 'Goodbye.' She touched a finger to her pursed lips and held it out, letting the wind take her love to him. She stood, collecting herself before turning and leaving.
Tears ran down his face. He screamed, the raw sound of his emotion bouncing off the walls. He beat against the dark, begging with every breath for her to return. For someone, anyone to let him out of this hell hole. “Let me out, damn you! I can't let her leave like this. I can't! I can't! It can't be over! I won't let it be over! Camille!” He beat the walls and screamed her name again, agony filling his voice. “Cami! Don't leave me like this! Come back to me! Come back... Come back...” The sunlight faded as she walked away, her hair fluttering behind her like a banner in the breeze. The darkness closed in around him again, and he dropped to the floor. He slept. There were no dreams in this sleep. His eyes flicked open again and he sat up in the darkness. He felt refreshed and whole, but his heart was heavy. He knew what decision he would make.
Chapter Two – Deliverance
Just at that second, in walked The Big Man, bringing light to the darkness. He brought his arm up to shield his eyes. “You are ready,” God said, his voice ringing in the nothingness.
“Yes. I'm ready. I know what decision I should make,” he replied quietly, still wincing at the brightness.
“Do you, my son? What decision have you chosen?” He folded his hands in front of his stomach, waiting patiently.
“Can you turn your dazzle down a little, God? My eyes are killing me.” He squeezed his eyes tight and the sharp pain behind them eased.
The Big Man chuckled. “Oh, I forgot.” He snapped his fingers and he went dim, now only a soft light came from the bottom of his robes. “You were saying, my son?”
He opened his eyes and blinked a few times slowly. He took a deep breath. “I want to finish my term with you. However long it takes.”
“Do you? And Camille?” He prompted Casey gently.
He looked at God, his face a mask of tormented pain. “I want her happy, nothing more. I don't accept what you've given me to choose from, but I want her happy. If we are meant to be, I will find her.”
The Big Man smiled gently. “Come, my son.”
He stood, his muscles groaning in pain. “Where are we going?” Exhaustion hit him as though he'd been working for days.
God smiled gently again. “You have work that is yet to be finished.” He followed him closely out of the nothingness, back into heaven, the beautiful brightness shocking him after the empty darkness he had been in.
“How long was I at the Waiting Bridge, God? I'm so tired.” His steps grew heavy.
The Big Man looked over his shoulder. “A very long time, my son. You fought a valiant war with yourself.” He looked ahead again and kept walking in silence.
“How long is a very long time, boss?” He caught up to him and touched his shoulder.
“A month and three days,” was the quiet response.
The hallway seemed to stretch on forever. “Where are we going?”
God nodded softly. “All in good time. As I said, you have unfinished business.”
“What about Camille? I saw her in my dream. She told me goodbye.” His throat tightened at the memory.
“Yes, she did. She asked for that much.” He turned to him and smiled. “What a spitfire. Come. I want to show you something. I gave her a choice too, you see. I knew your heart. I knew you would choose the right thing. I also knew her heart as well. She gave you up first. There is no selfishness in her soul.” He smiled fully, dazzling Casey. “Not one ounce of selfishness in your Camille.”
He felt as though he'd been sucker punched, air whooshed out of his lungs and he had to stop to catch his breath. “But why? Why would she do that? She loved me.”
The Big Man came back and touched his shoulder. “Yes, she did. She has released you from your obligations. I left her with the memories of your time together, she didn't want to forget you. She wishes for you to succeed.” He patted his shoulder gently. “I see what you see in her. She is a rare soul, and I look forward to the day I can add her to my flock of angels.”
His heart thumped in his chest. “You made my decision for me.”
“No, Casey, I didn't. I knew what decision you would make before you even knew. I knew you would choose what was best for Camille, just like she chose what was best for you. Come. Let me show you.” He gestured for Casey to follow him down the hallway. It stretched on forever, and he felt as though they had walked forever. At some point, he wasn't exactly sure when, robes had been draped over his naked body. They kept walking, the pace slow and monotonous.
“God. I can't walk any further.” His muscles screamed from fatigue. He tripped over the hem of his robe and fell on the ground. He lay there, sprawled out like a murder victim. He just wanted to forget everything. He closed his eyes, praying squeezing them tight would rid him of this hell.
God touched his shoulder. “Get up, my son. You don't know the whole story yet. Get up. I will not have you giving up on me. I have never given up on you.” He held out his hand and he looked up, his dark eyes filled with agony.
“I can't.” He dropped his face back to the floor.
The Big Man held his hand out still. “Casey, look at me.”
A tear ran from the corner of his eye and dripped on the floor, the sound of the drop splashing was magnified in the silence. He lifted his head again. “I'm so tired.”
“Then come to me and let me carry your burden. It's all I have ever asked of you, Casey. Share your burden with me, let me make it lighter. I would like to take you to see some things that I think you need to see. Don't carry this alone.
I won't forsake you. I won't let you go. Just take my hand. Let me help you, Casey.” He knelt and touched his head. “It is up to you. All you have to do is take my hand.”
“It hurts.” He whispered, another tear running out of the edge of his eye and splashing on the floor.
“Isn't that what love is, hurting someone but apologizing profusely in the most beautiful of ways?” God smiled gently.
He looked up and gasped. “Camille said that.”
God nodded. “I know, Casey.” He smiled gently. “She meant it, too. I believe when you are done, she will still mean it then, as well. But you will never know if you lay there on the floor and give up on me and on her, will you?”
He pushed himself up from the floor, taking God's hand. His muscles shook in fatigue. “No, I won't give up.”
God nodded. “Good. Let's go. We only have a little further to go. I want to show you something.” He eased his arm under Casey's and half dragged him down the endless hall. His muscles begged for rest. Tears ran down his face from pain, more than physical, more than spiritual. The hallway opened into an anteroom which had several doors. They stopped suddenly and God took his arm out from around Casey slowly, allowing him time to steady himself. “Pick a room, my son. All of them hold things you need in them. Each one. When you have finished this journey, you will have completed all I need of you. You will be free. You won't be allowed to leave each room until you experience it all.”
Casey looked at him curiously. “Experience all of what, Boss?”
“Everything.” He held his hand out and pointed to the doors. “Go on. I will find you when you have completed the tasks.” He patted him on the shoulder before turning and walking back down the hall.
Beautiful Downfall Page 8
