Feathers of Snow: A Goose Girl retelling (Kingdom of Birds and Beasts Book 1)

by Alice Ivinya

  I squeezed her hands. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Of both Feng and Han. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through as a mother.”

  She released her grip and sat back, a shadow over her face. Then the sorrow passed from her eyes and she smiled again. “I am happy that the two of you will respect each other, and I am proud to have you as my daughter-in-law.”

  I licked my lips, unaccustomed to so much praise. “Thank you. But it’s me who is grateful for how I’ve been received here and for the attention Jian is showing me. He is being kind even though he’s stressed. I’m happy to call Stonekeep my home.”

  The Queen leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “The two of you will lead this country to greatness. My son’s mind always turns to war and tragedy and fearing the worse. Your compassion, steadiness and empathy will complement his strengths. You can give him hope of a stable future.”

  I looked back at my hands. “I hope so, but I feel so out of my depth knowing I am meant to become queen.”

  She hummed in agreement. “I’m afraid, my dear, that feeling will never go away. But you have years to learn, and I will show you everything I know. The first lesson is always to be proud of what you are becoming when you see your reflection.”

  I nodded. “I will remember that.”

  The Queen stood. “Now we should eat. It’s only bread and honey I am afraid, but it is nice to have company while my husband is away. His scouts said he will arrive this evening if the weather holds.”

  I sat up. “Have they found anything?”

  Her face became hard. “Not much. We already knew their wounds were a mixture of human and Spirit-Beast. Whoever it was knew how to cover their tracks and create false trails. Tama’ha hinted it was Jala’ban’s work to you and Jian. I could believe that, but there is no trace of him anywhere. I wondered if they returned back over the wall long ago, but then those dead Syberans make me worry. They were very close to Stonekeep.”

  “What motive could he have?”

  The Queen sighed. “I don’t know. Jala’ban is not careless, but maybe he never expected to run into Han and it was an unfortunate skirmish. Or maybe it is meant to unsettle and disorganize us before they plan a mass assault on the Border.” She picked up her wine and swirled it around in the exact same way I had seen Jian do. “We have so little intelligence from across the Border, we must simply be prepared for anything. The fact that you met with a Nameless only makes me more concerned.”

  I suppressed a shiver. “The East and West Passes are better defended than ever. I’m sure Jian will hold them back.”

  She gave a firm nod. “And your family’s gold and trade will ensure that even more in the years ahead.” She gave me a smile that was surprisingly sad. “Even so, best to always sleep with your sword beside you and never go out alone in the dark.” She reached across the table and cut a slice of bread. “Honey?”

  I reached Jian’s door and felt nervous butterflies battering their wings as they tried to escape my stomach. I took a deep breath, but it didn’t help. Part of me wanted to skip this stage, where everything was so uncertain, to when I felt secure with Jian. But I also didn’t want to miss a single moment. There was always the fear I would mess this up and it wouldn’t last. I could almost hear Elyanna’s voice telling me I was too plain, too boring, too fat for Jian to have any prolonged interest in me.

  I stood with my hand on the door handle until Hai Rong leaned over. “Want me to open that for you. Princess?” He was grinning from ear to ear. “It’s quite simple really, you just push the handle down.”

  I glared at him and he laughed. There were hurried movements from behind the door. Jian must have heard I was here. I licked my lips and checked for any stray hairs, tucking them behind my ears, before opening the door.

  Jian was standing right behind it, his arm outstretched to push the door handle. I stumbled backwards and let out an awkward laugh. Hai Rong looked away and snorted. I hurried in, away from Hai Rong’s amusement, and Jian left the door ajar for propriety’s sake, since I’d not brought Ruo with me. I didn’t want to imagine my guards all huddled by the door, trying to listen, so moved to the other side of the room.

  I’d never been in Jian’s reception room before, or any of his quarters. It looked like a place of long meetings and boring conversations. Everything was practical and impersonal. There were no pictures on the plastered wools, and the rugs on the floor were too worn to see their patterns.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Is this where you invite people to impress them?”

  He looked around the room in amusement. “No, this is where I take people so they listen to me instead of being distracted by their surroundings.”

  I leant on the back of a dark wooden chair, though didn’t sit. “I would like to come to some of your meetings. Just to listen. I have much to learn.”

  Jian barked a laugh. “You don’t want to sit in on my meeting with the farmers. Seriously, it’s just a checklist of making sure the right proportion of food or hay is going to the right places. My mother’s meetings would be more appropriate. I can do military, commerce and business. I struggle with politics. Mother has a way of charming people and persuading them. She creates unity and solidarity. I think you may have a gift for that too, Elyanna. We can work to our strengths, together.”

  I looked down. “I’m not sure I do have a gift for that. Certainly not like your mother.”

  Jian tilted his head. “You’ve been here a month, and half the people of Stonekeep love you.”

  I took a step back. “I haven’t interacted with many people.”

  He smirked. “Even the men on the Border seemed sad to see you go.”

  I waved my hand. “That was just because Ruo sent me with the blankets and letters. That was her doing not mine.”

  Jian was giving me a strange, knowing smile.

  “What?” I smoothed down my dress.

  “You’re just very different from what we expected. I’m afraid Syberan royalty don’t have a favorable reputation here. Most thought you would just hide in your rooms and spend a fortune importing silk and complaining about the cold.”

  To be fair, that probably was a good prediction of how Elyanna would have acted. Jian took a step closer and my thoughts slowed. “It is very cold,” I admitted. That look had returned in his eyes. The one that made me feel weightless and caused my toes to curl. “And you were the coldest thing of them all.”

  He didn’t reply but stepped right in front of me, reached out and brushed a stray curl behind my ear. His finger brushed my neck as he placed it on my shoulder. I stared forward in shock, taking in how each coat button was polished, then slowly, I reached out and touched his chest, my palm tingling. It felt like it should be forbidden to ever touch a man so intimately, let alone a prince. The boldness of it only heightened my emotions. My mouth went dry and I couldn’t swallow. I could feel my blood rushing around my body, my chest constricting. I froze, marveling at the new sensations and the way my body responded to him. I had never felt like this before, so alive. Every nerve in my body had become sensitized towards him, my stomach knotted uncomfortably yet wonderfully. His breaths deepened and came quicker beneath my fingers. I moved my hand to the center of his chest and felt his heart pounding, echoing mine. I withdrew my hand in surprise.

  He leant forward and for a terrifying, exhilarating moment, I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he rested his forehead against mine. His lips were parted. I closed my eyes. The warmth of his breath tickled my cheeks.

  I didn’t dare move, not wanting to break the feelings I was experiencing. I wanted this to go on forever.

  Slowly, he raised his hand to cup my cheek. His skin was hot, his fingers gentle. He traced his fingertips lightly across my jawline before brushing them over my throat. The emotions became too intense, and I needed space to breathe.

  I took a step back and looked down, my breaths ragged. I glanced up to gauge the Prince’s reaction, hoping I hadn’t offended him. Jian was
staring at me, his cheeks flushed and his lips still parted. His hand remained outstretched where my face had been, and he lowered it slowly.

  He tried to collect himself and gave a stiff bow. “Forgive my forwardness, Elyanna.”

  I shook my head, my mouth too dry to form words, and my mind spinning and unable to focus. I kept my eyes fixed on his face: the straight nose, the high cheekbones and the delicate set of his jaw. The way his hair rebelled against the neat way he dressed and those eyes which were normally so cold, now so open and vulnerable. I drank in how he moved, always so careful, yet strong and purposeful. I felt a gentle yet powerful warmth flood me, starting from my stomach and reaching all the way to my fingertips. A warmth that pooled behind my eyes and made me want to cry, to laugh, to dance, to bask. I wondered if this was what love felt like. If so, it was glorious, and he was mine. My betrothed. Soon to be my husband forever.

  I couldn’t help but smile, and the action broke the intensity of our shared gaze. He returned my smile and it was warm and tender. Then he grinned widely and looked down, rubbing his chin. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, experiencing, but wasn’t sure how to ask.

  “I thought you were going to kiss me then.” My heart dropped as if it couldn’t believe I’d said something so bold.

  He brought his eyes back up and they flicked to my lips. “Would you like me too?”

  A jolt both hot and cold shot down my spine. “I… I don’t know.”

  He raised an eyebrow and took a step forward taking my hands and enveloping them in his. My heart thudded so hard I was sure he would hear it. The corner of his lip twisted up. “That’s a strange answer.”

  “It’s an honest answer.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes. His whole presence bordered on too much.

  He bent his head down. “I would like to kiss you. But only with your permission.”

  I forced my eyes up and met his gaze but still couldn’t reply. I focused on breathing and trying to keep the giddiness at bay. His face was already so close.

  I realized with sudden panic, that I didn’t know how lovers kissed. What if I didn’t do it right? I wasn’t sure I could do anything right when I felt like this; it was hard enough to form a sentence. What if I was a disappointment and it broke the spell?

  His face leaned closer and I panicked and blurted, “I don’t know how.”

  He gave a breathy laugh. “Well, we have a lifetime to practice.”

  The warm sensation flooded me again, melting me from the inside out, causing me to lean on him, nestling myself in his arms as he embraced me. I tipped my head up and his lips found mine, soft and smooth and warm. The kiss was brief, tender, gentle. He moved his face away and I frowned up at him. “That’s it?” I spoke before I could think.

  He barked a breathy laugh. “I’ll try not to be offended by that comment.” He shook his hair from his forehead. “You are making no sense. You didn’t even know if you wanted to be kissed.”

  I backtracked in panic. “No, no, it was wonderful. I just thought it was more complicated than that.”

  His lips twisted into a smirk. “I’ve never heard anyone describe a kiss as complicated before.”

  I looked down and felt my cheeks heat. His arms hadn’t released me and kept me firmly against his chest as if now that he had me, he was never going to let me go. He was so strong it was like he shut the entire world away.

  “You’re very beautiful, Elyanna.” The words exhilarated and shamed me. He found me beautiful. Me, not Elyanna. This was between us and had nothing to do with her. He’s never even met her. I wasn’t lying to him, not really. Nobody here would ever know, and Elyanna was just my new name. This was between him and the real me. My mask didn’t come into it.

  Still, I wished he would use my real name. I looked down, inwardly cursing that my secret was spoiling something so perfect. Something I wanted more than anything I’d ever wanted before: an honest marriage with him.

  His fingers found my chin and lifted it. “What’s wrong?”

  I forced a smile and took his wrist. “I’m happy to be marrying you, Prince Jian.”

  He grinned. “Well, you’ve certainly caught me off guard.”

  “In a good way, I hope?”

  His smile softened, and he placed a second kiss on my forehead.

  My heart raced harder than ever, and I felt like I was going to start crying with joy. I opened my mouth but no words came. He relaxed his arms and turned so I stood beside him. “Come, we should find some food before I go to the parade ground.”

  I nodded and had to concentrate on walking properly. Everything was perfect, I wasn’t going to let my secret corrupt this. I didn’t want to ruin the best thing I’d been given in my life.

  I pretended not to notice Hai Rong’s hasty step back from the door as we passed through. I didn’t even want to contemplate what he might have heard.

  12

  The Winter Ball

  I decided to wear Elyanna’s gold dress to the ball. The one she adored. I’d never felt the urge to wear it before, but after Jian had kissed me, I wanted to be extravagant, eye catching, glorious. I didn’t want his eyes to leave me the whole night.

  Ruo was looking at me with an amused expression as she laced up the dress. “Are you thinking about Jian?”

  “Hmm?” I asked, trying to catch her meaning.

  “You’re smiling to yourself again. You’ve barely stopped talking all day, and now you’re suddenly quiet. You’re imagining his reaction to you in this dress, aren’t you?”

  I felt the heat rise up my neck. “Sorry, I’ve been so distracted. It must be irritating for you.”

  She chuckled as she wove sapphires into my hair. I had never seen them before. “He’s to be your husband next week, dear. You can daydream about him as much as you like. It’s quite allowed.”

  I shifted at her boldness. “Does it last, these feelings? Is this excitement and…” I waved my hand in a circle, unable to describe how I felt when I saw him. “Is this what love is?”

  Ruo grinned. “Do you mean, will your heart leap every time you see him? I doubt it. But I never stopped feeling warm and safe and strong with my husband. Like being with him empowered me and made me capable of achieving anything I set my mind to. Love is something that grows with time if you nurture it well. You find your attraction moves deeper and deeper beyond the physical, until you love each other’s very souls. But a healthy marriage takes work. A lot more work than falling in love.”

  I snorted. “Well, that wasn’t exactly easy either. If I am in love, I mean. I’m pretty sure he’s not, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to tell.”

  Ruo chuckled. “Give it time, dear. The two of you have spent very little time together. You will learn to read his feelings soon enough.”

  I spun Falada’s mane around my wrist. “I mean he wants to spend time with me and er… embrace me. But I know that is not always love. I just hope the feelings he has don’t fade as quickly as they came.”

  Ruo fastened a sapphire necklace around my throat. “Prince Jian didn’t want to like you, Elyanna. In fact, he was determined not to. His decision to be open with you isn’t a flight of fancy. He is careful and deliberate. He thinks through everything deeply. I don’t think you have anything to fear.”

  Only Elyanna. And what if Jian found out the truth after we were married? Would he still like me then? Surely he would see my old name and title were irrelevant?

  Ruo smiled at my reflection in the mirror. “These jewels were the Queen’s. They were part of her dowry and she wore them to the ball where she met the King. She asked me to give them to you, and I thought it apt for you to wear them tonight.

  I touched the silver and blue at my throat and hair and grinned. They highlighted my eyes and the silver in my hair. “They’re beautiful.”

  “Now remember not to drink too much wine. And that Jian does not like to dance. Don’t be hurt if he doesn’t want to dance the night away with you. He’s never liked to
be the center of attention. He can still greatly admire you while you’re sat down.”

  I nodded, though I hoped I wouldn’t have to be the one to ask him, this time.

  I helped Ruo get dressed in her own gown, and insisted she wear some of my diamonds in her greying hair. I even attempted her makeup, but her skin tone was different from mine and her almond eyes a different shape. In the end she battered my hands away with a laugh, cleaned her face, and merely reddened her lips.

  Jeremiah, Cai Hong and Hai Rong had dressed up too, though they were still armed. I complimented each of them and told them all to have a good time.

  Jeremiah grinned at me.

  “What?” I asked him, as we walked down the bare corridor.

  “I’ve never seen you this happy. It’s like it’s bubbling out of you. It suits you.”

  I elbowed him. “You’ve only known me two months, and they’ve hardly been my finest. I’m starting to believe things will get better.”

  Jeremiah nodded. “I think that’s what everyone here needs to believe.”

  His words dampened my mood a little. Was it right for me to be happy after what had happened to Han and Falada?

  Ruo seemed to catch the change in my mood and hooked her arm through mine. “Don’t overthink things, dear. Tonight is a time for joy and feasting when we shut the dark thoughts of winter away. It is a time to focus on what we have, and not what we must overcome before the days lengthen again.”

  We reached the stairs to the great hall, and thoughts of my reply were lost in the pull of the music and of the man who I knew waited within. I clenched Ruo’s arm, and she chuckled as she escorted me inside.

  The room had been transformed. The fires made it as smoky as ever, but torches and candles lit the dark corners and bright red and white berries had been hung from the roof beams. There was no feast, like there had been to welcome me, but instead guests grazed from tables against the walls. The women wore bright colors, silk or velvet with long sleeves that pooled on the floor. Tight waists were created by broad sashes of painted silk. The men wore dark traditional robes with wide shoulders, and panels that fell to the knees. I had never seen such a show of finery here. A nod to grander times long past. However, there were still a few men who wore the military uniform. And one was looking straight at me.