Feathers of Snow: A Goose Girl retelling (Kingdom of Birds and Beasts Book 1)

by Alice Ivinya

  I felt a stab of fear down my spine, not because of his anger, but because I might lose him. Lose the last thing I had left. My chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. “Lady Brianna Silver of Gilava. I am… was Princess Elyanna’s lady-in-waiting.”

  He stared at me for an eternity, then turned his dear face away from me in disgust. “So what she is saying is true? You stole her place and left her to tend geese.”

  “No! No, Jian, you must believe me.” Tears were threatening to break now, and I tried to push them back so I could explain everything. I needed him to look at me, that raging coldness to soften.

  He angled his whole body away from me and faced the wall. “When addressing nobility, you should always use a title.” He bit off each word, and now he was making my anger flare at his pettiness.

  I almost shouted at his back. “Queen Geraldina made me take her place. She was scared you would murder her daughter, and Elyanna refused to wed you. They dressed me up as her, threatened to kill my parents, and sent me instead. I had no choice. They hoped you would be none the wiser. Now Eylanna realizes she could be queen and has changed her mind. I suspect her mother thinks she’s still safe in the Winter Palace.”

  Jian swung around and flung up his hands, his chest heaving, but his voice was dangerously quiet. “You have lied to me about everything. Why should I believe you now?”

  I held his gaze and didn’t flinch. “Because deep down you know I’m telling the truth. You know me, Jian, the real me. I am unchanged.”

  Jian sagged, breathing heavily. “Do you have any idea what you have done?” He looked at me, defeated. “I have been a fool. I fell for your every trick like an idiot. I let you in when I promised myself I would keep you at arm’s length! How could you play with me like that? Play with two whole kingdoms and risk a war that could claim thousands of lives? You have risked so much pain with your stupid game.”

  I shook my head, torment exploding in my chest. I tried to step close to him again so he could see the sincerity in my face. “This is not my fault. I care about you, Jian. It was never a game. All I ever wanted was for everyone to be happy.”

  He gazed at me for a moment, his eyes drinking in every detail. “Then you’re an idiot,” he spat. He turned and swiped a vase off the nearest table before striding from the hall. The sound of breaking china accosted me as it bounced from the empty stone walls.

  I collapsed to my knees, surrounded by silken skirts and shards of pottery, and wept.

  13

  The Price of Freedom

  My wrists were tied with coarse rope, and two guards I didn’t recognize escorted me to the hall through back passages to hear what the King and Queen would do with me. The castle was silent, everyone asleep after last night festivities, despite it being hours past dawn. I was dressed in a simple brown dress and hadn’t seen Ruo or my usual guards since coming to the ball. The same two guards had collected me from the corridor where Jian had left me last night and had shut me in a small room with a pallet bed until the sounds of the festivities had long died. I was cold, tired and very alone.

  I had hoped Jian would return to the room once his head had cooled and talk things through. I had been wrong. Maybe I had misread his feelings towards me completely. But at least my conscience was clear now.

  The guards prodded me into the shadows in the corner of the hall, the tallest one laying a heavy hand on my shoulder. They had taken the royal signet ring from my finger, and a female soldier had searched me thoroughly and even removed the bracelet of Falada’s hair, despite my protests. I imagined the King and Queen had been discussing my fate with Elyanna and listening to her lies. And Jian would just let it all happen.

  I had told him the whole truth and it was as if I meant nothing to him.

  I watched the people bathed in sunlight in the center of the hall and felt as if I’d been thrown into a different world. Jian stood stiffly, his face completely blank, but distracted from the others. His skin was pale, his cheeks gaunter than before. I could tell he was hurting, and my heart nudged me to run to him and comfort him, but that wasn’t my role anymore. I had deceived him, and now he didn’t want me.

  And I had let her win. I could have lied, and he would have believed me. He had trusted me completely. They had all been in my power and I had chosen to give it all away.

  “We’re just glad you’re here and safe,” the Queen was saying to Elyanna, who was now clean and well dressed. A falcon sat on my former mistress’s shoulder and spread its wings as Fei grasped the Princess’s hands.

  The Princess’s face was a mask of long-suffering innocence, though she kept glancing at Jian, annoyed that he ignored her, instead of fawning like everyone else. For the first time in my life I felt a stab of jealousy towards my former mistress. She was going to marry him, have him, have everything. His joy was so precious because he had had so little of it, and she would ruin his life. She was the last person in the world I wanted him to marry. But he was choosing her and that was his decision. I clenched my fists in my skirts.

  “Your maid must be severely punished to make sure this never happens again,” said the King. “Her actions amount to treason towards two countries.” My mind snapped back to their conversation. Spirits, Elyanna would kill me just for fun, especially after I had bloodied her nose. Now she saw that Jian was distant to her when he hadn’t been with me, she was going to be angry and spiteful as well.

  Elyanna turned to me with bright eyes and a triumphant posture. There was no sign of our fight now. “Indeed. We need to make an example of her. She left me to die in the wilderness so she could take my place. She even killed my Spirit-Horse so it wouldn’t tell the truth.” She cocked her head and pursed her lips, enjoying the suspense. “She should be placed inside a barrel of nails and dragged through the streets by a horse until she’s dead.”

  Cold terror tore through my numbness and up my spine. The barrel was forming around me, my legs screaming from cramp. Splinters under my nails. Blood in my mouth. Too hot, hard to breathe. Only now I could also feel the nails stabbing, biting, tearing in the thunderous half-dark.

  I took my habitual deep breaths. Not again, not again, not again…

  The King’s voice echoed from far away. “If that is…”

  “No.” Jian’s voice was forceful, and he was suddenly very much present in the room. The barrel was gone, and I sagged against the guard, waiting for my strength to return. Jian still refused to look at me. My stomach twisted in agony at the coldness in his voice. “That is too public,” he said stiffly. “We don’t want this talked about any more than it already is. The maid will be disposed of quietly.”

  Elyanna frowned and opened her mouth to object, but Jian held out his hand to stop her.

  “This means that the wedding can go ahead as planned. No one needs to know that the bride has changed, and nothing needs to be delayed. All the arrangements will remain, and it can happen in six days.”

  His words hit me like a blow to the chest, and I struggled to keep my breathing calm. Jian’s words pleased Elyanna and she nodded with a sweet smile. “Yes, let’s not cause a fuss. Though we’ll have to have a new dress made. I’m much slimmer than Brianna, and knowing her, she’ll have ordered something too frilly and tasteless. I will need to see the meal and decoration plans too, as I can’t imagine she would have known what is appropriate.”

  She continued on, having already forgotten me, and the King waved a hand for the guards to remove me. As I was pushed from the room, Jian gave me one cold, angry glance that rocked my whole body, before turning back to his new bride.

  I hadn’t realized there were dungeons below the castle. There were no fires here, only the occasional torch, and the sound of the wind howled outside the walls. A tiny window high on the wall let in occasional flurries of snow. It was barely bigger than my hand. Thankfully I’d been given my fur cloak and a woolen blanket, but none of my other possessions. I wondered what would happen to them now. I supposed they always had been Elyann
a’s, except for my sword. I would miss that sword. It represented the few times in my life when I had felt strong.

  I cradled my knees and wondered what would happen to me, but Jian invaded my every thought. Jian and Elyanna. She would be queen and her cruelty would have no bounds. She would get away with everything. He wouldn’t prioritize her and that would only make things worse. She would punish and hurt him every way she could to get her revenge.

  And he had just given up on me. That hurt most of all.

  I had been so stupid. Perhaps I could have stopped all this from happening. I had always sought to placate those stronger than me rather than follow my instincts. I had done everything Elyanna and Queen Geraldina had desired. I had fought to make Queen Fei and Jian like me and please them. I had done it to keep myself safe, but it hadn’t worked. Falada was dead and I was utterly alone. I should have done what was right and told Jian the truth in the first place rather than trick him.

  The door at the top of the stairs creaked open and quick steps pattered towards me. I looked up and was surprised to see Jian heading to my cell alone. A burst of hope rippled through me and I rushed to the bars, then I saw his expression. I bit my lip to hide my emotions and gripped the bars. He still wouldn’t look at me. Did he really hate me that much?

  I forced myself to stand taller. “Why are you here?” I asked.

  He held up a leather pack. “I’ve packed food, water, money and clothes for you. Your sword is there too. A guard will escort you out of the city, then you are not to turn back. I suggest you ride far away.”

  I pressed my forehead to the bars. “Jian, you can’t marry her. She’s a murderer.”

  The Prince held up his hand. “I don’t want to hear it,” he snapped.

  “Is that really the woman you want as Queen of the Borderlands? She could do so much damage.”

  His eyes remained stubbornly on the wall, his features set in a restrained mask. “Our marriage is a political arrangement and no more. I long accepted I could do my role alone.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  He looked down at the floor, pursing his lips. “Why did you tell me the truth? You could have told me she was anyone, and I would have believed you.”

  I hugged myself. “I didn’t want to lie to you anymore. I hoped you would understand.”

  He sighed and gripped one of the prison bars with white knuckles. “I do understand, Ely… Lady Brianna. I believe you. Mother does too. Though we no longer trust you.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “But you must understand. The Border has to take priority. I can’t sacrifice the money from Sybera so I can marry you. I must marry the true Princess or risk losing it all.”

  I nodded through tears and pushed one hand through the bars to touch his arm. “Be careful,” I whispered.

  He didn’t reply but unlocked the gate and shoved the pack into my hands.

  “Don’t come back.” He muttered the words as if they were nothing, and they tore apart my soul.

  I couldn’t reply. Anger, hopelessness, shame, and confusion made a bitter tonic in my stomach. He turned and ran back up the stairs and was gone. I kicked the gate of my cell and let it clatter against the wall, then I clenched my fists. He had made his choice. So be it. I couldn’t blame him. He had always told me I would come second to his country.

  I didn’t need him. The pain in my heart cried out for comfort, but now I didn’t have Falada either. I had nobody.

  “This way,” came a male voice to my left.

  I jumped and squinted into the shadows, seeing the taller of my guards by an open door. His posture was formal and stiff and didn’t betray what he thought about Jian letting me sneak from the palace.

  He turned as I approached and led me down a narrow corridor without a word. The air grew even colder, until the floor and walls were slick with ice. I slipped and stumbled against the wall, but the guard didn’t slow or hold out a hand to steady me. What did he think of me? What did they all think of me?

  He led me to a small, empty room and gestured inside. I frowned in confusion. Wasn’t he supposed to be leading me out of Stonekeep?

  “Wait here,” he said gruffly and pushed something in my palm. I looked down as he shut the door behind him. I didn’t hear the click of a lock. Tears pricked my eyes. In my hand was Falada’s bracelet. I slipped it back onto my wrist.

  The room was empty except for an unlit metal stove built into the wall and a second door which was locked. Sunlight peeked around the edges, and I guessed it led to the outside. Maybe this was some sort of respite room for the guards to make warm drinks when on long shifts. There was a pile of wood in the corner, but it was covered in dust and cobwebs. I dropped my pack and sank to the floor, tears wracking my body as I thought of the way Jian had looked at me. I had nowhere to go. Nobody to turn to.

  The strength left my legs as soon as they didn’t have to bear my weight, and I rested my face in my knees, letting my skirts soak up my tears. I’d been playing an imaginary game. Of course it would go wrong. Girls like me weren’t meant to marry princes. I was lucky to be alive and not being tortured to death as part of Elyanna’s sadistic revenge. But it hurt so much. A great emptiness stretched in front of me and ate its way to my center. How was I going to form a life, a future, for myself from the dust of ashes?

  There was a strange clanking noise inside the oven, distracting me from my self-pity. I brushed the tears from my face with my sleeve and frowned at the closed black metal door. The banging and scraping happened again, and I crawled over and opened the door.

  The stove was deep, built right into the wall, and I realized the other side had a second door so that one person could place food or wood into the oven, and a second could take it out in another room. That door was open merely a sliver, letting in golden light. The oven itself was empty, traces of ash streaking its gridded floor.

  “Brianna? That is your name, is it not?” I froze and leaned into the oven. That was the Queen’s voice. How was she there in the other room? Her voice was far colder than she’d ever spoken to me before.

  “Yes, Your Majesty.”

  “Forgive me for the strangeness of the situation, but I promised Princess Elyanna I would not see you. This way I can honestly say I have not laid eyes on you and not spoken to you directly, merely to an oven.”

  I shifted, not sure how to reply to such a strange admission.

  “Tell me the whole truth as clearly as you can. Leave nothing out and do not lie to me. If you do, you will not leave this room alive, whatever Jian has arranged.”

  I let it all come tumbling out, trying not to let the words catch in my raw throat. As I progressed through the story, the more stupid I felt at ever believing this could have worked out in my favor. How could have I upheld a lie for the rest of my life to those I cared about most?

  There was silence on the other side of the oven, and for a moment, I was worried she had gone. Then she said, “Just because you didn’t come up with the initial idea, does not free you from blame. You still came here and willfully deceived us all. I wish you had told us.”

  I bit my lip and cradled my head in my hands. “I couldn’t risk damaging the relationship between our two countries. I thought you might kill me and declare war on Sybera for trying to deceive you.”

  “We are used to managing complex political situations. Did you really think this beyond us?”

  “I was scared, your Majesty. Queen Geraldina threatened to kill my parents. She was going to blame them for the flooding and loss of life on their lands.”

  A heavy sigh echoed through the stove. “Your feelings for my son are real?”

  “I admire him very much. I swear I never meant to hurt him.”

  She paused. “You have sent him to a dark place, Brianna. It is dangerous to give a man hope and then take it away.”

  The cold was eating through my limbs into my chest. “I… I am so sorry.”

  “Your place isn’t here, girl. But I realize this has caused you pain t
oo. Perhaps in a different life we could have been true friends. Go now. Watch your back but be free of this mess. If you want to stop causing pain and trouble, stay far away and let Elyanna think you’re dead. Don’t try to contact my son. Go and do good in the world.”

  I gripped the sides of the oven. “But what about her? She is dangerous and deceitful and cruel. Not to mention a murderer. I’m sure she killed the Syberan family in Stonekeep as well as Falada. You must stop her from killing anyone else. What if she tries to kill Jian?”

  Another pause. “We have prepared for the likes of her. She was closer to what we were expecting. It was you, in fact, who was the surprise. Spoilt younger daughters who have always learnt to have their way rarely make good queens. But they can be managed. We must pretend to accept her story as true, because to do otherwise would start a war. And Jian wants the money to protect his soldiers.”

  I nodded and wiped the tears from my face, forgetting the ash on my hands. Their affairs had nothing to do with me now. “I… I hope he can find happiness.”

  “So do I. He will find his first love embraces him again: the love of the battlefield. The admiration of his men. The thrill of escaping death. He will find his place again.”

  I nodded, imagining him fighting alone, reckless, surrounded by monsters. I shook my head. He wasn’t mine to comfort or protect anymore. I had to let him go.

  “Goodbye, your Majesty.”

  “I have a parting gift for you.” There was a soft thud inside the oven. “Next time when you see your reflection, be proud of what you are becoming. Don’t let lies determine your future.”

  “Thank you. Farewell,” I whispered, and reached into the oven.

  The far door of the stove clanged shut, and I saw a large key resting on the metal grid. Beside it was a velvet pouch. I pulled on the draw strings and fished out two silver disk earrings, polished to a high shine. The reflection caught one of my eyes, red and smeared with tear-stained kohl. I sighed and placed them into my belt pouch. I took the key and forced my frozen legs to walk to the outside door.