Duly Noted

by H. M. Shander

  By the time the moon rose, Nate’s class of cars were reading. A whole new wave of nervousness descended upon her as the cars shimmied and shook on the track, warming their tires and getting into their placements. Nate was seventh of ten. She twisted in her seat and picked at her nails while reminding herself to breathe.

  “You’re doing great.” Lucas wrapped an arm over her shoulders. “You’ve managed fantastically so far. You should be proud of yourself.” He gave her a comforting squeeze. “Don’t watch if you don’t want to.”

  “I think it’s important that I do.” She stared at his car. Thirty laps and she’d be executing the final step in her plan, and with a little faith, it would all work out.

  The cars zoomed around the track after the green flag dropped. A few laps in, and Nate advanced from seventh to fourth. Marissa maintained the lead, with the #33 and #7 ahead of Nate’s #15. Ten laps completed, and the order had changed slightly as Nate overtook the #7. Halfway done and the top three were Marissa, #33, and Nate, and they fought to hold the top three.

  “I thought you said Nate’s heart wasn’t in it?” She nudged Lucas, a nervous smile edging the corners of her lips.

  “Maybe he changed his mind for his final race. You know, go out a winner and all?”

  Focused on the board, she sighed as there were only seven laps remaining. Marissa slowed enough out of turn three that #33 passed her. On the straightaway, the distance between first and third was microseconds. Marissa came within inches of #33, and Nate was right on her tail. The battle for first began. Nate took to the outside wall on turns one and two, as Marissa clipped #33, causing him to spin out and take Marissa with him.

  Aurora gasped, fearing for Nate, but caught her breath as he sailed around them both as the new leader. However, the caution flag dropped, and the race slowed to a crawl.

  Lucas pushed closer to her and held her hand. “It’s all good. Remember, we watched all those videos?”

  “Ah huh,” she said, unable to move her eyes off Nate’s car.

  Those videos, or as Lucas called them “The Phobia Desensitizers” were not the best way to spend a Monday night. However, after the seven-hundredth crash, she finally understood that most truly did walk away un-injured. Only four NASCAR drivers had died in the past ten years, none of them at this track.

  The drivers lined back up – Nate in first, #33 in second and Marissa in last place, as she was the instigator. The flag dropped green and the final seven laps were gripping nail-biters, as Nate held on to the lead, but just.

  Aurora couldn’t take her eyes off Marissa, who passed car after car attempting to catch up to the leaders. She showed off her aggressiveness, weaving in and around the others. With two laps left, she’d caught up to fourth place. Nate still held first, with #33 a close second.

  The white flag flew – the final lap – and Aurora sat on the edge of her seat. Nate still had first and just had to hang on for four more turns. Three turns. Two turns. Final turn. She screamed with untold joy as he crossed the line, the checkered flag his. Taking a victory lap around, he parked his car in the number one spot as Aurora raced down the stairs, poster in hand. She’d been hoping for a podium: first, second or third. Nate getting first meant she had a couple more minutes to sweat it out.

  The announcer went to the track, as he always did, to interview the drivers. He started with third – Marissa – and asked her thoughts on the race. She blabbed for a few minutes while Aurora moved along the fence and stood in front of Nate’s car. Nothing but the chain-link fence and eight feet of air separating them. God he looked good, sweaty and smiling, even though the smile didn’t touch his eyes.

  The announcer talked to the second place driver, but Aurora only had eyes for Nate who sat on the edge of his window, his helmet on the roof. He wasn’t looking into the crowds, but rather down the line towards Marissa. His hand raised with his thumb rubbing against his fingers. Had they placed a bet?

  As the announcer walked over to him, he hopped out of his car and she pressed the poster against the chain-link fence. Her face smiled with nervous tension above it.

  The announcer asked, “So how was the race for you?”

  Nate held the mic. “It was good. I was a little nervous that Marissa was going to take me out at one point.” He laughed as he pointed towards her, giving her a friendly wave. “But it’s all good. It’s the spirit of the game, right?” Continuing on, he thanked his competitors for making the sport fun, and his sponsors for making it possible.

  The announced handed him the first place trophy.

  Aurora took a deep breath. As Nate held it, his mouth froze in a firm smile. Was he feeling overwhelmed? She knew what was coming. God, he really did love racing. It must be killing him to think he just raced his final race and was now preparing to announce his retirement. Because of her. The trophy held his focus while he remained at a loss for words. Very un-Nate like.

  “Thank you,” he finally spoke. “I have an announcement to make, and tonight’s win makes it even harder.”

  She saw the tension in him, his shoulders high and tight. “Look in my direction,” she willed him. “Please.”

  “Tonight’s race is my–” As he glanced around the stands, his eyes stopped on her. Curiously he stepped forward. He saw the poster as she hoped. Looking at it, his eyes roved upwards. “What the hell?” he said, unaware he still held the mic, and it was still broadcasting. The air was electric. “Aurora?” Her name boomed through the grandstand, silencing the crowd as he walked towards the outside wall and fence. “Seriously?” His voice held shock, but his face held something else. Joy? Curiosity?

  She felt a hand on her shoulder, and Lucas’ voice in her ear. “Go to him.”

  As she turned, the crowd beside her stepped back when they noticed who Nate was looking at. Lucas pushed her towards the now open gate where the guard stood smiling.

  Nate met her at the wall. “You’re here. You’re really here.” She nodded and stepped over to the edge of the wall. “How?”

  “Lots and lots of practising.”

  His face lit up like a thousand-watt bulb. Noticing the mic in his hand, he passed it to the announcer a couple feet behind him and returned his focus to her. “But–”

  “I did it for you and me.” Footsteps approached from behind her, and she looked to see Lucas. “He helped me. We wanted it to be a surprise.”

  Nate looked from her up to his little brother and back to her again. “I… I’m totally surprised.”

  “Please don’t retire. I know how much this sport means to you.” She looked beyond him to see Brenda rushing onto the track, Chris and Max a few short steps behind. “You said you’d never give up on me, so here I am today.” She pulled the necklace out from under her shirt. “Love, hope and faith, right?”

  She squatted, ready to hop onto the track. Instead Nate lifted her onto the asphalt. Her voice echoed throughout the track as the announcer hadn’t stepped away yet. “You had faith in me that I’d overcome my fear, and I’m working on it because I’m standing here before you. Drug free, I may add.”

  No flood lights needed as he could’ve lit up the entire track with the smile on his face.

  “The racing is part of who you are. I was a fool to say your hobby and my fear don’t belong together because it’s what brought us together. You told me you loved me, and with all my heart I am so in love with you, and I have faith that we can be together again. Can you ever forgive–”

  His lips pressed into hers.

  The crowd roared around them.

  As they broke apart, the announcer declared, “Our first place winner, Nate Johnson, is going home with more than just a trophy tonight.” He clapped with the crowd and leaned closer to the couple. “Congrats.”

  For a moment, it was only her and Nate, but as the crowd clapped and cheered, she remembered they weren’t alone. Many members of the pit stood along the inside wall, and fans lined the fence. The grandstand was on their feet. She hated being the centre of
attention.

  “I need to get off the track so the super-trucks can race,” he said, giving her another kiss. “Go to my spot?”

  She nodded. “I promise.” With Lucas beside her, she joined Brenda, Chris and Max and they walked together into the pit.

  “I owe you a huge apology, Aurora,” Brenda said. “You’ve come a long ways since Nate’s accident. I’m taking back what I said. You are good for Nate and I’m so glad everything worked out the way you hoped.” Motherly arms wrapped around her, which she melted into.

  “Well, I suppose I have you to thank for all of this. Because if you hadn’t confirmed out loud what I was already thinking, I wouldn’t have had the drive to do what I needed to do.” She looked at Brenda. “You have amazing children. Lucas and Chris have been so helpful over the past couple of months, especially Lucas. You’ve done a great job raising your children, and I love them to pieces.” It felt fucking awesome to be a part of a family.

  Lucas jumped into the conversation. “You should’ve seen the look on his face, Mom. I wish I had video'd it. He was so surprised.”

  “Well, I think you’ve kept him from retiring,” Brenda said.

  She linked arms with Brenda. “I hope so.”

  They stopped at Nate’s spot, watching as he drove in. He launched himself out from his car and raced over to where she stood, lifting and spinning her in his arms.

  “I can’t believe you’re really here,” he said, holding her tight. “It feels like a dream.”

  She pinched him.

  “Ow, what was that for?”

  “See, it’s not a dream.” She smiled as she basked in delirious joy of being back in his arms where she felt safe and happy.

  After a moment, he pushed her out of his arms, leaving his hands on her shoulders. “Wait a minute, aren’t you with Matthew?”

  She laughed, harder than she meant to but it was so funny to see the twisted, confused look on Nate’s face. “No fucking way!”

  “But, that day I saw you two, and he kissed you.”

  “Yeah, he kissed me. I wasn’t kissing him back. In fact, if you’d hung around longer, you could’ve watched me punch him. Or try to. I wasn’t very successful.” She stared into his eyes. “I chased after you to tell you that, but you sped away.” Hanging her head, she whispered, “As much as Matthew may have wanted it, there was never anything between us. Just that one night. One stupid night I’ll regret for the rest of my life.”

  “But why him? That’s the part I never understood.”

  She swallowed. “His wife – Rebecca, was the passenger in the other car in my accident. She died that night, alongside my mom and sister.”

  “Oh wow.” He wrapped his arms back around her. “Well, that conversation now makes a little more sense.”

  She breathed him in, each breath healing her broken heart. “It was never him. Always you.”

  He kissed her again and lifted her. “I still can’t believe you’re here. And everyone knew?”

  Right, she forgot the others were standing there still. Oh well, she’d confessed her sins so many times over, there was nothing left to hide. “Only Lucas and Chris, and your mom to a small degree.” Her feet touched the pavement again. “Once I heard you planned on retiring, I pushed myself harder, knowing it was important to be out here before you said anything.”

  “How’d you know?” When she didn’t speak, he turned to face Lucas, who stood there smiling. “Never mind. I’ll deal with you later.”

  “Don’t.” She playfully punched him. “You owe him. He spent all his free time with me, going through everything over and over again. Sometimes Chris would be there too. Your family’s pretty fucking awesome.” Pride filled her heart and soul. They had taken a damaged bird and helped bring her back to life.

  A look of concern filled his face. “How’d they do it?”

  She explained although Lucas filled in the details of the first few trips. “Simple rides home from the library to start with. Two-minute drives that seriously felt like hours.” Talk about testing an eighteen-year-old’s perseverance to distraction. They discussed the many smaller trips around, some trips taken four or five times a day. Lucas had practically lived at her place over the summer.

  “Well, I started sessions with a new therapist, one of Chris’s colleagues,” Aurora said. “She encouraged me to pour out every single fear I have, or had, about being in a vehicle, and to write them down in point form.” She shook, remembering the long list. “When I finished, I’d listed over fifty separate fears. So she put together game plans and agendas to help each fear become less. Well, more accepted than feared. Then Chris would show up once a week and offer suggestions, overseeing a few rides.” She looked around for her, and in spotting her, waved her over. “I took every bit of her advice to heart.”

  Chris smiled. “She really did. We role played and practised. Sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. Whatever it took. She never gave up.”

  Lucas added, “It was incredible watching her transform. To see her push herself over and over until something as simple as buckling herself into the car could be done without panic.”

  Aurora watched the sadness crawl across Nate’s face when Lucas spoke.

  “I wish I was there to watch, or help,” Nate said.

  She grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You were. You were here,” she pointed to her head, “and here.” She pointed to her heart. “You may be the driving force behind the need to get this done, but don’t get all smug thinking I only did this to keep you from retiring.”

  He raised an eyebrow, and she melted on the spot. Oh how she’d missed that.

  “I didn’t do it just for you, I did it for me. I love you so much and each day without you was worse than the day before. I needed to do this, to make it manageable, so I can hopefully be a part of your life.” A deep sigh. “I’m not cured, not by a long shot, but it’s doable now. I can’t promise any cross-country trips, but I can get safely around town.”

  “Can you drive again?”

  Laughter rang out from behind her. “Baby steps, man.” Lucas clapped Nate on the shoulder. “I’m leaving that for you,” he said, winking at Nate. “Besides, there’s still the return trip home.”

  “I’m so amazed,” Nate said, shaking his head. “Like, you have no idea how amazed. Seeing you there, I was shocked. At first I wondered how many drugs you took, and then I wondered who drove you here.” He looked at Lucas and pointed a finger at him. “You’re a sneaky bugger. All this time I thought you were hanging out with a girlfriend.”

  “I was,” he said. “Aurora’s my friend, and she’s a girl.” He stuck his tongue out at his big brother and laughed as he walked away.

  “So, my brother, eh?” His voice a joking, happy sound.

  Aurora smiled, but cast her gaze down. “Yeah, he’s become a great friend. It was comforting having that time with him. I’ll cherish it. But he’s not the one I want to be with.”

  A smug look crossed his face. “Oh yeah, who do you want to be with?”

  She stood on her tippy-toes and kissed him. “Who do you think?”

  “Ian, maybe?” His eyes never left hers.

  A playful nudge. “No thanks. I want to be with you.”

  “Duly noted.” He kissed her and swung her around. “And how is everything, you know, with the detox?”

  Her eyes widened in shock. “You knew about that?” She glanced around to see who would’ve mentioned anything.

  “I overheard a conversation between you and Chris. And… I watched you like a hawk at work. You know, I heard they were going to fire you at one point.”

  Arrogance filled her face. “I quit at one point.”

  “What?”

  “You didn’t know?” He shook his head. “That day you saw Matthew and me together? After I chased you, I went back into the library and quit.”

  “Ah, I see. Thought maybe they moved you to evenings as I didn’t see you anymore. Then we moved job sites a
couple weeks later, so–” His hand waved through the air. “But back to my question, Miss Avoidance. How are things with the detox?”

  “Okay.” Stretching her neck, she turned her head and sighed before answering. “Had a few relapses and setbacks, and some really bad days, but I’m getting there. I’ve been clean for twenty-two days now. The anxiety’s more manageable and I’m finding other ways to deal with the chronic pain.”

  “Really? How so?”

  “I hate physical therapy, but it works. And because it’s so fucking brutal, I’m allowed one Advil after a session which I have to take it there.” Her last session had been the first one where she’d actually refused the pain killer as it was tolerable, something she’d been rather pleased about. “And as far as Xanax goes, I’m allowed two pills out at a time. Chris has taught me other forms of distraction, which we used today in fact. However, now I have guilt when I take one because it feels so good.”

  “Say what?”

  “It’s like chocolate. You know, you want a piece so bad, and then when you have it, you feel guilty because you know what it’s doing to your body?” Nate squinted at her as he shook his head. “Must be a girl thing. Anyways, I’m working on it and trying my best. Day to day.” A loud sigh blew from her chest. It felt good being able to catch Nate up on everything. “Between your sister, the new therapist, the physical therapist and Lucas, I’d say we crammed over a year’s worth of therapy sessions into a few short weeks.”

  He shifted on his feet. “Love, hope and faith, right?”

  “I hope you’ll never give up on me.”

  He beamed. “I’ll just continue to have hope and faith for our future.”

  “God, I love you, Nate Johnson.”

  “I love you more, Aurora MacIntyre.”

  “I love you most.”

  “Duly noted.”

  Dear Reader,

  I hope you enjoyed Duly Noted. As much as I enjoyed writing it. I really love Aurora and Nate, and their spunk and feistiness. Many readers have wrote to me and asked “What’s next for them? And what about Lucas? Does Kaitlyn ever meet someone and fall in love?” And my personal favourite is “WTH is on the poster?” I’ll never tell (wink wink) but I’d love to know what you think is on it. So stay tuned because things haven’t quieted down for the MacIntyres nor the Johnsons.