Unsuspecting Trouble (The Inscrutable Paris Beaufont Book 3)

by Sarah Noffke

  Paris was about to warn Faraday to be good and leave for breakfast when her phone buzzed with a message.

  She glanced at it, hoping that it was her Aunt Sophia or Uncle John or anyone but who she realized the message was from.

  She liked the person that the message was from but only in small doses. The king of the fae challenged her patience and her brain cells. However, when Paris read the text from King Rudolf Sweetwater, she instantly felt remorse for her judgment. He was in trouble. Or at least one of his daughters was. His message read:

  Something has happened to Captain Morgan. Will you meet me at Heals Pills on Roya Lane? Then we’ll go to the Fantastical Armory. Papa Creola has information.

  Paris didn’t issue a warning to Faraday to behave after reading the message. She hoped that the talking squirrel knew not to investigate things that he shouldn’t after the night before. Even if he did, she was okay with it. They wouldn’t have learned Hemingway’s history if Faraday hadn’t gone into the Bewilder Forest, and for some reason, it was meaningful to Paris.

  She waved to the squirrel, hurried out the door, and headed for the Enchanted Grounds where she could open a portal to Roya Lane, the protective charm securely fastened around her neck along with the heart-shaped locket.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  One thing was certain a few moments after Paris had been on Roya Lane: the Deathly Shadow knew she was there.

  The wind ripped through her hair and clothes, trying to yank the protective charm from around her neck.

  I’m so done with wind, she thought, holding the protective charm and heart-shaped locket in her grasp as she ran through the cobbled streets. Paris veered around vendors and slow walkers with apparently nowhere to be, making haste to get to Heals Pills. She’d been by the shop hundreds of times, but for some reason, hadn’t gone in there.

  On her first time into the small shop, Paris burst through the door and slammed it behind her, pressing her back against it, nearly out of breath.

  King Rudolf Sweetwater and another man glanced up from the register at the sight of her, curiosity on their faces. Thankfully the shop was empty. Even better, the Deathly Shadow didn’t seem to have followed her inside, although she saw the violent wind whipping around Roya Lane, making magicians’ hair fly into their faces, lifting skirts, and knocking over small carts.

  Paris spun after checking the streets and sucked in a breath. “I was being followed by the Deathly Shadow.”

  The fae rushed over, looking out the glass at Roya Lane. “Did he have my daughter with him?”

  Paris squinted at him, wondering if he was serious. “The Deathly Shadow doesn’t have a body and currently is taking the form of invisible wind.”

  King Rudolf gave her a confused look. “Does that mean no? Remember, she’s about this high.” He held his hand up to his shoulder. “And she’s gorgeous and really spoiled.”

  “If the Deathly Shadow had her, I didn’t see, but I’m going to say no,” Paris confirmed.

  The fae nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t think it would be that easy to find Captain Morgan, although according to Papa Creola, it’s pretty certain that the Deathly Shadow has her.”

  “Why?” Paris instantly felt remorse for the king of the fae. It must be awful to have one of your children taken.

  He pulled his phone from his pocket. “Well, I got this message from Captain Morgan before her phone stopped working.” After scrolling through a few screens, he showed it to her. The message said, “Dad, this windy thing that makes me sad took me and is holding me prisoner. He keeps saying something about halflings and is the angry type. I’m in a cold warehouse that’s worse than that one time I had to stay in a motel because I was trying to make it on my own. Find me. Hurry. I have a spray tan tomorrow.”

  Paris glanced up, her heart beating fast. “Why would he take her? He wants me.”

  “That was my question,” King Rudolf said. “I was going to offer you in return, but when I tried calling Captain Morgan, her phone went straight to voicemail so she either dropped it in the toilet again or the Deathly Shadow realized she had it and confiscated it.”

  “Good to know I was a bartering chip for you,” Paris said dryly.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Don’t you think that the Deathly Shadow allowed her to keep her phone until she sent the message?” Paris asked.

  King Rudolf scratched his head while thinking it over. “That makes sense. I wondered why this evil and powerful entity who could trap my daughter—who has escaped from the mafia, like, three times—forgot about the cell phone.”

  “Do you think he knew that you’d tell me and I’d use this as an opportunity to track him down and fight him? And that’s also why the Deathly Shadow was stationed on Roya Lane, seemingly waiting for me?” Paris asked. “I mean, the only way to get my parents back is to face the Deathly Shadow. He must know I’ll want to track him down at some point, but he’s trying to steal the advantage by taking Captain Morgan.”

  “That’s weird,” King Rudolf said. “That’s what Papa Creola said, followed by ‘why else would anyone annoy themselves by listening to Captain Morgan explaining the last ten seasons of Big Brother otherwise.’”

  “Do you think that’s what she’s doing?” Paris had to ask. “Do you think she’s talking to her captor?”

  “Well, not right now.” Rudolf pointed out to Roya Lane. “I mean, the Deathly Shadow is here, but don’t worry, he can’t get in here. There are similar wards on Heals Pills as Crying Cat Bakery. As long as you stay in here, you’re safe.”

  “Cool,” Paris chirped, annoyed. “The only problem is that you said we needed to go and see Papa Creola for further information at the Fantastical Armory. Oh, and there’s that whole thing where I can’t live the rest of my life here.”

  King Rudolf nodded. “Yeah, the lighting in this place isn’t the best. You’d definitely get tired of this space after a year or so.”

  Paris refrained from rolling her eyes. “I hope that Captain Morgan is okay. We need to get to Papa Creola so we can figure out the next step. The Deathly Shadow is prowling the streets of Roya Lane, has your daughter, and we need to stop him, but we currently don’t have any of the advantages. We need Father Time’s help. How do we get to the Fantastical Amory with that angry entity waiting outside?”

  The guy who had been quietly hanging out by the cash register strode over. “I think that’s where I can help. My name is Ramy Vance, and I’ll happily die today for this cause.”

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  “Wow, thank you, but that’s not necessary.” Paris’ eyes were wide as she took in the guy before her, offering to die to help her. He appeared normal with short curly brown hair and an honest face, but she hadn’t met anyone who would make such a strange offer.

  “No, it’s totally necessary,” King Rudolf said. “Yes, this is how you’ll die today.”

  Paris shook her head adamantly. “No, I’m sure we can get to Papa Creola some other way.”

  “It’s fine,” the fae argued. “Ramy wants to do it.”

  The strange guy nodded. “Yeah, I want to do it.”

  Paris gulped. “What the hell do you sell here? Hallucinogens? Are you both taking them?”

  “Yes,” Rudolf answered at the same time that Ramy said, “No.”

  “This is Heals Pills,” the king of the fae explained. “We sell an elixir made from dragon eggshells. I started it with your Aunt Sophia. Ramy here is our only store clerk, and he fell into the fountain of youth—”

  Paris rubbed her hands over her temples. “Please tell me we’re not playing the two truths and a lie game?”

  “These are all truths,” King Rudolf stated. “Anyway, Ramy can’t die so—”

  “Easily,” Ramy interrupted, holding up a finger.

  “Easily,” the fae repeated. “Anyway, he can be killed and often is because part of the payment for him not being able to die easily is that he’s accident-prone.”

  “How often
do you die?” Paris blinked at the guy.

  “Ten to twelve times,” Ramy answered.

  “A year?” Paris questioned, shocked.

  “A day,” he corrected.

  Paris could only imagine how shocked she looked right then. “I’m sorry, this is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard of.”

  “That’s the most bizarre thing?” King Rudolf asked. “Wow, I’ve got some stories for you. I mean, I can top that with some tales from a single week I spent in Cabo San Lucas.”

  “Please don’t,” Paris begged.

  “Anyway, it sounds like you need a diversion to make it down to the Fantastical Armory,” Ramy said to her. “So how about I put on a disguise that looks like you and stride out the opposite way down Roya Lane? That mean wind thing will follow me. Kill me. Meanwhile, you can get down to Papa Creola.”

  “Wow, are you serious?” Paris asked. “That would be amazing.”

  Ramy grinned proudly. “I’m happy to help. I hear you’re pretty important and that if the Deathly Shadow gets you, we’re all screwed.”

  “Yeah, it’s going to be like that one time I had to go bowling because I lost a bet with a gnome,” King Rudolf offered. “My hands felt greasy for a whole week.”

  Paris shook her head at him. “I think Ramy was referring to lights out for the world if the Deathly Shadow got a body and killed Father Time.”

  “Well, that would be sucky too,” Rudolf agreed. “But seriously, have you ever been bowling? It’s the grossest sport ever. The only thing worse than that is the knowledge that people eat chili cheese fries between frames. Like, do these weirdos not care about their lives and cleanliness?”

  Paris stared at the fae for a long moment, trying to figure out if he was serious or not. Deciding not to give him any more attention, she turned her focus to Ramy. “I appreciate your help. I have to ask. If you can’t be killed—”

  “Easily,” Ramy interrupted.

  “Right,” she said at once. “If you can’t die easily, why don’t you work somewhere that better utilizes your talents? Or use your lives to save the world? Or I don’t know, do something really big?”

  “Well, this shop saves lives every day,” Ramy said proudly. “Heals Pills is a miracle drug. Because of that, the shop is constantly under threat. I die regularly having to defend it.”

  “Wow.” Paris was shocked.

  “Yeah, and I’ve been a bodyguard to the very best actors,” Ramy said. “I’ve done lots of things. Although I could use my lives to save the world, unfortunately, when I’ve tried, I’ve made things worse. So this is a good intermediate position for my talents.”

  Rudolf nodded. “Ramy-Cans is right. He’s a walking accident. Anywhere he goes, he creates problems. Send him in to disarm nuclear weapons, and he’ll blow up the world. He’s best doing lower-level jobs.”

  “Are you sure that being a diversion will be okay?” Paris was suddenly nervous about the plan.

  “Yeah,” Ramy answered. “All I have to do is look like you, run out of the shop the opposite way you have to go and die. Now, if there were one more part of the equation, I’d say you couldn’t rely on me. Dress up as a girl, make an angry man chase me, and die? Well, I can do that all day long.”

  “And you’ll come back?” Paris worried she was asking too much of this guy she’d just met.

  He nodded. “For sure. I’ll be back in time for the afternoon shift.”

  “Good, because you need to put away that new shipment,” King Rudolf stated.

  “You could add a please to that,” Paris scolded.

  “Right,” the fae said. “Because I’d be pleased if you put away that new shipment. Right away. As soon as you awake from dying. No breaks. Okay.” He turned to Paris. “How was that?”

  She shook her head. “We have Captain Morgan to rescue. The Deathly Shadow for me to defeat. My parents who I need to get back. Let’s get on with this. Thanks for your help, Ramy.”

  He winked at her. “I look forward to dying over and over again for you, Paris Beaufont, who I’ve seen many times on Roya Lane but couldn’t speak to until now.”

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  “Wow, I have…” Ramy’s mouth popped open as he patted his chest after taking on the same appearance as Paris.

  “Take your hands off my chest…your chest,” she scolded.

  His face flushed pink. “Sorry. I just don’t get the opportunity to feel—”

  “Please don’t finish that sentence.” Paris thought of plugging her ears.

  Ramy grinned at Rudolf. “I like her. She’s polite.”

  “She told you not to talk about your lack of game,” King Rudolf stated.

  “But she said please.” Ramy held up one finger.

  It unnerved Paris to see an exact duplicate of herself talking in front of her. However, she reasoned that if it were spooky to her, it would work to fool the Deathly Shadow. It wouldn’t work for long, but hopefully long enough to give her and King Rudolf a chance to escape the shop and get down Roya Lane to the Fantastical Armory. It saddened her that Ramy would have to suffer and die for it, but he seemed happy to help.

  “Okay.” Ramy peered out the shop’s front window. “When you two are ready.”

  “Ramy-Cans,” King Rudolf began, putting his hand on the guy’s shoulder. “You know that I’m very fond of you. You’ve worked for me for twenty years and helped to grow Heals Pills to the empire that it is. The company wouldn’t be what it is without you. But so help me, if you screw this up, I will find a way to kill you for good.”

  Paris was about to scold her pseudo-uncle, but Ramy held up his hands as if in surrender. “I promise not to. I won’t trip on the pavement and die prematurely. I won’t get struck by random lightning although there isn’t a cloud in the sky. I won’t, yet again, get hit by a wrecking ball although there doesn’t appear to be any demolition sites anywhere.”

  Rudolf gave him a stern expression. “You better not. You have one job and a very easy one. Run out of here the opposite way of the shop that we need to reach and let a deadly and evil entity murder you in the streets. It’s not that hard. Don’t mess it up.”

  Ramy nodded. “I’ll try and make you proud.” He glanced at Paris. “I hope to see you again soon. After I come back to life again.”

  Paris smiled. “Thanks for your help, Ramy.”

  Without another word, the guy who looked like Paris sprinted out of Heals Pills. She and Rudolf waited for a moment, but the clues that the Deathly Shadow had taken the bait were immediately apparent as a gust of wind streaked after the doppelgänger, sending newspapers and debris in all directions, knocking down people and creating havoc as it streaked after Ramy.

  Paris felt bad for the guy who would no doubt feel pain from the weird death, but she shook that off when King Rudolf grabbed her hand and yanked her out the door and down Roya Lane.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Paris and King Rudolf didn’t stop running until they burst into the Fantastical Armory. Although Paris wanted to believe that maybe the Deathly Shadow didn’t do anything painful to Ramy, the screams behind her told her otherwise. He wouldn’t have a protective charm and would be easy pickings for the evil entity. However, she relished the fact that they’d deceived the soulless monster.

  Subner glanced up unhurriedly from his book when the pair burst into the shop. Papa Creola’s assistant was sitting in the same spot behind the counter in the strange store when Paris and Rudolf entered. He’d pulled back his greasy black hair, and he wore the same scowl as before.

  “Oh, I thought there was at least one distinct way my day could get worse.” Subner blew out a sigh of frustration. “I should have realized there were two.”

  “Good to see you too, Sub,” Rudolf chirped and glanced over his shoulder, checking the streets. It didn’t appear they’d been followed. “How long has it been?”

  “Not long enough,” Subner answered.

  “So he doesn’t like you either,” Paris said to the k
ing.

  “Subner loves me,” Rudolf stated.

  “You’re the third-worst person on Mama Jamba’s planet,” Subner explained.

  Rudolf flashed a proud grin. “See there? I beat out two horrible people. I can only imagine the losers who you loathe more than me.”

  “One of them is standing right next to you,” Subner explained. “The first one spawned that halfling.”

  Paris rolled her eyes, then directed her gaze at Rudolf. “If you’re wondering what I did to deserve such disdain, I have no clue.”

  “You were born,” Subner grumbled.

  “Well, I’m so sorry for my existence,” Paris said.

  “I don’t think you really mean that,” the elf stated dryly. “If you do and you want to do this world a favor, you should off yourself. Then the Deathly Shadow can’t absorb you, get more powerful, and come after Papa Creola. That’s the easiest solution to all our problems.”

  “He makes an excellent point,” King Rudolf mused.

  Paris’ eyes widened with horror. “I’m not offing myself. That’s not the solution. And we need to get Captain Morgan back. Aren’t you worried about her?”

  The fae shrugged. “Honestly, I bet the Deathly Shadow came to Roya Lane to get away from her. That girl can nag someone enough that they’d want to kill themselves.”

  “Sounds like the Captain and Paris need to spend a lot of time together,” Subner offered, his eyes back on his book.

  “Do you have to be here?” Paris asked.

  “It’s my shop, so yes,” the elf answered.

  Papa Creola strode through the door at the back of the shop, not surprised to find Paris and Rudolf standing inside the entrance. “Paris isn’t killing herself to solve the Deathly Shadow problem. Mama Jamba wants her for things.”