Wrestling With Love

by Whitney Shope

  “I'm so sorry Trevor. I should've just told you from the beginning, but I just didn't know how-”

  “Hey, listen to me. I wish you'd told me sooner, but I also can't imagine how hard that had to be to share with anyone, let alone to go through it.”

  “It's incredibly hard. It's the reason I am the way I am, the reason I've been so closed off to certain feelings.” Mila said, only really admitting to herself for the first time at that moment too.

  “I get that. But please just know that, when you're ready to share whatever you want to share, I'm here.”

  “Thank you, Trevor, for everything.”

  Mila finally noticed the heavy clip at which the snow was coming down outside.

  “When did this start?” she asked, making her way over to the window.

  “About an hour ago. According to the news, there's a pretty major snowstorm headed our way so it looks like I might be crashing here on your couch tonight. If that's alright with you, I mean I can-”

  “Trevor it's fine. I'm not going to kick you out into a blizzard!” she said.

  From her new vantage point in front of her living room window, Mila could see the city becoming wrapped in a beautiful blanket of snow.

  “Thank you, Mila, I appreciate it and I promise I won't be any trouble, I'll just-”

  Trevor was still talking but Mila was completely caught up in the beautiful sight of the snowstorm and the sense of peace and tranquility it brought.

  “Trevor-” she said, without removing her eyes from the view outside.

  “Yeah?”

  She took a deep breath, this time knowing that her entire truth had to come out if she ever wanted to build any kind of relationship with Trevor – be it friendship or more.

  “Umm, I think I'm ready to talk about it.”

  Chapter Four

  T revor stopped adjusting the pillows on the couch and looked up at Mila, who looked equal parts vulnerable and calm.

  “Are you sure? Mila, I don't want you to think you have to talk about anything you don't want to.”

  “I know” she quietly replied.

  She made her way over to the couch, sitting down and patting the seat next to her. As he sat down, Mila pulled one of the pillows close.

  Taking a deep breath, she launched into the story. The story of them, of him, of who they had been as a whole.

  “I met Michael Laneheart when I was 19. My best friend back home, Lacey was dating Michael's cousin, and one night we both ended up at the same party. God, he was beautiful. I still remember the first time I saw him, grabbing a drink in the kitchen. He must've felt me staring at him because when he turned around, he looked right at me and smiled that huge smile of his...”

  She felt the tears pushing their way to the surface.

  “Mila you don't...”

  She simply put a hand up to stop him from going any further.

  “We spent the rest of that evening huddled up somewhere in a corner of the party just talking and getting to know each other. I never felt a connection like that with anyone. Only him. We were attached at the hip for the next few weeks until one day when he asked me to be his girlfriend.”

  Mila smiled at the memory. This was typically her reaction to thoughts of him, mental images of his sweet face. They either brought smiles of remembrance or tears of longing.

  Trevor just sat there, intently listening to Mila's story.

  “We got an apartment together about 3 months after we began dating.”

  “Wow, you must've been in love!”

  Mila looked at Trevor, trying to gauge his real response. Was this story making him uncomfortable?

  “We were. We really were.”

  Mila's voice trailed off, the feeling that Trevor's statement evoked sinking into her, settling down as a part of her drifted away into the memories of a life she’d long since lost.

  “You okay? You want to stop?” Trevor asked.

  “No, no. It's just that sometimes I tend to get lost in the memories when I think of them.”

  “That's understandable. You never want to lose those memories, so you cling to them.”

  “Yeah, plus I've never shared this with anyone else.”

  Trevor offered a small smile and his hand to hold onto Mila gave a weak smile back before continuing.

  “So, on my 21st birthday, he surprised me by asking me to be his wife. I was thrilled beyond words. I started wedding planning right away with my older sister Andrea and my 2 best friends Carla and Lacey. And 8 months later we were officially husband and wife. It was a small, simple but beautiful wedding.”

  “We rented a little townhouse and started really focusing on our future goals. I was finishing my journalism degree and working part-time for a small local entertainment publication. Mikey was working lead construction for a major company with hopes to start his own someday.”

  Mila paused to smile faintly at the memories.

  “Finally, I graduated from journalism school! I was so excited, I mean, this meant so many opportunities ahead. The night of my Graduation we were all going to go out to a club, dance, have a couple of drinks. But that... that's where it all went wrong.”

  As the snowfall increased in intensity outside, Trevor sat next to Mila on her couch, listening to her words fall around them like the snowflakes outside.

  “We all decided to go out that night to celebrate me and Carla's Graduation from journalism school. We were going to this popular club called Diamond Light. It was Lacey, Eric, Angela, Carla and her boyfriend Tony and Mikey and me. When we got there, we found out we had even more reason to celebrate because Tony had proposed to Carla after the ceremony earlier that day. Everyone was in good spirits. Mikey and Lacey were our designated drivers for the night because they both had to work the next morning.”

  Mila inhaled sharply, causing Trevor to squeeze her hand reassuringly.

  “Take your time, Mila.”

  “We had a fun time that night. We danced, laughed, drank. We were all so happy, so unaware.”

  Trevor sat up a bit in his seat.

  “We went to leave. I got in the passenger side of Mikey's car; Eric and Angela were in the back. Lacey drove her car with Carla and Tony. As we were about to pull out of the parking lot, I realized I'd forgotten my purse inside. So, I…”

  The tears started spilling from Mila's eyes as it all started rushing back to her.

  “My stupid fucking purse, if I'd have just...”

  Trevor tried to pull her into his arms.

  “It's okay Mila. Why don't we just take a break and let you-”

  “No! No Trevor! Do you want to know what kind of person I am? I made him go back for that dumb purse, which delayed us leaving, which put us directly in the path of that drunk in the Hyundai. It's my fault, Trevor! It's all my fault, the whole town blamed me! I'm the reason that guy slammed into us as we pulled out of the parking lot!”

  Mila was hysterical at this point, screaming wildly and sobbing.

  “I'm the reason we spun across 4 lanes of traffic, I'm the reason we hit that tree and I'm the reason Mikey and Eric never made it out of that car! I tried, I tried so hard to get to him but all I could feel was pain, all I could taste was the blood that I wasn't even sure was mine!”

  Trevor could feel his tears forming now. His heart broke for her.

  “I tried so hard to get to him Trevor, but no matter how hard I reached out I was too far away. When we got to the hospital his parents wouldn't even let me see him! I was his wife and they barred me from him! I never even got to say goodbye. I never got to-”

  Trevor grabbed onto Mila, wrapping her tightly in his arms, shamelessly allowing his tears to fall freely now. How one woman harbored so much pain and managed to function day to day was beyond him.

  “It is NOT your fault Mila! Under no circumstances is it your fault, it never was, and you didn't deserve to be treated that way.”

  “Our friends blamed me; their families blamed me. It was like being on trial w
ithout court. I was vilified over a purse! And I hate myself for it!” Mila cried.

  “Come on, just sit back here, deep breaths.”

  Trevor was once again wrapping Mila in that throw blanket and pulling her towards him.

  This time though, she didn't resist. She was too tired to fight it even if she'd wanted to.

  “I got you. I'm right here Mila, I promise I'm right here.”

  As he ran his fingers comfortingly through her hair, Mila nuzzled her face into his chest, letting her sobs subside as she breathed in Trevor's scent, soothing her to sleep once again.

  ***

  “Mila? Mila, wake up!”

  Mila was awakened by a panicked-sounding Trevor.

  “Mmmm, what?”

  Mila nuzzled in deeper to the body pillow... only, that wasn’t a pillow, that was a body!

  And now she was awake!

  “What's going on? What time is it? Better yet, what day is it?”

  “It's 7 am, and it's Sunday,” Trevor replied

  Mila looked at him as if he’d just sprouted antlers.

  “Dude, what is your problem? Let me sleep!”

  She nuzzled her face into the blanket as Trevor stood up from the couch.

  “Trust me I would but both our phones have been blowing up with calls from Donahue. He's freaking out over the blizzard.”

  “Why? I don't even have to report in until tomorrow and I can work remotely anyway.” she pointed out.

  “That's true. However, I can't. So, unless you're willing to set up a ring in your living room and lock up with me yourself, I'd suggest one or both of us called Dominic before he has an aneurysm!”

  Mila extracted an arm from under the blanket.

  “Is that the furnace I feel?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  Mila pulled her arm back under the blanket.

  “Good. Heat, food, shelter. We're fine. Goodnight!”

  Trevor was quickly realizing that a sleepy Mila was much like a wildcat; beautiful to look at but dangerous as all hell to approach.

  “Mila, seriously we have to do something or he's never going to stop. You know that as well as I do by now.”

  “Ugh fine! Even though I don’t see why it has to be me!”

  Mila begrudgingly reached for her phone and dialed Mr. Donahue's direct line, secretly hoping he wouldn’t answer. As usual, no luck there.

  “Dominic Donahue here!”

  “Mr. Donahue, it's Mila Stevens.”

  “Stevens! What are we doing about TV tapings tonight? Half our wrestlers are snowed in and this stupid city has put a restriction on who can be on the roads!”

  “Well sir they're just doing their jobs and - wait, how are YOU in the office now?”

  “I may or may not have slept here this weekend, but that's beside the point, what are we going to do?”

  Uh-huh, Mila knew exactly what that answer meant. Mrs. Donahue had kicked him out for the millionth time, and he'd spent the better part of the weekend riding the Mistress Express.

  “Well sir, I would say we use the blizzard to our advantage.”

  “How do you mean?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused.

  “Well sir, you have your wrestlers that are involved in our more major feuds take to their social media sites and cut the promos of their lives! They aren't the only ones snowed in, so the odds of filling the seats for TV tapings tonight was slim to none anyway.”

  “That's... that's not bad at all. Let me call Samantha and run it by her.”

  “Of course!”

  Mila was rolling her eyes so hard she stopped herself because she was starting to think Mr. Donahue could feel it through the phone.

  “That or Samantha's got me wiretapped!” she thought.

  “I trust that you'll be available to write at least one of the promos!”

  “Of course, sir”

  “There's a freaking blizzard out there,” she thought, “do I have a choice in the matter?”

  “Good. I will e-mail you the info we need for a promo.”

  There was a bit of hesitation in his voice before he said.

  “Thank you, Ms. Stevens, and please stay safe in this weather.”

  He hung up before she could respond, leaving her sitting there dumbfounded.

  “Everything ok? I don't have to try and make it into headquarters, do I?” Trevor asked, slinking back into the room.

  “No, no headquarters. Everything's fine you just need to cut a promo and post it to your IG and Twitter accounts. He’s e-mailing me the guidelines for the promos.”

  “That doesn't sound so bad...”

  He looked at Mila sitting on the couch with her face in her hands.

  “So why do you look unhappy? Did Dominic say something?”

  “No, I just can't shut my brain off,” Mila said.

  “I get that,” he said.

  The mood was just starting to shift to a somber tone when Trevor said with a smile.

  “So surely someone as grumpy as you are in the mornings has some coffee around here!”

  Chapter Five

  “ So, when are we supposed to see a break in the snow?”

  Mila and Travis were sipping the coffee Travis had just made while sitting on the floor in front of the fire.

  “Not for at least another night. Which leads me to a big favor I want to ask you for...”

  “Okay? Should I be scared?” Mila asked.

  Trevor laughed that beautiful melodic laugh that Mila had come to love the sound of

  “No, umm, can I get a shower? I'm starting to feel like my scent is offending even me!”

  “Oh, yeah, sure, of course. There are fresh towels in the cupboard in the bathroom.”

  “Great, thanks. I may still slightly offend with these clothes, but it's at least only a misdemeanor offense with a shower.”

  Mila laughed and took a long sip of her coffee.

  “I may have something you can wear.”

  “No offense but I don't want to wear Hello Kitty pajamas or something!”

  “No, dork! I bought my Dad a couple of pairs to send back home for Christmas. I'm sure at least the bottoms would fit you.”

  “Are you sure? Because, honestly, that'd be great!”

  “No problem, I'll get them out while you shower.”

  Trevor went into the bathroom to shower and Mila casually made her way to her room where she had stashed those presents she bought on a whim. Truth be told she never really thought she’d send them, but it was nice to pretend for a while.

  “Okay, I know I put them in a dresser drawer... or was it my chest of drawers?”

  After a couple of wrong drawers, Mila found the pajamas in her chest of drawers. As she pulled them out of the drawer a handful of pictures fell out with them.

  Mila tossed the pajamas on her bed and bent down to pick up the scattered pictures. As the realization hit her, she sank to the floor. Not crying, not shaking, just staring. They were pictures of her and Mikey.

  As she released a deep sigh, Mila looked into the eyes of the man she'd promised to love forever. The one to whom she had sworn her unwavering commitment and loyalty. And as crazy as it sounds, it somehow felt like he was looking back at her.

  “Oh, Mikey baby, what am I supposed to do? My life has been flipped upside down. An internship at my dream company, moving to New York, not even speaking to any of our friends from back home.”

  Mila was so engrossed in the photo she didn't notice Trevor sticking his head into her doorway. He didn't say anything, he just listened intently as she poured her heart out to a photograph, a memory of the life she once had.

  “And then there's him. He just walked into my life and knocked me off my feet. I never planned to feel anything for him, Mikey, I promise I didn't.”

  Trevor stood silently, waiting to see where she was going with this.

  “But I do. God help me I do, Mikey. But. . . I don't know how to deal with it. I don't know what to make of it all. And I can't help but fe
el like I'd be betraying you if I let anything happen between us. But I also feel like I'd be betraying you if I didn't live my life to the fullest, not just for me but for us both.”

  Mila ran her finger over Mikey's smiling face in the picture.

  “No one can or will ever replace you, Mikey. Never. I love you so much and that never stops or changes. I promised to love you forever and that's exactly what I will do.”

  By now a few tears had escaped her big green eyes. As she wiped them away and stood up she said

  “No matter what happens you're forever a part of me. I just hope my decisions are what you'd want for me to do.”

  She placed the pictures back in the drawer and before she turned around to grab the pajamas, Trevor quickly ducked back into the bathroom.

  Soon, Mila was knocking on the door.

  “Hey Trevor, I've got those pajamas for you if you want to stick a hand out to grab them.”

  “Oh okay, sure.”

  Trevor cracked the door open and stuck his hand out.

  “Okay, I'll just be in the living room trying to get the fireplace going again” she replied.

  “Okay, thanks”

  As Mila made her way down the hall, Trevor just stood there leaning against the bathroom wall.

  “She does feel it”, he thought, “She feels what I feel between us. But she's scared...”

  Trevor slid on the pajama pants and made his way to the living room where he found Mila rearranging logs on the fire.

  “So, they fit pretty good” he announced.

  As she turned around, she was suddenly stuck mid-sentence when she noticed what was standing in front of her.

  “Dear God,” she thought, “he's beautiful.”

  Trevor stood smiling before her, pajama pants hanging dangerously low, chiseled upper half bare.

  “So,” he said. “What do you think?”

  Mila couldn’t even form words. All she could think was.

  “I think I just forgot how to breathe!”

  “Mila?”

  Mila hadn't taken her eyes off Trevor's toned physique standing in front of her in nothing but pajama pants. Mentally she was already in them.

  “I knew he was hot,” she thought, “but sweet baby Jesus is he carved out of perfection or what?”