Fluffy Assassins from Mars!

by Michael Broad

  For Harvey

  (a super shih-tzu mix)

  1 The Pooch Pound

  2 The Spotty Planet

  3 A Smashing Invention

  4 Flight of the Flying Saucers

  5 Bye-bye, Beagle

  6 The Solo Mission

  The Pooch Pound

  ‘WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!’

  Rocket barked at the top of his voice, which meant a family were visiting the Pooch Pound looking for a dog to rehome. As the family walked down the row of kennels the big brown mutt made as much noise as possible, and this set off the other dogs in the next two kennels.

  Poppy chased her tail in rapid circles, yapping like a mad thing, while Butch howled and growled, and dribbled all over the floor. The only dog behaving himself was a beagle puppy called Scamp, who offered his paw, wagged his tail, and rolled over for a belly rub. He’d only arrived at the kennels that morning, but didn’t plan on staying very long.

  Scamp gave a whimper as the family were led away and hoped they could hear it over the racket coming from the other kennels. The three other dogs upped their bad behaviour as the humans passed by, but when the warden closed the door the room fell silent.

  ‘It’s a bit late for visitors,’ said Butch, lifting a paw and wiping the drool from his mouth.

  ‘I thought they’d never leave!’ panted Poppy. ‘Tail-chasing is tiring work!’

  Both dogs looked at Rocket, who was standing at the bars with his head tilted. ‘It’s OK, they’re locking up now,’ he said, ears twitching at distant sounds. ‘And the night warden has just arrived.’

  Butch asked eagerly.

  Rocket lifted his shiny black nose and sniffed the air.

  he said.

  ‘Ooooh, sausages,’ sighed Butch, and started drooling again.

  ‘That’s a pretty big dinner for a night shift,’ said Poppy. ‘I’ll give him five minutes before he’s sleeping like a baby.’

  Rocket and Butch nodded in agreement and all three settled down on their blankets to wait. Their routine was the same every evening, and the dogs knew they could do nothing until the warden was asleep.

  ‘Do you think they liked me?’ said a small voice from the far kennel.

  The three dogs frowned and turned to look at Scamp, who was peering at them through the mesh. Rocket, Poppy and Butch had lived together for so long that they often forgot about the fourth kennel.

  ‘The family that just left,’ said Scamp. ‘Do you think they liked me?’

  said Poppy.

  chuckled the beagle pup.

  ‘Smart dog,’ said Butch. ‘You’ll be out of here in no time.’

  ‘That’s the plan,’ said Scamp, scratching his neck with a rear paw. ‘But why do you three act so badly when the humans come? You must know it puts them off taking you home.’

  ‘We have our reasons,’ said Rocket, wandering back over to the bars.

  The dog lowered his head and listened carefully for the familiar sound of snoring, and after a few minutes he nodded to Poppy and Butch, who quickly leapt up.

  Scamp watched in amazement as the three dogs sprang into action, dragging their blankets into dog-shaped heaps and clearing away water bowls and chew toys.

  Then they bounded to the centre of their kennels and sat beneath the domed lights.

  asked Scamp.

  ‘You should move into the corner of your kennel,’ whispered Poppy.

  ‘Can’t we bring the pup with us?’ suggested Butch.

  ‘He’s much too young,’ said Poppy. ‘And he’s had no training.’

  ‘I’m house-trained!’ the beagle stated proudly.

  Poppy and Butch looked at Rocket.

  ‘The pup should stay behind,’ he said.

  Scamp had no idea what was going on, but knew whatever it was he was being left out. The little dog slouched into the corner, circled his blanket a few times, and flopped down with a heavy sigh.

  In the centre of his kennel, Rocket swiped his collar with a paw and the chrome spikes lit up around his neck.

  ‘Good evening, Captain,’ said a female voice, each word making the collar-lights blink. ‘I’m orbiting Earth directly above your location, all systems are fine and the teleport is prepped for boarding.’

  ‘Then beam us up,’ said Rocket. ‘Over and out.’

  Scamp jumped up and tilted his head as the glowing domes above each kennel buzzed and flickered on and off. Then four shafts of light shot down from the ceiling. The beagle watched with wide eyes as the three dogs sparkled and shimmered, and then disappeared one by one. Butch was the first to go, quickly followed by Poppy. Rocket remained a moment longer and then looked back at the eager beagle.

  Scamp gave a hopeful ‘YAP!’

  ‘Oh, come on then,’ smiled Rocket.

  Scamp wagged his tail frantically and scrabbled on the spot, bunching up the blanket with his hind legs. Then he leaped from the corner straight into the beam. The two dogs sparkled briefly before the room went dark, and when the dome lights flickered on again, the kennels were all empty.

  Far across the galaxy, in the Catnip Nebula, Lady Fluffkins gazed at the spiral of stars from the bridge of her clockwork Mouseship. This was the white Persian’s favourite place to view her galactic empire. From here she could see the entire Milky Way.

  ‘Look at its swirly-whirly creaminess,’ she said, licking her whiskers.

  ‘Yes, My Lady,’ said Baldy, fiddling nervously with his tail. The hairless servant searched his mind for a compliment, because the empress insisted on a constant stream of flattery.

  ‘It is a magnificent sight, and proof of your, um . . .’

  ‘Proof of my what?’ she spat. ‘Quickly, you bald buffoon!’

  ‘Genius!’ gasped the quivering cat. ‘Proof of your genius!’

  ‘Then why does one puny planet continue to elude me?’ demanded Lady Fluffkins, fiddling with the controls on the intergalactic telescope. She tapped in a familiar set of coordinates and waited.

  ‘Because of the dogs, mistress . . .’ said Baldy.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ hissed the empress, green eyes flaring with fury. ‘Because of fleabag Rocket and his meddling Spacemutts. The dumb doggy defence against my fabulous feline empire.’

  The pair watched the monitor as the telescope scanned the cosmos, closing in on a small solar system and narrowing its focus on the third planet from the sun. When Earth appeared on the screen Lady Fluffkins arched her back, hissed, and then swiped at it with her paws as if trying to claw at a ball of wool.

  Baldy watched from a safe distance until the empress exhausted herself and flopped back in her throne. Then he pulled out a fan and wafted it over her long white fur, knowing how sudden fits of rage overheated his mistress.

  ‘Well, those mangy mutts can’t protect it forever,’ gasped Fluffkins, prodding the telescope with a hind paw and shifting its view to the fourth planet in the solar system. ‘How are things progressing on the red planet?’

  ‘All ready to go, gracious one,’ said Baldy. ‘Just waiting for your wondrously wicked word.’

  ‘Excellent,’ purred the empress, drumming her long, sharp claws on the armrests.

  The Spotty Planet

  On the deck of the Dogstar, four teleport beams whooshed up from the floor and four doggy shapes sparkled in the light. When the beams dropped away, Rocket, Poppy and Butch immediately leaped to their stations, leaving a wide-eyed Scamp to watch in wonder.

  The spaceship was like a big chrome tank with bolted panels and round portholes, and its curved walls were covered with wires, switches and small flashing lights.

  Rocket jumped up to the central hub, where he began rolling out star maps and scanning screens. The hub controlled all the deep-spac
e telescopes and spy-bone satellites monitoring the galaxy.

  Poppy took her usual seat in the cockpit and switched from autopilot to manual controls, while Butch went to the back of the ship and sniffed around the mechanics.

  ‘Anything to report, WOOF?’ said Rocket, without looking up.

  ‘Nothing unusual, Captain,’ said the female voice Scamp had heard earlier, but it wasn’t coming from Rocket’s collar – it seemed to come from the ship itself. ‘And I see you’ve brought along a new recruit.’

  ‘I’m Scamp,’ said the pup, looking around for the owner of the voice.

  ‘WOOF is the ship’s computer,’ said Poppy, glancing back from her station. ‘It stands for World Orbiting Observation Facility. She circles the planet during the day, making sure no one enters Earth’s orbit while we’re on the ground.’

  Scamp joined Poppy at the front of the ship and gazed into space through the main observation window. The young pup often looked up at the stars when he lived on the streets, but he had never seen them shining so brightly.

  ‘Impressive, huh?’ said Poppy.

  Scamp was too amazed to speak, so he nodded eagerly.

  Then he trotted over to Butch, who was sniffing around under a silver sheet that covered something large and long at the back of the ship. Scamp tried to sneak a peek, but Butch gave a low warning growl. Butch was always inventing something, but would never let anyone see it until it was completed.

  The young dog got the message and quickly moved over to Rocket, who had just finished scanning all the intergalactic data and was satisfied that planet Earth was in no immediate danger. He saw Scamp peering up at him and lifted the pup on to the podium.

  ‘I expect you have a lot of questions, little one,’ said Rocket.

  ‘Er, not really,’ said Scamp.

  ‘Huh?’ said Rocket, who was never usually lost for words.

  ‘You’re the Spacemutts!’ said Scamp. ‘You travel the galaxy in the Dogstar making sure Earth doesn’t get invaded by evil empress Lady Fluffkins and her cosmic cats!’

  said Rocket.

  ‘Oh, you’re really famous on the streets,’ said Scamp. ‘The alley dogs talk about you all the time. One even said he’d been on adventures with you, but I thought he was making it up.’

  ‘What was his name?’ asked Butch.

  ‘Bonkers,’ said Scamp. ‘He was a retired greyhound.’

  ‘Ah, good old Bonkers,’ said Butch. ‘He lets the dog-catchers bring him in from time to time, and comes along with us for the ride. There’s not a cat in the whole galaxy that can outrun Bonkers!’

  ‘So you know all about us,’ said Rocket.

  ‘No adventures tonight,’ said Rocket, patting the pup’s head. ‘I’ve been through all the data and everything is as it should be out there. No feline fleets or humongous hairballs hurtling our way.’

  ‘There must be something going on with all those planets filled with mean old cats!’ said Scamp. He pulled down the periscope and peered through it with a determined growl. ‘I bet I can find something!’

  ‘I’m afraid you won’t find anything through that,’ laughed Rocket. ‘The Dogstar’s periscope is used for local observation. It can only see as far as this solar system, and none of those planets are inhabited.’

  ‘Not even the spotty one?’ said Scamp.

  ‘What spotty one?’ Rocket frowned. ‘There isn’t a spotty planet in our solar system.’

  ‘The red one with white spots,’ said Scamp, adjusting the focus. ‘And I think it’s getting spottier . . .’

  Rocket quickly moved his paw over the touch screen on the hub and transferred the periscope’s signal to the giant monitor. Butch hurried over to join them and Poppy swung round in her chair.

  ‘That’s Mars!’ gasped the Spacemutts as the red planet appeared on the screen.

  They all leaned closer and frowned at the rash of white spots that had mysteriously appeared on the planet’s surface. More spots were popping up as the dogs watched the live feed from the periscope.

  ‘Well, I’ve never heard of a planet getting pimples,’ growled Rocket. ‘WOOF, can you confirm that nothing has entered our solar system in the past twenty-four hours?’

  ‘That’s affirmative, Captain,’ said WOOF.

  ‘Then keep a close eye on Mars for any unusual activity,’ said Rocket, rolling out a map of the solar system and calculating the distance from Earth. ‘Butch, fire up the light-speed engines!’

  ‘Already on it, Captain!’ said Butch, hurrying away.

  Rocket then bounded over to the pilot station as Poppy swung back to her controls. He leaped up beside her and stared into space. ‘Set a course for Mars, Poppy,’ he said. ‘Something very strange is happening on that red planet, and I don’t think it’s chickenpox.’

  ‘Right away, Captain,’ said Poppy, flicking switches on the control panel.

  Butch raced up and down at the back of the ship, pulling down levers and adjusting pressure valves. Under his expert paws the Dogstar engines rattled and hissed into life, then Butch called out to the pilot.

  he barked.

  On the count of one, Poppy pushed all acceleration levers forward and the Dogstar soared through space so fast that the stars shifted in the inky sky. Scamp jumped from the podium and ran to the front of the ship where he peered over the controls. The pup could see the red planet glowing in the distance, growing bigger as they shot towards it at the speed of light.

  A Smashing Invention

  The Dogstar hurtled towards Mars like a silver comet, but before it broke through the atmosphere, Poppy quickly pulled back on the levers and Butch stabilized the engines. With the ship orbiting the red planet, Rocket returned to the periscope and swung it towards the surface.

  The dogs quickly gathered round the central hub as the monitor showed a close-up image of the giant white circles that were scattered across the Martian landscape.

  ‘Flying saucers!’ the Spacemutts gasped together.

  ‘But how did they get here without us seeing them?’ said Poppy, knowing nothing could get this close to Earth without WOOF picking up a signal. ‘We pass by this planet all the time – they can’t have just appeared from nowhere!’

  Rocket adjusted the periscope’s focus and zoomed in on one of the flying saucers. All four dogs gave a low growl when they saw the small fluffy creatures sweeping the shiny white craft with their bushy tails. The cats were as rusty orange as Martian rocks.

  ‘Ginger tabbies!’ barked Butch.

  ‘But how did they get here?’ asked Poppy.

  ‘I think there’s a very good chance they’ve always been here,’ said Rocket. ‘Their fur is the exact same colour as the surface of the planet, which makes them practically invisible. Those crafty cats must have been building a secret squadron for years, keeping them buried below the surface.’

  ‘A complicated craft like that would rust and scratch under Martian soil, not to mention dust getting in the engine,’ said Butch. ‘They must have built them with some other material.’

  ‘However they did it they’re preparing to make their move,’ said Poppy, as the last of the flying saucers was swept clean. ‘Which means Lady Fluffkins must be nearby. The empress can’t resist giving a speech before an invasion.’

  ‘How do we stop so many saucers?’ asked Scamp, who was feeling a bit left out and wanted to get in on the action.

  ‘What did you say?’ Rocket frowned.

  ‘How do we stop them?’ repeated Scamp. ‘I’m a Spacemutt too, and I want to help . . .’

  ‘No, you called them saucers!’ said Rocket, scratching his chin.

  ‘What are you thinking, Captain?’ asked Poppy.

  ‘Well, we know from past experience that Lady Fluffkins likes her invasions to have a kitty-cat theme,’ he said, zooming in on one of the shiny white crafts. ‘Maybe she’s finally lost her marbles and confused flying saucers with the type of saucer you fill with milk . . .’

  ‘You don’t mean . . . ?’ sai
d Poppy, wondering if it was even possible.

  ‘The saucers are made of china!’ exclaimed Butch, piecing it all together. ‘A china craft would not only be light and airtight, but it can be buried underground for years without coming to any harm. It’s pretty clever when you think about it.’

  ‘Or really, really stupid.’ Rocket smiled. ‘Because china has one other quality that could work in our favour.’

  ‘It’s very easy to SMASH!’ said Scamp, quickly catching on.

  ‘But there are so many of them!’ said Poppy, who had counted over a hundred of the craft. ‘How can we possibly bring a whole fleet down with one little ship?’

  ‘Well, I have been working on something,’ said Butch, biting his lip.

  Rocket raised an interested brow.

  ‘But it’s nowhere near finished,’ Butch added quickly. ‘And it’s probably much too risky to even attempt. On second thoughts, forget I even mentioned it. It’s definitely too dangerous.’

  The Spacemutts all looked at Butch, who dribbled on the floor.