Carry My Heart

by Cooper, J. S.

  “Let’s change the subject then.” He squeezed my hand. “Let me get my guitar and trunks and then we can head out. Yeah?”

  “Sounds good,” I agreed. “Should I make some sandwiches or something? So we can have a picnic?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “There’s a place I want to take you for lunch.”

  “You don’t have to do that.” I shook my head. “We shouldn’t spend so much money going out. It adds up fast.”

  “It’s okay, Sage.” He smiled at me warmly. “I can afford it.”

  “Oh?” I said, but didn’t ask him to tell me more. I wondered if he had gotten a lot of grants and loans? I knew I was barely making ends meet and I’d gotten a scholarship.

  “Oh indeed.” He winked at me. “Now hurry and get ready. I’m excited to show you this spot.”

  “Yes, Jacob,” I said, almost feeling giddy. I put all worries about skipping class aside. Life was short. Sometimes you just had to let your feelings and gut dictate your actions. Sometimes you just had to go with the flow. Happiness was never guaranteed to any of us and right now I felt happy. Just to be with him. And for now, that was enough. I wasn’t going to question it. I wasn’t going to drive myself crazy. At least for the day. Maybe tonight I’d be back to my normal neurotic self, but right now I was living for the moment. Life was for the living and I wanted to live it with Jacob. Being with him made me feel like I was on top of the world. I was going to concentrate on that feeling. I was going to focus on being happy. Even if that happiness meant later heartache. I’d figure out how to deal with it. I’d done it before. I’d be able to do it again.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jacob

  “We can’t just leave the stuff on the beach? Can we?” Sage asked me as she stood by the water’s edge in her red bikini. She looked absolutely gorgeous and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her. As soon as she’d taken off her dress and started rubbing suntan lotion on her legs and arms, I’d been aroused and dazzled by her.

  “There’s no one here. We’ll be fine,” I said as I stood there in my black swim trunks. I looked back at our towels and my backpack. My guitar case was the largest and most obvious thing to steal if someone came by, but I wasn’t worried. “Let’s go for a swim. We can make sure to keep our eyes on the stuff.”

  “If you’re sure,” she said and dipped her toe into the water. “This is so cold.” She squealed as she jumped back. “I don’t know if I want to go in.”

  “You just have to run in,” I said as I got closer to her. “If you try and inch in you’ll never make it all the way in. You just have to run and dunk your whole body in the water.”

  “You make it sound like such an easy thing. Just run in and dunk your whole body in the water and possibly freeze to death.”

  “This isn’t the Arctic, Sage. I think the water has to be at least sixty-five degrees right now.”

  “You’ve got to be joking. It feels like zero.” She ran toward the water and then screamed and ran back as her feet splashed in the water. “This is awful. Next time you want to take me to the beach, I’m requesting the Caribbean or Hawaii, please.”

  “Noted,” I said and decided not to tell her that I would take her to either of those places in a heartbeat if I thought she’d actually come with me. “Come on, Sage. Give me your hand. Let’s run in.”

  “I don’t wanna run in.” She kept her hand away from me and I tried not to take it personally. I knew it wasn’t because she didn’t want me to touch her and more because she didn’t want to go in the water, but it hurt me slightly. I groaned internally, thinking about how sensitive I was to things now when it came to Sage. Not that she would ever believe me. She just saw me as confident, jokey Jacob. I wasn’t sure she’d believe how I’d yearned for her all these years. How every day without seeing her or talking to her had seemed like an eternity. How just the thought of never seeing her again filled me with such sadness that some days I hadn’t known how I would ever live out the rest of my life and know any happiness.

  She wouldn’t believe that just the memories of her laughing with me as a kid had been all I’d survived on some days. She wouldn’t believe that I had cried tears and experienced pain beyond belief thinking I’d never have her in my life again. How I’d gone against my better judgment to see her now. How I knew that eventually it would come down to her needing to know the truth about what happened all those years ago and knowing I could never tell her. I would never tell her. There were some pains not worth knowing. Some hurts that cut so deep that they could never be fixed, never be healed. And when you loved someone, when you truly loved someone, you had to make hard decisions. Even if it meant that loving them meant letting them go. Even if it meant that loving them meant having a lifetime without them. Sometimes when you really loved someone, it meant you knew when you had to walk away.

  “Earth to Jacob,” Sage said as she splashed water on me.

  “Sorry, what?” I smiled at her widely, not wanting her to sense any unease in me. I needed this day to be perfect.

  “Run into the water and immerse yourself,” she said giggling as she continued to throw water at me.

  “Oh, you think you’re going to get away with that, do you?” I said and within a flash, I ran toward her and picked her up and ran toward the ocean.

  “Jacob,” she screamed. “Put me down. No, Jacob, no, no,” she screamed as her arms and legs went flailing and kicking against me.

  “I’m going to put you down all right.” I growled as I continued running and then I jumped into the ocean and both of us went crashing down into the waves. It was freezing and as the water leaped over our bodies and soaked into my skin, I could feel myself shivering. I started to swim farther out because I knew that was the best way to try and warm up. I could feel Sage swimming next to me.

  “I am going to kill you, Jacob,” she screamed at me, her hair plastered across her face as water dripped from her eyelashes. She splashed me with more water as she swam toward me and her brown eyes looked lighter with the sunlight reflecting off of them. My beautiful brown-eyed girl.

  “Can you wait until tomorrow to kill me?” I chuckled. “Or until I sing you the song at least.” She glared at me as I splashed her back with water. Her skin shone in the light and I touched a drop of water that was on her shoulder and flicked it off.

  “You’re such a goof.”

  “Am I?” I asked and because I couldn’t resist her, I pulled her toward me and kissed her. She wrapped her legs around my waist and kissed me back. We kissed as we bobbed along in the water and I held her to me closely so that she wouldn’t drift away. It wasn’t until I realized that her skin was feeling cold that I stopped the kiss.

  “Let’s go back to the sand and warm up,” I said as I pulled back reluctantly. “You’re getting cold.”

  “That’s because the water is cold.” She gave me a poignant look.

  “Touché!” I said and started swimming back. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you warm on the beach.”

  “I’m sure you will,” she said as she swam next to me. I watched as she pulled ahead of me and started doing a front crawl to head back to the beach as quickly as possible. I watched as her arms moved in synchronization past her eyes. Such beautiful strokes. I laughed to myself as I made my way back in. I was so taken with Sage that everything she did mesmerized me. I increased my speed as I got closer to the beach and saw Sage walking toward the towels.

  “Well that was refreshing,” I said as I ran up next to her and then collapsed down onto one of the towels. “What do you think of this spot?” I asked her casually, not wanting her to know that I’d been dreaming of bringing her to this spot from the first time I’d seen it.

  “It’s beautiful.” She looked around. “Really peaceful.” She reached down and picked up some shells and studied them. They had a translucent pearl like color to them and she twirled them around in her fingers. “When I was younger, I always used to dream of family trips to the beach. Picking up shells an
d collecting them and then taking them home to add to a collection.” She smiled wistfully as she looked at the shells in her hand. “And building sandcastles. Huge gigantic sandcastles that were bigger than me.” She sat on the towel next to me and gave me a small smile. “Guess that’s one dream that never came true.” She dropped the shells onto the ground and lay back and closed her eyes. “But I guess that’s life.”

  I stared at her face as she lay there, and my heart ached for the pain that still reigned in her heart. I grabbed the shells that she’d dropped onto the sand and put them in my bag to give to her later.

  “Life is a funny thing,” I said as I lay back and closed my eyes as well. Our shoulders rubbed together slightly, and a warm feeling passed through me. “Guess we’ll never really understand why things happen like they do.”

  “Yeah,” she sighed. “I always thought when I grew up, I’d be okay with everything. That somehow, magically, it would all be okay, and I’d be healed. That I wouldn’t care that I had these parents that didn’t want me or need me. I always thought that I’d get over the fact that no one ever wanted to adopt me. There are thousands of us out there. It’s not like I’m special in being unlovable . . .” Her voice trailed off and my heart broke at her words.

  “You’re not unlovable, Sage.” I reached over and stroked the side of her face. “I love you.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m like your sister, you have to say that.” Her voice cracked as she spoke and my heart went out to her.

  “You’re nothing like my sister, sweetheart.” I moved closer to her and ran my hand up to her breast. “Nothing at all.”

  “Jacob.” She rolled over and looked at me with a sly smile on her face. “Are you trying to seduce me?”

  “What?” I laughed as I ran my hand down to her stomach. “No, of course not.”

  “I do think you’re trying to seduce me.” She blinked, and I watched as she wiped her eyes quickly. I wasn’t sure if she was wiping away tears or ocean water. She looked into my eyes and licked her lips quickly.

  “Do you want me to seduce you?” I asked her, moving closer to her and whispering against her lips. I ran my fingers down her arm and watched as she shivered slightly. “Are you still cold?” I asked concerned. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”

  “I’m not cold.” She shook her head.

  “Then why are you shivering . . .” I asked but was stopped as her lips crashed down on mine. I felt her hands on my chest and I was shocked when she pushed me back onto the ground and climbed on top of me. “Sage?” I asked her, my entire body hardening as she wiggled on top of me, adjusting herself. “What are you doing?”

  “This,” she said, and she leaned forward and kissed me harder, her hands running through my hair. I reached up and held her face as she kissed me, and I kissed her back passionately. I knew she could feel my hardness underneath her and it seemed to be turning her on as well, because she kept moving back and forth teasing me even more. I knew that if I didn’t put a halt to things soon, I was not going to be able to stop.

  “Sage,” I muttered against her lips. “I don’t think this is a good idea.” I ran my hands down her back. “I didn’t bring you here for this.” I groaned as she reached down and touched my cock. “Sage.” I felt weak as her fingers played with me. “What are you doing?”

  “Jacob, don’t you want me?” she asked, her voice all innocent, but she had a wicked look in her eyes.

  “Sage,” I moaned, staring up into her beautiful face. “That’s a stupid question.”

  “Well then . . .” She stared down at me. “What are we going to do about it?”

  “This is not where I would have chosen for your first time,” I said, my mind already wondering if I had any protection on me.

  “I want this to be my first time. Right here in this beautiful wild and free spot. Right now.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked and groaned, happy that she loved this spot as much as I did.

  “Yes, as long as you’re sure that we’re really alone and that no one else is going to come here,” she said shyly.

  “It’s a pretty isolated spot,” I said. “You’re not on the pill, are you?”

  “No.” She shook her head and then bit down on her lower lip. “Do you have any . . .” Her voice trailed off.

  “Any what?”

  “You know what?” Her face reddened.

  “Sage, we’re about to make love. You should be able to say condoms.” I laughed at her.

  “Condoms,” she said and leaned down and sucked on my lower lip. “Condoms,” she said again. “Do you have any condoms, Jacob.”

  “Yes, Sage,” I said with a wink and fell back as she pushed me again. “What are you doing?”

  “This,” she said and then she moved her hands quickly to my swimming trunks and pulled them down. She crawled away from me slightly as she pulled them down my legs and then my feet. “Wow.” She said as she stood there and looked down at me. She was staring at my cock and I couldn’t help but laugh. “I guess you’re really happy to see me or something.”

  “You think?” I said and jumped up and grabbed her and pulled her toward me. “I’m always happy to see you,” I said as I kissed the side of her face. She smelled like the ocean and the sun and it turned me on even more. I reached for the back of her bikini top and took it off. My hands cradled her breasts and I could feel her breath getting harder and harder as she moaned slightly. My fingers played with her nipples and her hands ran along my chest. I leaned forward and kissed her collarbone and licked my way down the valley between her breasts, down to her belly button and then I kept going farther. Her body stilled, and I saw her looking at me with wide eyes. My hands fell to the top of her bikini bottoms and she nodded slightly as I pulled them down. I gasped as I stared at her naked body, my whole being filled with such emotion that I worried for a few seconds if I’d be able to make the experience as great as I wanted it to be for her. I grabbed her hand and pulled her down to the towel again.

  “Lie back,” I said, and she lay back on the ground, her eyes staring at me with such trust that I felt the love in my heart expanding even more. “I love you, Sage,” I whispered to her. “I really love you.”

  “I love you too, Jacob,” she said softly, and I touched her face lightly before I leaned down and started kissing her again. She kissed me back passionately, her tongue tangling with mine as we rolled around on the towel. Her breasts crushed into my chest and I reached my fingers down and placed them between her legs. She gasped immediately and her back arched as I touched her sweet spot. My fingers rubbed her gently and I felt her hands reach down to my cock and start to run up and down. I could barely breathe as she touched me, and I felt my desire growing even stronger. I kissed down her body until I got to her mound and then I ran my tongue down her sweet spot and she cried out with pleasure. I looked up and growled as I saw the look of desire on her face as well. I licked her and teased her until she was so wet that I knew I couldn’t handle not being inside of her. I pushed my tongue inside of her to taste her and she was as sweet as I’d imagined she would be. Her body bucked as my tongue did things to her that she’d never felt before.

  “Jacob, please,” she cried out as I withdrew my tongue from her.

  “Yes, my love,” I said huskily, and I reached into my bag and grabbed my wallet. I hastily pulled out a condom and ripped open the package before guiding the rubber onto my now harder than ever cock. I positioned myself on top of her and touched her face lightly before spreading her legs slightly. “This might hurt a little bit at first,” I said, hoping that any pain she felt would be fleeting.

  “It’s okay.” She moaned out, “Please, Jacob.” Her fingers pressed into my back and I could feel her fingernails digging into my skin. I positioned the head of my cock at her opening and I almost came as I slid into her as slowly as I could. “Oh my God,” she screamed out as the full length of my cock entered her much easier than I thought. I moved slowly back and forth inside of
her so as not to hurt her and she moved her hips in rhythm with me. I couldn’t stop myself from starting to move faster as her body writhed against mine in a quicker movement. Her breasts bounced up and down and her mouth was open as she cried out. I could feel my cock sliding in deeper and deeper and I reached down to rub her clit in conjunction with my movements. As soon as I did that she started screaming out louder and louder.

  “Oh my God, don’t stop,” she screamed as I started moving faster and faster with both my cock and my finger.

  “Sage, you’re too fucking sexy.” I grunted as I felt myself getting ready to explode. I slowed my pace slightly because I didn’t want to come before she did. I pulled out and then pulled her up and positioned her on her knees.

  “What are you doing?” She looked surprised.

  “You’ll see.” I grinned as I moved behind her and positioned my cock between her legs again. I slid into her from behind and she fell forward slightly as I started moving inside of her again. I changed my body position slightly so that my cock was coming in at a slightly different angle and then I started moving quicker. She cried out and I saw her hands gripping the towel tightly.

  “Oh my God, I’m going to explode,” she screamed, and I felt her pussy tightening on my cock before she fell forward slightly gasping for air. I smiled to myself and increased my pace, holding onto her hips as I slammed into her. I came about ten seconds after that and I held myself in her for about thirty seconds after I came, just loving the feel of being inside of her before I withdrew my cock and slipped the condom off and placed it on the side of the blanket. I lay down next to her and pulled her into my arms and kissed her.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her gently, wanting to make sure it had been good for her and that she didn’t regret what we’d just done.