The Last Shot

by Sara Hubbard

  “I swear I never told him that,” I say.

  “What’s so fucking dreamy about him? His got his pants hiked so high I can see his junk. And if you haven't seen it, it ain’t that impressive.” He realizes what he just said and quickly adds, “Don't respond to that. Like...not even...nothing. Forget I said that.”

  I put my hand on his and squeeze, giving his brother a quick hug before I get ready to pay some attention to my other patients.

  Or, at least, that is my plan until I run back into Charlie when I leave Manny's room.

  18

  ANNIE

  “Can we talk?” Charlie rests his hand on my shoulder. He frowns at me, and his hurt is shining through his tanned face.

  “I really can't. I haven't even seen all my patients yet and it's almost eight.”

  “Pick a time. I’ll be here. I just need five minutes.”

  I glance at the far wall and know he'll be leaving work soon, but I don't have time to do this now. Here. At work. I wish I didn't have time later, either. I am dreading this conversation so badly. He’s going to ask about Ethan and I won't be able to lie. I haven't cheated on him. I know that. I broke up with Charlie even if he thinks I didn't. Still, I care about him. He’s a good guy with a good heart and he deserves the truth. He deserves my time no matter how painful it will be to both of us.

  “When are you done?”

  “I'm going to stick around and do some paperwork. Ten o'clock? Can you manage that?”

  “Sure.”

  “Come to my office. We can be alone.”

  I nod and turn on my heel, headed for Mr. Bentley's room. I take a few glances back to make sure he's not going into Manny's room. Ethan is behaving and I trust he'll continue to, but then again, he doesn't have a great track record. One of my exes cheated on me in my junior year of high school and though I didn't know about it, Ethan beat him to a pulp outside of a party one night. My ex’s father tried to press charges, but Andy wouldn’t say a word when the cops questioned him. I didn't speak to Ethan for weeks after that. I know his intentions came from a good place, but given my history, violence does something to me, something I can’t explain. It’s like every touch, every punch, every hurtful word I’ve taken comes rushing back to me. I shut down. Hard. And I find it hard to turn it off. No matter how strong I seem to be most of the time. He calmed down after that. Never did it again...until I broke up with him.

  Then it seemed like all bets were off.

  I knock on Mr. Bentley's door. His son is in there and he gives me a stern nod before stepping out. “I'll be back, Dad.”

  “Sure, kid. See you in a bit.”

  I feign a smile to his son, but my back is up just looking at him. Then I look at Mr. Bentley and I soften. Favorite patient? Why yes, he is. Next to Manny, of course. I have too much history with Manny to give him second place.

  “How are we feeling today?”

  “Not bad at all. They say my blood work is better and I can go home soon. I figured ‘what’s the delay?’ so I asked to leave now instead.”

  “I know. I saw that in your report.”

  “You think it's a bad idea?”

  “No, I think it's your choice. Just as long as you’re comfortable.”

  “I haven't been in much pain. Unless you count the grief I get from my son constantly trying to get me to change my mind about treatments.”

  “Still not supportive?”

  “Not in the least.”

  I take Mr. Bentley's blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. Everything is good. I give a quick look over and we chat for a few minutes about the news on television. There's a quick bit on Ethan and his brother and Mr. Bentley lowers his voice and, with a finger, he motions for me to come in closer.

  “I hear he's in this hospital. Ethan Michaels.”

  “Is that so?”

  “I need a wheelchair, so I can do some scouting. Think he'll give me an autograph if I run into him?”

  I smile widely. “I can't say whether he's here or not, but...if you ask me nicely I think I know where I might get you an autograph.”

  Mr. Bentley beams at me. “I don't have anything to give you in return.”

  “Don't you worry. I know where you live.”

  I finally get to the rest of my patients and help the other nurses give nighttime care to some of their heavier patients. A little after ten, we're all done and our patients are ready to go to sleep. Of course, most of them won't. This isn't a perfect world and chances are the bells will chime all through the night.

  When I realize I'm late to meet Charlie, I ask the girls if they mind if I step out for a couple of minutes and they don’t have a problem with it. I kind of wish they did so I would have an excuse to put this off.

  I head for the staircase, making my way down the two flights, my white shoes slapping on the metal stairs and echoing through the space from the bottom floor to the top.

  Charlie shares an office at the hospital. He uses it more than his roommate, but sometimes I find Dr. Logan there when I come looking for Charlie. I worry Logan will be there tonight and I really don't need an audience. When I get to their door, it’s open and Charlie is behind his desk. Alone.

  Still, I smile as I knock on the wooden door. “Can I come in?”

  He frowns at me and looks over at the clock on the wall. Tick. Tick. Twenty minutes late.

  “I’m sorry. I couldn’t get away until now.”

  He forces a smile though I know he’s a little bothered. “You don't have to knock, you know that.”

  Maybe before, I didn't, but I do now. It catches me off guard how calm he is, how in control he seems. Is it an act? Does he know that I'm about to tell him I've thought about ending things and it’s still the right thing to do? Or maybe he doesn't care as much as I thought he did. That would be a good thing. Although it also means he's lied to me about loving me, which makes me feel foolish.

  I take a seat in front of his desk and immediately feel like a patient who's about to get assessed and diagnosed. Tension builds in my shoulders. As if this couldn't get any more uncomfortable.

  He stands, thankfully, and guides me to the couch. He sits on one end and I sit on the other, so he slides over to leave no space between us. I bite at my lip, needing more space, but decide it’s really not a top priority right now. I wait for him to talk, wanting him to lead our conversation.

  “How are you?” he asks.

  “I'm good. You?”

  “I've been better.”

  He’s killing me. Crushing my heart with his fist. God, I wish this wasn’t so hard. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I know that. I don’t want you to hurt me either,” he says with a smirk. “So it’s hard for me to ask you what I’m about to ask you.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Now I've met Manny's brother, I need to know: is he the reason why you've been distant the last few days?”

  I swallow hard and choose my words wisely, hoping to hurt him as little as I can. “I wanted to tell you about him, but there really wasn't anything to tell. We broke up years ago and I didn't speak to him again until Manny got hurt.”

  “You ended it?”

  “I did.”

  He smiles, it's sympathetic, and I feel as if my telling him this has lifted some weight off his shoulders. I fear he might have the wrong idea, that I am over Ethan. I'm about to correct him, but realize that might not be best. Getting dumped is bad, but getting dumped for someone else is exponentially worse.

  “Ethan and I have been best friends since I moved to this town. I was just twelve then. We've been through a lot together. Eventually, we just became more. Then he left to play hockey and it ended.”

  “I couldn't help but google him when I realized he was an ex. My curiosity got the better of me. Breaking up with him was probably the best thing you could have done. The drinking, the violence...the women and partying. A guy like that doesn't deserve a girl like you.”

  I want
to defend Ethan, because Charlie’s on the outside looking in and I don't like him thinking that Ethan is...whatever he thinks Ethan is. He can't know how Ethan helped pull me from the darkness that consumed me when I first came to this town. He made me smile, for the first time after my mom abandoned me. He spent all of his time just being there for me, loving me, making me feel like I mattered. On the outside and to the press he might look like a jackass, but I know better. They only see the self-destructive Ethan. They don’t get to see the side I see, the side he seems to save just for me.

  “I know you’re looking out for me and I appreciate that. But you don’t know him.”

  He shakes his head. “You want to see the best in people, but not everyone is good inside. People wear masks. They make you see what they want you to see.”

  Now I'm getting annoyed. “Maybe the mask is the one he wore when the tabloids were flashing their cameras in his face.”

  “I can see we’re not going to agree on this and that’s okay. I just want you to know I care about you and always will. I want you in my life and—”

  “Please, Charlie. Don't say anything else. I can't be with you. I wish to God I could be, but I gave my heart to Ethan a long time ago and I'm not sure I'll ever get it back.” You're mine. Always, he said. It resonates with me now, more than ever, now I say it out loud. I am his. And his alone.

  “I see,” he says. “I'm not going to lie. It hurts. But I'll be here if you change your mind.” Gently, he rubs my arm, as if trying to give me comfort. But I should be the one giving it to him.

  “Thank you for understanding, Charlie. Thinking about hurting you kills me.”

  “I want you to be happy. Know that.”

  “I do. Thank you.”

  He holds his hands out and I lean in to give him a hug. I am taken aback at how well he’s taking this. Too well. Not that I’m upset about that or anything.

  He lingers in my arms a little longer than comfortable and when he finally pulls away, I leave, saying a very quiet good-bye. I watch him turn to the window before I make my way down the hall.

  19

  ETHAN

  Manny falls asleep during late-night television. His light snoring fills the room and reminds me of the first house we lived in as kids. I shared a room with him and I remember how his snores used to frustrate me. Now they keep me company. I’ve felt alone for some time now, and just being here with him feels better than most of my nights since leaving this little seaside town.

  I pull his sheets and blanket up and shut off the television. It's almost one o'clock in the morning and my back is killing me. The chairs in these rooms are beyond awful. Pretty sure the benches I sit on during games are better.

  Quietly, I say good night to my brother before leaving the room. As I walk up the hallway, I nonchalantly look in the rooms as I pass them, searching for Annie. She's probably at the nurse’s station though I don't see her when I get there. I want to stick around, maybe steal a moment with her before I go, but she's working and I don't want to push my luck. She’s softening. I’m so close to getting her back. And I know once I ask her to move with me she'll inevitably pull away—hopefully not far enough that I can't reach out and pull her back.

  I say good night to the nurses, who giggle once I've passed them. God knows what they're saying. I can only imagine. But the only girl I want blushing in my wake is the girl I can't find.

  Back at the hotel, Richard isn't in my room. I assume he's booked his own and I'll see him in the morning, but he must be next door or have supersonic hearing or maybe he's just spying on me, because the second my door shuts he's knocking on it.

  “Do you know what time it is?” I ask, rubbing my sleepy eyes.

  “I do. I can go, unless you're not interested in the progress I made today?”

  I sigh and wave him in. I start a pot of coffee, knowing he might be here a while. The coffee beans smell strong and though I'm not big on coffee— mostly because I have a hard enough time falling asleep—I decide a cup might help keep my wits about me while I devise a plan to get my girl to get on a plane with me tomorrow.

  “I chartered a plane for tomorrow at seven-thirty pm. I've spoken to Dr. Davidson and he’s willing to discharge Manny then and clear him for travel.”

  “He doesn’t need a nurse?”

  He tips his head to the side, frowning. “Unfortunately, no.”

  I’ll bet he thinks that’s unfortunate. Richard hates Annie. “So what about Annie?”

  “WelI, I spoke with the owners and they don't have a need for a nurse. I tried to spin it, but they said they couldn’t justify it.”

  “Hmm.”

  “Sorry, Ethan. I really tried to push for her. You can still use her to care for Manny until he's recovered if you want to try to convince her he needs it, but after that...not sure what she could do for the team if she's following the bus.”

  “Yeah.” Not what I hoped to hear. Not at all. But then, I guess it makes sense. I didn't expect them to create a position for her. I just don't see any other way to keep her close.

  “The owners want a guarantee you'll be at the game the day after tomorrow. I gave them my word. You're not going to make a liar of me, are you?” He raises an eyebrow.

  Sigh. I don’t want to make a liar of him. More than that, I need to go back for my teammates. I only have a few games left and they’re counting on me. I can't bail on them now, not when we're having such a good season. I just wish I had an idea of what to do about Annie.

  I shake my head and Richard exhales a long sigh. “You had me worried for a minute there.”

  “Don't worry. I’ll be on the plane. Just do me a favor and keep thinking. I need something, Richard. Something worthwhile for her in Philly.”

  “You know, I'm not a romantic—not by any stretch—but I know you're crazy for this girl. I might not like her, I might think she's not good for your game, and I can't imagine being that sick over a girl...but maybe if you're not reason enough, you should think about leaving her here.”

  I scratch the scruff on my chin. He makes sense, even if he's the last guy in the world I should take romantic advice from. The truth is I'd give my childhood dream up for her, as pathetic as that sounds. I would stay here and coach and I'd be content. I would do that for her, because I can’t leave her again.

  Could she say the same for me? Would she come with me so I can follow my dream even if it means giving up a job she loves? It cuts me to realize I don’t know the answer to that question. It’s an awful feeling. One that carves away at my insides and leaves me raw. I love her more than she does me. Always have. Maybe she deserves it more than I do.

  “Get some sleep,” Richard says as he stands and makes for the door.

  I nod, not really listening to him. He’s still talking until he shuts the door behind him. I sit here deep in my thoughts and I don't fall asleep until well after the sun bleeds light on to the hotel room carpet.

  When the clock turns to eight o'clock in the morning I've already been awake for close to an hour, and I decide I can't sit here with my own thoughts anymore. I head out, jumping in my car. I don't want to keep Annie awake after a night shift and I figure if she's sleeping, I'll let her be. But if not, maybe she might want some company.

  At her house, I knock lightly on the door. After waiting a few minutes without an answer, I contemplate going inside. But it's been a long time since I went inside without an invite. Man, as a kid I did it all the time. If Annie wasn't here, Nan would tell me to take a seat in the kitchen and I'd sit there and eat whatever she had on the counter while she puttered around and baked or cleaned. She always had things for Manny and me if we happened to show up on her doorstep. Nanaimo bars were my favorite. I remember one time Nan told me she was just about to bake them. It happened to be a day I took a beating from my dad and had some marks on my face. Pretty sure she made them just for me.

  Nan.

  Yeah, I wished I'd gotten that call from Annie. Nan mattered to me, where most peopl
e don't. I would have liked to have had the chance to say good-bye. To thank her. And I would have been there for Annie, however she needed me, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, an ear to listen. Whatever she needed.

  I don't want to knock again and make her get up to come and let me in so I get an idea and it makes me smile at myself. I feel like a kid again. The old Maple tree is still by her window and it's grown a bit, but one of the branches still hangs near her window.

  Climbing trees. Didn't think this would be on the agenda when I came home, but I'm kind of glad it is. I jump up and snatch the closest branch, bending at the waist to lift my legs up around the branch. With some effort, I pull myself up and onto the branch. It creaks underneath me and though the branch might be thicker than I remember it, so am I.

  It gives a little, bowing at the middle and instead of standing, I drop to shimmy along on my ass, the branch between my legs. At Annie's window I peer inside and see her beautiful face turned toward me as she lies in her bed, her brown hair fanned out around her face. With the sun shining in, her red highlights shine in her hair.

  I watch her for a few minutes, not wanting to disturb her, but the urge to touch her is too much for me to resist. I grip the window and attempt to pull it up, cursing when I see the latch is engaged.

  This really isn't going as planned.

  The branch dips and I let out a 'shit!'

  Her eyes pop open and confusion claims her face. I see her mouth my name before she jumps up and hurries over to the window, wiping sleep from her pretty eyes.

  “Ethan?” She's smiling as she opens the window. “What are you doing?”

  “I feel like this was a lot easier when I was sixteen. Either I'm not as agile or I got fat.”

  She laughs and holds out her hands to help me inside. I practically fall into her lap and we land on the floor, both of us chuckling.

  “Why didn't you use the door?” she says, laughing.

  “I didn't want to wake you.”