In the beginning, she seemed bored but after we watched Peter O'Toole’s The Lion in Winter, Jasmine, although sleepy, wanted to see more of my collection. Eventually our wonderful date ended when Jasmine quietly fell asleep, her head on my shoulder while we were watching Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song.
Kiss and Tell
After waiting a few days after my dinner date with Jasmine, I finally decided to give her a call to see if we could hook up for another date. I really enjoyed talking to her that night, and I assumed that she felt the same way. I must have been wrong because she never returned any of my calls or my emails. I finally gave up trying after I discovered that she had changed her phone number. Of course I was disappointed not to mention a little depressed because I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t interested in me. If that was the case, why didn’t she just tell me? That’s what I would have done if the tables were turned. Angry, I contemplated calling my big sister for advice, but I had a pretty good idea what her free spirited soul would have said.
“Dumb, dumb didn’t know what she wanted baby…you can trust me on that. Keep looking’.”
Even if that was the case, it still didn’t explain what I did wrong, so I went on line and purchased one of those how to date successfully e-books from an online bookstore. The Black woman that wrote this book had a great deal of information to give, but none of it seemed to apply to me. So I went to bed that night feeling lonely until Michael called and asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him the next day. This was on time; because I knew I could ask him about what I did wrong with Jasmine. With that in mind, I eagerly agreed to meet him around noon so that we could have lunch.
The next day my morning went as planned, which meant I would have time to have lunch with Michael without speed eating. When you are your own boss, breakfast and lunch seem to avoid you as if they owe you money or something. However, I was turning over a new social leaf, which meant I was going to talk to Michael at any cost.
We hooked up at our favorite pizzeria right around noon, and wasted no time ordering our meal before we started talking.
“The hell with the pizza sauce Omari. I wanna hear what went down with you and old girl.”
“I swear, you’re gonna hafta learn to how respect food Michael.”
“Excuse me, but I have an over abundance of respect for my Coney Island Calzone. Now tell me what went down.”
“It was tight, that’s all I’m gonna say.”
“It went down like that huh?”
I should have played a little harder to get seeing how I could tell that there was something heavy weighing on Michael’s mind that he wanted to talk to me about.
“Honestly, it went down okay. I mean, I thought I was going to be like fish out of water right. But that’s not what happened at all…I think we had a good time.”
“So did you hit it or what?”
“C’mon, man?”
“You didn’t hit it did you?”
“Hit it…hell no I didn’t hit it. Yeah, she spent the night and everything, but that didn’t mean I had to hit it. I mean we had a great time just…”
“She spent the night, and you didn’t hit it?”
“Yeah, she spent the night but…”
“And your sorry ass didn’t hit it either.”
“What is it with you and this hitting shit?”
“Okay, lemme explain, having sex is a good thing Omari. I mean c’mon now, tell me you hit that pussy?”
“I don’t recall hitting pussy on the first date as a prerequisite. If it is, or if it was, I guess I’m missing something, because that didn’t happen. Nor did I want it to.”
“Did you introduce her to, Boney? I swear that heated floor command should’ve gotten you to first base all by itself.” “You didn’t hear a word I said did you?”
“I heard you, but seeing how we’re talking about you Omari, I’d say that’s right in line. Tell me you got your grind on, please tell me that went down?”
“Look, we had a late dinner that eventually lead to a conversation that touched on everything from Fox’s Nip/Tuck, to that sick novel written by that crafty switch hitter brother. For the record, that’s some sorry shit! Anyway, I didn’t know all that was going on here in the ATL.”
“That’s what happens when you don’t get out.”
“You might be right on that one, anyway after that we watched a couple of movies before we eventually fell asleep on my couch. Like I said, we had a late dinner.”
“That sounded so freaking’ cute, so what exactly did you cook for her?”
“Simply the best meal she’s had in years.”
“Damn, maybe she needed to get out too.”
“Fuck you aw’ight. I mean not everybody is a road warrior.”
Michael appeared amused prior to shoving a piece of Calzone into his mouth and washing it down with some Corona. After feeding his tummy, he focused all of his attention on me before he decided to change the subject.
“Wha’s up with that Roots concert? I mean you didn’t even bother asking me if I wanted to go.”
“You hate their music, am I right?”
“True, but I really want to go to Jamaica.”
“I understand, but can you really see me not taking Zach. That boy is nuts over those cats, maybe next year.”
“That period in time isn’t promised to us seeing how there’s a war going on, so are you going to see this chick again or what?”
“That’s exactly what I want to talk to you about.”
“The Love Doctor is in, Baby.”
“Really, anyway, its like this, we exchanged email address and all that the next morning, but we didn’t make any plans to see each other again. Thought that was a little weird, but I let it go because I assumed that she liked me. But the fact of the matter is she hadn’t returned any of my calls. Should I interpret that as a, I don’t wanna see your sorry ass again or what?”
Michael studied my face closely before he spoke.
“With women today, you’ll never know. But tell me something; did it ever appear to you that maybe she wanted to fuck you? I mean, she and Zach are good friends, which in my opinion means she probably had a little faith in your sorry ass.”
“Okay, I felt a little sexual chemistry, but I wasn’t sure if that was because I hadn’t had it in awhile or because...”
“You’re doing way too much thinking Omari.”
“It’s a curse, what can I say.”
“If you ask me, the sex part should’ve gone down autopilot style.”
“Autopilot style huh. Well I didn’t get one of those at birth.”
“I’m not trying to be funny here, but a man your age should be able to feel those sorts of things out. Hell, isn’t that how you and Olivia made children?”
Some people are blessed to have at least two good days in a row during a given week, while others might experience a one on and two off type situations. Not me, I either have a great week, or an ugly week. After my date with Jasmine on Friday night, I swear that following weekend was golden, even if she hadn’t returned any of my calls. If truth be told, the good times continued the following week with two new long term contracts for my wireless home network company, not to mention a rather lucrative client for my catering company. The professional side of my life was looking up, and I assumed my personal life was on the mend until Michael mentioned Olivia’s name.
“You had to go there didn’t you?”
“What did Ms. Africa do now?”
I couldn’t hate on Michael because he didn’t know that Olivia had called me Saturday morning with a bit of bad news. In short, she wanted to know if the children could skip coming to the states this summer so that they could attend the summer Olympics in Athens, Greece. Deep down, I wanted to tell her ‘hell no, those are my children too you know’. Besides, I had planned on vacationing with them in Jamaica this summer. But that wasn’t going to happen.
The long distance parenting thing had worn out its we
lcome with me, and Olivia knew it. That’s why she had the children ask me, because she knew I had a problem with telling them no.
Guilt is a motherfucka.
“Jasmine and Jamal won’t be coming here this summer.” I replied with a long face.
“Bullshit, I’ve made some serious plans for those two this summer.”
“I don’t think Six Flags over Georgia can compete with Athens, Greece.”
My two friends and I spent a whole week vacationing in Athens while we were stationed in Europe, so Michael knew better than to challenge that comparison.
“Great city, but that still stinks. I mean you’re still their father, and if I was you, I’d put my foot down you know what I’m saying.”
“C’mon be honest, if your kids had a chance to travel abroad, would you rob them of that opportunity?”
“You’re kids are already abroad.”
“Answer the question Michael.”
“Probably not.”
“That’s what I thought, but lets get back to Jasmine.”
“Okay.”
“Why hasn’t she returned any of my calls?”
“I think you should be asking Zach that question.”
“I did already, and he said that Sarah hadn’t heard or seen her lately.”
“Damn, that’s strange.”
“That’s what I thought, so what do you think happen to her?”
“That’s a hard one, maybe she died or something.”
“Don’t be so damn macabre.”
“If you want me to be honest and I’ll be speculating, mind you.”
“Speculate all you want.”
“Well, if you ask me, I’d say you intimidated the hell out of her.”
“I can’t help it if I’m tall. I mean what am I suppose to do about that? Cut off my legs!”
“That’s not what I’m talking ‘bout and you know it. The modern woman of today needs a needy man because they got everything else. Of course they’ll never admit that shit, but I swear they live for those sorry motherfucka’s…you can trust me on that. You, on the other hand, man, you’re a totally different monster.”
“I’m lost here.”
“Its real simple, because not only are you paid in full, you’re cultured, intelligent, and sincere. Furthermore, you care about people, and instead of just talking about helping you actually do it, Omari. I’m not saying you’re perfect and shit, but you are that nice guy that every women knows is the right one for her, but they won’t invest in you because there’s no sense of danger in you. Of course they’ll regret it after they’ve been dogged out a few times, however you’ll be long gone when they figure it all out.”
I have never felt so out of place until that moment in time.
“No pun intended, but sometimes I think I’d be better off, broke, dumb and vertically challenged.”
“I don’t know who you’re referring to with that vertically challenged part, but this brother likes being vertically challenged. So you can just kiss my ass on that one, besides, I get mines on the regular. Your tall wealthy ass can’t say that now can you?
“I’m sorry if I offended, but I don’t partake in that kiss and tell drama.”
“You no pussy gettin’ scrub.”
Michael and I both laughed at that remark before we finished off our lunch. A few minutes later I was driving him back to work when he finally told me what was on his mind. “Guess who’s in town?”
“Outside of the President, you got me.”
“My sorry ass father.”
“Get out.”
“Yeah, he landed on my door step early this morning.”
“Sorry ‘bout that. So how long does he plan on being here?”
“He said he was catching a flight back to Jersey early Monday morning. I just wished he would’ve called before just showing up.”
“I know that’s right. So why is he here, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“You got me on that one, but I swear he hasn’t been the same man since the break up.”
“I guess the divorce is really taking a toll on him huh? How’s you’re moms doing?”
“Divorce seems to be fitting her just fine, ‘cause she’s never at the crib whenever I call.”
I was never sure which divorce bothered Michael the most, his or his parents. If I were in his shoes, both of those events would have soiled my point of view when it came down to love and relationships. However Michael treated breakups as a minor irritant before he continued with living his life. In fact, he rarely ever discussed the subject with me until it got too much for him to deal with. Over a small period of time, I have learned to just sit back and let him talk whenever the subject came up.
“I take it you’re still cooking this Sunday?”
“Only if I get back in time.”
“That’s right. Zachary said something about you getting your very first out of state gig.”
“Out of state is an understatement.”
“Really, so where are you going?”
“Believe it or not, I’m catching a flight in the morning to Anchorage, Alaska. Ever been there?”
“Hell no.”
“Me neither.”
“Who in the hell lives up there anyway?”
“Somebody with a lot of money too burn.
“Why’d you say that?”
“They offered to pay me three times my usual fee to organize this important celebration that they’re having.”
“Must be one of those big Enron type parties if you’re going to be there for four whole days?”
“Well, let’s hope not. Anyway, the good part is, the brother isn’t going there to cook, but to manage,” I said with a big grin.
“You’ve earned that right Omari. Well I guess I can’t ask you for this favor huh?”
“I already finished making that rice noodle soup…”
“This is a little bigger than rice noodle soup Omari.”
I knew something was coming down the pipe, and I could tell Michael didn’t really want to ask me what he was about to ask either. So I made it easy by looking interested.
“You can do away with that stupid look on your face, because I’m not asking for any money.”
“What’s mine is yours, you know that. So stop fronting, and ask me already. Besides I might just say yes.”
“I know you’ve been wondering why my girl be giving you the cold shoulder treatment right?”
“That woman doesn’t hafta come to my house if she don’t want to. It’s cool with me.”
“Now you’re doing all the fronting. Look man, it bothers the hell out of her that she can’t cook seeing how she comes from a family of great cooks.”
“I told you ‘bout riding her on that issue didn’t I? I guess it’s my turn to school the teacher huh. Lesson one; if your greedy ass likes to eat, you should never mess with a chick that can’t cook. But you know I’m all about solutions, so why don’t you and this Ms. Marlene take a cooking class together.”
“You’re really into that cute togetherness stuff aren’t you?”
“It was just a simple suggestion that’s all.”
“Well, I’m miles ahead of you homeboy. I was wondering if you could do the teaching, maybe this Sunday morning before we watch the game.”
“Hold on a minute…”
“Your last email suggested that you’re going to cook some smoked collards, bake macaroni and fried chicken right?”
“Super enhanced bake chicken, besides, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“Why not, you taught Zach and his girl how to cook a few things didn’t you?”
“And I’m still trying to forget that little episode. Besides, I’m not a real good teacher when it comes to showing people how to cook.”
“C’mon Omari.”
“I’m serious, for example, I don’t use exact measurements, or the proper procedures to…”
“And this company in Alaska is going to pay you how much?”<
br />
“I didn’t say that I didn’t know how. Look, are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’m really feeling her man, so I guess I do.”
“Are you sure?”
“Hell, we live together. So what’s up, you gonna help me out what?”
“If you want me to, but I swear if that hot mommy of yours steps out of line…”
“Please, so I guess you won’t mind if we bring her girlfriend?”
“Her girlfriend, oh here we go.”
“She’s single, and looking. So what’s up with that?”
“Two birds with one stone huh Michael,” I said before I dropped him off back at work.
Partying like its 1945
A hot mess. That’s exactly what I walked into once I arrived at Anchorage the next day. A disorganized bunch of mumbo jumbo would some it up perfectly, because the oil conglomerate that hired me, had previously hired some high profile TV personality to caterer this grand celebration of theirs. Evidently that didn’t work out, because they ended up firing his sorry ass after they discovered that he was about to go over their five hundred thousand dollar agreed budget.
After the money mess was all cleaned up, it took me the rest of that day and most of the following morning to understand and plan what they really wanted. In the end, I returned everything, and with one tenth of the money I got back in return, I was able accomplish what I had planned. For the record, I went with a feel good World War II, V-day party theme that included all of the nostalgic trappings I could find. Cooking is a skill, but understanding history and the people that came along with it can make you a God.
Picture a restored World War II B-seventeen bomber centered in a huge moderately decorated ballroom and everything else should fall into place. Thankfully, the whole affair went off without a hitch. Which would explain why the man at the top offered me the job on a permanent on call basis. Initially, I declined the offer until he pulled out his checkbook and made me an offer that was too good to turn down.
The Other Side of My Kitchen Page 4
